Ariana never fail to update me on what's going on around her world and it made me feel good, that whatever she's going she's thinking of me.. well at least sometimes.
We shared some short text when we're not busy but there is no day that she's not busy, her music, her rehearsal, her interviews it's all going on like a cycle. She always told me that she loves to work when I can even see that.
"Yes, babe. It's tomorrow." I replied to the woman through the phone as I put on my uniform.
"Your promotion is tomorrow already? Oh god, it's happening so fast." Ariana replied with her soft sleepy voice, I can see her half eyes closed on the phone.
I miss her. I wish I can wrapped my arms around her and kiss her grumpy face. I just wish she's not far away from me, so I can express how much I love her company.
"I know. It's my last day of being a barista." I said happily.
It happened so fast, one day I was just doing some coffee for some of the customers and one moment I'm gonna be a manager. Not just a manager but a district manager. Which is too much for me.
"I'm proud of you, baby."
I smiled after I heard her words. It made me feel like a winner, making her proud. It's a small progress but I think I'm in a right path of making my future more better.
"Thank you. I wish you were here though." I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "I miss you."
"Aw babe. I miss you too. Don't worry, you'll see me sooner." She replied and it made me feel more sad.
I miss her and I can't do anything about it. I can't just fly to New York, I don't have enough money. I can't go there and make Ariana pay anything for me. Living is expensive, even now that I'm dating one of the most riches woman in the world. When I can't even have half of her income on my bank account.
"I hope I can go there." I frowned.
I walked to the kitchen, fully clothed of my uniform. My last day of wearing them because the next day, I'll step up of my level. I made myself a coffee before taking a seat at the island.
"Don't be sad and shit before I'll go there and kiss you lips." Ariana said with a giggle.
I sighed and pouted even more but Ariana laughed when she saw me, "Baby.."
"I just miss you babe, it's been weeks and you're killing me with these looks." I groaned.
Even when she's half asleep, eyes barely open, I can see how much she care about me through her eyes.
"I just wanna kiss you right now." I mumbled and stared at her through the screen.
Ariana showed me her cute smile that shows her dimples, "Even if my breath smells like shit?"
"As long as it's your lips, I'll be kissing that."
Not too long, the call ended saying that she needs to take care of something and I also have to go to work since I don't wanna be late for my last day of being a Barista. It's one of unforgettable job, aside from meeting Ariana, I had some awesome friends and memories from there.
"Hey, Y/N. Hey, Lauren." Joe greeted me with a huge smile when I entered the lockers.
I immediately looked at him and gave him my biggest happy smile, "Hey, good morning."
"Hi." Lauren greeted back.
"I'm really proud of you, you know that." He walked towards me and pat my back. He's always been a brother to me and I know he'll continue to be that.
"Thanks, I'll never got this if you're not here." I mumbled, appreciating all his help.
"You're welcome, don't be dramatic. I'll still be training you." Joe laughed before leaving us there.
I put all my stuff in the locker and start my work with a big smile and a happy heart.
The routine has always been the same from making coffee and serving some cakes. Customer per customer, I gave my best shot and just impress them.
In a few feet away I saw a familiar face, familiar angelic face that I've seen before. There she is, taking picture with a girl outside, smiling at the camera and hugging the girl before going to the shop. This time, she's all by herself.
"Hey, how are you?" She asked politely.
"I'm really good, Camila right?" I asked, even though I can still remember her name and her face.
How can I even forget when she was sending me some flirty looks and some sneaky glances, she even winked at me while biting her lip. But maybe, I'm just overreacting. Maybes she's all just that friendly.
"Yeah. But anyway, I'll get Caramel Macchiato with extra caramel and milk." Camila informed me, I nodded and punched her order.
"Got it. Hot, right?" I said. I took a glimpse at her and just saw one of the brightest brown eyes in the room. I almost melted knowing that those eyes are looking at me. She nodded.
I interrupted my thoughts and just get her payment. She giggled as I avoided my looks from her. I made her coffee silently as she stood there with her phone.
Suddenly Lauren came in from her break, I made a face to let her know who's in the shop. She widen her eyes, eyeing the place and she saw the brunette woman standing there looking at her phone. I smirked when I saw her checked her out.
When I finished her coffee, perfectly and made sure didn't miss anything. "Here it is, Camila. Have a great day."
Camila looked at me and her lip lift for a smile before biting the inside of her lip.
"Thanks." She mumbled quietly and took her coffee.
Okay, maybe she just love biting her lips and I'm just overreacting.
But then when she got to her seat, she met my eyes and smirked at me before tilting her head. I blushed and turn around not even bothering to look at her anymore.
Her last visit here were so awkward that we had to witness her make out session with her boyfriend after flirting with us and now she's giving me some game again. Well I cannot play her game, I have Ariana. I'm dating her and I hope I can make her mine too.
After that smirked, I never made my eyes land on her. It's dangerous and not gonna do any good to me. I can sense she has something to me, maybe she like me or I'm just assuming things but whatever the fuck it is, I don't want it.
The sun fell down and my shift was about to end, Camila left the place hours ago. She was busy with her notebook, writing, according to Lauren.
The place were nearly empty and I was cleaning the area, organizing the room. But then the bell ring, alarming us that a customer walk in right before our shift ends. I mentally groan and just continue wiping the mess.
"Sorry to burst in before closing." The familiar voice rang to my eyes, I widen my eyes and thought I might me hallucinating. I frowned, it's maybe because I miss her so much.
"Don't be mad." I heard her again, but this time I turn around and saw her there wearing a teasing smile.
"We're close ma'am. Sorry." I joked, smirking at her.
"Call your manager." She arrogantly said with this goofy smile glued on her face.
My smirk grew bigger and straightened my posture, "That would be me."
Ariana giggled and then my day just got more better, I miss hearing those, like the one I can actually hear in person not through the phone.
"Just kidding, what can I get you?" I asked.
"Oh, Ari. Hi, what are you doing here today? Thought you were working?" Lauren bursted in from the stock room with a friendly smile on her face.
Ari turn her head as soon as she heard Lauren, "Hey, Laur. Yeah, but I think I would like to have my last coffee from my favorite barista." She switched her eyes on me then winked.
"You are really that annoying customer that comes in when it's about to close." Lauren told her and she immediately laughed.
"I'm sorry. I tried to make it more early. I'm glad, I made it in time." She said softly.
She really did an effort to see me today, just to have a coffee that I made. Okay, my heart just wanna cry in happiness. She's doing me worse with all of this words, I'm falling harder.
"Thats fine, babe. The usual?" I asked as I tapped the register.
"I think, I'll get a soy latte. Grande."
I chuckled and let Lauren took care of the register, I step on the side and did my routine.
"You coming home with me?" I whispered as I mixed the right liquid. The other crew might heard me since I know she want our thing low-key.
I heard she hummed and I looked at her, she was tapping her finger on the counter staring at me. I gave her my best puppy eyes as she smiled.
"I'll think about it." She mumbled but then when she saw me frown she added, "Kidding. Of course, weirdo. I will spend the night with you."
My heart immediately bounced up and down.
-
"Thank you for spending this night with me." I mumbled as I placed the paper bags on the kitchen counter.
Ariana sat at the island and put her chin on her palm before smiling, "I miss you, why wouldn't I?"
"Because I don't know why you're here." I gave her a cocky look then continued bringing out the stuff I bought.
Ariana almost rolled her eyes but I heard her foot steps on behind me and I felt her arms around me, hugging me from behind. "I knew it, you don't miss me at all."
I turn around and captured her body in my arms, I kissed her forehead. "Of course, I miss you babe."
"I went here because I want to celebrate your promotion with me." Ariana informed.
I smiled brightly and hugged her tightly, "Oh god, these things you're making me feel."
Ariana giggled and kissed my cheeks, "Feels like what?"
"Like a girl who just had her first kiss kind of feeling." I grinned and stared at her through her eyes, she laughed.
"That's interesting." She pinched my cheeks before taking her seat again.
I started to cook for dinner and served the woman with pure happiness.
As soon as I signed the contract the next day, we drove away without knowing where she is taking me. The car drive was full of conversation about my contract and my promotion, which she is really proud of. I got also loaded texts from my family and even got a call from my mon and my little sister. I wish I can see them though, I really miss them. Ariana didn't even spoke up when I was in call, I know she's still not ready to meet my family and I know she's still in process with our thing.
I really wish she's feeling what I'm feeling, she made me so happy that I can feel my jaw in pain from smiling. Her giggles touches my heart and the way she smiles, it gives butterflies in my stomach.
Ariana parked the car, I looked around and it's the most comfortable place I want to be right now. The trees and grass are all around, it made me feel so safe. Away from the city, away from the loud crowd and away from the messy world.
"Smells so good in here." That is all the words I said when I step out of the car, I stretched my body and yawned, tired because of the long trip.
"That is why I keep going back here, less people and more nature." Ariana replied.
I hummed and collected the basket of snacks we bought at the back of the car as Ariana waited for me.
I stared at her, she smiling looking around the place. And I swear to god, she is the most beautiful thing I have seen in this world. She exhaled loudly before meeting my glaze, she furrowed her eyebrows and stopped smiling.
"You're staring, again." She groaned and walked towards me.
I grinned widely and put the basket on my other hand. I captured her waist in my one arm, she snaked her arms around my neck.
Her eyes shines bright below the sun, her beautiful face reflects the place, this is the best place to be with her.
"You're beautiful as this place." I mumbled and pressed a kiss on her forehead.
She rolled and her lips curl up for a smile, "You're always saying that."
"Because it's true." I tilted my head and stared at her.
I tilted my head and stared at her, I lean in for a kiss but she stopped me with with her hand on my chest.
"Babe, lipgloss." She said sassily.
"Oh, you bought your bitchself here." I rolled my eyes in annoyance but she laughed, I kissed her cheeks instead.
We walked around the park with her holding my hand, stepping into the grass and she pointed out under a specific tree.
"This is peace." I mumbled as I dropped all the things to the ground.
I immediately got the blanket and spread it out to cover the grass. I took off my baseball cap and sat at the smooth spot. She immediately sat beside me, with some bag of nut & berry mix in her hand.
"Why'd you bring me here?" I asked and ate some of those nuts the drives this woman bitchy.
"Because it's relaxing." She mumbled, squinting her eyes.
"You low-key invited me to this date, huh?" I smirked and lean my weight to my hand at the side.
She rolled her eyes and threw berry at me before giggling, "Annoying."
"I knew it." I teased her more but she threw a couple of berries at me which I dodged and she laughed loudly when I threw back some berries.
"Stop!" She said through her laugh.
I grinned and just appreciate her beauty with these nature. I grabbed a sandwich and sat beside her.
There are few people around, having some walk and some are having some picnic, others are playing.
She snatched my baseball cap and wore it, I took of my phone and right when I captured the picture she looked at me. I smiled and stared at her picture.
"A cutie." I mumbled and she snatched my phone, looking at the phone.
She smiled and threw back my phone.
"How'd you know this place?" I said as I took a bite of the sandwich.
Ariana drunk some water, "I was driving around and ended up in this place."
"Driving around alone?" I asked curiously.
She shrugged, "I want to be alone that time."
"Why?" I asked and straightened my sit.
"There was a lot of things going on. I don't know really." She put down the bag of nuts and berries before twisting her body to face me.
I felt the connection of our conversation, I wanna listen to her rants and deep thoughts about her past. I wanna know what is inside of her head that she cannot forget.
I looked at her eyes with pure care, she sighed and spoke up again. "You know... about me and Pete."
"Yeah, I heard about that." I replied shortly.
She let out a small smile, "I might have got too much infatuation in me."
I groaned at her telling me smaller details, I bit my sandwich and furrowed at her. "Tell me all about it. I'm a good listener, I swear."
We might be dating kind of stuff but I can be a friend to her sometimes when she needs one. I feel like she need something to vent out to make her soul less toxic.
She sighed and sent me a small smile, "I had a crush on him, like a huge crush. So the time he went to my apartment, I was so happy."
"You had a crush on that guy? I'm much cuter." I joked, she chuckled and threw some nuts at me.
"He's cute, I don't know but I just got something for him. So, he went to my apartment one night and it went so well. Everything was good with him, all the things I'm curious about him was full filled then after that he was kind of boring, you know what I mean?"
I nodded and finished my last bite of sandwich, "There is this thing that Noah told me, once you know more about your crush that crush thing feeling will fade. You are crushing on someone because you are curious about them."
"Yeah, it was all infatuation and my ass got engaged with him." She laughed softly.
I smiled too, not because of her laugh but all of the things she went through. She's really that strong after all the bullshit.
"Don't get me wrong, he was so good to me. It's just that there is too much going on."
I nodded signing her to go on but she paused staring at me, I spoke up, "What? I'm not gonna judge you. Go on."
"He was lovey-dovey and shit. He even proposed to me when we are just dating for a couple of months. I really loved him, I was willing to take every risk with him. I thought we were getting married and all, we even bought a damn apartment."
I get it, love is insane. Love can control us without even knowing its controlling us, because love feels good and we thought its all about the good stuff and when the bad stuff goes in we don't know what to do anymore.
"I thought it was all about adulting. I was so happy with him." She added, playing with the strawberries that I laid in front of her.
I hummed, "Honeymoon stage of the relationship, of course that's fun."
Ariana showed me a cute smile, "Yeah, it was fun."
But then her smile faded away, there is this sad smile shadowing her. I knew it, she was sad deep in side.
"But then Mac.. died." She almost choked out for preventing herself to cry.
I can almost see my reflection on her eyes, eyes that in one blink a tear will fall. I smiled at her sadly.
"It messed things up, I realized that it was all infatuation that I'm still into Mac and I couldn't do anything about it."
I widen my eyes in realization and gulped a huge amount of soda, "So Pete was a rebound?"
Ariana shook her head, "It's not that word for me, he's an amazing distraction from Mac."
I nodded and agreed with her, "That made sense."
"So yeah, Mac died and I regret breaking up with him. If we were together, he might still be here."
I immediately hushed her and gave her a pointed look, "Don't even think about that again."
She shrugged and just smiled sadly, "If you come to think of it, Y/N. He's still my best friend after all, I still want him to be here."
"I know but you were doing something that made you happy, there is nothing wrong with that. Stop blaming yourself." I stated.
"I know, I'm sorry. It just goes around my mind sometimes." Ariana mumbled quietly and ate a piece of strawberry.
I exhaled loud from that story, story that she might still be carrying on her chest. At least, she vent it out to me.
"I'm happy you're in the process of moving forward." I said and rest on my back, looking at the clouds above, putting my arm under my head.
Ariana sighed, "The process is done. I'm moving forward."
"It's all messed up love, isn't it? Love made us whole but then love will break us too." I uttered and looked her.
She smiled at me and lay down beside me, she used my arm as her pillow under her head.
"Yeah and it's fucked up. It's life anyways."
I hummed and said, "Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans."
Ariana looked up to me and smiled, poking my nose, "You are a good listener."
I smirked and shrugged softly, "Since day one."
She giggled as she remembered the first time we met, she told me those exact words.
"But seriously though, In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." Ariana stated and her eyes went back to normal again, no sadness.
"I think, I've heard that before." I joked and she giggled.
"I might stole that quote somewhere from the internet." She said before I laughed with her.
It was all a big revelation, it was really nice to heard that from her. Its life, I can't blame her. She's just a human, we made mistakes and we sometimes might regret something from the past but we can't do anything about it anyways, so we continue to live and don't turn back. We always messed up sometimes and it's natural, we're people. But my favorite thing about her is the way she smile, it's like she never got in to something painful and I adore her for that.
You know what scares me? That I might be another amazing distraction. I can't be and I don't think I can handle that pain, it's too much. But everything with her is pure happiness and I want to feel that everyday.
It's been almost a year since that shit happened, should I be scared?