Dead tried to hold back his frustration, knowing that today was already going to be stressful enough as it was, but at the same time he wanted to be alone with her. They hadn't gotten many chances to be by themselves with her working and him trying to write more songs to please Euronymous. He almost hated the guitarist for making him work so hard when the tour was still months away, but it was good for the band to get more exposure.
Looking down into her eyes, Dead placed a chaste kiss on her lips before helping her off the desk as Hellhammer continued to call for them.
"We're coming!" hollered Dead, opening the door with a scowl.
"Hurry up or we're gonna be late!" Hellhammer scolded.
Vanessa sighed, shaking her head as she took Dead's hand in an attempt to calm him. She knew how frustrated he was, how busy Euronymous was keeping him, and knew that she had been putting in longer hours at work; but it was almost entirely her fault. After her discussion with Euronymous he had become even more eager to begin his out of country tour. The extra hours she had been putting in would no doubt help with expenses for the shows, travel, and if everything worked out the way she had planned, she would be able to give Dead exactly what he wanted.
A part of her was racked with guilt. He had been trying to push her to go to the courthouse with him to sign the marriage papers, her new forged documents had been finished two days ago, yet she had to keep pushing it off. Every part of her wanted to run and sign the papers the moment he had the new documents in his hand, and every time it killed her to put it off when it was brought up. Eventually he would figure it all out, why she had to keep saying no right now, but until then she would just have to hope he didn't give up on their relationship.
As they reached the living room, Vanessa couldn't help but smirk at the sight of Melanie holding tightly to Hellhammer's hand.
About damn time.
"You two ready?" exclaimed Melanie, a bright smile plastered across her face.
Dead nodded. "Let's get this over with."
Melanie pouted. "Aren't you excited, Pelle?"
Vanessa shook her head. "We both think a baby wouldn't be a good idea right now. With everything going on and the band about to start touring it would just put everything to a screeching halt."
"I guess you're right. You two would have such cute kids though!"
"Oh, shut up," grumbled Dead as he pushed past the two.
Vanessa couldn't help but laugh at his reaction, noticing the tint of red that was creeping its way onto his usually pale cheeks. She knew the stress he was under; even she wanted this whole thing to be over with so they could go back to focusing on their relationship. Taking a glance behind her, she caught a glimpse of multiple travel papers thrown across the coffee table. Her heart jumped as her eyes landed on one specifically for Romania. So, Euronymous actually was going to help her.
Pushing the thoughts to the back of her mind for now, Vanessa followed Melanie and Hellhammer out the front door where Dead stood with his hand in his hair. She wanted so badly to help him, to tell him that everything was going to be okay, that there wasn't anything to worry about. Taking hold of his free hand, Dead looked down at her with a deep worry in his eyes.
"We need to go," she whispered.
Dead nodded, giving her hand a gentle squeeze as they walked over to the waiting truck. Hellhammer sat in the front seat with Melanie beside him, music blasting through the speakers as Bathory played. The familiar music helped calm him a little as he and Vanessa climbed into the back seat. Instinctively, he wrapped his arm over Vanessa's shoulder pulling her against his chest, his fingers running through her hair as Hellhammer pulled out of the driveway.
Keeping his voice just below a whisper, he turned to look at her. "Tell me something about your time."
Vanessa looked up curiously. "What do you want to know?"
Dead shrugged. "Anything. You don't ever talk about where you're from. What's it like?"
She paused, thinking long and hard about what to tell him. There were so many things that were different from this time. So much more violence in the world, children being murdered for no real reason while their parents stood by helplessly. A cruel world was all it had become and here she was trying to save him and bring him into it. Sure, there were a few decent changes in technology and transportation, but the bad seemed to always outweigh anything good.
Finally she settled to just talk about the few good things. "There's hardly any cassette players anymore. People put them on their phones and take them wherever they go without any cords attached. The only real changes are just technology and things like that. Cars all look newer and more high end, some even drive themselves. Maybe when we get home I'll charge my phone and let you play around with it and show you how it all works."
Dead listened as she continued to talk about the advances of the world, some of it things he had seen on television and other nothing like what he had thought. Part of him had expected cars to be flying at that point in time. He wanted to press further, to ask more questions about what things were like. Had all the fighting finally stopped? Would people like him finally be accepted without judgement?
You know the answer to that.
There was no way that peace had come to the world. People were bound to be just as cruel as they were now, there was no solution to human nature. The only real positive was that black metal was something people wanted more of; something that was going to finally grow into something bigger. But what if Mayhem didn't take off like she said it would?
What if our deaths are the only thing that will bring us success? If Euronymous and I live will Mayhem be the same?
The thought bothered him every time it ran through his mind. If he were to die, it would be the starting point of Mayhem's future and lead up to Varg murdering Euronymous. An electric shock ran through his body at the image of Varg. Something about him didn't seem right. The feeling whenever he was around was almost tense, like he was already plotting all of their deaths. Whatever his reason for killing Euronymous, Dead knew it was most likely well deserved.
He tried to focus on Vanessa as she talked happily to Melanie and Hellhammer, her voice sounding as though he were hearing a faint whisper from miles away. His eyes stared straight ahead yet focused on nothing as his mind began to think of everything and nothing at the exact same time.
Why won't she say yes anymore? She seemed so excited to get married before, now it's like she wants no part in it. What did I fuck up?
Trying his hardest to push the recurring thought from his mind, Dead couldn't help the response that came from inside.
What didn't you fuck up? That's a better question.
I don't think I've done anything. I've been trying...
But is it enough? Are you enough?
His heart sank deep into the depths of his stomach, suddenly feeling nauseous. Was he enough? Was anything he did really enough? Sure he had done his best for the band, writing songs when he was able to, but he hadn't been able to really spend much time with her anymore. She worked harder, longer hours, giving Euronymous almost every cent while putting the rest away in a small box she kept next to the bed. He had pretended not to notice the small box, acting as if he didn't see her put the money into it every week.
Maybe she's saving up to leave.
No. She promised she wouldn't leave me... not again.
Promises don't mean shit. You should know better.
There was no arguing with that. Dead had had more than one promise broken in his lifetime. People who he believed he could trust turning against him, those who didn't even know him leaving him on the bittersweet brink of death. Even his brother had broken his share of promises. Who was he to think that she would stay with him if she was unhappy? Granted, if she left him then he probably would end it all just to cope with the loss, but he wanted so badly to believe that she was different; that she would keep her promise. Clinging to the last remaining shred of hope he had left, he forced himself out of his head, focusing on the conversation she was having; something about a black dress she needed Melanie to help her with.
He smiled to himself as the image of a long black dress flashed through his mind once again. While normally it was the woman who often fantasized about her wedding day, Dead couldn't help the feeling he got whenever he imagined it all playing out. If she did marry him he would keep his promise of giving her a grand wedding ceremony. The more he thought about it, the more he pictured it being in front of a large audience at one of their shows. If they got as big as she said, it would be something to remember for sure. Having her walk down a long isle, everyone marveling at her as she made her way to a stage underneath a full moon just after he made the surprise announcement.
The crowd would cheer, watching as they said their vows to one another for the whole world to see. He would be in his corpse paint, standing before her as he married his beloved angel. A small chuckle escaped as he pictured a corpse marrying an angel, someone believed to be damned to a life of misery finally being happy for once in his life as he gave his soul away under a freezing moon.