Ain't never felt this way
Can't get enough so stay with me
— ILYSB by Lany
I paced around Gray's room in boredom, waiting for him to finish his shower. To say he was neater than me was an understatement. I had never been so embarrassed with my dorm room situation before, seeing how well-arranged and tidy everything was in his room. There was nothing that said misplaced.
I scanned his bookshelf that was stacked to the brim with a wide variety of books, admiring how he arranged them alphabetically by the author.
My eyebrow arched when I spotted a pink notebook, and I pulled it off the shelf. The sight of tiny white hearts with glitter words, Dear Diary, greeted me, and I would've laughed my ass off, thinking that Gray had one of these. But a part of me was feeling sentimental, and it fed the urge to see what was written inside.
I went through the pages, the confusion and intrigue settling in when I realized it was just filled with nonsense scribbles. I flipped through more until one page fully caught my attention.
Written in messy handwriting were words in Korean.
나는 구구 오빠 그리고 그의 아버지와 함께 한국에 간다. 좋은 휴가가 될거야.
It translated to: I'm going to South Korea with brother Gugu and his father. It's going to be a nice vacation.
It was evident from the handwriting that a child wrote this, but it was the whole Korean thing that piqued my curiosity. I didn't know Gray could speak and write in Hangul when he was younger, making no sense since he grew up between here and London.
I scanned through more pages, this time searching mindlessly for something I didn't know specifically.
I stopped at a picture that was taped to the page, grainy with faded colors. It was of a little boy and girl holding hands. The little girl was wearing a lacy dress with a big ribbon on the front, and the little boy who beamed at the camera wore a tuxedo, his hair gelled perfectly into the right places. It seemed like a regular picture, but the only unusual thing was the little girl's face that looked intentionally scratched off.
I brought the notebook closer to my face, keeping my eyes trained on the little boy. "Gray?" I muttered to myself.
"What do you think you're doing?"
I sucked in a breath, slamming the notebook shut as I spun around to look at Gray, a blush creeping up my cheeks. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants with a towel draping over his shoulder.
"N-nothing in particular," I stammered, hiding the notebook behind me as if it would make me look any less suspicious.
He started towards me, and my grip on the notebook tightened. I glanced away from him as he reached behind me to grab the pink notebook.
"Please don't touch this. It isn't mine," he said, returning the notebook to the shelf.
I hung my head in embarrassment. "I'm sorry."
"It's no problem," he assured me, lifting my chin with his finger.
I pressed both my hands to his chest, feeling his damp, cool skin beneath my palms as he dipped his head lower until his minty breath fanned against my lips. My eyes fluttered closed in anticipation, my chest on fire as I waited for his lips to connect with mine and add fuel to the flames.
"Gray," I said breathlessly.
"You look so damn distracting in that dress, Shortcake."
I blushed. "Victoria made me wear it."
"And let me guess," he smirked, sounding smug. "It's for me."
A sudden knock at the door made me jump back. I nearly lost my balance if not for Gray, who swiftly circled his arms around my body. He steadied me and stepped back with a stupid smirk just as another knock sounded.
"Coming!" I shouted as Gray walked over to his dresser, his muscled arms flexing naturally as he combed his fingers through his damp hair.
Gray was muscular and perfectly ripped on every edge. His stomach was carved with a gorgeous six-pack, and the sweatpants hanging low on his torso gave a glimpse of the fine hair that trailed down his abdomen and disappeared. He also had the cutest back dimples.
I bit my inner cheeks.
It wasn't sweatpants season, but you gotta love men wearing them.
Shaking my head, I threw myself across the room to answer the door. Victoria's concerned face greeted me, her lips parting slightly just as her eyes moved behind me. I glanced over my shoulder, my cheeks flushing when I realized she was looking at Gray putting on a hoodie.
"It's not what you think," I scolded in a whisper.
She giggled. "Everyone left, and the boys are cleaning up. Liam ordered some pizza too, since we're all hungry. I'll have a box brought up once it arrives."
"Thanks, Vee. Love you."
"Love you too."
After shutting the door, I flopped down on Gray's bed, watching as he pulled out a first aid kit from one of his drawers. He handed it to me just as someone called for him outside, and he answered the door while I rummaged through the container, looking for the roller bandage.
"As per your request, madame," Gray said, handing me the gel pack.
I took it from him and instantly cringed at its extreme coldness. Chuckling at my horrified expression, he sat on the bed in front of me with his legs crossed, holding out his bruised hand. Gently, I pressed the cold compress on his knuckles.
"So, what do you want to know?" he asked.
"I want to know why you made that hierarchy back in middle school."
"I needed a good reason to hurt people," he answered, the directness in his answer making me look at him.
"And?" I persisted.
"I wanted to vent out the pain I was feeling inside, and the people who were at the lowest of the low were an easier target since they wouldn't find the courage to stand up for themselves in front of people like me."
I placed the cold compress down on the bed, took the roller bandage, and started wrapping Gray's hand.
In Girl's Scouts, they taught us how to wrap a tourniquet on an injured person. We used a dummy for that exercise. I remembered trying to picture a real-life scenario where I would need to use this specific knowledge. At that time, it sounded like the most useless thing I could ever learn, especially since I knew I wasn't going into the field of medication. But it turned out to be useful after all.
"Any opinions on the matter?" Gray prompted.
"I think you did deserve what came your way." I secured the bandage, and he pulled his hand back and flexed his fingers. "Is it too tight?" I asked.
"It's perfect."
Nodding, I heaved a sigh. "But you were also hurting inside, and the only way you found to vent out that pain was inflicting it onto others. It goes against my morals, but I can't blame you for it. It's all over now, and you're aware that it was a mistake. All we have to do is move on and think of that past as a lesson for the coming days."
He smiled and took my hand in his, pressing a kiss on the inside of my wrist.
● ● ●
Gray offered me a tight nod, his eyes genuinely repentant. I had just asked if he did a background check on me.
Nodding, I bit into my fifth slice of pizza. Tucker brought it up to Gray's room earlier, barging on the door without knocking while yelling the lyrics to Good in Goodbye. When he saw our faces and realized what he interrupted — which probably looked like we were trying to summon spirits in the house — he placed the box down on the bed and dashed out of the room with a smirk.
"I'm sorry for invading your privacy," said Gray, pulling me back from my train of thoughts. He seemed slightly distracted as well, and it made me wonder what he was thinking about.
"I guess that's why you weren't shocked by what Scarlet said that night." I studied his face intently. "So you know that my mom owns a small shop in New York?"
He nodded, closing the empty pizza box and throwing it down to the floor. There was something about it that didn't feel right.
He eyed me skeptically. "I'm surprised you're not angry with me."
"Do I have a reason to be?"
"A lot, actually." He frowned, the agitation unmistakable in his voice. "Firstly, I did a background check on you without your permission."
"You're not supposed to ask for my permission, and I really don't care. As far as I'm concerned, you haven't used any of what you know against me."
He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "That day at the diner with your ex-boyfriend and his girlfriend wasn't a coincidence," he imparted hesitantly.
"I know," I shrugged dismissively. "I've known Olivia for years. There was something in the way she looked at me, so I asked her about it that night. She said Scarlet blackmailed them into coming. And how did you find out?"
"I thought it was too much of a coincidence, so I had my father's secretary look them up." He was scrutinizing my face, probably wondering if I was about to go into shock.
But I wasn't. This conversation only added to my growing curiosity.
My eyebrows furrowed. "Tell me what you know about Olivia and Travis."
"Both their families owed debts to The Lowell's," he said. "That's why it was easy to threaten them into coming here."
"That's all?" I scoffed in disbelief.
He smiled, but his eyes were impenetrable. "I didn't want to dive too deep. It already didn't sit well with me that I was invading your privacy."
I nodded again.
"You're not even a tad bit terrified or angry?" he questioned, and I shook my head. "Do you know why she sent them here?"
"Yeah," I replied quietly. "She wanted them to provoke me to get under your skin."
"So you understand why she did it," he enunciated each word like he was talking to someone who was mentally disabled.
"Oh, shush it," I huffed, rolling my eyes. "It's frustrating, but I still find it more interesting. Nobody has ever done a background check on me and tried to sabotage me."
Gray gaped at me, looking like he had just mentally facepalmed himself.
"It's not every day I feel this special," I chuckled lightly. "And that's why you have to stop blaming yourself for everything that she did."
His eyes turned severe. "Scarlet being in love with me is only an act. I realised it during high school, and I never told anyone about it. So please...please be careful."
I stared at him blankly for a couple of strained seconds, struggling to comprehend the sort of trouble I was in and wondering why he decided not to tell anyone. I didn't like the idea of it. Was she after his family's wealth? That could be it.
Finally, I smiled. "I promise."
Gray talked about his high school years, answering most of my questions and expertly avoiding those regarding the hierarchy itself. I was too caught up with what he had to share that the night passed without notice, and when I finally checked the time on my phone, it was already half-past two in the morning. I considered going back to the dorm, but his mattress was too inviting.
"You can stay," Gray said, running his fingers through my hair as he smiled his beautiful crooked smile that made me feel like a damn puddle. "I don't like the idea of you being alone," he confessed.
"I don't want to leave too."
He smirked, his eyes suddenly playful. "Can we remove the cockblocker this time? It was deemed useless the other time since you were the first to attack me in your sleep with your legs and arms."
"Attack? Really?"
"You snuggled up against me, Shortcake," he shrugged. "I mean, I know you find me irresistible. But I didn't think it would show in your sleep."
"Jerk!" I shouted, grasping one of his pillows and hitting him with it.
"You think I didn't know? I was still wide awake when you—"
"Shut up, shut up!" I exclaimed, attacking him mercilessly with the pillow as he laughed his ass off. "I hate you so much, Gray Stanford!" I growled.
"No, you don't."
I attempted to slam the pillow on his face when he caught it in mid-air. Smirking, he gave one strong pull, which caused me to fall forward and crash on his chest. His arms instantly wrapped around me, keeping me prisoner.
"Let me go!" I squirmed in his grip.
"Never," he retorted, poking my sides.
I gasped from the sudden jolt that traveled through my body, my eyes widening. Gray chuckled sinisterly and poked my sides again, causing me to squirm in his arms.
"Omg—stop!" I shrieked.
He stopped but kept me locked in his arms. "Did you say something?"
"Yes, I said—bitch!" I squealed when he began tickling me again. I laughed aloud, snorting in between the giddy waves running down my spine. "Stop...Stop it!" I gasped.
He stopped tickling me, and I collapsed backward on the bed, wiping away the sweat that formed on my forehead.
"Fuck you," I exhaled heavily.
"I can lend you one of my shirts for the night," he offered, brushing his fingers through my hair. "I have some new boxers you can borrow too."
I smiled. "Thanks."
Gray climbed out of bed and walked over to his dresser, pulling a drawer open. I followed and watched him as he took out a fresh shirt and a pair of black boxers. He gave me a new toothbrush and showed me what soaps he had. His hair and face products were all specifically for men, so I settled with his lavender-scented shower gel.
After showering, I threw on his shirt and boxers, folding the waistband until it hung snuggly on my waist. Then I brushed my teeth and combed my fingers through my damp hair, smiling at the thought of wearing his clothes. I exited the bathroom, finding him on the bed with a book in hand.
"Finally," Gray groaned playfully, setting the book on his nightstand. His eyes roamed over my outfit and down to my bare legs, then he patted the space next to him. "Come here."
"I'm not putting out on day one," I joked, climbing under his thick duvet and sitting on the spot beside him.
"Do you want me to convince you?" His mouth lifted into a devilish smirk.
I crossed my arms over my chest and raised an eyebrow tauntingly. "Are you going to sweet talk me?" I snorted.
"No." He brushed his thumb across my bottom lip, causing me to drop my hands in surprise. "I'll start by kissing you on the lips," he said.
My mouth parted as I sucked in a breath, and his eyes darkened.
"Then I'll pepper kisses up your jawline to your earlobe, and I'll tug it between my teeth gently before kissing you on the neck," he detailed, trailing his fingers across my skin as he spoke. He pressed his thumb on my collarbone and added, "I'll kiss you here. And here too." He tapped my shoulder. "I want to feel every inch of your skin on my lips."
We gazed at each other quietly, the tension between us heightening at a whole different level. His legs grazed against mine, causing heat to pool between my legs, and I curled my toes, fighting not to clench my thighs together.
Smiling, he kissed my forehead. "But I'll save that for another day."
"Another..." I exhaled. "Okay."
Reaching across to the nightstand, he switched off the lights. He slipped under the covers and pulled me down with him, drawing out a laugh from my lips. He wrapped his arms protectively around my waist, and I laid my head on his chest.
"Good night, Shortcake," he whispered, pressing a kiss to my temple.
I stared far into the distance for a few minutes as Gray rubbed my back soothingly. Overwhelmed with fatigue, I let out a long breath.
"I get nightmares," I muttered so quietly that I wasn't sure if he heard me. But when his hand stopped moving, and his body went stiff, I knew that he did. "I started getting them almost a year ago, and it worsened after coming here. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake until the morning." I swallowed hard. "And I'm seeing a therapist for it."
The silence that followed crept on my skin, and I wondered what was going on inside his head. Was he judging me? Was he feeling weirded out by me? Did he still think I was perfect? What if he thought I was being petty?
"I have trouble falling asleep." His confession halted my thoughts immediately, and I pushed myself up to look at him. He stared up at me with an impassive look. "I tried fixing it with therapists, hypnosis, and medication, but none of it worked. I doubt I will ever get better."
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked quietly.
"Let's save it for another day." He smiled and pulled me back down.
Sighing, I rested my head on his chest. "Are you going to stare at me all night then?" I joked, attempting to lighten up the mood.
"Maybe?" he joked back, then sighed deeply. "That night I showed up covered in bruises was the first time I fell asleep without a problem."
"I can be your sleeping buddy," I suggested, looking up at him with a cheeky grin.
Glancing down at me, he cocked an eyebrow and smirked. "Deal."