After hearing those words filled with serenity, I finally woke up and found myself in the same bed I let my agony out. An empty expression was formed on my face when the sunlight fell on my face.
I am not burning like before. I haven't even taken my medicine and didn't expect myself to wake up, feeling this well. What happened? Shrugging my shoulders, I went down after.
"Good Morning Ma'am." Savannah greeted me. I smiled at her.
"A very good morning to you as well," I said to her.
"I am glad to see you well."
"Yeah...My fever is down a little. I'll take the medicine and will be fine in no time." I took a seat and began to have my breakfast. I am glad that Desmond has already left. I don't even want to face him. After breakfast, I took my medicine. I noticed Savannah was giving me a concerned look. It seems like she wants to say something but can't.
We went to the library. I just couldn't help but notice that look.
"Is everything alright, Savannah?" I asked.
"Yes, Ma'am. Everything is fine." She smiled as she excused herself and left. I frown at her fake smile. What's wrong with her? I began to read my book. My eyes became heavy as I read the book. Maybe I am not that good at wandering around the house. I sighed and went to my room to take some rest.
It's dinner time and my hands were cold as ice. I entered the dining hall and saw Desmond. I know I can't avoid him forever. I have to see him, sooner or later. My heart began to beat rapidly. Fright is written all over my face. I looked down and took a seat across from him.
"W-Welcome Home," I said. He didn't look at me. I looked at the table. I didn't dare to look up. The food was served. We began to eat in silence. Savannah gave me a sympathetic look. I am just so confused at her demeanor.
It's been weeks and Savannah is still acting weird. I tried to ask her but she didn't answer. Every time I try to talk to her she just shrugs it off. She's the only one in this house I can talk to. Desmond never acknowledged my existence let alone to talk to me.
I entered the library and bumped into something hard. I looked up only to meet a pair of silver gems.
"Have you become blind now?", He said rudely.
"I'm sorry.", I said monotonously and walked past him but he held my wrists. My heart began to race as he pinned me to the wall. His intimidating eyes never looked at me with affection. He always looked at me with anger or hatred. I looked at him as fear took over me, he then glared at me. He glared at me for a long time then, he gritted his teeth in annoyance and let go of me.
"You are not even worth fulfilling my desires" He mocked me. He was about to leave as I fell on the ground, "Then stop touching me!" I yelled at him.. He stopped and looked at me for a second. His eyes flicker with a hint of remorse and compassion as he continues to stare at me, "When I am so undesirable then take me out of your life!" I glared at him, "I can't!" He said sadly.
"Why?" I barely managed to whisper and lowered my head, "Why are you not loving me?" I asked.
"It'll hurt you." He whispered.
"At least try." I said, curling my hands in a fist and hiding my face in my knees, "I am willing to bear all pain."
"I am sorry, Ester. I can't." He said with his voice deluged in extreme agony and left. I grit my teeth when I hear it.
What good do your words of compassion do to me when you're going to break my soul miserably?
I remained there for a while but then I felt someone's hands patting my head lovingly. I looked up and saw Savannah.
"Are you alright?" She asked. I couldn't take it anymore. If I don't share my feelings with anyone, I'll fall apart. I know it's not a good idea to break the rules of the house but still, I couldn't bear it anymore. I hugged her and began to cry. She rubbed my back to calm me down,
"What happened?"She spoke in a soft tone.
"I-I am so Afraid of h-him...H-he's scary..." I said between the sobs.
"Who?"
"D-Desmond..."
"You guys are married. I am sure he loves you." She tried to reassure me.
"That's the problem. H-He doesn't love me. H-He scares me.." I sniffed.
"If you are scared, why are you still with him?"
"I-I Love him, "I wiped my tears.
"Then, try to win his love."
"That's what I have been doing for the past 3 months," She hugged me again as I cried my heart out. After we pulled away she smiled reassuringly at me and said,
"You looked so scared ever since I saw you. In Sir's presence, you look so frightened. And whenever you are alone you look so happy and free... It always bothered me, but now I am sure of the reason why you are so scared."
"So that's why you look so bothered." She nodded. For the past few months, she was worried about me. I smiled at her. I stood up and went to my room. Desmond was already asleep. I laid on my side and went to sleep.
It's been a few days and I felt like some weight has been lifted off my chest. I liked Savannah company. At least I have someone I can talk to. Of course, I talk to my father and mother as well, but I can't tell them about what I am going through.
After dinner, I have decided to gaze at the stars. I was looking at them. I watch with faze how they shone the world in such an elegant way. My moment of admiration was ruined when Lily came with a scared look, I smiled at her as she began to say,
"Ma'am, Sir is waiting for you in your room." My smile faded. Her looks alarm me that something bad is going to happen.
I stood outside the room. I held the doorknob. My heart began to race. I opened the door and saw Desmond leaning on the wall. The room is lit by moonlight. Desmond looked extremely angry. I swallow hard. My legs became numb. I felt like my energy was being drained away from me. Desmond hairs are messy. His tie was loose. What made my heart stop was that he held the belt in his hands.
"Come here." He said in a deep voice. I feel like even my soul is giving up on me. My trembling form walked towards him. He looked at me with sheer dominance. His power is crushing me.
"On your knees." He commands me. I looked at him. His dire gaze shut me up. My voice is locked in the prison of fear.I want to run away from him.
"I am not doing it." I whispered, looking down.
"Didn't you hear me? On. Your. Knees" He commands again. He is getting irritated by my lack of reaction. I am just too frightened to do anything. He took a step close with an infuriated look, I quickly bent on my knees in dread. He looked down at me like I am some kind of ant. He walked around me and began to say,
"On your first day here, I set some rules." He completed his circle around me and stood in front of me and looked at his supremacy.
"Tell me, What are those?" He bent down to my level and looked at me. His eyes show a look of a predator.
"I'll heed absolute obedience to you.
I'll never disgrace you in any way.
I'll never talk about how you treat me.
I'll never talk behind your back." My fearful form manages to say. My defenseless form is becoming more scared by each passing second. My hands turned cold. My terrified form was shaking uncontrollably.
"What will happen if you break them?" His voice was low but was filled with rage.
"I-I'll see your W-worst side.." I shudder in terror of what I have done.
"And what did you do?" He said glaring at me.
"Des-"
"You are not allowed to speak unless I say so." I looked down but he held my jaw and forced me to look at him.
"So, you are scared of me? That's what you told Savannah." He said in a deadly serious tone. My heart stopped when I heard this. Did she tell him about it? My eyes widened, I shouldn't have trusted her. My trembling lips cannot even produce a single sound.
"You see. Everyone here is abided by my rules. None of them can break it and you are not an exception. Besides..." He looked down at me.
"You shouldn't be scared of me"He leaned in, I felt his breath on my face. Then, he continued,
"You should be petrified of me." His voice sends shivers down my spine. My whole being stiffed when I heard this. I dug my nails in my palm. He let go of me and spoke up again in his dominant tone,
"Open your hands." I don't want to anger him more. I hesitantly opened my hands.
"Hold them out." Fearing the worst I held them out. My heart almost stopped. I closed my eyes as a stream of tears rolled down my cheek. I looked down. I squeaked when a sudden pain shot through my hands. I let out a cry. But, Didn't dare to look up. His presence is enough to make me feel like some kind of inferior being. He hit my hands with his belt. I began to cry. After a while, he threw the belt away. My hands were red and swollen. My eyes were puffy from crying.
"If you break any rule of this house ever again.." He spoke up. He moved to my crying face and whispered in my ear,
"I won't hold back...Got it?"
"Y-yes.." My terrorized form said. Without looking at me he left. He never fails to induce terrors in my heart. My vulnerable form always lost against his cold and cruel deportment
I began to cry. I looked at my red hands. They hurt so much. I never thought that Desmond would hurt me physically too. His words are absolute and meant to be followed. I understand this much today.
On the other hand, Savannah. How could you do this to me Savannah? I felt so heartbroken. I felt like I was betrayed. There's no one here for me. Today I realized that in this house, everyone is cold and cruel. Everyone just seeks its own good. I finally understood,
In this house, People don't live, they survive... from Desmond's cruelty.
Feeling utterly broken, I didn't dare to move and lost consciousness.
"I am sorry. Please forgive me. Please. Please. I am sorry. I have to push us away. "
I heard this voice again. This time, It was crying. I felt a strange knot in my heart for that voice.
The most mystifying thing about it is that I can't recognize it nor can I tell whether it's reality or illusion. I hope it's true. That brief moment, I wanted to leave Desmond and went far away with this voice. At least, I'll be loved...