hey im back again :) lol u no wat to do - FAN - COMMENT - VOTE and im soso sorry but seeing as i literally just uploaded im not going to write out all my fans (they havent changed haha) im sorry if these annoys anyone but this is a one off xxxxxxx enjoy :) <3
I Am Lacerta Chapter 18
Work carried on as boringly simple as usual, but ever since I had got my mark I had been having extremely dark thoughts. The only thing that really kept me sane was the fact that I was almost exploding over the prospect of seeing Sirius again. I really missed him, no matter how much we argued. Where on earth had he dissapeared to?
Finally it was the evening before the meeting and I was passing the time, as promised, with Severus. He was giving me another occlumency lesson, which was going much more successfully than the last lesson. I had been practising every night, as promised, and I had successfully blocked him for the fifth time when he said,
"Well done, that's the fifth time you've blocked me! But.. something's troubling you is it not?"
I smiled before saying, "How do you always know? Yes, something's troubling me. I think something's wrong with me - ever since I got my mark I think I'm going insane. I hardly ever have happy thoughts any more and I have the strangest dreams. I think something's gone wrong .. I'm too young maybe.. or maybe you have to be dark through and through to get the mark.. I associate with good people too much maybe..", my smile had faltered.
"Don't worry, Lacy. You learn to control the dark thoughts after a few weeks, there's nothing wrong with you. And the Dark Lord marked you because you are not only pure-blood and his right-hand woman's daughter, but also because you are an extremely powerful witch. He needed to stake his claim to you before Dumbledore could get his hands on you. I was surprised at first but now I can see his reasons. I've heard good things about you in the field - you succeeded even with that imbecile Avery holding you back. And yes, he really is that stupid.. it's not an act. I went to school with him. I'm very proud of how much you've grown and learnt." he said sincerely.
"Wow, that's the most sentimental thing you've ever said! I'm kidding but seriously I could only be as good as my teacher - and I have a pretty good teacher! You half raised me you know, Cissy would have sucked big time at teaching me this sort of thing and Malfoy's a spineless wimp!" I snorted.
"God yeah, it would be a sight to see Cissy trying to teach you - Sectumsempra!" he bellowed, but I easily deflected it. I rolled my eyes, Severus was always trying to teach me to "expect the unexpected". "Ah you're definitely improving, Lacerta. Well done, you did brilliantly today. Pop by soon, Lacerta and don't forget to keep practising occlumency before you go to sleep."
"I won't, Sev, don't worry. G'night." I yawned while walking out the door. I hadn't brought my broom, instead I had morphed to an eagle and was soaring fast towards Malfoy Manor. As I approached I landed gracefully, never missing a beat, and kept walking towards the gate.
The gate opened with a wave of my wand, and I kept walking up the long drive until I reached the house. The door had been mended, so I slunk inside and went quickly down to my room. I jumped onto my bed and fell asleep almost immediately.
My dreams were plagued as per usual but not in the same way. Usually I am reminded over and over of my worst moments, the worst things I have done like a consistent dementor attack ever night. But this nightmare, was different.
I was on the ground in the middle of a forest, it was clearly night-time as I couldn't see a thing. Suddenly, a full moon rose above us and I saw figures outlined either side of me. On my left, I saw the Dark Lord flanked by my mother Bellatrix and my father Rodolphus, and all the deatheaters surrounding them with Cissy and Draco near the front of the crowd, even though they were not death eaters.
I looked to my right and saw Luna, Sirius and Fred all standing at the front of this crowd, followed closely by a crowd of Aurors and the Ministry of Magic, and other "good-doers". Suddenly, both sides began to plead with me to join them, Snape flashing from one side to the other, back and forth. The crowds began to edge closer to me and their screams were so loud that I was beginning to feel faint.
Suddenly they closed in and a searing pain swept through my body and throbbed and pulsed like it was taking over. I could no longer see, though I heard a sickening crack and I felt myself being torn apart. I never got to see who won my heart...
... As I woke up suddenly, with tears in my eyes. I felt literally repulsively sick at what I had just experienced and ran upstairs quickly to the bathroom. I wrenched the door open and stood in front of the mirror. I looked at my reflection and saw tear tracks down my sweaty face. I was pale and literally shaking.
I managed to refrain myself from vomiting, so I went back downstairs to my room. Only then did I realise that today was the day I was meeting Sirius. So I made myself put on a bright and cheery face, and changed for work.
My stomach growled just as I was walking out of the door so I decided to wait a little and have a bite to eat, then go by Floo Network to work. As soon as I stept into the kitchen I saw a very sleepy looking Draco. Just then remembering why I always rushed out of the door in the mornings, I made to leave before he could notice me but he said,
"Mornin' Lacerta. Off to work already?", in an attempt to make small talk.
"Draco, I don't do small talk. And yes, I'm off to work already, I'm usually already at work! Just because you're so useless - you do nothing for this family but sit at home, sometimes helping your mother choose a wallpaper design. I've got more guts than you Draco Malfoy and I'm a year younger. Now as you can see, I'm not a morning person." I snapped, grabbed an apple and left the room.
Draco was used to this by now so he wasn't very surprised. He didn't storm out of the room after me to defend his honour or pride, just sat there like the spineless little fool he was, which suited me fine.
When I got to the fireplace, I picked up a handful of Floo Powder before saying, "Flourish and Blotts.". In less than a second, I found myself in Flourish and Blotts. Mr. Kessler appeared to have arrived seconds before me in the same way and I greeted him in an attempt to be polite and keep my job another day. I didn't need this job financially, but I sure as hell needed this job mentally - I wouldn't be able to stand having to be at Malfoy Manor 24/7.
He sent me off to stack some books until customers arrived, when he scolded me for not manning the till. I swallowed my pride and apologised, before sitting down behind the till and paying for the books before handing them back to the customer who I recognised to be a Gryffindor girl in the year above me at Hogwarts. She gave me a sweet smile, which I returned surprised, as she left the store with her mother.
The rest of the day passed in a hazy blur. It was absolutely boiling inside of the shop and out, so I kept blasting myself with cold air.
Eventually, my shift finished so I raced outside of the shop and saw a black dog sitting across the road. When it saw me its tail started wagging crazily and it came bounding up to me and licked me all over the face. I rubbed Sirius affectionately and I led him away to a back alleyway. He then changed back to his human form and apparated us away.
We arrived on a deserted street, and I sat down on someone's front yard fence. Sirius joined me so I turned to him and said:
"Hi, stranger! I missed you sooo much!! Oh and I got your note - nice code! Where are you staying? I could help out if you like, bring food and stuff.. lend you some money.."
"I know, I missed you too! I'm alright for money and everything, but I'm so sorry that I can't tell you where I'm staying - the place has a secret keeper. How are you, honey?" he asked brightly.
I told him all about what I had been up to lately, leaving out my dark mark. That was too embarresing to tell him right now. When I'd finished telling him about my time with Snape, he said:
"Snape's your godfather? I thought your mother had more sense than that?!"
"No, no, Cissy chose him as my godfather. Mum was already in Azkaban at that stage - but she had named Cissy my godmother so I stayed with her. Anyway, Snape's taught me everything I know about magic, from literally my first spell!" I growled.
"Ok, ok! Just saying my opinion! You don't think too highly of my godson in fairness..."
"Well even you have to admit he is quite arrogant, strutting about Hogwarts like the king of the school. It's not like he's the only person to suffer from Voldemort is it? My mother, crazed with longing for Voldemort, drove Alice and Frank Longbottom into insanity! That's horrific - poor Neville! Potter's depressed and mysterious act is wearing thin with me I'm sad to say. Just my opinion, mind you. Anyway, you don't like Snape because of a childish feud, you bullied him at school. And he's not too fond of Harry either..."
"Look, yes I used to bully him, I'll admit. I'm not proud of it, in fact I'm quite ashamed of it, so there's no point making me feel even guiltier, is there? And don't insult Harry so much - he's suffered more than you ever will-"
"Oh, for God's sakes man use your eyes! My whole freaking life is balanced on a knife edge! I'm in love with someone I'm meant to hate! I work for someone everyone hates! I talk with Snape one day and you the next - there's no way my life isn't going to spiral to some crappy end - probably sometime in the near future. There's no way I could have a normal life after this! So don't give me any of your "he's suffered more than you ever will" bullshit!" I shouted, standing up, my hair turning a fluorescent orange in my anger.
Sirius sighed. "Honey why do we always end up fighting?"
"We're too different, Sirius - but we're so god damn similar. I risked my life to test a theory- to free someone I'd never met - someone I was meant to hate, Sirius. But I'm not as brave as you - I hope I can be one day, because you chose good. You chose what was right. I just sat back and let my family take over my life - let myself become a death eater. And I'll never forgive myself, because I know I'll never be happy again."
"You can still get out of it, Lacy! You can join us - we would never judge you - think better of you if anything-"
I cut him off with a shake of my head, "No, I'm sorry I can't. I physically can't." I whispered, looking pleadingly at him, desperate for him to understand.. I didn't want to have to say it out loud. I saw the confusion on his face fade away and turn to horror.
"Oh God no, Lacerta. No, no, no, no, no! Please tell what I'm thinking of hasn't happened... you're so young... he can't have m-m-mark..."
"I know Sirius. I let him mark me. I'm such an idiot.." I whispered tears running down my cheeks.
"You're not an idiot, sweetie - it's not you're fault-"
"YES IT IS! It's irremovable... I'm in this for life. No matter w-w-what.." I broke off sobbing, as I saw something bright white flash before my closed lids, Sirius suddenly stiffened.
"Look, Lacerta, I'm so so sorry but I have to go. It's an emergency.. I wouldn't go otherwise I swear... don't give up trying to fight this.. fight the cure.. I love you lots and lots and I promise to see you soon." he said quickly before holding my chin to look at his face and smiling at me, then giving me a big hug. And like that, he was gone.
hope u guys liked this chappy, sorry the other one was so short xx ly all so muchlies :)
- maddy xxxx