Vanessa groaned loudly as she shifted uncomfortably in her chair once more. They had been sitting in the waiting room over an hour waiting for the doctor to come and get them. She watched as Dead wrote down more lyrics around a drawing he had done in the first half hour they had been sitting there. While she couldn't see all of the picture, she could almost make out what looked like a Victorian style house with something written above it. She almost wished he would go to art school like he wanted, be a comic book designer and make something with his art.
Resting her head against his shoulder, she closed her eyes as she took in his scent. Something about just being so close to him calmed her, knowing that if she were to touch him he wouldn't vanish into thin air like in her dreams. It scared her to death, the thought of this all being one big dream. True it hadn't really been that long since she had been here with him, hell there were things she still didn't really know about him, but she knew she loved him. Through everything she had ever read about him, had seen about him for herself, had her loving him even more.
He wasn't perfect by any means, but he tried his hardest to let her in; tried to let down his guard around her. She would have been lying if she said it didn't frustrate her every now and then how defensive he could be or how his anger came out all at once, but then she remembered the life he had. Euronymous treated him like complete crap, he had moved away from his family for the band, and was almost killed. She couldn't expect it all to go away just because they were together.
Nuzzling against his neck, she watched as he put the notebook into his jacket pocket before wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Her gaze shifted over to Melanie and Hellhammer, both of them quietly reading some books from the table beside them. Vanessa couldn't help but smile at the sight. She knew Melanie practically adored the drummer, and there was very little doubt that he didn't feel the same; she was happy for the two of them. Maybe they would get married one day and have kids.
"Pardon me," started a man as he approached them. "My name is Dr. Henrik Vignes, are you Mr. and Mrs. Ohlin?"
Dead forced a smile as nodded. "Yes."
"Excellent, please follow me and I will inform you of the results."
Vanessa stiffened as they followed the dark haired man down the hallway, her mind wondering if she was about to be told the news she feared the most.
Thankfully, the room they entered wasn't nearly as emotionless as the one she had seen in her nightmares. The walls, instead of stark white, were painted in a soft blue with various pictures decorating each of the walls along with a few degrees hung behind the very cluttered desk.
"Please excuse the mess," Vignes apologized. "It has been a very hectic day and I have not had much time to finish my paperwork. Have a seat!"
Leading her over to one of the dark grey chairs, Vanessa and Dead sat down.
"Now, I know how this must feel right now being taken into a more private area. I assure you that this is not a negative conversation, I simply value the privacy of each of my patients. Now then, Mrs. Ohlin, the tests have all concluded that you are not pregnant. I do, however, recommend being a bit safer going forward. Were either of you expecting anything different today?"
Vanessa quickly shook her head. "This is actually what we were hoping to hear. Neither of us are in the right place to have kids right now and my...husband is about to start touring with his band soon, so this is good news."
Dead nodded in agreement, letting out the breath he had been holding in. "Thank you, Dr. Vignes."
"My pleasure. Please, if there's anything I can do for you, don't hesitate to call my office."
~
Melanie pouted as the four of them sat in the diner, playfully scolding Vanessa for not having a baby.
"I'm telling you, you two would make the cutest kids!" she continued to argue.
Vanessa rolled her eyes for the upteeth time, almost annoyed. "Again, maybe one day, Mel, but now just isn't the time. Besides, I still need to get some stuff done. Speaking of which, how's my order coming?"
Dead listened intently, tuning out whatever Hellhammer had been talking about to listen to Melanie.
"It should be ready in time. Maybe a few more weeks at the most. Are you sure it's what you want for that sort of thing though? I mean, it's not very... usual."
Vanessa smirked. "That's exactly why I want it that way. I'm not trying to do something usual. Just let me know when it's all done."
Let her know when what's done? Why is she keeping secrets from me now?
"So what new lyrics have you gotten so far?" questioned Hellhammer.
Dead shook his head, pulling out the notebook he had taken with them. "I've gotten a couple songs written down, but I'm not sure how many I'll be able to do that will actually be good."
"Don't stress too much over how many, just make enough for a set or two and we can mix it up and each location. Have you shown these to Euronymous yet?"
"Eh, no, I was going to wait until we started getting ready to practice. Besides, he's been busy calling venues and shit."
Turning his attention back to Vanessa, he tried to piece together what she was planning. It wasn't some kind of occasion that he knew of, and it wasn't like they hadn't toured before. Very few possibilities came to mind, making him all the more nervous. Trying his best to focus on the positives, he tried to focus more on what he was going to do when they were finally alone. Euronymous was supposed to be leaving for the night to go see a girl, which gave them the whole house to themselves.
He shuddered, the anticipation building up inside him as he struggled to control himself. It was a strange new feeling to him that felt as though a switch had been flipped inside his body after their very first time. The closeness, the feel of her against him, all of it simply intoxicating. But what drove him to the point of madness was the feel of her love pouring into him as he gave her every last bit of his condemned soul. He had never cared for anything physical before he met her, never truly cared to know what it felt like to be with another person in that sense. No one had ever made him feel anything for them; except her.
Maybe it was simply because he craved someone to finally understand him, to be able to love him despite his flaws that made him fall in love with her so quickly. She had been the only person, besides his family, that truly acted as though she cared about him. Sure, they had their share of arguments, but it was never something that he would ever let ruin what he felt for her. All she had to do was say the word and he would give her whatever her heart desired at a moments notice.
Is it even normal to feel like this so quickly? Even Melanie and Hellhammer don't act like we do.
He wanted to believe that there was nothing wrong with how he felt, wanted to believe that this was how it was supposed to feel...but what if he was just trying to fill the void? What if he didn't love her like he thought he did?
No! No. I love her. I don't want to be with anyone else but her.
Why? Because she makes you feel special? You aren't in love with her, you just think you are.
Dead could feel his throat begin to close, the space around him feeling as though it were constricting with each second. He needed to get out of here, needed to get some air.
"Excuse me," he muttered as he left the table in a hurry.
Vanessa watched with worried eyes as he exited the building, standing to follow him until Hellhammer motioned for her to stay.
"I'll talk to him."
Making his way to where Dead stood against the brick wall he pulled out a cigarette.
"What's going on, man?" he questioned as he lit the end.
Dead tugged at his hair, pacing back and forth. "I don't fucking know anymore. One minute I'm fine and the next my mind is telling me I don't really love her, that I just think I do 'cause I'm trying to fill a damn void."
Hellhammer listened as Dead continued to vent, telling him everything from the beginning up until now. Dead had to stop a few times in order to catch himself for telling Hellhammer about where Vanessa had really come from. As he talked, Dead could feel the pieces fall more into place. It wasn't completely clear, but his feelings for her were reassured.
"Sounds to me like you just need to stop listening to the bullshit your head is telling you. If you didn't really love her, you wouldn't be so freaked out. Trust me, you've got nothing to worry about. I do need to ask you something though."
"Yes?"
Pulling out a picture from his pocket, Hellhammer handed it to Dead. Dead froze as he looked at the small black diamond ring in the photo with two small red stones on either side of it.
"You like it?" questioned Hellhammer.
Dead quickly nodded. "Yes. It would be perfect for her. How much is it?"
"I've got a friend that made it. I can get a good price on it, maybe eighty dollars at the most. I know it's expensive, but I wanted to help you out."
"Thank you. How can I repay you?"
Hellhammer shook his head, smiling as he put a hand on Dead's shoulder. "Just focus on the positives. Now come on, she's worried about you."
Following Hellhammer back into the building, Dead couldn't help the smile that was now stuck to his face. He could have his own secret; his own surprise for her. And he knew exactly how and where he was going to do it.