HGD24: guard my heart
"Worry and doubt can defeated by a warmth hug and kiss by your favorite person." -g.balm
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NAKA-upo ako sa duyan na ginawa ni Ram kanina. Hindi ko pa din sya kinikibo kung hindi nya lang ako kausapin ay hindi ako magsasalita.
Kaninang umaga, pagkalabas ko ng kwarto ay nakita ko sya sa terrace, prente lang syang nakaupo habang inaassemble ang duyan. I ignore him but he told me to come with him and so I did. He tied the rope in both trees. He told me that I can sleep there and relax, I was hesitate at first but he told me that he'll going to somewhere and when he left, I feel comfortable.
I plug my earphone and play my favorite music on my phone. It's true,this swing gives a relaxation on my body and mind.
I receive a multiple text came from Diego.
Diego
It's Sunday today. Hindi ka ba bibisita dito? :)
Hindi ako sumama kay Ram ng umalis sya. Ayoko kasing lumapit o makasama sya. I wanna build a thick and steady wall between us, so that I can distance myself from him. I distance myself for rejections.
Diego
Andito si Ram, akala ko kasama ka. Haha
Diego
Anyway, nagpadala ako ng apple pie kay Ram. Naalala ko sabi mo gusto mo ng apple pie. :)
I smiled, it's true that I am craving for apple pie.
I replied.
Thankyou so much, Diego. :)
After I send it to Diego. I chose to close my eyes and sleep in a very comfortable place.
Umihip ang malamig na hangin na dumampi saking balat. Naramdaman ko ang kung anong bagay na tumama saking mukha, It's probably may hair. Seconds pass and I feel that someone is removing the strand of my hair on my face.
I am completely awake now. But I don't like the idea of opening my eyes. I wanna feel this very moment because I know that Ram is in front of me staring at me.
I could smell his perfume-- his bathsoap actually. I wanna remove my earphone because I can hear that he's saying something but I couldn't hear it loud and clear because of the beat of the music on my ear.
As I thought that he's gone because I could feel his step moving away. I open my eyes slowly and I witnessed how he walk away towards my place.
"He didn't wake me up." I whispered as I look at his back.
I unplug my earphone and I look to the time on my phone and it's already passed 1 o' clock. I slept for about 2 hours.
Tumayo ako at inayos ang sarili.
I wear my slippers and stood up.
Naglakad ako papuntang bahay at pumasok roon. I saw Ram in a kitchen. He's making some juice.
Kumuha ako ng baso at uminom ng tubig. Tapos ay umalis din ako kaagad. I sat on a sofa and open a tv to watch some teleserye.
I feel bored watching those drama so I decided to have a conversation with Diego.
Me:
May ginagawa ka ba? I'm bored, I need someone to talk with. Only if you're not busy.
I sent him a message and I am not surprised to receive a message from him instantly.
Diego:
A'right. Di naman busy, walang customer sa talyer. Ano gusto mo pag-usapan?
He ask. My eyes landed on Diego's previous message and I remember about apple pie and yet, Ram didn't handed me one.
Me:
Have you sent an apple pie for me really?
Diego:
Oo. Natikman mo na? Masarap ba? :)
Binake ni mama yan.
I pouted as I realize what taste was that to be?.
Ilang saglit ay nakita ko na papalapit sakin si Ram. Itinuon ko ang atensyon ko sa cellphone at sinawalang bahala ang presensya nya. Although, I can't ignore his whole presence because my heart was so idiot to beat so crazy because he was near.
He put a tray of cinnamon rolls on a table together with a juice he made. I can't forget how tasty his cinnamon is. I like the way it was baked.
Diego:
Still there lady?
I smile as I read the word lady.
Me:
Sana all lady hahaxd
I can see on my vision that Ram is looking at me.
Diego:
You and your sana all. Anyway, hows the taste of my mom apple pie?
I sighed. I looked to Ram to ask him 'bout that pie but I couldn't speak.
"Eat some." He offered. I just nod and ignore his presence. Pumadekwatro ako at saka ngumiting nagtipa sa cellphone.
I can see that he turn off the TV and I let him be. Hindi naman ako nanonood e.
Me:
Haven't taste that yet. I'm still full. Kakainin ko nalang mamaya. :)
I lied. I havent see his pie !
Diego:
A'right. What r u doing? Nice, gumagaling na akong mag english dahil sayo. Haha :):)
I chuckled. I could see his expression.
Me:
Anyway, thankyou for the pie. :)
And when I looked at Ram, he's also holding his phone. Nakakunot ang noo nito habang seryosong nakatingging sa cellphone nya. He's damn handsome on this side.
I wonder what is he doing on his phone.
Some naughty thoughts came on my mind to test him. I wanna know if he really doesn't feel the same way.
I faked a laughed while looking at my phone.
Me:
Diego, can you call? Just don't talk okay? Let me talk. :)
Seconds passed, and then there. I receive a call from him. I let Ram to hear the music of my incoming call before I answer it. I saw Ram glancing at me but he divert his gaze instantly.
"Oh hello... what? You already miss me? Hahahah.. you know, you can fetch me here anytime.... yeah, I'm not that busy..... what? No.. walang magagalit... " I laughed
I heard Diego's chuckled from the other line.
And I see Ram's expression while looking at me.. is he mad? Yes he is.
".... I'm kinda bored here, things are boring from here.... really? You wanna see me?... aw, I wanna see you too... what? Yeah, I'm inborn sweet..... ahahhaha... I think, I'm starting liking you. "
As I looked at Ram, he look away and All I could do is to smile.
"... alright, gonna hang it up here na.. I would like to eat some pie tho. An apple pie to be exact.. text text nalang. Bye.."
I ended the call.
Ram is looking at me with a sharp eyes. Is he jealous? Does he likes me to?
"Why?" Tanong ko ng masalubong ko ang tingin nya.
"Next time, lumayo ka pag may kausap ka sa cellphone." He just commented.
Akala ko nagseselos na sya! Walangya talagang bodyguard na ito! Choosy pa!.
Diego:
What was that? hahaha
I rolled my eyes.
Me:
I hate your friend :(
Diego:
Oh. Si Ram? Ikaw lang yata ang may ayaw sakanya. That's new.
Me:
I hate everything in him actually. ;/
Diego:
Pissed? Haha
Ram speak out of the blue.
"Pwede ka bang kausapin, Ace?" He ask me.
Hindi ako sumagot. Ano bang sasabihin nya? Na hindi kami bagay kasi matalino sya tapos bobo ako?
He sighed. Inabot nya ang cellphone ko at ibinulsa nya iyon. Nag-init ang ulo ko sa ginawa nya.
"Ano? Magnanakaw ka na din?" Inis kong sabi.
I saw how mad he is on my words.
"Sinusubukan kong gampanan ang tungkulin ko sayo, Ace. Pero pinahihirapan mo ako." He commented
"Talaga ba? Nahihirapan ka ng lagay na yan? Gago. Mas hirap na hirap ako sayo. Maka bawal ka akala mo tatay kita. Bodyguard lang kita pero kung makaasta ka akala mo boyfriend kita kung pagbawalan mo akong lumapit sa ibang lalaki. Uy. Like lang kita pero mawawala din iyon. Nawala na nga ata." Sagot ko.
"Don't cursed." He hissed.
"Asensado na? Englishero na ang bodyguard ko!, ay oo nga pala, naging matalino dahil napag-aral ng Dad ko." Sagot ko
I saw a fury in his eyes. He's indeed mad at me.
"Pinoprotektahan lang kita, Ace. Habang nasa poder kita, walang dapat na manakit sayo. "
Gusto ko syang murahin at sigawan na sya mismo ang nanakit sakin.
"Kaya ba kinukulong mo ako?" Sagot ko.
"Alam mong hindi. Hinahayaan kita." He said
"Oo nga. Pero alam mong wala akong alam sa lugar mo kaya komportable kang hindi ako aalis. Mabuti pa si Diego, nailibot ako sa lugar nyo. Mabuti pa sya, hindi nakakasakal. Sana talaga sya nalang iyong nagustuhan ko ng mas maaga." I said in sarcastic
"Ang tigas ng ulo mo! Saka, pwede bang hwag mong isali si Diego sa usapan natin. Hindi sya dapat kasali rito." Angil nya.
"Bakit? Ano naman? Eh sa totoo naman na mas okay pa si Diego. No wonder kaya ka iniwan ni Ellie dahil mas maganda ang ugali ni Diego kumpara sayo." I answered.
I saw his eyes widened as he heard my words. I saw the pain in his eyes. Pinagsisihan ko agad. Kitang-kita ko kasi ang sakit sa mga mata nya.
"Siguro nga tama ka. I am not good as him kaya iniwan ako at pinagpalit. But believe me, he's not good for you." He said in almost a whisper.
"At sinong good ikaw? Bakit ayaw mo akong sumama sakanya? Dahil baka agawin nya rin ako sayo?!, ay mali.. hindi pala ako aagawin dahil hindi mo naman ako tinanggap sayo." Naiinis kong sagot.
This is it. I hate myself already. Nararamdaman ko na kasi ang namumuong luha saking mga mata.
"I told you, hindi mo ako dapat nagustuhan. Nagustuhan mo lang ako dahil naging maalaga ako sayo. Yun lang. " he said
No hindi lang iyon.
"Tama ka. Pero alam kong the moment that Diego step in my world, alam kong mas magugustuhan ko sya kung mas una ko syang nakilala kaysa sayo. " sagot ko.
"Kahit sino, Ace. Wag lang si Diego." He said in almost plea.
"You can't tell me what to do, Ram. You're just a bodyguard, who supposed to be my guard pero hindi, you became my greatest pain." Sagot ko
Ramdam ko kasi ang sakit. Parang mas masakit pa sa hiwalayan namin ni Crein. Ang sakit palang mareject? All along ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng mareject ng taong ginusto mong mahalin. Ang sakit pala.
"I'm sorry." He apology
"Apology accepted, Ram. But please do me a lifetime favor.. " I said in awe
"A-ano?" He ask
"Wag mo na akong kausapin o pangunahan pa. Wag mo akong pansinin hanggang hindi kita kinakausap. Be my bodyguard, iyong walang ibang ginagawa kundi bantayan ako, iyong hindi nanghihimasok sa buhay ng iba. Just please, stay as my bodyguard so that I can guard my heart from you. " I said.
I saw him stop. His eyes was full of emotions..
"Acelle." He called my name in a husky voice
Naiiyak ako. Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko.
Tumayo ako at pumasok na sa kwarto. I left him there.
Pagkapasok, ay bumuhos ang luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan. Ang sakit sakit.
Is that it? Ganito ba ang buhay ko? Palagi nalang ba akong iiyak? Bakit ganoon? Bakit lahat tinatalikuran ako? Akala ko meron akong sya.. pero walangya pala! Wala rin. Ako lang pala ang meron ako.. at sobrang sakit palang isipin na mayroong taong kaya kang tiisin.
Nahiga ako sa kama at isinubsob ang mukha sa unan... tears can't escape on my eyes because it was constantly falling...
It takes me an hour to calm until theres no tears left. I feel drained and weak.
Nakarinig ako ng katok sa pinto. Ayokong buksan, pero sa huli ay binuksan ko iyon and Ram showed up. I could see his red eyes. Does he also cry? I stop myself from assuming things dahil nasasaktan lang ako after kong mag-assume.
He gave me my phone. Tapos ay umalis na din sya. I closed my door and open my phone. Theres a messages from Diego and Jonas
Jonas:
Haven't deciding yet, pretty Ace.
Diego:
Di na nagreply? Haha
Diego:
Hey there lady, what's happening there?! Kidding, you probably asleep haha.
Diego:
Anyway, If you want and feel bored as you say so on the call.. I can bring you in some beautiful places here. Next time we can do a hiking :)
I wanna smile on Diego's care and attention..
Pero hindi ang message nila ni Jonas ang nagpakunot ng noo ko kundi ang message nila ni Jonas ay marked as read na bago pa ibigay sakin ni Ram
Meaning,.. Ram read all of those messages...
And it gives me a false hope.. and I'm sure, It'll ruin me once again.
📯