We were all in the drawing-room. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I can't face Desmond. I just can't. I bit my lips and held the pen in my hands. Mother put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a reassuring smile.
"It's alright. We are here for you." I nodded and shut my eyes tightly. I love Desmond, he is the only love of my life but I can't live with him. It's unbearable. I am afraid of him. A tear rolled onto my cheek as I signed the divorce papers.
"Send them to Desmond.." I said as I stood up and left.
I closed the door behind me and fell on my knees and began to cry out.
Only if you had shown me affection. Only if you had never induced such fright in my heart, that my petite form won't be able to remove them.
I just can't live with you anymore. My fears overcome my love for you. I am so scared to be with you. I don't want to give in to your fake affection. I don't want to go through that feeling of betrayal again.
***
It's been a week since I have sent the divorce papers to Desmond. I was leaning on the wall, hugging my sides. I felt so void. I felt so empty. My heart is shattered. I close my eyes and let the darkness consume me. I was standing in the main hall. My heart is crumbling slowly and painfully. My heart skipped a beat when the Main Door opened and Desmond walked in with an angry look. My body stiff as I felt my energy; which is of very little is left, being drained away. I hugged myself tightly. Desmond stopped in front of me. He gave me a hurt look. He held my arms and pulled me close. I flinched at his touch, he leans in and asked in a croaked voice,
"Are you kidding me?" His voice was so deep. He is hurting too much. It made me sad. I looked away and said,
"Let me go... please.." I close my eyes and let out a single tear.
"Say this to my face." He said. I look at Desmond. My teary eyes met his eyes that are filled with endless suffering.
"Please... Release me..." I said barely in an audible voice. He took a step back and ran his hand through his hairs. He looked at me again, tears pricked in the corner of his eyes.
"No.. no.. No.. Please Ester... Anything but not this... Please don't punish me like this...." he pleads as I look away again. I chewed on my lower lip so as not to cry. He turned for an instant and suddenly he slammed his hands on the wall, trapping me in his arms. I squeak at his actions. I began to tremble in dread. I clutched the hem of my dress tightly. I gave him a terrified look. His eyes showed a mixture of wrath and intense mental pain. His emotions are replaced by an immense look of fondness. His eyes flicker with a look of remorse and love. He put his knuckle over my cheek and began to caress them. My breath hitched at his action. I gasped in dread as he said in a soothing tone,
"Shh... Relax Ester. It's alright. I won't hurt you" Without breaking the stare, he continued to caress my cheeks gently. I shivered by his touch And I am truly scared by his action. My quivering lips, my scared form, didn't relax even a bit in his arm. My petrified sapphire eyes bore into his Caring Silver ones.
"GET AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!" Mother came in yelling.
"DON'T COME MOTHER!" My shivering scared form stopped mother without breaking our stars.
"Why.. ?" Desmond gave a look filled with anguish.
"I am so scared of you," I told him the truth. I closed my eyes and my quivering lips began to say,
" I am so scared of you...Your presence... Your anger... Your love... Your whole Being embeds deep terror within me... " My voice came out like a whisper. I slowly opened my eyes and met his eyes.
"Say that you hate me and I will leave you alone... forever.." He whispered. I bit my lips and looked away. My grip on my dress tightened. I closed my eyes as tears rolled onto my cheeks.
"I can't..." I let out a vague voice. I can't, I love him dearly.
"So what's the problem!? You love me! I love you! Why are you punishing both of us!" He yelled getting away from me. This is the first time he said that he loved me. But, it's too late. Too much...
"I am so scared of you!" I yelled back as I began to cry. Desmond took a deep breath and put his hands in his pocket. He stood in front of me. He said in a low but vehement tone,
"I won't sign them. Never. Take this matter to court or wherever you want, but I will never sign them." He leaned in, his face was so close to mine.
"I can't live without you, Ester. I'll die without you. I love you so much. " he said as A tear fell from his eye. Pure and deep feelings surge through every word. He was so distressed. I closed my eyes and hugged my sides. I took a step back away from him and swallowed hard to stop myself from crying. I opened my eyes and gave Desmond a cold look,
" Get Out," I said coldly. I walked past him and was about to leave upstairs for my room but, Desmond held my arm and stopped me in my tracks,
"Ester please, don't leave me. Give me a chance. Please." I yanked my arm away from him and left him alone. I close the door behind me and let out a deep breath. I put my hand over my mouth so as not to cry.
_____
It's night, I am lying on my bed. I stare aimlessly at the ceiling. I close my eyes and let the darkness consume my body. I want this pain, this agony to go away.
My eyes shot open when I heard the sound of a flute. I sat up and comprehended the sound of melody; crazy in love.
I bit my cheek. I got out of bed. I looked out of the window. My eyes widened when I saw Desmond playing the flute. He looked at me and continued to play. I gave him an angry look and closed the window so as not to listen. I pulled over the curtain. I put my hand over my ear and fell on the bed.
The next day, I went to my room and heard Desmond playing the flute. I sat beside the window and listened to the harmony; My passion.
I smile to myself a little. How can he play such songs so beautifully? They pull me close to him, which I don't want. Still, The sound of melody gives me a sensation of solace. I closed my eyes and listened to it.
For the next few days, Desmond continued to play the flute outside my house. I always leave the window slightly open so I can hear it. I know I shouldn't have done that but, I am receiving what I strive to get. But, I won't change my decision. I can't bring myself to fall in that trap again. That day still haunts me when I find out about the contract. He held my hands with such affection and when I relaxed he let out all of his anger. Just remembering that day, broke my heart.
I was sitting in the garden. If I stayed home any longer it'd drive me insane. I need to fresh my mind. I decided to go to an ice cream parlor. I walked out of the house. I decided to walk there. I smiled a little as I walked. As I was walking, someone grabbed my arm. I turned and saw Desmond. My mouth gaped when I saw his usual perfect form in a complete mess. He has bags under his eyes. He looked skinnier than before. His tie was missing as his shirt had a few buttons open. His hair is messy. He looked completely devastated. He gave me a pleading look,
"Please, Ester... Listen to me..." I pulled my arm away from him. I close my hand on my chest.
"I am listening.." I said.
"Please, Give me a chance. I beg you. You are afraid of me, right? I promise I'll remove it. Please, Give me a chance."
"Don't promise things you can't fulfill," I said as I rolled my eyes from him.
"I'll remove them. Trust me. Please..." He begged again.
" 1 month," I said. I looked at him and began to say,
" If in one month, you can't remove your fears, then, you'll sign the divorce papers."
" Deal." He said as he hugged me tightly.
"Thank you so much, Ester. I promise I'll make everything right." He beams. I patted his back and pulled away.
"Let me finish," I said once again. He nodded as I continued,
"Okay, First, You won't even try to touch me. Second, I won't live in the same room as you. Third, you will never raise your voice against me." I said sternly.
"Anything for you." He smiled genuinely. I nodded as we went back.
I packed my stuff.
"Are you sure?" Father said. I nodded and went to my father.
"Do you believe in me?" I ask.
"Of course." I smiled and hugged my father.
"Believe me..." Father kissed my head as I got away and hugged mother too.
Desmond waited for me in the main hall. Father glared at Desmond. Desmond smiled widely at me as we left...