Dedication goes to Phanlocked for making me laugh with all the comments!
||Cole Wentz|| First Person||
My trembling fingers adjust the black strap of my Canon camera, pulling the strap over my head and letting the camera rest on my chest. I pick up the camera and scroll through the various pictures and videos on it, mainly of the bands and then the little vlogs of the others and me. I adjust the lens, checking if it was the right one, before sitting down and facing the camera in my direction. I pop the screen out and flip it to face me, letting me see if I am both centered, and that I look good.
We are at Superfly Ziplines, and we finished four of the six tandem Ziplines. The first two were like training basically, so you can get a feel for the 'revolutionary' breaking system. We are now getting ready for the fifth one, the extremely fast one as they call it. I was not excited at all, but going with Patrick on nearly each trip calmed me down enough to take pictures of the scenery and of my boyfriend having the time of his life. Almost our whole group was on the other side of the zip line already- the only people left being Andy and Dallon, Pete and Ryan, and me and Patrick.
I hit record, smiling weakly at the camera for a second. "So, we're at Superfly Ziplines right now. It apparently hosts one of the longest and highest ziplines in Canada, which is over maybe a kilometre or so. That's pretty long for a zip line, anyways." I say, glancing at Pete getting hooked up in his quite comfortable harness. He seems to be making jokes with one of the workers, a girl. She has dirty blonde hair, and at the right angle, I notice a blue tint to her eyes, a bright contrast to her slightly pale skin. I smile slightly at how Pete's speaking with her, almost like he was infatuated with the girl.
"So, we're on our fifth line. This one is basically really steep but not longer than the others. It's incredibly fast, so I'm probably going to be covering my eyes on it." I laugh, running my hands through my hair. I glance at the screen, double checking if I am still centered. "And I think Pete's got a little crush." I flip the screen and turn the camera in Pete's direction, watching him nervously rub the back of his neck as the girl speaks. Now that I think about it, she seems quite familiar. Pete catches me video taping him and very kindly flips his middle finger up at me. I return the gesture with a smirk. The girl looks in my direction, and my eyes nearly bug out. I recognize the girl immediately- how could I not? Chelsea Evans- our old neighbour and Pete's old crush. I internally squeal but externally, I only smile at her, waving. She smiles back widely and waves, probably saying my name. I flip the screen to my Canon again, turning it back to face me.
"So, Pete's an assbutt, no questions further needed." I say. "Oooh, Andy and Dallon are going!" I turn my camera to face the two, watching as they practically soar down the line, screaming at the top of their lungs(lungs, lungs).
"You're going to kill the battery before you even get to the Treetop Adventures." Patrick says, sitting down next to me on the ground. I grin as he takes the camera from me and says hi to the future viewers, rambling about how I'm an irresponsible cutey. Needless to say, I was freaking cherry red the whole time he spoke.
"That's why there's such thing as packing extra Canon batteries just in case I can't charge them." I sass him, popping the screen back into place and hitting stop. My camera doesn't even land on my chest before Patrick is leaning closer to me, his lips brushing my ear the slightest bit. I inhale shakily at the feel of him so close.
"Don't look now, but Elisa is here." Patrick tells me, forcing a smile as he pulls back. I nod, accepting the information better than I thought I would.
"Great opportunity for me to kill her." I joke, making Patrick genuinely laugh. He leans forward and presses his lips to my own, his hand resting behind my neck, giving him all control of the kiss. I smile against his lips, earning a similar response to him.
"You're going to get yourself killed one day from your sass." Patrick tells me, making me grin.
"Same goes for you, Mr. Stump." I smile, ruffling the back of my hair as Pete is forced to leave Chelsea to go for the next run with Ryan. He of course doesn't leave without taking her number, and I can see the girl freaking out when he leaves her. I smile, thinking about how Pete was so happy talking to her.
"Shit, she's watching us." Patrick says to me, but all I do is smirk. Elisa Yao really has no life, does she?
"Then let's give her something to watch." I say, wrapping my arms around his frame and pulling him into another kiss. I can feel Patrick's nerves, mainly because his face was redder than ever. I laugh against his mouth, noticing Elisa's killer glare from a couple of meters away. A couple of seconds later, she turns on her heel and tries to ignore us. I pull back from Patrick, giggling when I see how much he's blushing.
"Next six!" Chelsea calls out. Patrick and I stand up in non rehearsed synchronization. He takes my cold hand into his warm one, sharing the feel of his own comfort with me. I can't help but smile when Patrick offers to tie my hair into a ponytail. After that, we walk over to her as some more workers begin to harness up our pair, and the other two pairs behind us. Patrick is going on to me about how this one is going to be terrifying and all as a worker begins to fumble with his harness. When the same worker finally clips Patrick on to the zip line, last second, someone pushes me backwards. It happens in slow motion. I fall to the ground, my vision shaking and tilting violently as I watch in horror as Elisa Yao takes my place and my spot, hooking herself up to the zip line. Patrick wants to go back- I can tell by the way he's looking for me and panicking when he doesn't see me next to him, but Elisa Yao. But the workers are pushing them forward, not sensing anything wrong, making them fly down the track. I had no time to be able to focus on ripping Elisa's throat out because there was a much bigger problem on hand. All I know is that I need to get to Patrick and Pete. Our whole group was already at the other side of the course, and I was supposed to follow Patrick for safety purposes. I almost panic without anyone familiar to fall back on, except for Chelsea.
"Chelsea," I push myself up to my feet, grabbing her hand and glancing at Patrick and Elisa getting smaller and smaller. So help me God, when I get my hands on her- "Can I go next?"
"Sure," she smiles at me, explaining in her tour guide voice to everyone about how fast the track is and how amazing this place is. She takes my hand, noticing how terrified I was. I can't help but remember when I was a kid, and Mom and Dad would leave Pete and Chelsea to watch me while they were gone. She was like my sister, until she moved away because of a job transfer to Canada. Chelsea hooks me up to the zip line, about to send me on my own, but then a guy is asking a worker to hook him up next to me. Crap, crap, crap. Not him.
"Hey, babe." He smiles at me, winking his right eye in that sickening way before we're being pushed forward. I scream involuntarily, unsure of if the scream was because of the speed or because I'm zip lining with Derek Skinner. I try to focus on not looking at him, but the lines are so close, and he's in arms length. God, I'm terrified.
"Why don't you leave me alone?" I shout at him, the wind rushing in my face at such a high speed. I barely hear him laugh, but I hear his voice like knives through butter. I would always hear his voice, because his voice is what haunts me, day and night.
"Why would I, Little Miss Cole? You're too precious to let go." He smirks, but by that time, we're nearing the end of the course. I thank God for the revolutionary breaking pad I was mocking earlier before because of how pretentious and self absorbed it sounded, but it really was astounding. The second I'm unclipped steadily from the zip line, I'm taking off in a sprint, channeling all the times I came in last place during the Cross Country Unit in High School because I didn't want to try. I couldn't just try now- I had to put in a shit ton of effort.
"Cole," Derek shouts after me, annoyance clear in his voice as he chases after me. I don't dare look behind me as I break through the crowds of people, searching frantically for someone familiar. I stop in the middle of the crowd, looking for my brother, but all I can see is a Joe Trohman on his phone. I grin when I see the curly haired guitarist, breaking out into a run all over again in hopes of getting to him in time.
But Joe is too far away.
"You're funny," Derek says, tackling me to the grass. His arms wrap around my waist as we hit the ground hard, and I try to push him off of me, but he's too heavy. "You always act like you can get away from me. You couldn't before when I drugged you, and you still can't when you're sober."
"I wouldn't need to get away from you if you would leave me the hell alone." I growl angrily at Derek, trying to slip my arms out from underneath us. He laughs, trying to pin my shoulders down with his weight.
"Stop running from your fate, Colby." Derek tells me, his voice leaving shivers behind to trail up my spine. "It's inevitable."
"What's my fate?" I growl. "Murdering a persistent asshole? Because if that's the case, my fate seems pretty damn likely." I say, pressing my finger nails into his cheek and clawing at his face. All I can think of are the crescents he left in my wrist and how I'm giving him some of my own. When his hands come up to his face, I bring up my knee and kick him, managing to get him off of me. I kick him again, this time in the ribs. I check my camera for any scratches, but what I see is laughable. I hit Record when I was getting suited up, meaning everything that happened was on video- specifically when he chased me and physically assaulted me.
"Colby, I swear to God-" I don't wait a second to hear what he has to say before I'm taking off in Joe's direction, practically launching myself into his arms and holding onto him for dear life. Joe is confused, but he doesn't hesitate to hug me back and keep me close.
"Where's Patrick?" Joe asks me, completely oblivious to what's just happened meters upon meters away from him. I shake my head, saying I don't know. But still, I tell him what I do know.
"Patrick got hooked up and then someone pushed me back and Elisa took my place. I went next, but Derek was there and he chased me here and tackled me and I got away and I'm so scared and where's Pete?" I let out in a long breath, never letting my grip on him cease the slightest bit. Joe doesn't react to that other than keeping me close to him. Thank gosh that Joe is here, because I think I'd die of an anxiety attack before Derek could kill me himself.
"We're going to call Pete right now. Patrick is with Elisa, right? He can fight for himself, but if Derek is here, you're in danger." Joe says calmly, pulling out his phone cautiously and thanking God that there was a signal here. I tune out their conversation, searching the crowd with frantic eyes for Derek. I see him and his blue T-shirt, looking around for me in clear annoyance. I make myself smaller, if humanly possible, and pull my hood up over my head so he doesn't see me with Joe. I would hate myself if anything were to happen to Joe because of me. I'm to preoccupied in getting by unnoticed by Derek that I don't realize Joe's grip has ceased and my brother's has begun. I bury my face into his shoulder and don't dare let myself cry as our whole group finally gets to us. We were all so unsure of what to do.
"If I see the fucker, his head and his body will be two separate things." Pete promises me, rubbing slow circles into my back. I breathe slowly, focusing on calming myself down before I even attempt to speak to anyone.
"I love you, Pete." I tell him, and all he does is smile, kiss my forehead, and return the saying.
"Patrick is fine, he's here." Taylor says as Patrick runs over to me and Pete, joining the hug in this strange ass group thing. I laugh regardlessly and hold onto the two of them.
I hope Elisa Yao will be fine with no throat.
--
Later that night, we're back at the hotel, Patrick over in Pete's room to talk to him. Everyone had fun today, minus the factor of the slight interruption from Elisa and Derek. We went to Treetop Adventures still and had a lot of fun doing the safety harnessed obstacle courses. But even after I forgot about what happened hours ago during that time of distraction, I'm remembering it all now in the isolation of the hotel room.
I felt useless. I felt weak. And most of all?
I felt easy.
I couldn't ever defend myself. Derek was right- I'm always running away. I never face the music when it's dire, and then when I'm forced to, I break down. Why does everyone stay by me? Why does everyone deal with me and my uselessness? I'm no good to anyone. I just cause them more trouble than what they bargained for.
I needed air, but I didn't want to leave. I let my trembling fingers dig under the window's latch. I unlock it and shakily pull it up, inhaling the fresh night air.
And then the voice came back. The same voice that used to attack me weeks ago. It slithers into my head, a faint whisper that makes me want to puke, but gives me so much comfort at the same time.
Jump.
Do it.
You'll be doing them a favour.
I couldn't be by myself when these thoughts came, I had that much sense about it. But at the same time, I felt so safe and vulnerable at the same time. How easy it could be to live in an eternal void of darkness. How easy it could be to swing my legs over the window sill and throw myself off. How easy it could be to not worry about the world of the living any longer.
Easy.
But I couldn't.
I reach up and slam the window down, working the latch into a locked position because I knew what would happen if I left it unlocked. I needed someone here with me, but at the same time, I wanted to be alone. By myself.
Patrick has a razor.
I cross over to the bathroom, my hand resting on the cool doorknob and twisting. I push the door open and walk into the cleanliness, knowing that it would all change. I pull up the tap to the bathtub, plugging the drain so the water would fill up. After that, I throw open the cabinet and search for something sharp- anything that would do the job. And then Patrick's razor.
I pop the shaving product open, pulling the blade out easily. I put his razor back into the cabinet, closing the door to it and putting it on the counter like it would break. I sit on the toilet seat lid, watching for what feels like eternity as the clear substance begins to rise higher and higher. I watch the ripples of the water and think about how pure it is right now.
Everything you're not, all because of Derek.
I slam the tap off, the pipes making a creaking sound by the violent gesture. I grab the blade and put one foot into the tub, and then the other. I sit in the scalding hot water in my pajamas, feeling all the more uncomfortable because of the wet fabric. I look at my wrist, the closed slits just taunting me.
I was weak to stop.
I put the blade to my left arm, pulling three deep lines across them, and then doing the same for my right wrist. I drop the blade onto the bathroom floor and lean into the water, closing my eyes.
All I feel is pain.
When I open my eyes again, the water is red. Tainted and impure. Finally. And then this time, I feel nothing but my breathing coming out slowly and laboured. I feel my heart pounding heavily in my chest, like it was struggling to pump the blood releasing from my wrists.
Laughing like it works
Bleeding like it don't hurt
Knock you off your feet
Even if you need me
I'm tearing you apart
And I hate how I need you.
-/::\-
I swear to you guys right now that the next few chapters will be better! Anyways, so you know how I plan to end this book at maybe fifty or sixty chapters(i write short chapters so don't worry)? So basically, I know I said that some of the entries that didn't win would be mentioned subtly? I don't know if I can do that because of how this book is going to go from here. I'm so sorry if I can't, but the entries that did win will be in here. This book is going to be definitely more action filled and exciting from here on out. There won't be a lot of small moments where the characters just do nothing to fill in the space because a lot of shit is going down from here on out xD Also, if I was to write the sequel, I'm worried about what it'd be about and everything. I still have to work out those details so bear with me. anyways, thank you for reading and don't forget to vote, comment, and spread this book like wildfire! It's number THREE ON THE FALL OUT BOY LIST LIKE HOLY CRAP THANK YOU!
-Stay Classy, Young Volcanoes
•LeaveNoWordsUnspoken