Chapter 4
_____________________
Ben said nothing. I don’t know why that upset me, but it did.
Wasn’t he the least bit surprised?
Relieved, even?
Jordan had been his rival, after all.
Neither of them had ever mentioned it—but it was obvious to anyone with eyes to see.
Both were the sons of alphas vying for the same position.
Both were natural born leaders.
And both...in a way, were tied to me; the daughter of a powerful leader.
Practically since birth, everyone had always pitted them against each other, in everything from hunting, to running to even a casual game of cards.
The competition had been an unwilling one...but still observed by all.
It had always been accepted that one of them would one day be the Alpha.
Growing up, the rivalry was something I had always ignored. For years Ben had been my closest friend, anway—my ally.
But everything changed the day I had chose Jordan as my mate.
Rumors had begun to circle that it was fate because of who my father was; the children of two powerful leaders were mated together. In their eyes, we were destined to be the alpha couple.
It didn’t matter that neither of us wanted the confinement of being tied to the pack.
It didn’t' matter that we had both spent our lives trying to ignore the legacy of our fathers.
It didn't matter to them that Jordan had never wanted to be the Alpha.
But Ben did.
I had witnessed his ambition since we were kids. He worshiped his father, and put his heart and soul into this pack—it only made sense that he should lead it.
Once Jordan and I had left, there would have had no competition to challenge him…
But, then again, he didn’t have to worry about that now, either.
In both circumstances, Jordan was gone.
“Say something,” I croaked, just to fill the silence.
I needed him to yell, shout—anything. I was desperate for any sound at all that I almost ended up screaming just to shatter the quiet. Thankfully, Ben finally found the will to open his mouth.
“How could you, Roxanne?” His voice was so quiet that I had to strain to hear him, and his tone made my throat go raw with pain—he sounded tortured, anguished.
And I knew why.
“How could you just leave?” He flung the word at me like a whip and I flinched, stumbling back.
“With him?” He added in a near-growl.
The sound tore at me--I had never heard him like this. Ever.
Utterly broken.
I jumped as he moved toward me, eating up the space between us with heavy, angry footsteps.
Without being able to see those charming blue eyes, my mind flashed back to the past—to another angry figure who's footsteps were equally as heavy. Equally as intimidating.
In an instant, I was seven years old again, cowering in a corner trying not to made a sound…
This is Ben, a childish part of me whispered.
The same boy who used to wipe off my scrapes and bruises before walking me home after I fell out of a tree.
The boy who knew my deepest darkest secrets.
He would never hurt me.
But I couldn't ignore the way my heart raced as I stepped back, instinctively squaring my shoulders to make myself a smaller target.
"Ben...I..."
“And now you’re doing it again,” his voice barreled angrily over mine. “You’re leaving again!”
He grabbed my shoulders, holding me so tightly that I could feel his nails digging into my skin. I gasped. True fear ran through me, but my throat wouldn’t work to tell him to let me go.
“Ben,” I managed to croak instead.
I don't think he even hear me.
"No, Roxanne!" He shook me so hard that my head snapped back and forth. I could feel the edge of my blindfold slip down over my nose, dislodged by the force, but he held me too tightly to reach up to fix it. I could only made myself limp, heart pounding like mad in my chest.
Old fear made my voice tremble as I tried my hardest to fight back those memories. “Ben...you’re hurting me—”
“You’re hurting everyone,” he snarled back, but the weight of his grip finally eased as he let me go.
Shaken, I staggered blindly, landing hard on the ground as I lost my balance all together. Sharp and bitter, the taste of blood dotted my lip. I couldn’t tell if I had bitten it when I fell or from the force of being shaken.
Either way, my fingers shook as I reach up to wipe it away.
“You’re scaring me,” I heard someone whisper as if from far away; a frightened little girl.
It was a long while before I realize that the pathetic voice belonged to me.
“I’m sorry!” I sensed him reaching for me, and I scrambled away, throwing up my hands protectively over my face. It was throw-back from the old days—a protective mechanism I couldn’t help.
For a minute wasn’t Ben I sensed in front of me, but the furious, hulking shape of my father lashing out for the slightest offense.
It didn’t take much to make him angry back then, and as a child I had been the one too weak to scramble out of the way.
Wasn't that how the story usually went?
To everyone else, my father had been the golden standard of Alphas, honest, fair, just, strong—brutal at times, but that was to be expected.
No one but my mother and I knew the real man behind the mask.
To me, he had been the monster from a nightmare.
But, Ben knew, and I could tell instantly that he realized his mistake.
He went still. His breaths still came in heavy, frantic puffs that sliced at the airbut when he spoke again his voice was as gentle as it had been back when we were kids.
When he had to coax me from out of a tree or my bedroom window whenever I sought refuge from my father's violence.
“Roxie…I didn’t mean—I’m sorry.”
The earth crunched beneath his weight as he crouched down next to me. I tried my hardest not to shiver as his arms went around me, crushing my body to his chest.
“I’m not like him,” he murmured, running his hands down my back. “I’m not like him.”
“I know,” I whispered.
But knowing that didn't make the memories, go away.
I could still feel that old fear...
It suffocated me, never letting go even after all these years.
I blinked, surprised to feel the warmth of fresh tears roll down my cheeks. I sniffed, fighting them back, but only more slipped down until I was sobbing like a baby into Ben’s chest.
It was pathetic, really. I cried so much these days, and still…
More tears just kept coming.
“I’m sorry,” I blubbered against the soft cotton of his shirt. “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone…I just…”
I couldn’t explain into words just how badly I needed to leave—not just for myself.
For everyone.
As long as I was here, Jordan’s family could never heal from his loss.
My own family would never be able to forget just how close they had come to losing me.
And the violent memory of his death was a gaping, open wound at the back of everyone’s mind.
“I know,” Ben said, voice back under control.
Cautiously, I turned to face the direction I figured his to be.
Did he really mean…?
“It hasn’t been easy,” he added after a moment. “Grief makes people say stupid things, and I can imagine the kinds of gossip you’ve heard...”
I nodded, thinking of the words of the other volunteers. From his tone, I guessed that even worse things were being said behind my back.
Nasty, vicious whispers.
“Maybe...you should leave the territory—for a little while,” he added hesitantly, putting a time limit on my freedom.
But at least he isn’t threatening to go to his father. Yet.
I was willing to take as must rope as I could.
“Ben, please don’t try to stop me,” I insisted, pulling away.
Absently, I reached down to smooth out my dress, hoping that in my fall it hadn’t torn. At the same time, I lifted my chin, making my voice a plea. “Please…”
“I know.” He stood and to my surprise his hand curled into mine, pulling me to my feet.
I couldn’t hide my shock, but he spoke before I can choke out a response.
“I know…but you can’t go on your own—by yourself. It’s too dangerous.”
I sighed, opening my mouth to reply, but once again he beat me to the punch.
“That’s why…I’m coming with you.”