⚠ Mentions of Suicide ⚠
Harry's POV
After talking to Ron and Mione for hours about "how I was", "how I survived Umbridge's attack", and how they survived, we finally settled down.
I only used quotes because I played dumb and told as little as possible.
They'd think I was going mad if I told them I was soul bounded to Draco and casually talking with Voldemort.
Especially if they knew I was getting the dark mark indirectly in a week.
Ron would kill me and Hermione would hide my body.
Anyways.
Hermione was now reading a book on muggle history, specifically the civil war- while Ron doodled a magical beast on a piece of parchment.
Something about a chimera...
I sat quietly on my bed playing with Hedwig who had came home with Ron and Hermione since I never got the chance to get all of my belongings from my room at Hogwarts.
"I missed you Hedwig."
She hooed softly, her bright golden eyes scanning over me before refocusing on the treat I was hiding in my palm.
She nudged my balled up hand with her beak before letting out a demanding hoot.
"What?"
She looked up at me again, her demand explicit.
"Hoo."
I couldn't resist smiling.
"Such a smart bird."
"Hoo."
"You."
"Hoooooo." She flapped her wings.
"Ok. Ok. Here."
I gave her the treat and she immediately refocused on grooming herself, occasionally ruffling her feathers as she settled down next to me.
A soft knock broke our focus on our tasks before Remus stepped in. "Dinner is ready."
I put Hedwig back in her cage before getting up.
Hermione and Ron put away their things before getting up as well.
We all followed him down to the dining room where Ginny and Mr. Weasely were settled while Mrs. Weasley started putting piping hot plates of food down on the table.
Sirius was sitting next to Moody, talking quietly before he noticed me.
He gestured to the empty seat next to him, smiling at me as I approached.
Remus sat on the other end with his lover, Tonks, and almost everyone else in the order- McGonagall, Dumbledore, Ron, and Hermione; included, found a seat around the magically extended table.
"Merlin's beard." Moody grunted. "Almost the whole damn order is here."
"Alastor!" Mrs. Weasley scowled.
He rolled his eye. "Pardon. Just act like you didn't hear it, miss."
Everyone chuckled as she shook her head before putting down the last plate.
"You didn't have to make a buffet, Molly. I'm sure some people wouldn't have minded eating their imagination for supper as well." Sirius smiled before taking a sip of pumpkin juice from his goblet.
Tonks shot him a glare and Remus frowned.
"Could you stop acting like a pregnant woman." She hissed.
"How would you know?" Sirius arched a brow. "Did he knock you up already?"
Minerva blinked. "What on earth has gotten into you three?"
"Bloody lovebirds." Moody grunted.
"How about we start this meeting?" Dumbledore spoke up before anyone could add to Moody's statement. "Let's talk and eat. Is that ok, Mrs. Weasley?"
She nodded. "Yes."
Everyone dished their plates up before Dumbledore settled down in his chair. "Now. For starters." He rubbed his beard. "I've gained some intel that the dark lord will be holding a small ceremony for new death eaters in a week."
"Already?" Hermione frowned.
Dumbledore raised a brow at her. "Pardon?"
"It's just....... There are so many students in the Slytherin house that are at risk of potentially being forced into recruitment due to familial associations." She frowned. "And I feel like it's unfair that they might be forced into that so soon." Hermione looked down at her lap. "I'd just hate for there to be a war in which we'd have to potentially kill our loved ones."
"Our loved ones-?" Dumbledore's eyebrows knitted themselves together.
Ron spoke up. "Hermione is dating Zabini and Harry is dating-"
"Excuse me." I cut him off. "My love life is fine, thank you very much."
"Yeah. Sure. We all know Malfoy is going to be a death eater Harry. Don't act stupid."
Remus blinked before turning to face me. "You're dating Malfoy's son?"
"No."
"You're a fucking liar." Ron snapped, catching everyone off guard.
"HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW RONALD!?!"
"THE TWO OF YOU HAVE BEEN ALL OVER EACH OTHER SINCE 2ND YEAR!"
"We were friends."
"That's not what you suggested at the yule ball."
"I thought you weren't trying to be an asshole anymore, Ronald." I rolled my eyes. "I'm as familiar with Malfoy as you were with Cedric-"
A bowl of hot mashed potatoes flew my way before it froze in midair.
"STOP IT. Both of you." McGonagall scowled before levitating the bowl back down. "Act like adults or you're going to bed without supper!"
I let out a growl of frustration.
"Fine. So you were friends. Really good friends." Ron muttered. "There."
"You being gay isn't a problem, Potter. Half of these idiots at this table are."
I ignored Moody. "..."
Sirius squeezed my shoulder and I relaxed a little.
"So you're close with Draco?" Dumbledore tilted his head.
I bit my tongue for a moment. "Our friendship isn't as good as it used to be."
"Mm."
Sirius noticed how tense I was and spoke up. "I saw in the newspaper today that a lot of people have been getting slaughtered in Azkaban."
Mrs. Weasley nodded in agreement. "I find it odd."
"It's probably Voldemort disposing of those he doesn't need." Dumbledore offered before refocusing on his food.
"Nonsense." Mr. Weasley frowned. "Voldemort doesn't dispose of capable soldiers, no matter how pathetic they may seem."
"Exactly." Remus nodded after swallowing a forkful of honey roasted turkey. "Peter made it up the ranks by betraying people and he's horrible."
"And by people, you mean my parents, yes?" I crossed my arms, as a wave of guilt crossed his face.
"Well... Yes... But not just them." He gestured to Sirius. "Several others met their demise as well. Whether it be death or imprisonment."
"So who do you think is killing those prisoners? Isn't it stupid to kill people who are already being punished for their crimes?"
"Well." Dumbledore hesitated. "It could be seen that way." He ate a piece of turkey. "Perhaps this person doesn't believe in redemption... Or perhaps they don't think the punishment fits the crime."
Everyone was silent for a moment as they thought about his suggestion.
"Azrael is our help from God."
"Azrael?" I furrowed my brows.
Sirius shrugged. "They call the killer, Azrael. The angel of death... The one who's killing all of those who were wicked enough to land themselves in Azkaban." He shoved some food into his mouth before slouching back with his goblet. "He even carved angel wings into the back of his victims."
Dumbledore ate a few green beans. "99% of the people in Azkaban won't live to see the end of their prison time anyways. I can't see why anyone would care about them being slaughtered at a time like this. If anything we should be grateful that Azrael is doing such a thing."
"But what if there are people in there... That are like Sirius?" Hermione arched a brow. "Wrongfully convicted...?"
Moody chewed on some food. "It isn't easy to land yourself in Azkaban, Miss Granger. Sirius was an extremely rare and unfortunate case."
"..."
"Once you're in. You're in. The place held Bellatrix Lestrange for yeaaarrss and the only reason that psychopath is out and about, is because someone got her out." He paused for a moment. "It's best we don't concern ourselves."
Mr. Weasley nodded in agreement. "Besides very few people are wrongfully convicted for their crimes."
"Define a few." I frowned.
"It's practically insignificant. Less than 1%."
"Out of how many-?" Ron asked.
"Look-" Mr. Weasley frowned.
"High and mighty, are we now?" Dumbledore frowned, putting down his fork with a loud clang.
Everyone fell silent.
"What exactly do you think we're going to do to Voldemort, Ron? Hermione? Harry... Potter?"
"..."
"We aren't going to put him in Azkaban. He won't go down like Grindlewald, either."
"..."
"He's going to die."
"And you think that's morally right?" I frowned.
His eyes widened in surprise. "Do you think Voldemort cared about what was morally correct WHEN HE KILLED YOUR PARENTS? DID YOU FORGET THAT HE TRIED TO KILL YOU?"
I flinched before the tension in the room became solid.
Ron looked at me with genuine sadness and Hermione had tears streaming down his face.
I got up and sighed. "I didn't forget. I just wish he had been successful." I muttered. "I wouldn't have to put up with any of this if I was dead."
Sirius got up and followed after me as I walked out of his home and headed down the street.
"He didn't mean that." He whispered as he walked next to me. "And I hope you didn't mean that either-"
"I'm not ashamed of wishing I was dead, Sirius."
"It's not that you should be ashamed- but genuinely wishing you were dead..." He stood in front of me. "Without you. I'm alone."
"..."
"I wish I could give myself up to bring at least one of your parents back. Merlin knows I would do anything to make you happy- but it pains me that you mask your pain so well..." He frowned. "You're just like me in so many ways and I wish you weren't."
"..." I looked down.
His breath fogged up in the icy air as he let out a shaky exhale. "I've contemplated it before."
"..."
"Ending it."
"..."
"Just going away. But. That was when I thought I had no one."
"..."
"Do you have at least one person who cannot live without you?"
"Yeah."
"Then don't talk like that. Don't give anyone the power to make you wish you were dead, yeah?"
I nodded as tears streamed down my face.
"Yeah."
"And even if that person dies. You have to find it in yourself to keep going..." He sighed. "...but having a reason helps."
I nodded again. "..."
"Good." Sirius pulled me in for a tight hug before exhaling. "How about some ice cream?"
"I'm not really hungry."
"Do you want to sleep in my room until most of the order leaves tonight?"
"If that's not too problematic."
He scoffed. "I'm a dog. I can sleep on the floor if need be."
At Midnight
I was sleeping peacefully in Sirius' bed until something covered my nose and mouth.
My eyes snapped open out of panic before the world got extremely heavy and dark.
When I woke up there were voices around me.
"Is he dead?"
"He was sleeping. A little spooked. So I put him under for a bit."
"You drugged a student?"
"He's fine. It was just a bit of moonlight pixie dust."
I blinked with a groan as my eyes slowly refocused to reveal Dumbledore and another old man.
"Ah! Harry. You're finally up!" He smiled. "I have someone for you to meet." He held out a glass. "Here. Have some water."
I winced at his voice before searching my mind out of pure panic.
Draco!?
Voldemort!?!
Nobody answered- as expected.
They were both probably busy trying to get everything together on their end.
I sighed.
"Who's this?" I ignored the glass. "And where am I?"
"This is Horace Slughorn. An old friend and colleague of mine." Dumbledore sighed before putting the glass down. "I apologize for the abrupt relocation."
"So instead of being a normal human being and letting me come here on my own, you kidnapped me."
"Your godfather...made things a little difficult." He grimaced. "But I promise I'll take you back once you've gathered your bearings."
Slughorn blinked. "Wait. Wait. Wait. This is Harry? Harry Potter?" He looked at me with wide eyes. "The legendary boy who lived?"
"Yes."
"Merlin's beard. You look just like your father... But your eyes-"
"Look like my mother's. Yes?"
"Exactly like hers." He smiled.
Dumbledore looked at Horace. "Do you mind if I run to the loo?"
"No. Not at all."
I watched Dumbledore leave before refocusing on Slughorn. "So you knew my parents?"
"Yes. More so your mother. Lily was an astounding student." He looked at a few frames sitting on a dresser. "She's right over there amongst some of my best students who became somebody great..."
He brought the picture of her over to me and I sniffled as a few tears ran down my face.
"H-Harry?"
"I never got to know her or my father."
"..."
I held the picture back out to him. "It must be nice having fond memories of them."
He looked at me with a guilty look. "..."
"Hey. Do you mind if I keep this?" Dumbledore raised a magazine. "I'd love to learn some new knitting patterns."
Slughorn blinked again. "Sure."
"Alright. Well. Come on Harry. Let's get you back to your Godfather before he does something stupid."
I frowned at his comment before getting up and following him to the front door.
"Wait- so that's it!?" Slughorn asked he walked after us.
Dumbledore shrugged. "Yeah. You don't want to work at Hogwarts and you won't give me what I want. So. This was a lovely visit." He smiled. "I hope you enjoyed meeting a student who would be in your class, if you so happened to change your mind."
I deadpanned when I realized what Dumbledore was doing.
We walked out of Slughorn's house and headed towards the street before his front door swung open.
"ALRIGHT. I'LL DO IT. I'll teach at Hogwarts. BUT I WANT A RAISE! These are dark and dangerous times!"
"Alright Horace. See you there."
The old man slammed the door.
"I truly am sorry for the way I said things earlier, Harry."
"You meant them exactly how you said them." I shrugged. "I can't hate an honest man."
He stared at me for a moment before holding out his arm.
I gently grabbed it and he aparated me back to my Godfather's bedroom.
Remus was hugging Sirius in the mist of a wrecked bedroom when we appeared.
"What happened?" I looked around at the damaged furniture.
"Harry where have you-" Remus started.
"DUMBLEDORE!" Sirius spun around with red puffy eyes. "WHERE THE HELL DID YOU TAKE HIM!"
"It was just a small visit to a dear friend of mine. He's perfectly fine."
"HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY PUP-"
"Hey. Hey. Relax." Remus held him back. "Calm down. It's ok. He's here-"
"JUST YOU- I swear to- REMUS LET ME GO-" Sirius was struggling to overpower the taller man.
"NO!" Remus growled. "I SAID, CALM DOWN."
The sound he made was wolf-like and chilling to the bone.
Sirius immediately went still, his body was shaking badly but he wasn't saying anything.
"See you at Hogwarts, Harry." Dumbledore ruffled my hair before vanishing with a snap.
Tonks came in the room with a robe on. "Remus honey-" she paused for a moment. "..."
"He was having a meltdown." He panted as he leaned against the wallpapered wall. "Dumbledore took Harry-"
"Well you can sleep here, since you care so much."
And with that she slammed the bedroom door.