Hakim
Natasha Alicia Jackson, Soon to be Natasha Alicia Jahan.
I like the sound of that, no, let me rephrase that, I bloody love the sound of that.
To finally be marrying the woman of my dreams is very surreal. Natasha, the only woman who is compatible with me on so many levels. The fact that it took me all this time to realise it ...shows I have been a complete and utter diot.
She has always been blatantly clear about her feelings. She had showed me time and time, over the years that she has always been in love with me. The little annoying girl, who followed me everywhere, her overbearing larger than life personality. Her my way or the highway take on life. These are just a few traits of hers that I have come to love overtime.
Natasha Jackson has a take it or leave it persona, and Damn... I’m going to take all off it...every single inch of her.. In sha Allah.
My daughter Shalina is the icing on the cake. Being a father has changed me for the better, to be a father to not only one but two beautiful girls,well words fail me.
I never used to think much about my faith. I’ve always taken it for granted. As a child who was exposed to religion from a very young age, I’ve never had a connection or inclination towards it. My father tried his best, as a parent he did his part but if you're not ready to open up and embrace it, then there's no point in forcing yourself because of some sense of obligation.
Well... that was what I used to think. Now when I look back, I can't believe how ignorant and arrogant I was. Making up pathetic excuses to justify my behaviour was very immature of me.
I needed to focus on my relationship with Allah.The Almighty sees all and hears all. Only he knows what’s true in your heart. Repenting is so satisfying when you know that if you turn to him then all will be forgiven.
I can never thank Yasmeen enough for the way I am right now. Yasmeen showed me the true way. Allah works in mysterious ways by bringing Yasmeen in to my shambles of a life.
.
In the beginning of our marriage I made her life so difficult. The beautiful, patient woman she was,would take everything I threw at her and just carried on with a smile. She was an angel sent to earth albeit for a little while so she could show a sinner like me that it's never too late to believe. I didn't deserve her at all but I guess fate and kismet were collaborating together and although I miss her terribly I’ll never regret the fact that even though I married her out of spite , if I were to do it again...I'll do it all in a heartbeat. Reason one... she changed me for the better, and brought me closer to Allah, reason two was finding comfort and love in a special woman like Yasmeen ...even though I wasn’t in love with her, I grew to love her for who she was as a person,and the last reason is obviously my beautiful,little angel Jannat.
When I look into her eyes I see her mother staring back at me. The little bundle of immense joy kept me afloat when her mother passed away. That was one of the worst days of my life. The irony, the raw heartbreak and my Yasmeen’s last words.” Stay strong, just believe”, which she then recited the precious Kalimah and then she was gone. If it wasn't for Yasmen,I would have questioned my faith again an again , but the person I became during my time with her changed me for the better.
Allah indeed has a plan for us all. Yes, we may question it at times, but we know that everything happens for a reason and the trials and errors that we go through is part of what he has planned for us. At times you can’t make sense of it all. The bloody devil whispers in your ear to make you see his side of things, whispering and whispering , but then you look upwards, no matter where you are and you know that as long as you have Allah, you will overcome anything.
I look at my parents sitting across me and I feel so emotional. Allah, how did we get so lucky to have these incredible, kind hearted, sweet souled people in our lives.
“Hakim, son you wanted to discuss something with us”. My pops breaks into my thoughts..I smile at them both.
Clearing my throat, I lean slightly forward, suddenly nervous. “Yes Pops. Well I just wanted to ask if you are both happy with my decision. I know you have made it very clear that you are, but what with Natasha not being a mus…”.
“Son. This makes you happy, your mother and I only want your happiness... I’ve made a mistake with Medina once and I know sexist as it may seem but you know how it’s different with girls, but unfortunately facts are facts and now I’m so glad that she is with Jake, but Natasha is a good woman. Yes, she has told us that she is not ready to revert, but you can see that the way that she is raising Shalina, it makes us hopeful, that one day , when she is ready, she will.” My Father turns to my Mamma and she beams happily, nodding her head.
“But what if she don’t Pops? Will you still treat her the same as before.” I seriously would like their intake on this as this is so important to my parents and I’ll take Natasha in anyway I can, but my parents approval means so much to me.
“Son, Natasha has always been part of this family. She is tied to this family in more ways than one. Do you know that I spoke to her mother once, asking her to let us adopt her.” My pops small confession leaves me gobsmacked.
“You did.” Natasha stands in the doorway, tears in her eyes. She plays with her ponytail and the look on her face breaks my heart.
She walks into the room and heads for my parents. She then settles herself on the floor by my father, taking his hands and looking up at him with absolute adoration.
“Yes , loohri, I did. It was when she left you for a month unattended and when we brought you down here.”. Pops, reply, whilst Mamma consoles her my patting her head and bruising way her tears with her hijab.
“I wish...I wish you had Abu Jan. I wish so very much.” She then grabs on to my parents and encircles them into her arms, crying her heart out.
I leave her be. She needs this. She needs my parents to make her feel loved and wanted and even though throughout her whole life they have, this moment right her is so important to her. She now realises more than ever the lengths my folks will go through to make her feel a part of this family
“Shushhhh, there, there, loohri, you have always been like a daughter to us and now with this marriage you will officially become a Jahan. So stop your crying, as in two days time you will be getting married.” Mamma consoles her gently, fighting back tears of her own.
“These are..are..ha..happy tears Mamma. I’m just so happy.” Natasha looks up to my parents with so much love and emotion shining in her beautiful, light green eyes.
Damn, she’s beautiful. Runny nose, splotched face, tears and all.
I inwardly smile at myself and I can’t wait for her to be mine...In sha Allah.
**********************************
Natasha
“Medina, would you have ever married Jake if he didn’t reverted to Islam?” I look across at my best friend as we both sitting on opposite ends of the sofa, feet touching , tea in hand watching late night reruns of friends. Sarina has got us addicted to the damn show over the years and once you become a fan , no matter how many times you’ve seen it you still want to watch it again and again. Plus Chandler and his sarcastic sense of humour is right up my street.
“I think you already know the answer to that question my dear.” She sends me a smile and then continues to sip on her tea giving me a curious look.
“So, what you’re telling me is that no matter how head over heels, madly in love you are with Jake you would have still stayed apart if he wasn’t a muslim.” I know I’m very stupid in asking her this as she has proved it to all of us when she got married to Qumar how serious she was about her faith but I still want her answer and maybe ...I don't know... I’m looking for something else in her answer.
“Tasha, you off all people know me. Yes ,Jake is the only man I’ll ever love, yes that crazy guy is the only man I’ll ever want, but I know with the way I feel towards my faith and my relationship with Allah I would've never considered marrying him at all if he was not muslim. I know it seems harsh , I know some may think I’m crazy and stupid, but it’s the way I feel.To me...my relgion comes first and I’m so glad that Jake understood that, although it took him a long time to come to terms with it. “ Medina finishes her tea and puts her mug down smiling. I know she’s waiting for me to tell her what is really bothering me.
“Yes Medina I understand. I mean come on, let's not forget the blue eyed hottie that you married...now who could forget him.” I wiggle my eyebrows at her and she laughs out loud, pushing my feet away.
“Behave yourself woman, your’re soon to be married to my lovely brother and the blue eyed hottie Qumar is doing quite well, last I heard Layla has given birth to a beautiful pair of twin girls. Poor Kadin and Qumar are surrounded by the female species.” she quickly whips out her phone... scrolling down she moves towards me and shows me a few pictures. The first few are off the two gorgeous twin girls, wrapped up together, blue eyes openly staring at the happy father who has them both in his arms, the next couple are of Qumar and Kadin surrounded by his two other daughters and the new addition as well as a beaming Mr and Mrs Jahan, aka, his parents.
“Oh my, what a beautiful family. The kids are a mixture of both parents but they all have their father eyes.. and look at Mr Jahan, he seems so happy.” I remember a time when that wasn't the case, Mr Jahan was a very different man to the way he is now.
“His happy because he got granddaughters surrounding him. Do you remember that he used to envy Abu Jan for him having daughters, well Abu Jan says every time they meet up at the mosque... he can't seem to stop talking about his beloved granddaughters...much to poor Kadin’s annoyance” Medina then looks up at me and I know she’s finally going to address what’s really bothering me.
Only the lucky few have really good, true friends and I’m so damn lucky for having her in my life.
“What’s really bothering you Tasha? Come on, spit it out baby girl!” She scoots up to me and grasp one my hands.
I look down our entwined hands... and give them a squeeze... Turning to face her I look into her beautiful Hazel eyes and sigh out loud.
“What do you think of me really marrying Hakim without converting or reverting to Islam? Wait!! Are they the same thing, I always get confused by the two.” She laughs out loud at my facial expression... tugging my hand she replies.
“Tasha, us muslims believe that everyone is born a muslim. Yes... don’t give me that face, but it’s true. It’s just that obviously with every child born in different circumstances and in different faiths, or people who don't have a faith ...a child eventually grows up and adapts to the environment they are in. When a person reverts to Islam, it means that they have finally come back and seen the way. So reverting is becoming a muslim again.”
“Woah. I’ve never really seen it from that perspective . So I’m not a muslim now but I was born as one. So if I ever wanted to revert when I’m ready then God would take me in with open arms.” I look at her quizzically and she nods her head.. smiling.
“Remember Darling, Allah never forsakes as long as you continue turning to him. When the time comes, when you're ready, he will be waiting, we all will be my dear.”
She then leans in to me and waits for me to continue if I want.
I’ve never really thought of Islam in this way. I mean if I wasn't so close with the Jahan’s I would have never thought any different. The media portrays the religion in such a negative way, people like Donald Trump do no make matters easier either and The so called “Muslim terrorists or suicide bombers ” taints the name of fellow good muslims, all the negativity just adds and adds until rumours become the truth, the real truth gets twisted ,countries find excuses for war
...which results in innocent lifes being lost and the list goes on and on.
But I know that even though I may not be ready now, Islam is not something that I fear. The Jahan's are a devout family, even Hakim has come a long way and I love seeing him in his traditional clothes as he goes with Abu Jan to the local mosque with the girls in tow. The Jahan's accept me for who I am and they now I’m a very complicated person with a whole lot of baggage but they have taken me in flaws and all and even though the biggest gift I could give them is becoming what I know will be something tremendously huge not only in my life but also theirs, I know they will wait until I’m ready.
I turn to my friend and I pull her in for a hug, she returns it back and we pull away laughing. We don't need constant communication to know what we are thinking. She knows me as much as I know her. Not only will it be a privilege to become part of her family, it will also be one of my life long dreams.
A/N
Salam and hey guys.
Sorry once again for the late update.
I don't know what to say but I'll put you all out
of your misery and I'm glad to say that I am working on the next
chapter very soon as I can't wait for this mess of a book to finish.
So bare with me once again and maybe I'll try my damnest to be quick next time..(in Sha Allah).
My only excuse is ..that unlike my previous book, my Hijab ,Jake and I..that story would flow and
updates were quite regular. This story has been a struggle, hence why it;s going to be short , but having said
that I hope you have enjoyed it so far. Anyway I need to stop babbling on and post this.
Thanks a million for your continous patience and interest.
Lots of love to you all,
Shazk80 xxxxxxxxxx