I looked down at my plate, embarrassed. Swash was looking at me accusingly. This had to be the most awkward situation ever. I wasn't a pedophile for God's sake. Everyone knows that penises get hard for no reason sometimes. But coupled with the 'holding' that Bradley had mentioned, this couldn't look good.
"Um..." I started to say. But words failed me. My face reddened even more and I looked at Swash pleadingly. He still had the mask-like accusatory face on. Then slowly, almost imperceptibly, his expression moved from condemnation to amusement. I saw that excited glimmer in his eyes again. He knew I didn't mean to do anything wrong. If there was anyone I wanted to hump in my sleep, it was him. Was he just playing mind games? He looked at Bradley, who was still staring at me with curiosity.
"I guess it's time for you to sleep in your own bed, Brad."
"But what was the hard thing in his pants?" Bradley didn't seem to mind being told to sleep alone. His inquisitiveness must have overpowered his fear of nightmares.
"It's something that happens when you get older." Swash's expression was gentle and fatherly. Bradley still looked confused.
"But what was it?"
"It was my penis." I said bluntly. I was a little tired of feeling embarrassed. Talking about sex should not embarrass me. I was a whore for crying out loud. Okay, soon to be ex-whore but the experience was still the same. Besides, he was going to find out sooner or later, so he might as well learn to handle it now. I didn't think the knowledge was going to blow his brain out or anything. Swash spun around and stared at me after I said those words. He had this slightly annoyed look as if to say 'Don't just lay it like that on him'. I shrugged.
"You mean my peepee will become hard when I grow up? Does it hurt?" He looked a little scared.
"No, Bradley," I began, stopping Swash from having to say anything else. "Okay, maybe if it stays hard for like two hours. But it's not permanent. Kinda like you can stick your tongue out and put it back in. It happens sometimes when you sleep and sometimes for no good reason. Like in class. Wait until you're thirteen and you'll know what I'm talking about." I found myself smirking. Swash looked a bit uncomfortable. Maybe I was saying too much.
"Okay." Bradley looked down at his plate and finished his eggs. I breathed a sigh of relief, happy he wasn't asking any more questions. I didn't know whether he understood. Maybe he was fine with the little bit I had said. His question had been answered, and his mind was likely processing other things. I looked at swash with a libertine expression that was to be read as 'See, no big deal.' He wasn't smiling, but his eyes were. Another bit of sexual awkwardness handled by Michael. I should be getting rewards for these things.
Breakfast was finished quickly and Swash guided Bradley to the elevator.
"Swash, I'll be out for a few hours today."
"Okay." He didn't even look interested, which I found odd for some reason.
"Aren't you going to ask 'where are you going'?"
"You're 20, not 2."
The elevator door closed as the words I had said echoed in my head. Swash was clearly still bitter about my walking out on them. The little laughter I saw this morning had only been in response to the situation. There was nothing different between us. I sighed and grabbed my phone.
"Hey baby."
"You didn't come yesterday." He made a small sound of disappointment.
"I'm sorry. I said I'll call if I could."
"You should have called to say you couldn't. I had my hopes up and everything."
"Well, that's not really my fault, is it?"
"Yes. It. Is." Malone emphasized every word. "Maybe if you weren't so hot I wouldn't care so much."
I laughed. "So you only like me because of my looks?"
"I'm not that superficial Mike. There's also that tight ass."
I guffawed. I could feel him smiling on the other side of the phone. Malone was sure to brighten up my day. I deserve him.
"I'll try to make it today. I really miss you Mal."
"You know I miss you too. Tell me the magic words and make my pain go away."
"I love you?"
"Those were yesterday's magic words."
"What are today's magic words then?" I chuckled lightly.
"Come over, and I'll tell you."
I laughed again and hung up. Almost as soon as I did, the phone rang. I looked at the screen. Emmet. He'll be at the station today. Emmet was the only one who took the station job seriously. And Robert.
"Hey Em?"
"What's up Offal? Coming today?"
"Sure. I just need to freshen up. I'll be over in thirty minutes. One hour tops."
"Okay. We'll be expecting you."
"Who's 'we'?"
"Alex took a week off. He's keeping me...company."
"This conversation is over."
I ended the call and laughed. I made my way to the bathroom with a slowly creeping feeling of dread. I wasn't at all enthusiastic about the conversation I was about to have with Emmet, even less so about his reaction and chastising that was sure to follow. Emmet could go from lovable jerk to condescending Mum in a flash. I pushed away the thoughts as I peeled off my clothes. Whatever was going to happen will happen, and I'd deal with it whenever it does.
I unlocked the door to Dorian's apartment slowly, as if a sudden entrance would somehow change their reactions. I heard Emmet squeal and I was caught in a bear hug. Alex was sitting on the couch, looking as relaxed as a lion in the savannah. One of the many things I had learned from the hours of watching the science shows was that lions were incredibly lazy. King of the jungle? They slept 20 hours a day. Emmet peeled himself back and beamed at me. His green-gray eyes almost seemed to sparkle.
"We really missed you, Mike."
"I can tell." I chuckled.
He brushed something off my shoulder and walked back to the chair in front of the computer. I followed quietly.
"Hi Michael," Alex drawled.
"Hey 'Lex." I sat beside him on the couch. "Hope I wasn't interrupting anything."
"Obviously not. Em says we only get a break at 12. He's all disciplined like that."
"Tough."
"I'm used to it. You should have seen him at the wedding. You would've thought he was the interior decorator."
"Hey, I wasn't that bad. But seriously, what type of decorator can't set a simple dinner table? And the flowers in the middle blocking everyone's view? Sure, they were pretty but completely unnecessary. I couldn't have any of that mess in Dory's wedding."
"You didn't have to flip out completely. Thank goodness Rob was there to hold you back."
Emmet laughed and spun around in the chair. His laughing facial expression waned. He stopped spinning and set himself to face me.
"What's going on with Swash? Give us details." He stretched out the last word. He wanted sordid stuff. I sighed and faced him.
"Okay, first thing you must know is that Swash and I aren't dating. We're not an item or anything like that."
"Okay..." He raised his eyebrow. "So it was just an extended sex session?"
"No." I wanted to say everything at once but this was a lot harder to explain without looking weird. Emmet frowned in confusion and seemed to think over what I had just said, looking for a sort of logical conclusion.
"I don't follow," Alex chimed in. "So you mean you're not dating, and you're not having sex?"
"Yes."
"So what are you?" Emmet spoke again.
"Would you believe if I told you we're just friends?"
Alex stayed silent. Emmet was staring at me oddly. He was probably trying to figure out if I was laying some sort of joke on him. His hand flew to his forehead and he rubbed between his eyebrows.
"So let me get this straight. Swash, who is just your friend, forked over twenty three thousand dollars just so you could hang out?"
"Technically, it's just about a thousand five hundred."
"How?"
"He's only paying the company charges," I looked away, trying not to show my guilt. "He's not paying me to stay with him."
Emmet was stunned. Alex was confused. Then Emmet's eyes widened with realization.
"You're trying to tell me that Swash booked you for two weeks, blocking out all other requests for you while only paying you the company charges? He couldn't have set up something like that. I'm sure you had him do it. What exactly were you trying to pull, Michael? You have no idea how much money you could’ve made in that time frame. We're still in the two weeks, right?"
I nodded. "I only did it because I needed a break."
"But we could have arranged that. You didn't need to sit in some guy's house for two weeks and become an inconvenience. And all this time, we thought you'd finally made it big. So did you do any jobs at all?"
"No. Only my station shift two days ago."
"Do you have another job?" Alex was back in the inquisition session. I shook my head. Emmet sat back in the chair and sighed. He was running the information through his mind, trying to decide a course of action. I admired his ability to give himself completely to a task at hand. A quality that reminded me of Bradley.
"Well, what can we do about it? At least you got the company's quota for the time you spent- are spending so there's no need to tell Dorian anything. I just wonder how you plan to pay back all of this."
"I don't know Em. But I'll figure something out."
"Maybe we could give you a loan until-"
"Don't, Alex. That'll just be a situation robbing Peter to pay Paul. And you forget: Swash and I are friends. We can always work something out."
They both sighed dramatically as if I was their unruly child. I looked from one to the other. If this was anything to use as a gauge, I felt sure they'd make good parents. They both worried in their own way, but their intentions were always noble and they sought out solutions. Way better than those who only played the blame game. The computer made a notification sound and Emmet turned to handle it. Alex was still staring at me, trying to figure me out. I smiled at him. His eyebrows shot up as though he got an idea.
"Shit. I totally forgot I had to go see Jason. What time is it?"
"11:23," Emmet replied from the computer.
"I guess I could go." Alex began to get up from the chair.
"But you'll miss sexy noon time," Emmet whined. I held back a laugh. The change in behavior was a little comical. Only seconds ago he was acting motherly. Alex walked over and kissed him long and slow. I began to wonder if they'll ever stop for air. When he ended it, Emmet's eyes were still closed and he was smiling.
"Go now, before I rape you."
Alex laughed and looked at me. "Wanna come along?"
"Sure. As long as we leave in time. I need to be somewhere else at two."
"Okay."
Alex's car was a little small but really comfortable. It had an outdoorsy pine and wood smell. I liked it. We drove to the hospital in silence. I busied myself with my usual staring out of the window and random thoughts. While my relationship with Swash had been clarified by our conversation, the topic of Malone had not even come up. I wondered if I should have told them about him, seeing as he was the reason I was quitting my current job and way of life. Emmet had thought it was because I was getting serious with Swash. Maybe he forgot about that conversation and was more concerned with the current bit of news I was telling him. Alex's car made a quick turn and Saint Joseph's Hospital came into view. I was suddenly filled with anticipation. I really wanted to see Jason. I felt a little bad that I hadn't come to see him in a week, but there was really nothing I could have done otherwise. We got into the reception and we had to wait several minutes before we got someone to direct us to Jason's room. When we got there, he wasn't in. Alex called a nurse to inquire, who in turn called for a doctor. We had to wait for a few more minutes. A young guy, probably not older than 27, came to meet us. He was a little short and pudgy, but otherwise good looking.
"You're here to see Mr. Fuller?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry; he was moved to the rehabilitation wing just this morning. His brother was a little concerned about how quickly he could be discharged, so we've had him taken for physiotherapy. He was bed-bound and severely anemic, you see. There might have been some amount of wasting because he complained about muscle weakness."
"So can we see him?"
"Not right now. He's still being put through exercises. Maybe later on in the day. Do we have your contact details?"
"Yes." Alex's face was a mix of emotions. There was disappointment at not being able to see Jason, but behind that there was hope. Jason was up and moving. He was trying to regain strength. That was better than finding him lying in a bed. Alex thanked the doctor and we walked out of the hospital. I checked the time. 12:48. I told Alex that I needed to go somewhere else, so he left alone. I found a cab and made my way to Bradley's school. I knew I was a little early, but I really had no other plans for the day. I could have gone to hang out with Emmet but I was trying to avoid talking about Malone. One parental session with him was enough for the day. Besides, he and Alex were supposed to be having 'sexy time' and I didn't need to see any of that.
I got to Bradley's school by 13:25 and hung around the streets, window shopping to pass the time while making repeated glances at my phone. The shops in the area gave very little to impress. Once I noticed the time was 13:50, I began to head back to the school. The number of cars parked in front was incredible. Of course, I'd never seen them because I always came for him late. There were a lot of parents waiting in the reception, most of them doting mothers. I didn't want to mingle with them and be forced into any idle conversation, so I waited outside, looking at the street.
"I'm really sorry about yesterday."
I turned around. It was Rita, looking embarrassed while trying to smile. I smiled back. "It's okay. I should have told you I was gay from the beginning."
"Why? That's not something you just say out of the blue."
"Bradley had no problem with it." I laughed and she joined in. She really was beautiful. I wondered why she was interested in me, I was obviously too young for her. But she wasn't old enough to be cougar class. I judged her age to be about 28; 32 tops.
"I just felt really embarrassed and I have a...you can say 'strange' way of handling embarrassment."
"You turn around and walk away?"
"Hey, it was either that or covering my face and staring at the sky." We both laughed. She was rather interesting. A woman like her should have men falling at her feet, but I guess having a child was like a flashing red light to many of them.
"I knew you were interested in me from the moment you started talking," I said rather off-handedly. She looked amused.
"Really? Is that some sort of special skill or I'm just a really bad actress?"
"Don't try any auditions." She laughed again. I liked her laugh. It wasn't stereotypically feminine, but it was honest. She looked at me and smiled.
"Maybe we could make this work. I've always wanted a gay best friend."
"Don't believe the rumors honey, we're not all good at shopping." She giggled and I smiled. Maybe we really could be friends. There was no harm in knowing a couple of people with vaginas. She pulled out a business card and wrote a number at the back. I noticed that the crowd behind us had started to stir. I guessed it was time to pick the children.
"Here's my number. Personal." She gave the business card to me. "Maybe we can hang out sometime, if you're not so busy with your son."
"Thanks. One other thing, he's not my son. I'm just a friend of his dad." She looked visibly relieved yet a little bemused.
"That makes a little more sense then. But honestly, you could have fooled me. Or you did. You two have a resemblance. And the way he looks at you...I mean, he must really like you."
"I really like him too," I laughed. She gave me a quick smile.
"Anyway, I have to go pick Emily. See you around, Michael."
"Sure, you too Rita."
She walked into the gaggle of chattering parents. I flipped her business card over. She was a wedding planner. I laughed as I thought about her possibly meeting my friends. Emmet was going to eat her for lunch. I made my way through the crowd and got to Bradley's class. Mrs. Perry was busy with some other parents, but managed a quick wave at me. Bradley ran up to me and stopped about a foot in front of me. He looked up into my eyes and smiled. It reminded me of what he did in the bathroom yesterday. I could only smile back and hope my face didn't melt along with my heart. We skipped out of school and waited for a cab.
"Can I take you anywhere?"
I turned to find Rita staring up at me from the driver's seat of a new-model Volkswagen Beetle. She was causing a hold-up of cars with her sudden stop, so I felt the pressure to answer hastily. I told her where Swash's condo was. Her eyes lit up with surprise and she said that she lived in the same neighborhood. I got into her car quickly. Her daughter was in the passenger seat. She was about 5 years old, with rich brown hair and twinkling hazel eyes. She was like a clone of her mother. Rita was trying to make introductions while driving at the same time. I helped her out. Bradley and Emily said a quick 'hi' and looked away shyly. I laughed at their similitude. The car ride was filled with idle chatter. Even Bradley and Emily managed to come out of their shells to talk. Soon, we got to the neighborhood and I got out and thanked her. She waved at me and drove around a corner. I never would have known she stayed here. I began to see Bradley’s point about having more community-friendly activities. We got into the house and Bradley ran to his room to drop his bag. I went into the kitchen. I felt hungry, and I knew Bradley was sure to be hungry too, as we had not made out usual McDonald's stop. I scanned the fridge for something I could make, but I didn't trust my cooking skills as far as the foodstuff was involved. I eventually grabbed a phone and ordered pizza. There was no point wasting time and making a culinary disaster.
We watched TV in near silence, stuffing our faces. Swash returned at about 17:50. I wondered how he would manage Bradley when I was gone. I couldn't be picking him up from school and feeding him forever. His face looked down when he walked in, but he managed to put up a happy expression as soon as he closed the door. He didn't think I'd noticed. He dropped his briefcase on the couch and plopped down. There was silence for a few seconds before I decided to speak up.
"Hi."
"Hey."
"How was work?"
"It was okay. I have to go change."
He sighed, got up and went into his room. The door was open and I looked at him peel off his tie and begin to unbutton his shirt. It was about to become a strip show if I didn't do something. Somehow, I found myself standing. I walked into his room and closed the door. He turned around. There was an initial surprise before his look flattened as he realized it was me.
"Look, I'm sorry about walking out on you, but you don't have to act like I killed somebody."
"What?"
"The silent treatment? Isn't that a little childish?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. Besides, I talked to you a few seconds ago."
"Only because Bradley was there. You're avoiding me and you know it."
He sighed and rubbed his left eye. He really looked tired.
"Maybe I am."
I was surprised at his admission. I thought he was just going to tell me to leave and close the door.
"So what's wrong? Is there any way we can fix this?"
"Fix what?"
"Our friendship. You're clearly still mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you, Mike. If anything, I'm trying to avoid being mad at you."
I blinked twice. That was unexpected. Swash sat down on the bed, looking even more tired. I stood by the door and watched him. His eyes looked defeated as he readied himself to talk.
"Work isn't okay, Mike. I just got out of a board review. They're considering firing me."
Oh.
Fuck.