"But Allah will never delay a soul when it's time has come." Quran; 63:11
Not even a minute will be added or deducted for you if your time has come, death comes unannounced, prepare for it all the time. May Allah grant us good endings, Amin.
Samirs pov
Sitting alone on my bed on a Monday evening, staring at the sun set from our opened window— or curtain.
Same shit, different day.
I pick my pen to continue writing in my black journal, a gift from my mother.
And sometimes,
I feel like crying,
Crying without any reason,
Because i am tired.
Tired of everything and everyone.
A sigh escape my lips, not the content type that escaped my lips few days ago, no, not that type. This the type of sigh that escapes your lips when you're tired, tired of shit.
Tired of living.
I find my self sketching the sunset at the back of my old journal, and surprisingly it's turning out good, well... not bad.
Since when did i start sketching unknowingly?
I lick lips and close the journal, opening my bedside drawer to put it inside.
I groan, putting my head on my pillow, covering myself with my blue-green quilt, my dad gave it to me when i was returning back to school from our mid-semester break.
Life is so unfair, few days back i was so happy with life and with where i was, I always sleep with a smile on my face, i look forward to waking up every morning because i started believing that life wasn't so bad and it is worth living.
Not that i don't think it isn't now, just you know.
Astagfurillah.
I have one more exams left, and then i will go back home to my father.
Speaking of father, i pick my phone that was on the bedside drawer, sit up right and dial my dads number.
After almost three rings he picks up; "Assalamu Alaikum Abhi." I said.
"Wa'alaikas S-salaam ib-ibni." He replies with much difficulty, he has severe cough and finds it almost impossible to speak.
I'm sure his illness contributed in how I've been feeling lately, i hope he gets well soon, amin.
"Kaifa haluk abhi?(how are you father)" I ask.
"Alhamdulillah ana bi khair ibni, wa-wa anta?(Alhamdulillah i am fine my son, what about you?" He asks, trying to sound strong.
I hate the world we're living, why do you have to pretend to be fine?
"How was yo-your exa-exams?" He added.
I smile; "Alhamdulillah dad, i have only one paper left and then I'll be back home."
"In sha-" he start coughing, "Abu Samir you haven't taken your medicine yet." I hear Mama Zainabs voice in the background.
"Asif abhi, Allahumma yashfikum( sorry dad, May Allah heal you, amin)"
"Amin my son, i gotta go take my medications." He says and hung up.
A tear cascade down my cheek, Ya Rabbi please grant his shifa'a(health) he is so strong but now he is letting his guard down, and it's scary.
I wipe my tear and walk to the bathroom to perform wudhu, i will tell my Lord everything, not that He doesn't know.
I came out of the bathroom, spread the prayer mat and stand to pray.
After almost 30 mins, i am done with my salah and duas, Ya Badias'samawati wal'ard please accept my duas and ibadahs, I beg you with all Your beautiful names to please grant my father good health and I beg you Ya Aziz to please guide us all to the straight path, please Allah, Arjuk Ya Rab(Please my Lord).
A knock and then the door is open, revealing none other than my roommate, i am folding the prayer mat.
"What's up Samir." Says Arman sitting on his bed, i nod my head at him, opening our fridge and pick a bottle of chilled water.
Nihal will definitely scold me for drinking cold water in this weather.
Sat on my bed and gulp down the whole bottle.
"Camel." Arman mutters and i roll my eyes at him.
I pick my phone to message Aunt Sarah, Affan is gonna be 5 months in two days in shaa Allah, how time flies.
"Exams was easy Alhamdulillah." Arman says, turning on the tv, obviously to play video game.
"Alhamdulillah." I murmured.
"One more paper to go." He says enthusiastically, but my whole face fell because I'd go back home and i don't even know what to expect if i see my dad, is his sickness that bad that it affected him physically?
Arman handed me a pad and pat my shoulders; "It's okay. A wise man once told me that Allah tests the ones He loves the most." He repeated what i told him the other day.
It's true.
"I know Arman, wallah i know, but i can't help it. This is my dad, the one who has been there for me, i can't handle it." I said, dropping the pad he gave me on the bean bag.
He walks up to me and sit on my bed, his arms around my shoulders; "I can't say i can relate, but you can handle it, you've handled way more than this and you're strong, and how beautiful is this? Allah erases your sin when you're ill, just continue praying for him." My annoying roommate said to me, and a smile grace my lips.
I'm definitely not regretting staying with him.
"May Allah continue to make it easy on all of, and i wish him the quickest recovery, thank you Arman." I wrap my arms around him as well.
"For the first what you said made sense." I added and he smack my head with a light chuckle, "Get off me." He says while pushing me off my own bed, my bed.
I smiled at him and we both proceed to play the boring video game.
Lord knows i feel much better after praying and this talk with him, Alhamdulillah.
***
"I was loosing you,
My hearts beats fast,
I was loosing sleep,
My heart is in pieces,
That's when i knew i was in too deep"
Tee
Staring at myself at the mirror in the changing room of the gym in our school, i really can't remember the last time i look at myself in the mirror, we don't even have it in our room, we do tho in the bathroom, but-
"Samir you coming or not?" Abbakar asks walking past me with his football jersey.
He plays football just like Arman.
Today is the last day of school, sophomore are playing football against freshmen, however that's not my concern, going back home is.
I talked with Mama Zainab today in the morning and she said i shouldn't worry that Abhi is feeling much better and they can't wait for me to be back.
She managed to reassure me, but i know better.
I walk to the field and sat on the bleachers, them Ray and his girlfriend are sitting above me, even Nihal, we made eye contact and she smiled at me, i turn to watch the game.
Football is my least favorite, i have no other option that's why i am seated here, well...i don't really mind being here, the least i could do to Arman is watch him play and cheer for him, in my head of course.
They players are quite well trained, Arman scored a goal.
"Excuse me, can you please sit there." I hear Nihals voice talking to the student sitting next to me.
He nods at her and move, she sat on his sit, beside me.
"Hey." She whispers. "Hey." I reply, turning my attention back to the game.
She has gorgeous eyes Masha Allah.
We continue watching the match without uttering any words, and now it's already half time, so the players will rest a bit.
Arman walks up to us, a lot of girls and boys mostly girls cheering and calling his name, and the fool is enjoying it with a grin gracing his lips.
"Sup peeps, Samir my water?" He extended his hands and i gave him his bottled water.
"Arman you played well-" Nihal start but Arman cut her off. "And you're impressed?" He asks with a smirk.
He always wants to impress her, i shake my head.
He giggles; "Sorry but no."
He take a sip of his water; "Shut up."
"You played well man." I said patting him, "That, i know." He winks and leaves.
Arman is so full of himself.
They resumed the borin- Uhm, i meant game.
Now I'm really getting bored.
"Lets get out of here." I said literally dragging the beautiful girl sitting beside be. "Whoa." She murmurs.
We walk out of the field, i heave a sigh of relief, even the air here feels fresh.
Once in the hallway, we settle down close to the long glass window, we both sat on the floor leaning against the wall.
"Damn, it feels so good here." I said, closing my eyes.
Nihal roll her eyes; "C'mon it wasn't that bad, Arman plays beautifully."
Like i care.
Lord knows i don't understand girls, she's here with me and complimenting a guy that has a crush on her, she has never complimented on how good i play basketball.
Me, that i am going out of my comfort zone for her.
Just wow.
"You can go back." I said bringing out my phone.
She ignore me and inch close to me, can she just be my mahram? I wanna hug her.
"Aw who's the cutie on your wallpaper?" She asks staring at Affans smiley face.
A small smile grace my lips, I love talking about him; "My favorite cousin." I find my self tapping the 'photos' app to show her more pictures and videos of him.
I showed her pictures of him since when he was born, and now he is almost 5 months.
She laugh at some of his videos, occasionally she will smile after watching a video of me and him: "I never thought you like babies, this is cute." She says, it's a vid of me feeding Affan milk.
"Neither do i." I muttered.
She turns to look at me, her face splitting into a huge smile; "Wait, you've never told about your family, tell me." She says handing me my phone, sounding excited.
My heart skips a beat.
No.
"The game is probably over, lets go back." I said attempting to stand up but she held my arms; "Samir?" She calls and i sat down defeatedly.
"You go first then." I whisper.
She looks happy: "Okay..i miss them, and i can't wait to meet them tomorrow in shaa Allah. I have one younger brother, Yunus, two parents-" she giggled, "..obviously two parents, and beautiful cousins, Alhamdulillah." She finished with a smile.
Lucky.
"May Allah continue to bless you all."
"Amin." She says, leaning her head on my shoulder, I snuggle.
"Your turn."
"Okay..I miss my dad as well, he isn't feeling well, i live with him and my stepmother, i had a twin brother and a—"
"A twin what?" She squeal, I'm used to this reaction.
I chuckle; "Brother." She hit me. "Hey! What was that for?"
"How am i just knowing?" She asks, and i feel lost.
Because..because i don't talk about them?
"Twin brother and a beautiful sister, i miss them so much, words aren't enough." My voice drop to an octave.
"And your real mother?" She asks softly. "I miss her as well."
"Where-"
I cut her off: "Enough for today." I said standing up, she stood up as well, she intertwine her fingers with mine.
"I like you Samir." Says Nihal, putting her head on my chest as if she didn't say anything.
No, Norah, you can't.
Don't be oblivious about your feelings as well.
A voice in my head said.
I push her off me; "Norah, you cannot, you're just gonna hurt yourself." And with that i cowardly start walking away from her.
That's what i do all the time.
Foolish move.
She can't like me, gosh she means so much to me to hurt her and i know the more closer we get with each other the higher the probability of me hurting her.
I don't want her to like me, i need her to like me, but this isn't for me.
May be in the after life.
I enter our room and start packing, i can't even wait for tomorrow, I'm going home now.
****
Hey peeps💕💕
So Norah confessed? And baby Samir is confused😫
Gosh.
How are you all doing? May Allah cont to bless y'all❤️❤️
I'm in lawv with each and everyone of you guys🤩
Malika🎶