It felt good to train again with Erwin. Not just because we sensed the jealous gaze of Becky and her friends all over us, but more that I could spend some time with him alone, even though I am, that WE are not allowed to express our true feelings for each other, there were always little gaps that Erwin used to his advantage without shame.
Sitting behind me to support my arms while lifting the barbels, he let his hands travel down my sides, lingering on my hips as he gently pressed his body against mine. He enjoyed the power he had over me with these little actions, cause the shudders that ran down my spine went into my arms and legs without mercy and as result, I couldn't keep up the weights any longer.
The subtle whispers or his low breathing he mouthed into my ear almost all day long made it extra hard to stay focused, 'I love you' or 'You look so beautiful today' were just a very little bit of his endless repertory of sweet comments.
And even though we started the work out earlier, in the end, it didn't matter. At almost 5 pm we were finally done.
When Mikasa joined us at 3 pm, Erwin had to reduce his affections to a minimum or stop with it completely. If there's anyone who mustn't know about what's going on between us, then it's her. As Levi's cousin, she's the most dangerous source for bad rumors.
When I was finished with my shower and dressed up, I met with Erwin at the entrance and then, we left.
Now that my thoughts drifted back to Levi and the surprise he still has in store for me, and from which I don't know what it is, my excitement became bigger and bigger the closer we came to my home.
As we left the last big crossing behind us, the traffic easing up and the streets becoming more dark and gloomy, Erwin suddenly pulled the car into a free parking lot on the sidewalk.
"Erwin? What's wrong?" No answer from him. He undid his seat belt first and then mine, and I was still wondering what's wrong. Did the car run out of fuel? I got my answer more than clearly right away...
Suddenly, his large palms reached for my face, pulling my head in his direction while he leaned into mine simultaneously. Before I could fathom what's going on, he had our lips connected in a kiss. A kiss saturated with passion and desperation.
"Erwin..." I gasped between kisses, unable to resist or to fight, my body craving for this as much as he does.
"Not now..." His voice was breathless, bare of restraint and patience, and his body complied with what he spoke instantly as his arms snaked underneath mine to pull me over to his side until I found myself straddling him, where the fierce dance of lips continued. Lust-filled gasps, sighs, and moans filled the now silent car, nothing but darkness around us except the few street lanterns on the sidewalk that spend their weak shine to highlight our silhouettes.
His warm palms landed on my butt, groping, massaging my flesh, my own hands roaming his chest and hair.
Erwin bit my lower lip teasingly, the resulting gasp from me the invitation he needed to impale my mouth with his wet tongue.
The little and almost faint whimper of protest that came from me was drowned in an impatient groan that came from the depths of his throat as our tongues battled in a fiery dance.
"E-Erwin~" I whispered breathlessly, breaking the kiss as I ran out of breath, but Erwin dived right into the crook of my neck, so damn close to where Levi left his bite mark.
"Erwin!" I repeated, not louder and harsher.
"Hmmm...." A low hum came in return, the vibrations going all over my skin, and as thus, to my bite mark, the resulting gooseflesh causing the wound to hurt.
"Erwin! Please stop!" I finally found the strength to think rational again and with the hand, I'd held onto his hair, I took a fistful of his mane and yanked his head back from me.
"For god's sake, stop it! We can't let that escalate! What got into you?!" I scolded him, my anger taking and fear alike over now. We're fucking close to do it. In his car!!! Not to mention that we're not far away from my home. What would've happened if Levi came by and he'd seen us?! I don't even want to think about it.
I hastily crawled down from his lap, removing his hands from me as I struggled to sit down on my side again. I heard Erwin cursing under his nose and when I looked at him again, he had his face buried in his hands, his jaw working hard and he clenched his teeth. We needed a moment to calm our heated moods down.
"Erwin, what got into you? Are you crazy? What if L....what if someone had seen us? Someone who knows me? I'm close to my home, a few of my neighbors know Levi. If they would see me in here with you..."
"I know. You...you don't have to explain it. You're right. I am crazy. Crazy for you. I have such a great hunger, that I couldn't hold it back for just a moment, and then, it was too late. It consumed me, possessed me. I just don't know how to help me with it. Only your touch can put my inner beast on its leash again. I can feel it. With every moment I am denied your touch, your kiss, I feel it rattling on its cage. I...I just don't know how much longer I can resist."
He said, bitterness swinging with his voice like a melancholic song that would make every female cry without hesitation.
Sometimes, I hate myself for my almost endless kindness and patience, but I can't fight against my nature. I put my hand on his shoulder.
"Erwin. Look at me. You can do it. I'm sure. If there's anyone on this goddamn planed who can control his emotions and desires, then it's you. Hold out, just for one more week, then everything will get so much clearer, okay? And besides: You promised me you will improve with your behavior, remember?"
The moment when our eyes locked, the sadness inside the blue sapphires that his eyes are, was enough to make me choke back a whimper. If Erwin's mental strength will weaken any more, I can't tell what will happen then.
His hand landed on top of mine in reassurance before he nodded, inhaling deeply before he straightened in his seat.
"I understand. I will hold out, and fight." He said with newly gained confidence, finally pushing the button to start the car's engine again to drive the last mile to my home.
The time we needed to get there made me realize once more what a terrible girlfriend I am. I don't dare to count how many times Erwin and I kissed until now, but it threatens to become a habit. I should be the responsible, the rational one here and keep Erwin at distance, tell him to calm down and keep his hands to himself, for fuck's sake!
But I cant...I am no longer master over my mind and body when he's with me. Now I remember why I stayed single for so long. Because love can make you do very, very stupid things can let you act like a total dumbass, can make you believe the one you love is your whole world and nothing else matters, and she can make you ignore all possible bad outcomes this connection might cause.
Love is shitty! Love brings out the worst and most stupid characteristics inside of me, but why does it feel so damn good?!
I didn't notice when Erwin stopped the car before the building I was living in, nor did I notice how he called my name several times. Only when his hand shook me by my shoulder combined with his calls, I jerked up in shock.
"Honey, what's wrong? You were absent. Are you okay?"
I looked around a little flustered, checking where I am or if something happened before I decided to answer him.
"No. I'm good. Just lost in my thoughts." His gaze softened with worry and he ran his hand through my hair.
"I'm sorry. I messed you up before. I promise I will do my best to keep my desires to myself until there's some clarity in our lives."
I appreciated his decision, but at the same time, it hurt to know that I probably won't feel his touch for a while. The best I can do is to follow his example and try my best as well. After all, I have a whole week with Levi before me.
I simply waved Erwin goodbye, since he got his kiss earlier, and took my bag from the backseat.
He blew me one last hand kiss and with that, he drove off, more calm and slow as I expected.
On my way up to my apartment, I just realized something I hadn't thought about the whole time before: Levi is home here, one week earlier, and Erwin won't know this, which means: Levi will live with ME in MY apartment! For one whole week!
Suddenly, my inner Levi-fanatic went into overdrive and an excited squeal echoed through the staircase. Why haven't I thought about this sooner?! He will be there when I'm away at work and training, and he will be there when I come back, maybe he will have something nice prepared for dinner, or he will go out with me. I bet he will even keep the apartment clean when I'm away!
For one, fucking entire week, I will finally get to know how it feels to live together with him, with the man I love. I think this is distraction enough from that blond-haired Adonis.
When I reached the last floor, I took a few deep breaths to shush my squealing fan-girl. I can't come home to him like THIS! Totally overhyped like...Hanji.
With slight shivering hands, I unlocked my door, but I stepped right into a black hole. There was no light burning in here, no noise hearable.
"Levi?!" I called for him when I closed the door. Still, no sound reached my ears. After I turned on the lights in the small corridor, I noticed a small, folded note on my bedroom door. Curious as I was, I placed my sports bag down and took the note instead. Once unfolded, it read:
"My dearest Nina,
I had figured that you will stay out for training just as long as you usually do. I don't blame you for it. That smartass Eyebrows won't turn down a chance to make you do some extra push-ups.
With this knowledge, I used my time alone here wisely. You will find your whole apartment cleaned spotless. I better skip the part where I crouched into corners that didn't see any duster for ages. Shame on you!
But I didn't leave this note for scolding your lack of cleaning. If you enter your bedroom, you will find a big carton. Open it, and put on what you find inside. And make sure to also put on a scarf. It's fucking cold outside. I'll be back here again at 6 pm sharp, and I expect you to be ready around that time. Await my message once I arrive.
Levi ~
"Hmm...how mysterious" I mumbled to myself. So that's why he locked himself up in the living room. He had cleaned my apartment. Without doubt another part of making it up to me. I swear, that man is full of surprises. I will thank him once he's here.
But now I have to check my bedroom! Hastily, I shoved the door open and turned on the lights, and there it was: The big, unimpressive looking carton he mentioned. It didn't look any special. Just a regular brown package everyone uses to send gifts and mail across the country. Slightly disappointed from this first impression, I let my eyes wander around the room, and I instantly noticed all the small changes Levi made during his OCD-attack.
The bed had new sheets and covers and the curtains exude the scent of my favorite detergent. All shelves were dusted off and some new figures I didn't own before decorated empty spaces. Lots of candles were draped here and there, waiting for a match or a lighter to let them burn up.
I let myself fall face ahead on the bed, inhaling the fresh scent deeply. Gosh, how much I LOVE the smell of fresh clothes.
But soon, my curiosity grew so big that I couldn't lay down anymore, and Levi said he wants me to be ready at 6 pm sharp. Just 30 minutes left, which means I have to hurry!
Jumping up from the bed, I came to stand right before the big box as my fingers hastily reached for the cover to pull it open, and what came to the daylight then, made me lose my breath and CompuServe for a moment.
"Oh, holy fucking shit. No WAY! NO! No, he didn't!" I screamed totally out of mind, taking out a motorcycle helmet, all colorful in lilac, blue and pink, peacock feathers beautifully painted all over and the visor mirrored in a deep shade of blue. I gaped at this amazing thing for minutes, twisting and turning in my hands, looking at it from every possible angle to take in all its beauty.
I can't believe that Levi bought me a helmet. For a motorcycle! How could he? I'm not even allowed to drive such a thing!
Flooded with excitement, my blood rushing through my veins with adrenaline, I roamed the box again, and there was more on the bottom.
One piece after another, I took out deep black clothes, without a doubt made for riding a motorcycle. The leather jacket was soft, the inner fabric fluffy, thick and warm, perfect for chilly evenings or routes to drive in winter. On the back was a symbol sewed I didn't recognize or ever saw before. Maybe it was just a coincidence. It looked like two wings, one in white, one in black, underneath was the statement "Wings of Freedom" written. It sounded perfect to me for a biker-girl.
The black leather pants were warm stuffed as well, but not enough for winter, and I made the mental note to wear a pair of tights underneath. Just to be sure.
A pair of black leather gloves and boots completed the set, and I felt as if one of my wildest dreams came true.
I jumped up and down my room like a gummy ball, squealing in my overhyped mode that I forgot the time.
When my phone buzzed with an incoming message, I knew that I was too late.
Levi: Are you ready to go? I'm waiting outside. Hurry up!
Me: Just a few more minutes, okay? I'm...struggling with the pants.
Levi: Alright. I'll be here. You have 10 minutes.
That's enough. I can't remember the last time when I got undressed that fast. I tossed my clothes into the laundry basket and reveled in the feeling of all the soft, warm leather on my skin. A nice sweater from my collection and the tights completed the outfit and once the boots were in place, I took the helmet under my arm and looked at me in the mirror.
"Goddamn, do I look hot!" The biker-wear fit like a second skin. It accentuated my curves and womanly features perfectly. I couldn't tear my eyes of my own ass for a moment when I turned around to gape at my whole new self. I followed Levi's last advice and wrapped a scarf around my exposed neck and with my wallet stuffed inside the inner pocket of my new favorite jacket, I locked my apartment from the outside and ran downstairs, the helmet safe under my arm.