I was so worried about Eddie that I hardly slept at all last night. Every time I dozed off I'd have some nightmare of something terrible happening to Eddie. I even jerked away and reached blindly in the dark for him, screaming his name a few times before I realized it was a dream.
"Why didn't I stay?" I've been asking myself this question again and again, but never figured out the answer.
I wanted to see him so bad, it hurt. All the losers were going to a movie later that day and I know the second I see his pretty face, everything will be alright. In the dark theater I'll wrap my arm around his small shoulders, I'll hold him tight and won't let go.
This gives me the motivation I need to rush out of my house. I quickly get dressed and carefully move the dresser away from the door. My parents fought longer than usual last night, but at least my dad never came in.
I peek through the door for any sign of either of my parents. I notice their bedroom door is shut which means my mom locked herself in there sometime during the night. So my dad was either told to leave or he's asleep on his recliner in the living room.
I creep slowly through the hallway, knowing which floor beams and stairs to avoid to keep them from creaking.
I look through the front window and notice my dad's car is gone. I relax instantly and walk freely. I go to the kitchen and make coffee. I don't do this a lot, but I'm exhausted and could use a pick me up.
~
~
Later that day, I walk meet the losers, there's still too much snow for biking. Bev, Ben and Mike were already there, but I start to get nervous when Eddie's not one of them. "He could just be running late..."
"Hey, Richie!" Ben said
Bev was hanging on his arm and had her head in his shoulder, but when she saw me she lifted it up and looked worried. "What's wrong, Richie?"
She knows me too well, "huh? Nothings wrong." I don't even convince myself.
She gives me a bored look. "Seriously, are you okay? You look exhausted!"
"I just couldn't sleep last night, that's all."
She opens her mouth to say something else, but was cut off by Bill and Stanley walking up to us. "H-hi!" Bill says.
"Where's Eddie?" Mike asks, "I thought he was gonna walk with you guys?"
Stanley looked down sadly, "we went to his house, but his mom says he's sick."
The other shrug it off disappointedly, but don't take it too hard, Eddie's always sick. But Stan and I make eye contact with each other knowing what's actually going on. My stomach drops. "I should've stayed with him!"
It puts me out of any movie watching mood, I just want to go see my Eds.
Everyone was talking about what movie to see, finally agreeing on one. I was too distracted to hear any of it. They walk away to buy their tickets, but I don't move.
"Something bad happened just like I thought and I wasn't there to protect him!" I dig my fingers into my palms and pierce the skin feeling blood slip through my knuckles.
Someone's hand slaps at my hand and I come back to reality, I turn to see who it was.
Stanley was standing by my side, he grabs my hands, "stop it!" He says sternly, but quietly.
I look down at him. "I knew something was gonna happen." I whisper
He looks up at me confused.
"We were late going back to his house last night and he told me to leave, that he'd be fine. And I did and now he's 'sick'!" I felt like crying, but didn't. It wouldn't help anything.
Stan looks at me with an understanding that I've never experienced with anyone. "It's not your fault." He said firmly, like there so no room for doubt or blame at all. "This happens a lot and I hate it, but he's always okay. His mom does crazy stuff even if he doesn't break the rules. I just want you to know that Eddie being sick isn't your fault, it's his moms!"
I'm blamed for everything at home so much that hearing someone tell me I didn't do something wrong takes me by surprise.
"Hey! You guys coming or what?!" Bev yells standing with the others, they already bought their tickets.
"No, Richie and I have to do something." Stan yells back, waving them to go ahead.
"Huh? You're not gonna watch the movie with us?" Mike asks
I glance at them and notice Bill looking really upset, more than the others, but I didn't know why.
"I have to help Richie with something. We'll meet you guys later."
The others look really confused, but finally give up and go in the theater.
"What are we doing?" I turn back to Stan
"We're gonna go to Eddie's." He says as though it's obvious. "I know you climb through his window. So we'll go over and I'll be your lookout."
He starts walking without waiting for me. "But Eds says that the pills make him blackout. He's probably still asleep."
"Yeah, but it'll still give you a peace of mind."
Stanley is the loser I have the least connection with, but in that moment I feel like I'm closer to him than any other guy in the group. Except for Eddie.
"I mean, I know you're a drug addicted, stoner freak, but I know how much Eddie cares about you... you're also one of my best friends." He glances up to me and smirks.
I start to laugh, it felt so good to laugh. He joins my laughing and that felt even better.
We walk to Eddie's house, I almost forget what was happening, I was having too much fun with Stan to focus on where we were going or what we were doing.
Stanley looks through the living room window, peeking over the windowsill sneakily. "She's in the living room, you should be good to go in. Just listen out for her. If I see her moving towards the stairs I'll let you know, so keep the window open."
"Thanks, Stan The Man."
He gives me a weird look as I walk away, but then rolls his eyes, smiling.
I climb up his roof as quiet as possible. Knowing his mom's awake makes this a whole lot more nerve racking.
I go up to his window, the curtains are closed, but they're always closed. It's harder to open the window from the outside, but I figured out how to grip it with the pressure if my fingertips in order to do so. It always works. Except for right now.
I was really confused. His window won't open. It finally occurs to me that it's locked. "He never locks the window!"
I got even more panicked. I was pushing the window up with all the strength, but it wouldn't budge.
Even though his moms awake, I chance a knock. I wait a few seconds, but Eddie never came to the window.
"He's probably super out of it, that's all. He said, "those pills make him really whacked up." But that thought didn't calm me down.
I knock a little harder. But still nothing. Last time this happened, I banged it loudly one time and that got him to the window... but that was also at night when a lot the effects of the pills had worn off. I know he's no where near being back to normal. But I decide to go for it anyways.
I hold my hand up and think about it one last time. I finally smack the window really hard and wait.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
All the sudden I see the curtains barely pushed to the side, but only enough for me to see his eye.