"Baby," a sweet voice coed me from inside the darkness of my head. I connected to that feeling in my chest I get every time he talks. The darkness cleared, and once again, I was back in my room only this time my dream boy was with me waiting for me debrief.
"Hey," I said softly, taking a seat next to him on my bed. His arms automatically wrapped around me and he pulled me into his muscular chest. Oh god, how I loved this feeling. Being close to someone and not being afraid of being able to express my affection without fear of rejection. I lived for moments like these with him.
"You're scared for tomorrow, aren't you?" he asked softly. We had this conversation every year, but I was still irrationally afraid that someone would find out I was gay and I would be bashed. I panicked every year right before school started, even though I tried to hide it. I knew I couldn't hide it from him, he knew everything about me. I mean, he lives in my mind for god sakes.
"I'm afraid that somehow everyone found out about me over the summer and I'll be gay-bashed. I mean, what if I'm suddenly flamboyant and I don't realize because it progressed over the summer. What if I accidentally say he instead of she when talking to the guys about girls? What if I can't hide my boner in gym class for some reason? I don't want to be hated," I whimpered softly. I was petrified that somehow something would go wrong this year. I could almost feel the air around me changing, telling me that something would go wrong.
"I'm going to tell you the same thing I say every year. If these people are as simple and narrow-minded as you tell me they are and haven't noticed yet, then they never will. Not until you come out. If something goes wrong, you know that I'll be here for you to hold you and talk just like I always am," He whispered into my ear. His hot breath tickling my sensitive skin. I calmed down, or at least most of me did. A particular part of my body hadn't gotten the memo well he whispered to me and stroked my cheek.
I felt my face turn slightly red as his attention shifted from my face to my boner. Having an erection at this moment was rather embarrassing. I mean, we were just having a heart to heart. I'm sure my face can show all my awkward feeling conflicting on my face. But of course, he chose to ignore them because he started gently stroking my thigh. I knew he was looking for a more significant reaction and of course, I had no control. He got what he was looking for.
My face flushed, even more when I let out a frustrated whimper and tried to move his hand up. My second head had taken over and wasn't going to give up until I got him touching me. But he was insisting on teasing me as much as possible. He moved his hand away from my thigh and started to lightly stroke my belly. Going down just low enough to give me false hope. His thumb brushed against my waistband. I was ready to burst at the thought of him moving his hand a little lower.
He kissed my lips softly once more before whispering into my ear. "Your alarms about to go off, sorry I'm leaving you with a problem." I whimper slightly to my dismay. I would be late for the first day of school just so I could take care of my problem. I was weak when I was turned on. I didn't have the ability to just ignore my problem and make it go away. I had to do some physical work to be successful. My room faded back into blackness as the early morning sunlight shined into my face. I heard his voice softly speak as I began to drift away from him. "See you for real today, babe. I love you." My mind went blank and my eyes opened.