-Harry's POV-
As my eyes survey the breakfast food spread across the counter, I realize I may have overdone it a bit.
Bacon, eggs, toast, sausage, hash browns, pancakes, and biscuits all sit on their respective plates. I shake my head at myself, having cooked enough for a small army when there's only two of us. Well, a small army or Niall on an empty stomach.
I started out just making pancakes, but with how anxious I am I just couldn't stop. My hands needed to keep busy and distract my mind from what happened last night.
Sadly they did a piss poor job of it.
I understand why she pushed me away, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. Probably more, being I know it was well deserved.
I know I should of told her, brought it up to her myself at some point. And I'd like to blame it on just not wanting to hurt her, but I can't.
I knew it would push her away, how could it not? The thought of what I did turns my stomach. Not just the sleeping around, but also the drinking. All of it a poor attempt to.. Bloody hell I don't even know what I was trying to do. Be happy? Feel something? Feel nothing? Forget? Maybe the whole lot of it, maybe none of it at all.
That's how fucked up it was... I was. Still am apparently. First thing I did when Ava left was grab a bottle of gin out of the cubbard, once again turning to drinking. Something I knew from experience wouldn't help in the least. But still I did it anyway, emptied every bottle in the flat.
I still don't understand how she could still want to be with me. Not after the person I had become. But I'm selfish enough to take whatever I can get, and try to become a better person to deserve it.
A door closing upstairs snaps me out of my thoughts, Ava's small frame soon appearing in the doorway.
"We having company?"
"No..." I nervously chuckle, "Um... Got a bit carried away seems like."
"Well good thing I'm starving then."
She gives me a small smile as she pulls a couple plates out of the cubbard, handing me one before loading her's up with food.
We sit across from each other as we eat, silent as we stare down at our plates.
By the time I've finished my second piece of toast, the silence is unbearable.
"I'm sorry... about last night. Shouldn't of done that. I just... I want to be close to you. Not just physically but I... I'm sorry."
"It's okay." She replies, not looking up from her plate.
"No, it's not. I've always been rubbish at going slow with you.... I think.. Dunno.... I need some ground rules or something. Don't know what you want from me."
"I just want to take things slowly."
"But what does the even mean?" I question.
Ava looks up from her plate, her eyes finally meeting mine.
"I don't want to fuck this up more than I already have." I sigh, "We're not engaged anymore, and you're... You're moving your stuff out when we get back to L.A.?"
She nods, "Yeah."
My heart drops. I had somehow hoped she had changed her mind about that.
"I have a spare room... Maybe you could just stay in there for a bit? I won't try anything again, I swear it. Just please think about it yeah?"
"Okay.." She nods slowly, "I'll decide by the time I get back to L.A."
"Alright. Speaking of L.A., I've got the album release in a few days. Doing a show in Orlando, then a few interviews the following day. Means I have to fly back in the morning. Will you... I would like for you to come with me."
"I can't. I actually have a meeting tomorrow in Paris. Settling the sale of a few small businesses my grandmother had there."
"Didn't know she owned any."
"Just a small boutique and a coffee shop is all. Was her hobby I guess. Decided to go ahead and get it done while I was here."
"Well... Will you meet me in L.A. the following day then?"
"I'll think about it, I was planning on staying here for a while. Have never had the chance to get over here before this week." She looks down at her plate, pushing around her eggs with her fork.
"It's freezing out. You hate the cold." I point out, a bit put out I may not be seeing her for a bit.
"I do, but I just..."
"Thought you could avoid me by staying here?" I cut her off.
"I wanted to see you Harry."
"Yeah, you wanted me to follow you... but you didn't want me to stay did you?"
"That's not true."
"You knew about the album release, you knew I would have to be back in the states."
"Yes, but..."
"Av, how am I supposed to fix this if we're not together? I've only a few more months before the tour starts and plenty of things between then and now. We haven't much time and I've got to make this right between us. I understand why you're hurt and upset with me... but please... don't push me away."
"I'm not." She shakes her head, "I just know if we're together then things won't go slowly. And we need that right now."
"That's not true."
"Harry if you would have followed me last night, I probably would of ended up having sex with you." She says quickly, her cheeks flushing pink.
"Maybe... Maybe that doesn't mean we should be apart. Maybe it means you're trying to take to many steps back."
"Of course you would say that." She stands up, setting her plate in the sink.
I jump up, grabbing her arm softly so she's facing me.
"Av, stop. I'm not just saying that cause I want to have sex. We both know it's so much more than that between us. Makes us feel closer, connected.... It's not just physical... It's... Fuck I'm wretched at explaining this. I just want you with me alright? I want to hold you when you fall asleep and wake up next to you in the morning. I want to kiss you. I want to spend every free minute I have with you. I want to make love to you. I want all of it. I know I don't deserve it... but I want it. I want you. I just... Taking things slowly doesn't mean we have to go back to square one does it? Doesn't mean you have to move out. I get not wanting to be with me physically right now, I do. And I would make sure nothing happened till you're ready. Just maybe... Dunno. Maybe it just means we need to just be, together. Nothing more, nothing less."
She looks into my eyes, glancing between them as she thinks.
"Did I make any bloody sense at all?" I ask, knowing I rambled on for far to long, saying anything and everything that popped into my head.
"Yes." She gives me a small smile and it nearly knocks me off my feet. I've felt horrible for days, yet one genuine smile from her and I'm on top of the world.
"Just do me a favor yeah? Think about it. You agree with me, meet me in L.A. in three days."
"Alright...." She sighs, looking down at her feet. "....And if I don't?"
"Then... Just decide exactly how we are going to do this so I can start mending it. Deal?" I grin at her, the thought of her considering it alone lifting my mood.
"Okay. Deal."
I pull her into a hug, wrapping my arms around her small shoulders. I breath out a sigh of relief when her arms move around my waist, hugging me back.
The next twenty four hours went by far to quickly and before I know it, there's a cab waiting outside to take me to the airport.
The talk we had yesterday morning was just what we needed to clear the air, leaving the rest of the day to do exactly what I wanted. We didn't go anywhere or do anything special. We laid on the couch watching old movies on the telly. It was brilliant.
I admit, I only lasted about twenty minutes sitting on the opposite side of couch. I hesitated before pulling Av over to me, wrapping us up in a blanket together.
She didn't resist in the least, leaning into me and resting her head on my chest. I bloody loved it.
We laughed as we attempted to make a classic French dinner, failing miserably as I interrupted directions wrong and Ava knocked various ingredients on the floor.
The night ended with a kiss, one I had been looking forward to all day. It was short, being I ended it when it become heated. Which for me, happens about three seconds after our lips touch.
Now, standing at her door ready to leave with my bag on my arm... I feel panicked. I can't help it.
"So I'll see you soon yeah?" I ask, hoping for some clue she will be showing up in L.A. in a few days.
"Soon enough." She smirks at me, knowing exactly what I'm doing.
"Alright. Playing coy I see."
"I try. Call me when you land?" She takes my free hand in hers, squeezing it.
"Course Av." I smile, "I love you."
"Love you too."
I let go of her hand, placing mine on her cheek and pulling her towards me. I grin as she places her hands on my chest.
Her lips, as always, are soft and warm and perfect. I can't help but deepen it, and as her hands grip my shirt I know she feels the same magnetic pull I do. It's undeniable.
"Cabs honking." Ava smiles against my lips as I peck her over and over.
"Right. Bloody wanker." I chuckle, giving her one last kiss.
Another twenty some hour flight later I'm landing in Orlando, more than ready for our album release show.
Thankfully the day was busy enough, Liam and I were never caught in an awkward quiet moment. I've no idea what to say to him about what happened. I can tell by the looks he gives me he feels awful about what he did. I'm ashamed myself of how I acted that day, but I'm not ready to talk about it. Not yet.
The show was a smash, even though Zayn wasn't able to join us. Ava texted me she was watching on the net and wished us good luck, making my day.
Now as we're sitting in the dressing room, waiting to be interviewed by Ellen, my nerves are a mess.
I've no idea if Ava is headed back to L.A. or not.
I can't wait to get home, hoping she's there waiting for me.
My phone dings and my heart falls when I see the screen.
1 New Text Message.
Av 💛🍌
~Know you are going on soon. Just wanted to wish you luck. I'll be watching. ;)
I lock my phone, not even bothering to text back. If she was coming, she would be on a flight right now.
Unable to text.
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