It must have been less than two minutes before I regained consciousness. The contents of my skull felt like liquid, and my vision was alarmingly blurry. Dimly I recognised the lanky figure of Mallor. He seemed to have got himself out of trouble, but the orcs were gaining a foothold once more. I blinked a few times to clear my vision, then sat up, screwing my eyes shut as the world spun and opening them when it had steadied somewhat.
Legolas lay at Mallor's feet. The blood patch had grown to cover almost half of his left thigh and half of the crossbow bolt lay, snapped and bloody, a foot away. My heart plummeted to see him down. Two elves injured, and a 16-year old boy defending us. It was not to be allowed. I stood, and stumbled over to Mallor. Luck was on our side, for only 6 orcs were left for us to kill.
They balked when they saw me stand, gritting my teeth, and took a step back from the boy, so he was no longer surrounded. Even so Mallor did most of the work, killing four while I only managed two.
As soon as my last enemy fell with a deep wound from his neck to his naval, I turned, trying not to stumble, and knelt beside Legolas. He was barely conscious, and his face was utterly white, his breathing shallow and difficult. I stared at him blankly. He was ever the supporter of his friends, the consummate warrior, the hope on the darkest of days. I could not accept his grievous hurt. It was supposed to be me. I wished it was me.
Mallor laid a cautious hand on my upper arm. "You are hurt too." I shrugged him off.
"Strider and the twins are close. Find them and bid them hasten. Legolas needs urgent care."
"What about you?"
Turning, I gripped Mallor's shoulder. His youth struck me in that moment. He looked no more than a frightened child; a witness to a terrible accident. I rubbed my thumb along his bony shoulder reassuringly. "I cannot run for them, Mallor. I have to stay with Legolas and see if I can begin to heal him. Don't worry about me, just tell them they must help him".
Mallor hesitated for a second, but he looked down at Legolas and the sight seemed to strengthen his resolve. Without another word he ran off, jumping over the bodies of the orc pack as he went. His long, pounding footsteps faded quickly, even to my ears.
My insides froze when I looked at Legolas, and I reached into my pack, which I had somehow kept hold of through the whole battle, fumbling with a knife and using the handle to dig the rest of the bolt carefully out of his wound, avoiding blood vessels and tendons. He gave a shuddering moan, far quieter than I liked. There was a gush of blood as soon as the metal tip was removed. I gulped, forcing my terror down, then tied a strip of linen tightly around the wound and poured my water over my hands, shakily washing off the blood and wiping my hands on my trousers.
"Legolas?" I muttered, crawling towards his head and stroking back his soft hair. I felt my eyes watering as he reached out a trembling hand.
"Ness", he gasped, grabbing blindly into the space between us for my hand and squeezing it tightly. "Thank the Valar you found us."
His fingertips were cold. My stomach dropped. I ran my other hand soothingly through his hair again. "You're nearly home now. I will look after you."
"I know you will". Legolas prised his eyes open with effort and attempted a smile. He was trying to reassure me, but he was paler than I had ever seen him, and his teeth were chattering noisily. I forced my fear to the back of my mind. "Where is Mallor?" His eyes were roaming the space around me, wide with fear.
"He has gone to get help."
"His poor mother will worry. I must look after him, he's only a boy."
Legolas was far too anxious. How long since Mallor had run to get Aragorn? I wanted to raise my head and shout to the valley below, but I needed to keep calm for his sake.
"Try not to worry about anyone else. He was unhurt. Let me look after you, Legolas.".
"Don't go"
"I'm going nowhere, but I must take care of your leg."
I shuffled away from his head to have a closer look. The blood was spreading despite my hasty tourniquet. It looked alarmingly bright even on the dark grey of his trousers. I reached into my pack and tugged out more cloth, balling it up and pressing down hard.
"AI!" Legolas cried out and I scrunched my eyes closed for a second, trying desperately to keep my panic inside. (S: ah!)
"I'm sorry Legolas. I need to keep pressure on it until Aragorn gets here".
He needed stitches, but I could not bear to cause him that agony, and I did not dare take my hand away from the bleeding wound. It burned my heart to see him hurt. His breathing was ragged and pained. I sat a few more moments with my hands passed hard against the wound, but running footsteps thundered towards us. Aragorn had come at last with the twins at his side.
All three skidded to a halt and bent down beside me. "He needs stitches. He's lost so much blood", I told Aragorn. His eyes were drawn to my hands pressed against his thigh, and Legolas' rasping breaths doubtless attacked his ears as much as mine. Elladan knelt next to me.
"Comfort him. I'll keep pressure on it."
Legolas gave a juddering groan as pressure was lifted and then doubled, but I shifted back to his head, stroking his hair back. He grabbed my hand and squeezed painfully hard. Aragorn started to cut away the material around the wound and clean it. "It's okay, you're going to be alright." I muttered, barely knowing what I was saying, watching Aragorn extract a needle from his pack.
"Keep him calm. Do not concern yourself with what we do." he said when he noticed I was looking, then, seeing perhaps the terror in my eyes, he reached forward and gripped my shoulder. "You've done all the right things. Just keep him company while I deal with this then we'll get him home." I nodded.
"Look at me. Try to breathe a bit deeper." I muttered as the ranger started to stitch the wound and Legolas scrunched up his eyes in pain. He opened them again after a second and his fearful eyes searched mine, which I kept free of my own horror. I wiped away a stray tear on his nose, then ran my thumb distractedly along his too-pale cheek. "Next time, perhaps you should take me with you." He half laughed and I smiled slightly. "Besides, I am lost without my archer."
Legolas smiled a tiny, soft smile. As he was about to answer, however, he bit back a cry. Aragorn had reached the deepest part of the wound, where the bolt had pierced almost an inch into his leg. "Is it over?" He asked, his voice cracking. I shushed him again, stroking back his hair.
"Nearly. You are so brave, Legolas."
"You make me want to be." He muttered softly. His eyes met mine for a brief second and he gave another soft half-smile. A moment later they had fluttered shut. I exchanged a worried glance with Elrohir.
"Open your eyes, Legolas." He said warily, wetting a cloth and putting it against his sweaty forehead.
"Im penorven." (S: I'm tired.)
"You can sleep as long as you need soon enough, but just stay awake for a little while longer." Legolas shook his head. I swallowed but my voice was thick when I next spoke to him. "Be brave for me, Legolas."
Eventually he prized his glazed eyes open and reached out a shaking hand to touch my cheek, letting his arm drop heavily to the ground after a second. "I'll be alright."
I laced my fingers through his, cupping his cheek in my other hand tenderly, and breathing deeply to steady myself. "Do not comfort me. Focus on steadying your breathing for a while." His eyes did not leave mine as he lengthened his breaths laboriously. "That's it", I soothed, "you're doing well."
There it was again, that intensity I so often saw in his eyes now. I wondered if it was mirrored in mine. He rubbed his thumb along the back of my hand, gazing blearily up at me. I stroked back his hair again. Before I could dwell any more upon it, Aragorn spoke up, shuffling to Legolas' other side so he could see him. Legolas broke eye contact regretfully to gaze up at the him, only half aware of either of us. Aragorn took his other hand.
"You've been lucky - whatever stabbed you only just grazed the artery in your thigh. You've lost a lot of blood, but you'll recover quickly. It's a good thing Ness acted so fast."
"She's great, isn't she?" Legolas muttered. I felt my face grow hot and tried to remain impassive, still holding on to Legolas and stroking back his hair.
"Indeed she is" Aragorn agreed, grinning across at me as I smiled irresistibly, still torn between pride and embarrassment. He framed Legolas' face with his large hands and kissed his brow. "What would we do without her?"
"We wouldn't last five minutes, but don't tell her that." Legolas said with a slight smile.
Aragorn raised an eyebrow at me. "Only if you don't tell her that I agree."
There was silence for a while as Elladan bandaged Legolas' wound. His trousers had been cut up to his thigh and Elrohir was picking up the material, along with Legolas' left boot.
I looked up at the sound of a snort to see Mallor had returned with Ancalimë. They led four horses towards us, and I sighed in relief. Calanon was with them, his wonderfully familiar face distressed when he saw Legolas on the ground, and me beside him.
Legolas was regaining his grip on reality as the effects of the blood loss stabilised somewhat. He gripped my hand and focused blearily on my face. "You're so kind to me. Don't leave."
"Where else would I be, dear Legolas? I'll be right behind you when we ride back". I couldn't keep the blush off my cheeks when I heard Aragorn's badly concealed snort. Elladan wiggled his eyebrows, but I shushed him impatiently, focusing on Legolas. We needed to get him on a horse so we could take him back to camp, but he was clinging to me and would not let go.
My heart felt as if it had been ripped from my chest to see him so hurt, and my eyes stung no matter how hard I tried to ignore them. However, as attempted in vein to make him let go of me, I found my mind drifting guiltily to other things.
I recalled the events of only a few days ago, of sitting beside him as we attempted to spill the contents of our hearts. His eyelashes like rays of sunlight arching gracefully from his bright eyes, his pale skin almost celestial in appearance. Our hands had been nestled together, and the moment we both feared and longed for was seconds away.
When I looked down at his tired body, felt his hand squeezing mine, the thought of how he looked to me then and the sight of him looking so sickly and dependant now, awoke such a powerful feeling that I swayed when it hit me. Suddenly, as if I had known all along, as if every moment of our friendship had led to this, I knew exactly what I had wanted him to say on that sunlit afternoon. I needed to protect him. Not just because he was my best friend. Why had I never realised how close we truly were? Closer than two ordinary friends should be.
"Legolas, I am not going to leave you. We must get you back to the hut so you can sleep and heal so you need to go with Aragorn, but I will ride beside you."
Though I had said variations of this sentence almost constantly for the last few minutes, that moment was the only time Legolas looked into my eyes. Perhaps the certainty in my heart had bled into my voice and calmed him. "You will?" He muttered.
"I promise" I whispered, leaning in to him and cupping his cheek in my hand.
"There are things I haven't told you Nesseldë. I should have told you a long time ago, but I was afraid. I still am."
"Then tell me when we are safe and warm. You do not need to fear anything."
"I think you know." He said softly. I avoided the eyes of everyone around us, focusing only on him. Legolas gave me a tiny, nervous smile and I returned it with ease.
"You have nothing to worry about. Just focus on breathing slowly."
"Always so tender. Never lose that heart of yours, Ness" Legolas muttered. I smiled, caressing his cheek once more, then wriggled my hand out of his and finally he let me go. Aragorn picked him up effortlessly from the ground and swung onto his horse, Legolas cradled before him.
I got up too to mount, but I stumbled. Elladan wrapped an arm around me, frowning to see me screw shut my eyes. "I'm fine. Just bumped my head."
"Let me look".
I opened my mouth to argue but something in Elladan's face stopped me. He parted my hair at the back of my head and I winced, trying not to make a sound. "This isn't a bump, it's more like a club wound. You're not fit to ride alone", he said flatly.
"I promised Legolas I'd ride next to him" I insisted, my eyes filling with unstoppable tears that I'd been holding in for ages. Elladan's frown deepened and he wrapped another arm around me, pulling me into a careful hug.
"You can still do that. We'll take your horse and go with them. He'll be alright. I've seen him far worse", he said gently, squeezing me a little closer for a second. I nodded, steadying myself with a few deep breaths then allowing Elladan to lift me onto the horse, making sure I was secure sitting side-saddle and springing up behind me. I rested slightly against him, more relaxed with my heavy eyes trained on Legolas.
"You should have said. You need my help too" Aragorn said softly. I could tell he was trying to reprimand me but couldn't quite manage it.
"I forgot about myself." I said honestly "He is so pale."
Elladan rubbed a hand along my arm as we moved off, Ancalimë and Mallor staying behind to deal with the orc corpses. "Thanks to you, he will heal soon enough."
The Dúnedain who had remained in camp that day watched on grimly when we returned. Our hut door was open, and Firiel was standing by it with her arms crossed as Aragorn lifted the sleeping Legolas from his horse. Elladan swung down with me in his arms. Now the fear had worn off, my head pounded with every slight movement, and my eyes were closed, so I made no attempt to argue with him when he carried me into the familiar interior of our cabin, covering me warmly in my blankets and flipping them aside to remove my boots.
"Are you awake?" Aragorn asked quietly. I opened my eyes blearily to glare at him. If he had listened three days ago, we would not be where we were. He sighed defeatedly. "Gi nestathon." (S: I will heal you).
I turned to the wall so he could tend my wound, grateful that I did not have to look at him. He cleaned my head in silence; the twins left and closed the door behind them, and the only sound was Aragorn squeezing out a cloth into a bowl of water, Legolas' unsteady breathing.
"You are angry with me."
I heard him lean against the back wall. I did not turn around. "If you had deigned to listen to me, he would be fine."
"So would you." Aragorn muttered. "He's going to murder me when he finds out."
"How heartbreaking." I spat.
"Nesseldë", he sighed, "I am so sorry. I should have listened – we all should have listened. I thought you were only anxious about him going away."
"I told you that was not the reason. Legolas heeded my words before he left. He said he would take extra care, but you did nothing to aid him."
"I should have believed you."
I sat up carefully and took the water he offered with a grudging word of thanks. We sat in silence for a few minutes, watching Legolas. It was strange to see him stretched out on his back. He usually slept curled messily into the blankets, facing my bed with half of his hair brushing his face, or spread like the sunlight of a golden afternoon on the rolled-up bag he used for a pillow.
Aragorn was watching my frowning face with a peculiar expression, but when he saw I had noticed he looked down at Legolas again. "You should tell him when he wakes up."
I half-laughed. "Tell him what? He knows."
"And you know too, but you should put it into words."
I sighed. "It is not the moment to discuss this while he lies unconscious." I pulled my blankets over my shoulders and settled down next to Legolas. My teeth chattered. "I lost everyone I loved to the sword, Aragorn. What if I lose him the same way?"
Until that moment I had not understood what held me back from acknowledging what, for months, had been growing between us. Now, however, it sat on my heart, as plain as day. Perhaps seeing him badly hurt had brought reality to light; I could not watch him die like they had died. No longer caring about the presence of Aragorn, I shifted to lay my head on Legolas' chest and closed my eyes. His breathing was steadying; that was something to be thankful for.
Aragorn stroked my hair away from my forehead with his toughened fingers. "What would love be without risk?"
"Easier." I croaked. He untangled the mess of hair at the back of my head carefully.
"Nothing worth having is easy to get." I wished Aragorn had not his wisdom. It was hard to stay angry at him when he gave such good advice. I did not open my eyes for some time. Legolas' breathing was almost its normal steady rhythm. The sound was like waves on the sea. He soothed me, and I was pulled away from the shores of consciousness for a while.
Aragorn still sat with us when I woke, his frowning grey eyes fixed on Legolas' too pale face. I sat up sleepily and followed his gaze. I wished it were me so badly hurt. "Come here." He held out his arms and I sunk into them. "I did not choose well these last few days, but I will rectify as much as I can. I'll take care of you both."
"I'm still furious with you". I said in a muffled voice. Aragorn chuckled.
"You have every right to be."
I disentangled myself from his arms and shuffled back to Legolas, taking his hand. Aragorn moved to pull his blanket aside, exposing the bandage. "I have some dried athelas. Though it is not as potent it should have some affect, at least."
Legolas twitched when Aragorn untied the bandage, dousing the wound in athelas water and putting some of the dried leaves on the fresh stitches. I stroked back his hair and, when all was over and the athelas seemed to be taking effect, he rolled into his usual sleeping position. I tried to gather his blankets around him as warmly as I could. He shivered slightly and I moved to give him my own, but Aragorn pulled them tighter around me instead. "He would not thank you for that." He said pointedly. "You are also hurt."
I went back to holding Legolas' hand, rubbing my thumb along the tough skin of his. It seemed so familiar these days; more real than Aragorn's steadfast will which kept both of us in the lands of men, more permanent than our mortal friends could ever be. A morbid thought occurred to me. One day, out of all the camp surrounding us, we two could be the only people left. Even Elladan and Elrohir had the choice of mortality, but Legolas and I had pure elvish blood. We could only stand and watch – constant, immovable, unchanged, as the world moved around us. He seemed more real than the ground itself. Middle Earth was no longer ours, but protect it we must, for those who would come long after we sailed west.
"Even your brothers have mortal blood." Was all I said aloud to Aragorn, but he seemed to understand. Silently, he squeezed my shoulder. I sighed. "I would do anything to make sure neither of us is left alone. You know that is why I am angry, don't you?"
"I was raised by the elves. I doubt your reasoning not at all, but I am happy for you, Ness. You deserve his soft heart, and he yours, after everything the two of you have suffered."
I looked up at him confusedly for a second, but he smiled again. "He told you about his mother, did he not?" I nodded. "There are few even among his own people who know the full story. That is the moment I realised what you truly mean to him."
I blushed and looked down at my knees. "He is waking." Aragorn muttered, watching Legolas' eyelids flicker slightly. He rose from beside me and walked towards the canvas, turning back at the last second. "You know where I am if he needs anything."
With that, he grinned, raised his eyebrows, and strode away. His shadow passed the window as Legolas' eyes finally opened. He gazed unseeingly up at the ceiling for a few seconds, then his head turned to watch my thumb rubbing his. I stopped after a moment, and he looked up at me.
"Your hand is cold. You're hurt."
Ever the carer, he clearly was not used to being cared for. I supposed being a captain among his own people came with that sort of responsibility. "How do you feel? You've been unconscious for hours."
"Aragorn should not have used his Athelas on me. I have less need of it than any mortal who is hurt, or you."
When he looked back at me, I was surprised to see anger in his eyes. I withdrew my hand. "You should have found the others before you came to us. You could have died had that orc decided to finish its task, and I would have been powerless to prevent it."
"If I had not come, you and Mallor would both be dead. Is that what you want?" Shock thundered through my veins. I had expected him to be upset, perhaps, or plain exhausted, but never angry. Was everything to be my fault today? "I saved your lives."
"And almost lost yours in the process." Legolas' voice was getting louder with every syllable. I heard a quiet conversation nearby falter. "We could have held on."
"You were badly injured." I growled. "Was I to let a sixteen-year old boy defend you alone?"
"You were unconscious before I succumbed. What good did you do the child?"
I was on my feet, with no memory of having stood. "What would you have done? You would not have left me, had our roles been reversed! I saved your life!"
Something in Legolas' gaze faltered. The anger in my face seemed to give him pause, and he sat laboriously. My breathing was heavy. I had been through too much that day; too much across all of my life. My eyes were filling with tears, of anger or sorrow I could not tell. He sighed defeatedly and his anger seemed to melt away. He stretched out a hand towards mine and opened his mouth to say something. However, I jumped back, interrupting him.
"You want to know why I did not run for help? The last time I ran from something, it was a triple murder! My family were slain, one after the other, in front of my eyes and I don't want the one I love to suffer the same fate!"
The words were ripped from my throat before conscious thought could form them, but there was no taking them back. Legolas looked as if he had been dealt a heavy blow. He stared right at me for a second, wide-eyed. My mouth fell open in horror at what I had just admitted.
I looked down to avoid his eyes, choking on the tears that finally came. I could feel his gaze on me, feel the questions burning in his mind, but I did not think I would ever have the courage to face him again. When I could bear the silence no longer, I dropped my blankets to the floor and turned from him, pushing the canvas aside to leave the hut.
A.M.