I knocked on my neighbor's door. It was about 8 o'clock at night. He should be home before he ventured out for the evening. I heard movement inside, and he was alone, though. It sounded like he was moving things around inside. I heard him unlock the door, and he swung it open harshly.
"Oh," Kakashi said lazily.
"Oh? Expecting someone?" I had my arms crossed in an agitated manner.
I had showered and changed. Mid drift showing shirt and some short shorts. My h/c hair blew in the evening breeze. The bright, rising moon cast a glow over my face, making my eyes shine brightly.
"Not you." He pointed out.
I tilted my head, surveying him quietly, "Are you already drunk?"
"Hn," he's been around too many Uchihas in his life, "It's my day off."
He was leaning on the door frame, and I pushed the door open wider with my foot. It was a mess. No wonder Tsunade wasn't assigning him essential missions. He was a mess. Sake bottles and instant ramen littered his coffee table. I stepped past him without a word.
"Hey." He reached for me, but I was faster than him with him in this state.
I went into his bathroom and collected his dirty laundry. I carried it to his washtub and dropped them in. I moved the dishes in his sink to the counter and turned on the hot water. I filled the sink and then a pitcher, filling the washtub. I soaked the clothes and the dishes in their respected basins.
Kakashi remained standing near the door, which was still slightly open. I opened the fridge and noticed it was empty aside from sake and old leftovers. His pantry had sake, whiskey, and ramen. I slammed the cabinet door closed. I walked into his bedroom and stripped his bed. I tossed the sheets next to the washbasin and headed for the front door.
"I'll be right back." He still didn't move.
I went into my apartment and headed to the kitchen. I grabbed some of the fresh food I had just bought. I could make some chicken teriyaki quickly and easily. I pulled out some bottled water and tea bags as well. I closed and locked my door and walked back into Kakashi's apartment. I closed and locked his door too. I wasn't sure if he was expecting someone else. These women may just walk on in. Who knows.
"What are you doing?"
"Making dinner."
I pulled out the pans for rice and chicken, not dirty, surprise, surprise. I got them both started, seasoned, and cooking. I placed the other small items in his fridge, pulling out everything that was trash. I opened a bottle of water and walked to him. He was sitting in his chair, reading an Icha Icha. I squatted in front of him and took the book away gently. He looked up, his left eye-opening as he did so.
"You're hair is longer." He mumbled.
"I like it long."
I reached up, pulling his mask down without hesitation. He didn't even move. What looked like a few days old stubbles covered his usually smooth face. I shook my head slightly.
"I do too." He whispered.
I ignored his comment, "Drink. I need to go stir dinner."
He took the bottle, and I made my way back to the kitchen. I could feel him watching me as I moved into the kitchen. I stirred dinner and began washing the dishes. He didn't have many, but they were gross, old. I filled the bag with trash and placed it on his balcony. I washed the clothes in the tub and laid them out to hang outside shortly. I even boiled water for tea. I ran more water, soaking his sheets.
"Do you have spare sheets?" I asked as I plated dinner.
"Yes. Bathroom closet."
"Dinners ready." I sat the plates on his island bar and sat the tea with it.
We passed each other as I walked into the living room with a trash bag. I snuck a look as we did. His eyes seemed so hollow. He had no emotion whatsoever. Is this what I look like to others? Did I do this to him? I laughed at the thought. No. Why would he be like this because of me? I shook my head, dispersing the thoughts. I cleaned his table off of the bottles and ramen cups. This bag joined the other on his balcony, and I settled in my seat across from the disheveled man. He waited for me. His food was untouched.
"You didn't have to wait for me." I began eating, and he followed.
"You bought and cooked it." He already sounded better.
I reminded silent, unsure of what to say. What do you say? I've avoided him for almost four months now. I live next door to him, and I haven't seen him. His name was murmured in passing with Tenzo, but I'd brush him off. What was it, he said? "He seems depressed." Maybe he was right.
"I'm surprised you're not on a mission."
"Ibiki gave me time off."
"Are you hurt?" His head snapped up, eyes scanning me. His eyes lingered at my tattoo on my left side. I shifted under his gaze.
"No."
I gathered my dishes and sat them in the sink full of water to soak.
"I'll wash them." He said, standing.
"No, you're showering."
I took his dishes and added them to the sink. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the bathroom. I turned on his shower and faced him.
"Can you manage?" It was a half tease, but I was questioning his ability to shower alone as well.
"Didn't get enough of me?"
Actually, seeing his smirk versus just hearing it. No, no, I didn't get enough. "Asshole."
I searched his bathroom closet and pulled out the sheets he said were there. I left him standing there alone in billowing steam. I made his bed quickly and tidied his room. His few pictures littered his desk. I sat them upright, the last one catching my eye. It was me. When did... Jirayia. I must've been 20-21. This was when Naruto and Jirayia had set out to find Tsunade. The picture was of Naruto and me, laughing at Naruto embarrassing Jirayia by calling him 'pervy sage' in front of a cute waitress. I was happy. I sat the picture down and continued cleaning.
I moved to the foot of his bed to pick up a few papers that had fallen from his desk. They were my sketches. The one of him at the KIA stone seemed smudged in places, as though it had gotten wet. He... cried. My heart ached suddenly. No. He did this to himself. I stacked the papers on the desk and moved on.
I washed the sheets and gathered everything. I slid open his balcony door, and I was greeted with harsh cold wind. Winter was here. I had to hang these clothes, though. I shivered as the air hit my exposed skin. I wasn't expecting to do this, so I wasn't dressed for staying outside like this. I had almost everything hung before I heard feet padding out to me.
A hand brushed my exposed left side, my arms above my head. He pushed my already short shirt up higher, giving him a better view of the tattoo in the moonlight.
"A Phoenix." He whispered.
I stepped away from him, continuing my job. "Minato told me a fable about a Phoenix. He always told me that I would be like the Phoenix. It felt fitting."
"Minato liked that fable." I hummed in agreement. "He was right, though." I faltered in my movements. "You are like the Phoenix. Stronger than us all."
"Hardly."
I bent to pick up the empty basket and went to head back in. I was met with a broad chest blocking the doorway. A broad bare chest.
"Aren't you cold?" He asked.
"Very. Can you move?"
"Make me." His voice was husky and sent a tingling sensation throughout my entire body.
I dropped the basket to the ground next to me. I weighed my options. Physical force. Physical touch. Tease. Threat. Disappear. Tease. I crossed my arms in a motion to pull my shirt off. Once it was off, I was met with a look I knew all too well, just not from this man. His eyes barely dipped to take in the f/c lace, see-through bra. I reached behind my back, hands at my bra clasps- he moved. I smirked in triumph and picked up my shirt and his basket.
I dropped the basket at the washtub and went to the sink, putting my shirt back on. I only had the dishes left from dinner, and then this night would be over. I wasn't sure why I did it, but I couldn't stand seeing him that way. When he answered the door, my resolve broke.
"Why did you come here?"
"Hm?" I honestly didn't hear him, my thoughts getting the better of me.
"You came here for a reason. What is it?" He asked again.
"Oh." I thought of my earlier assumption and worded it carefully, "I ran into Iruka earlier today. I was curious if you put him up to something. From the looks of it, though, I'm going to assume it was Tsunade."
"What do you mean?" Did he really forget?
I shrugged, "He asked me to spend the day with him tomorrow?"
"Like a date?" The hint of jealousy lingered.
I shrugged, "Not really."
I felt him move, and he was behind me. Much like the night in Suna, I could feel the heat from his body. I was thankful he was wearing sweatpants, though.
"Then why?"
"Have you looked at a calendar lately?"
A moment passed before, "Shit." It was an exhausted tone that came from him. "That's why Ibiki gave you the day off."
"I'm also assuming that was Tsunade's doing. Maybe Tenzo, but I doubt it. He's too scared of me."
I heard a chuckle behind me as I cut the water off. My lips twitched as a smile tugged at them, but I plastered a look of indifference before I turned to face him. I looked up at him, he had shaved, and his eyes seemed brighter. Was this all a game? A test even? My anger bubbled to the surface, and I wanted to push him away, physically and emotionally.
"It was both of us."
"What?" I nearly choked out.
"Giving you the time off. Tsunade asked what I thought, and I told her to do it."
"And Iruka?" He shook his head no. "Why give me the time off?"
"She wanted you to take a break. You need it."
"No, I don't. I'm just fine."
"That's debatable."
"What's that mean?"
"No need to get so defensive. All it means is you should take a break every now and then."
"Was it all a mission?" Why did I open my mouth?!?!
He gave me a confused look, "Was what, all a mission?"
"My entire life." I sighed and looked away. I wanted to walk away right now but knew I couldn't. I couldn't back down. "When I was first brought to the village. When I was four, did Hiruzen assign me to you?"
"No."
I narrowed my eyes, "Did Minato?"
"Yes."
I couldn't hold it. The nausea hit with a vengeance like no other. I spun quickly and voided my stomach of the dinner I had just made. It burned, bringing tears to my eyes. Kakashi moved quickly, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. He opened it and sat it beside me. He grabbed my hair and held it back, my feeble attempt at doing so failing. With one hand, he wet a kitchen rag and handed it to me.
I wanted to push him away. I wanted to yell at him for lying to me for my entire life almost. But I couldn't. I just let myself pretend for just a moment longer than he cared. I wiped my face and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and stood straight. He let go of my hair as I reached for the bottle of water. I rinsed my mouth first, spitting in the sink before allowing the cold liquid to soothe my throat.
The Shinobi world was one of lies and secrets. Deceit and traitors. Winners and losers. Quarrels and wars. Emotions were to be trained out of you. Leaving you a hollow soldier on the battlefield. Making you a weapon for your lands use. Right now, I felt used.
"Hiruzen assigned me to Minato?"
"I'm not sure."
"When Minato was made Hokage, he assigned you to me?"
"Yes."
I still wouldn't look at him. I still faced the sink. "After his death?"
"Hiruzen kept you close. Kept you sheltered. Asuma and I-"
"Don't say it," I warned.
"Y/n, please listen. Please let me explain." He gripped my shoulders to turn me, and I let him.
That hollow look he had when I passed him. That was now the look he saw in my eyes. "Explain what exactly? Are you going to try and tell me that you never saw me as a mission?" He opened his mouth, but I continued my rant, "It all makes sense now. You always being there. Lingering in the background. Finding me training. The same with Asuma. I just don't understand why. Why keep such a close eye on a little girl? Why not send me to the orphanage? I likely would've been picked up by a civilian couple. Lead a normal life."
"I-"
"Oh, Kami." I sobbed, covering my mouth, "Shisui?" I whispered.
"No!" Kakashi said in earnest, "He was never on your detail. Itachi. Itachi was."
I wiped the few tears away and straightened myself. "I should go. I hope you'll take better care of yourself. I am surprised Anko, or your little civilian friend hasn't been doing it for you, though."
"Why do that?"
"What?"
"Fake it. Push me away and keep me at arm's length."
I shrugged his hands off my shoulders. "How would you like it if you found out that someone you trusted, someone you - " Woah, "consider a friend," nice save, dumbass, "was actually on a mission for the last 16 years? Hm? How would you feel?"
"I was an idiot."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"I pushed you away back then because I didn't know any better. I didn't want to get close to anyone. You didn't feel like a mission to me, but I told myself you were. The last few months you were in the village... I found it hard to stay away. Then Lord Third and Master Jirayia decided it would be best for you to leave. I never expected for you to be gone for seven years, though."
Another slap to the face. "You knew?" He flinched, "You knew they were doing it and didn't say anything? Didn't warn me? Didn't stop them? Didn't kiss me?!" Fuck!
"I was-wait. Kiss you?" Shit. Shit. Shit. "Is that why you came here that night?"
"No."
"Don't stop talking now. Please. We can work this out."
"Ya know what? Fine. I'll lay it all out. I'll lay out my thoughts process that day. And then, we're done. I'm leaving you to wallow in your self-pity, or whatever this," I waved my hands around, "was that I found you in."
"I'll take what I can get." I looked down in thought.
"When I was told I was leaving, all I could think about was seeing you." I leaned against the counter, crossing my arms. I sighed, "I was 16, confused, and needed you. I vaguely remembered your embrace the night of the massacre. I wanted to feel it again. You're someone I looked up to, admired. Someone I strived to be like. Someone I wanted to notice me, acknowledge me, and respect me. Then, I saw Anko. This strange feeling of jealousy hit when I saw her. She was a woman, and I was just a kid. It was a confusing feeling."
I finally looked back up to face him, his eyes swirled with emotion, but he remained silent. Waiting. I'm sure he was worried I'd stop talking if he spoke a single word.
"When you asked me to stay and for her to leave, I felt special. I felt wanted. Your hand was the most tender touch I had ever felt. When you pressed me to the door, and your thumb brushed my scars... my body ached with a need I hadn't even felt with Shisui. You embraced me, and we cried together. It's a night I thought about a lot. And still do. It's a night I'll never forget. The stoic Hound showing emotions to the fragile girl he watched grow."
He opened his mouth, and I raised my hand to silence him. I placed my hands behind me on the edge of the sink and thought for a moment. How do I say this? How do I phrase my feelings? Should I? With another exhausted sigh, I continued.
Looking him straight in the eyes, "I was in love with you back then." Neither one of us could believe I said it. "Finding out that the last 16 years has been a mission to the people I hold dear. It shattered the thought that I could ever let myself love you again." I said it. I said how I felt. Mostly. I still loved him. But I couldn't. I shouldn't. I couldn't let him in. I couldn't let anyone in.
His face fell for a moment before he composed himself again. "I see."
"That's it? That's all I get? You asked me to open up, and I do. I confessed to you, and I get an 'I see'?!"
"I don't rea-"
"It's fine. I don't even know why I'm here. I should've just left you alone. I shouldn't have let you weasel your way back into my life. You've done no-"
"Will you shut up?!"
"No! You wanted the truth, and that's what you're going to get! You ha-"
His lips crashed against mine in an attempt to shut me up. I gave a feeble struggle to push him off but found myself melting into him. His dominance was a turn-on, and I felt the pool begin to form between my legs. He pulled away but still held our bodies together, his arms wrapped around me.
"Did you know you're the only one that's seen me this way?" I blinked up at him. "Without my mask. No woman has ever seen me without my mask. And I definitely have never walked around like this in front of someone."
"Then-"
"Blindfolds." I was slightly turned on and slightly sick to my stomach. How many women has he blindfolded just to have sex with them? "I can see your mind working."
"Shut up," I mumbled, looking away.
"Can we try?"
"What?"
"Can we try being honest? Can we try being friends again?" Friends? After all this, he wants to be friends.
I shook my head no, "I can't. I'm happy with my life in the ANBU again. Solitude suits me."
"No, it doesn't. You're cold and distant. You're sarcastic and snarky. You're flirtatious and a tease." I arched a brow, "Tenzo has been worried about you."
I shook my head, "Traitor." I grumbled.
"Will you at least come to me if you need something?"
"Yes." I sighed. It was a lie. A bold-faced lie.
"Kitten." I couldn't stop the sudden blush that covered my face at my old nickname from when I was a kid.
"Dog." I retorted.
Kakashi's code name was Hound in the ANBU. When I found out, I giggled and called him dog. He said if he was a dog, then I was a kitten. 1. Because I was smaller/younger. 2. Because dogs hated cats.
I sighed again, leaning my head against his bare chest. I let myself be weak a moment longer. "How do I know I'm no longer a mission?"
His arms squeezed gently around my body, "You'll have to trust me."
"I want to," I whispered.
"It's a start."
I gave in and wrapped my arms around his waist. We stood like that for what seemed like hours. Just embracing one another. I knew it was bittersweet, just like every other embrace we've shared. I'd go back to the distant and fleeting woman I was. He'd go back to the stoic and hard-nosed jerk he was. I had finally opened up to him, just a little. Lying by using our past and my young age as a shield to the truth.
"Happy birthday, kitten."
"Ass." He gave me his signature soft chuckle, "thank you."
We pulled away from one another, and sure enough, his clock read 12:16 am.
"You should get some sleep." I offered as I walked to the living room.
"And you?" He followed after me.
I stopped at his door and glanced over my shoulder, "I'm going home and going to bed. Dog."
A hand was gently sat atop mine on the doorknob, "Stay."
He took my hand into his and pulled me into his room. He sat at the edge of his bed and looked up at me. Just this once. I know we were both thinking it. The look in his mismatched eyes was my undoing. Without words, we'd show each other the truth.
I put my hands on his shoulders and straddled him. My confidence in my actions wavered momentarily. I was overthinking this. His skilled hands skimmed my sides as he lifted my shirt off of me. He kissed the scar across my neck before dipping down and kissing my the scar that adorned my chest. My fingers brushed through his perfect hair, and I smiled to myself.
His hands pulled my face down so he could kiss me. I let myself go just this once and moaned into the passionate kiss. He growled as I pulled at his hair, deepening the kiss. His animalistic growl shook me to my core. I rocked my hips, causing us both to moan this time. His hands cupped my ass, encouraging me to rock against him again.
"Kashi," I mumbled against his lips.
He pressed a kiss to my cheek and moved to lick my ear. "Kitten." He mewled.
Oh, Kami.
He undid my bra, and it was dropped carelessly to the floor. He looked from my breasts to my eyes and back. His rough yet soft hands squeezed my soft peaks. The calluses causing teasing friction to the stiff nipples. Soft moans were falling from my lips with each jolt of pleasure.
I squeaked in surprise and excitement as his mouth met one of my sensitive buds. I tangled one hand into his hair and the other held onto him for support. He switched sides and found the need for him to be growing at an alarming rate. I had never felt this way. My body was on fire but at ease all at the same time. I could feel electricity building, and I knew I needed to release it.
Kakashi moved us skillfully, laying me down beneath him. He kissed me again, and I slowly let the lightning dance from my fingertips to his skin. He twitched and growled but didn't break the kiss. I've never done it before, but I knew he could take it. I've also never needed to do it before. It's like my body and his needed the lightning as fuel. I felt refreshed and energized immediately after I did it.
He kissed down my body, tracing every scar he could see in the moonlight. As he slid my shorts and panties off, he licked and nipped at my waistline. He was marking my body like his, and I didn't stop him. Once I lay naked before him, he moved my legs over his shoulders. He kissed my thighs and then bit down, sucking hard. His. He repeated the action a few times before I felt his mouth just barely brush my clit.
He licked upward at an agonizingly slow pace. He flicked my bundle of nerves once before continuing the torturous licking of my slit. "Ah!" Once he finally began sucking on my clit, a scream mixed with a moan escaped me. The sensation was indescribable. The tingle of electricity danced across our skin. His hum against my clit had me bucking slowly. A finger brushed my entrance before he pushed two into me, teasing me. In and out. Steady and slow.
He didn't waver in his languid actions. He wanted me to feel every move his body made. I did. I wanted to feel this way every day. I wanted him to make me feel this way. Only him. "Kashi," I whispered. I was close, and his next hum against me was my end.
"Ahhh!" I panted heavily as he licked my seeping juices from me.
He pulled away from me, licking his fingers clean as he stood. The look in his eyes had me drenched all over again. The single red and black orb made him look even more like the predator he was at the moment. He shoved his pants off in one swift motion. I was greeted with the most exquisite sight ever. I almost gulped at his large secret. He crawled onto the bed again, hovering over me.
I sat up, making him follow suit. I guided him to his back now, letting myself straddled him again. He hissed as I slid my wet folds against his shaft. I kissed his perfect lips before tracing his jaw in butterfly kisses. I gave his body the same treatment he did mine, kissing every scar I could see. Once I was settled between his legs, he gathered my hair into one hand, allowing him to see the sight before him.
I licked his shaft just as slowly as he teased me. I darted my tongue against the tip as I gripped him in one hand, the salty liquid coating my tongue. I took as much in as I could, using my hand to pleasure him the best I could. His hand in my hair wasn't harsh, but he applied enough pressure to set the tempo. He grunted a few minutes later, and I was pulled up with a yelp.
"I need you." He rasped, sending shivers down my spine.
I straddled him again, and he held his throbbing cock at my entrance, rubbing his head against my folds. With my hands on his chest, I pushed down slightly, signaling I needed him just as much as he needed me. He moved his hand, and we finally became one as I drove down lazily. He wasn't happy, apparently, and gripped my hips, slamming me down the rest of the way.
"Kami," I muttered.
"Fuck, kitten."
I immediately began moving. Rocking my hips at a steady pace. I wanted more, so I started lifting myself and coming back down on him hard. His hands held onto me with a brutal force, him taking control.
"That's it." He whispered.
"Kashi." I whimpered his name like it was the only word I knew. It was at the moment. "Don't. Stop." I managed. "Ah!"
As soon as my next high of pleasure hit, I was on my back. He was still buried deep within me. He nuzzled my neck, and his arms were wrapped around me tightly. Afraid it wasn't real, I did the same. My nails digging into his back, one leg hooked around him, bringing him closer. Deeper. His thrusts were hard and breathtaking. This was beyond mind-blowing, and I didn't want it to stop. Ever.
"Y/n." He cooed next to my ear.
Don't say it!
"Kakashi," I murmured desperately.
He kissed my neck before his lips found mine again. The kiss muffled my scream of ecstasy from yet another orgasm. This one was intense, more so than the last. I threw my head back, breaking the kiss. A second jolt of pleasure hit me, and I couldn't suppress the scream this time. Kakashi kissed my neck again in a tender apology.
"I'm close." He mumbled into my neck.
"Yes." I panted out.
The feel of his cock swelling in me and his sticky seed filling my insides was the most amazing feeling I have ever felt. He rocked his hips a few more times, letting me ride out my last wave of pleasure with him. His body stilled, but we remained embracing one another. Neither one wanted to admit defeat. Neither one wanting to let go. Neither one wanted to say goodbye to the open, honest, and vulnerable person we clutched to.
My resolve broke. Silent tears slid down my cheeks, pooling in my ears. I turned my head away from his, trying to hide the fact I was a broken woman lying in his arms. His firm hold on me became tighter as he rolled us to our sides. He slipped from inside me as he did so. He kept me nuzzled to his chest as he stroked my hair.
"You don't have to do this." He whispered.
I choked on the sob, trying to hold it in. My arms squeezed him tighter to me as it managed it escape me. "I do," I responded.
He was my weakness. And my greatest strength. I couldn't admit it to anyone. I could barely admit to myself. Tonight, just tonight, I finally let those pitch-black walls crumble and fall that covered my heart. I let my heart race in sync with his. I had no idea that he felt the same. Exactly the same. Our love was pure, but it was broken. Our trust was shattered, just like the walls around our hearts.
Could we piece it all back together?