This song totally goes with the chapter, so give it a listen!
[Amanda]
When we returned from Cybertron, I didn't stay at the base. I didn't answer Agent Fowler when he asked what had happened. I didn't let my friends stop me from getting to my Mustang.
But I did turn to them before climbing in, and said, "I just need some time."
Then I left.
I didn't even realize that I had driven back home until I passed the front gates of the Beckett Estate. Everything felt numb. I didn't feel the gravel under my heels, or the wind that seemed to be shifting the leaves. And that hole in my chest? That was the only thing I could actually feel. That gaping hole that seemed to be swallowing me whole.
I didn't even make it past the front door. The moment my feet hit the first porch step, that was it. I dropped, sitting on the steps with my elbows on my knees, propping my head up in my hands. The sun began to set and time didn't seem to be working properly, but then what was at this point?
Even though I couldn't believe it, I also did. Grief is a weird thing. You don't realize it has taken over, how it makes you doubt everything, until after the fact. I knew Optimus was gone, I physically felt it, but I still could hardly believe it. He was always so... alive. Even when he was hurt, his eyes were bright, his spark even brighter. How was it possible that someone so alive could die?
Considering the circumstances, I should have been almost glad this was how the Prime went. He wasn't defeated by any enemy, he fell saving all future Cybertronians by making their lives possible. It was the most honorable way to go.
That didn't make it hurt any less though. Maybe one day it would, but certainly not now.
"You've already given up so damn much for this cause, why it is that you feel your life has to be added onto that list?!"
I had said those words out of sheer anger when Optimus had stayed behind as the Decepticons attacked our old base. They still had merit now, but all of the anger was gone. As the words rang in my head, they were more of a plea than a shout.
The sun had disappeared behind the horizon by now, and I took a long, shuddering breath. In that moment, my thoughts were completely silent, a stark difference from before, and I found myself wondering what to do now.
At least before, I knew Optimus would be there. I knew that all I had to do was space bridge over, or send him an urgent message, and we'd meet up instantly. Now...
My shoulders shook as a sob ripped through me, and I let my tears fall for the second time today. Optimus would have hated to see me like this, but I couldn't help it, and I just hoped he'd understand.
~~~
[Arcee]
"Arcee to base," I said over the comms.
"Go ahead, Arcee," Jack's voice filled my ear.
"Amanda's not here," I said, looking around the front of the Beckett estate. "I'm pretty sure her security system picked up on me five minutes ago and I've gotten nothing."
"Maybe she isn't in the mood to talk? It's only been a couple of days."
"But she wouldn't leave me out front, would she?"
He paused for a second before answering. "Yeah, you're right. Maybe she left? Is her Mustang out front?"
"Her what?"
"That car she always drives, with the horse logo."
I surveyed the long driveway, seeing that it was empty. "No. Are you able to locate it?"
"Give me a sec," I heard Jack shuffle around before calling out to Raf to track Amanda's car. I waited another few minutes until he got back to me. "She's just down that road. Keep heading away from Jasper, and you'll find her. Her car is stopped at the side of the road."
"Perfect, thanks Jack." I signed off and backed up away from the closed gate, taking off down that road. Carefully holding the package on my motorcycle seat was difficult enough, but I still sped up, feeling a new urgency to get it to Amanda. After the Autobots voted me most suited to deliver it, I'd been debating when the best time to visit Amanda would be. I hadn't wanted to go right after she heard the news- I knew she would need time to think- but I didn't want to wait long enough to reopen the wound.
I finally found a pitch black car parked to the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, allowing me to transform with the package in my hands. A quick look around showed me the silhouette of a girl sitting on a nearby hill, staring out at the landscape with her back to the road. The sun had begun to touch the horizon as I approached her, and every step I took, I tried to come up with something to say, but Amanda beat me to it.
"He used to drive me out here all the time," She said without tearing her eyes away from the sunset. "Somehow he'd know something was bothering me, even if I tried to hide it. He'd drive me passed the manor, out to the middle of nowhere, and tell me a story about Cybertron, his struggles during the war, and the Cybertronians he used to know. Then my story would just tumble out and he'd say exactly the right things to make me feel better." Her voice died off, before she took a deep breath and continued. "How are things on Cybertron now?"
That surprised me. "What do you mean?"
"Without him. How are things?"
"Different," I said, taking a seat next to her, placing the package behind me and out of sight. "Everyone's taking the news differently, but we know we have to keep pushing forward. Optimus didn't sacrifice so much to have us stop when he left." I gave her a small smile. "But it seems like he didn't fully leave. He would have asked the exact same question."
She didn't say anything for a long moment, so I kept talking.
"Those statues you created, though? They've become a beacon now. There are all sorts of offerings to the Primes of the past at the feet of their statues, especially Optimus'."
That got me a small smile. "I'm happy to hear that."
Now or never, Arcee.
"We found this in his room in the compound," I said, reaching for the package and placing it in front of her. "We didn't want to pry, but it was in the middle of the room and had your name on it, so we knew we had to deliver it."
She finally looked away from the horizon, her eyes drifting to the package. It must have seemed odd, to get a box half her size from her passed guardian, but she didn't question it. She only lifted her head to lock her gaze with mine, and I saw how Optimus' death had taken a toll on her. It didn't look like she'd had a lot of sleep lately, and her eyes were tired. Her usually leadership aura was dim, and she just seemed drained. I put a hand on her back, hoping that she knew that I understood everything she was going through. The thankfulness in her eyes told me that she did.
"I'll be here," I said. "If you need someone to talk to. I've lost people close to me before, I know how it feels. Anytime you need me, Amanda, I'll be here."
She gave me a small smile, one that reminded me of the Prime. "Thank you, Arcee. For everything."
I returned her smile and stood. "I'll leave you to it then. But I mean it, don't hesitate to call."
"I won't." She promised and I gave her one last long look before heading down the hill, transforming, and driving back towards Jasper.
[Amanda]
I didn't touch the metal box in front of me until I couldn't hear Arcee's engine anymore. It wasn't that I didn't want the Autobot to see me break down again- truthfully I didn't care- but I had to steel myself to see what was in it. In Cybertronian writing, my name was spelt across the top of the box, and the rest of it was bare. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment, and then used my powers to unravel the box. Inside lay two Cybertronian blasters, ones I immediately recognized, as well as a piece of paper with words printed on it. With shaking hands, I picked up the paper.
Amanda,
Agent Fowler has agreed to aid me with this letter and I wish to be brief in order to prevent his time being wasted on the fact that I do not know how to operate a human computer.
I fear that soon my spark will come to rest on Cybertron, but I do not want you to despair. From the beginning of my time, I knew one day I would have to lay my life down for Primus, and though that day may be upon us soon, I do not want there to be a doubt regarding whether my purpose has been fulfilled. And there is not a doubt within me.
I have met many over the course of my lifetime, but there has not been one who I have bonded with more than you, Amanda. In ways that I cannot explain, I knew that you were special the day I unwillingly dragged you into the Autobot-Decepticon conflict. Perhaps it was the connection between Primus and Cleona that brought us together. Perhaps it was the fact that Ingrid Beckett is your mother. Perhaps is was simply my inability to not interfere with those engaging in conflicts of their own. Regardless, there has not been a moment that I will forget.
I have had the privilege to watch you grow as an individual, as a champion, and as a leader. I have had the chance to take the role of your father, one I hold with great honor and pride. I have been able to watch as you stepped out of your comfort zone and began to lead the team with ease. Time and time again, when you have been faced with challenges, you have risen above them and defeated them swiftly, just as I knew you would.
You have become a strong, compassionate, and just leader who I am entrusting the responsibility of leading Earth's Team Prime to. I have left you my primary blasters so that you may protect yourself and those around you more effectively. I do not believe you need them to fight, but I want you to have them nevertheless as a token of how I trust you to protect Team Prime. I do not have much else to leave you, though I hope our memories will be enough, and when they are not, travel to the Well of Allsparks and I will be there. Look to the stars above the well, and I will be there, in a location you will be able to see from Earth as well. I have told you countless times before, your burdens are mine, each of our victories are shared, and I will always be there. There may not be life in my body, but there will always be light in my spark and I do not doubt that you will ever lose sight of that.
I know you will pave your future in glory and keep my legacy alive, and I am glad that you will be the one to lead that. With the love of a sire, I must send you on your way. Do not let my absence deter you from your own legacy. Do not forget that you are the strongest champion Cleona has ever chosen. The strongest that I have met, rivalling even the goddess herself. Keep your head high and should a conflict occur, challenge it with the strength I know you possess.
Until next time, my daughter,
Optimus Prime.
I didn't realize I had been crying until a couple tears dropped onto the page. But there was a smile on my face. I slowly lowered the letter, still holding it tight in my shaking hand as I brushed my other hand against the blasters. They were fairly large, just longer than my arm, and slightly scuffed from years of battle. My fingers skimmed over the cool, Cybertronian metal, feeling it hum under my touch.
"Damn, Optimus," I laughed sadly. "You really know how to make an exit."
Then I looked up at the stars, which seemed to be shining brighter than ever before.
"I love you too, Dad."