"Myungie, darling..." Seokjin whispered into his baby boy's ear. "Whatever may happens, let's be strong together." He stroked the baby boy's hair lovingly. "Whatever may happens, Myungie will never leave mommy. And Myungie will always loves mommy."
This was some kind of ritual that Seokjin did since the first day Myungsoo came to say hi to the cruel world. At the old days since a newborn, he did it every night when he finished breastfeeding. And lately he did it every night at the bedtime, when the baby boy was half asleep. It was the time when he own the whole universe just for him and his beloved baby boy. As he wished the spell could embrace and strengthen his son to bear any possibilities in the future. As he clearly aware that his son couldn't get a father love like any other children.
"Please be happy, always. Mommy loves Myung, so much." And the ritual ended with a warm kiss on the baby boy's temple.
.
Now that my life is normal
Now that I'm doing very well
Now that with time I was able to overcome
Love that almost managed to destroy me
Now finally I can be myself again
.
Two weeks since Namjoon came into Seokjin's life again. Five days since the man came to the cottage with luggages and said that he rented the smaller one, for a year. Seokjin was shocked and then checked the booking. He had no idea why when he close the guest house cottage for almost two months due to maintenance and preservation -the cottage was an old buildings and a family heritage- the next guest who rented it was this person he wished would never see again in life.
He didn't get any email booking notification even before he went to bed the night before Namjoon came with his luggages. And he can't kick the man just because he don't like his presence. His cottage has reputation. This is what made him vulnerable. The name of his family came first. He wanted to do good as wise as he could, as the cottage was something important through generations.
.
Now that my future is starting to shine
Now that my confidence has returned
.
Seokjin just finished the preparation of his works and was ready to leave the house to see client in the town of Seoul and then he will go to the airport to welcome someone when Namjoon greeted him in the backyard terrace. Seemed that the man just woke up.
Namjoon knitted his eyebrows as he staring the pretty one. "You are going to work?"
"Mrs. Ahn is in the kitchen if you want breakfast." Seokjin didn't answer the real question. Coldly said it without bothered to face the man.
"Seokjin, are you going to work with that clothes?" Namjoon's question implied concern.
"Mind your own business." Seokjin walked into the garage. And Namjoon followed behind.
Uhh. Seokjin was wearing a nice white sweatshirt. In the mid of summer. Well. But that's not the problem. The greyish ripped jeans he wore had a bloody wide hole on his tight, right under his crotch.
"Can you please, change your clothes?" The man absentmindedly suggested. Like he was somehow afraid if the clothes gonna cause a problem.
"Excuse me?" Seokjin finally turned his attention and face the man.
"It's not that the clothes you wear is inappropriate to see clients. It's for your safety."
Seokjin gawked by the advise. "Safety? Oh Lord. What kind of safety you had in mind?" He laughed mockingly. "Geez. Let me tell you a story, Mr. Kim."
He walked closer as Namjoon also did the same. Seokjin won't lie that he was scared to hell when he saw Namjoon again after the years, but he as well got the strength and gained courage at the moment, to do anything to protect his little family. He must be tough and strong to protect his beloved baby Myung.
"Three years ago, I was wearing the most proper and modest clothes to attend the graduation party. And still, this jerk kidnapped and raped me. It wasn't my clothes nor my appearance that has to be the scapegoat nor to be blamed. It was that jerk."
Namjoon knew, Seokjin satirized him. And he had no reason to defend himself.
"You." Seokjin pointed his index finger right in front of Namjoon's face. "Don't be proud and happy with one year that I decided to give you. You weren't welcomed. Will never be." He bravely pierced his gaze on the other one's beads. "A year. Then get out of my life. Forever."
Namjoon was about to answer. Like he was preparing an inspiring speech about a year is enough to win Seokjin's heart. But no. He was wrong. Three years was more than enough to change a person. More over when this person had to face such cruel reality, and now is hard for this pretty one to trust anyone but himself and his baby boy. When this beloved one had to stay strong whatever happens, just for his beloved baby boy.
"A year from now, go kill yourself."
Namjoon won't deny that he shocked by the demand. It couldn't be true, right? He must be misheard it, right? It must be wrong. How come this lovely person who once treated well his cutting scratches selfharm asked him to kill himself?
"Go leave my house, and kill yourself. Or I'm gonna kill you."
Unfortunatelly, he didn't misheard it. The word 'kill' really came from the pretty one's mouth. Stern and clear. Seokjin spilled it with anger.
Namjoon stayed still, as he tried to understand the situation.
And Seokjin didn't wait for any response. He turned his back and walked heading into his car. But he stopped his steps when the man answered him.
"Fine." Namjoon forced himself to smile. "I could never be able to pay my sin, but fine. I promise to disappear the way you want me to."
Seokjin rolled his eyes, entered the car and started the engine. He left the yard a moment after.
"I know. I don't deserve happiness after all of this." Namjoon mumbled. More like talking to himself. "But a year is enough. A year is enough for me to create some memories with you, and Myung. And I'm okay to leave that way, if you asked me to." He clamped his mouth as he felt his heart stung and ache. "Thanks for letting me in anyway..."
.
But I remember you
And again I lose my calm
But I remember you
And my soul gets torn
.
"Good morning, Namjoonie." Mrs. Ahn greeted the young man.
"Good morning, Mrs. Ahn." Namjoon warmly answered.
"Pancakes? Or English breakfast if you want." Mrs. Ahn kindly offered. "People in this house are a bit anglophile if you don't know yet." She laughed.
"Well, I noticed it." Namjoon smiled. "Pancakes, may I?"
"Sure. Why not."
Namjoon poured himself some coffee and peeked into the living room. "Where is Myung?"
"Still sleeping. It's good that Myungie didn't rise too early for catching the sunrise. It's hard for Seokjin when he is lack of rest."
"I'm willing to catch the sunrise with Myungie, if Seokjin let me..." Namjoon smiled bitterly.
"Namjoonie, we talked about this..."
The day when Namjoon first arrived to see Seokjin after three years, he stayed overnight in the Mrs. Ahn's cottage and told everything about their circumstance.
"I know. I'm sorry..."
"Seokjin was actually asked me to stay here with him, since you rented the guest house cottage for a year. He scared that you will take his baby boy away from him."
"Ohh Lord." Namjoon gasped. "I won't." He pulled his hair in desperation. "I swear I'm coming here with good intention. I will never do any harm. I promise..."
"Well..." Mrs. Ahn put a plate of pancakes in front of Namjoon. "If you break your own promise, I know where to catch you." She patted the young man's back. "I'm watching you, Namjoonie..."
"Mrs. Ahn... I will never take my son from his mother... I'm going to make some memories for Myungie. And if Seokjin has no desire to open up his heart for me, once more, like the old times when he did, I will leave with no regrets..." Namjoon pleaded. "Please..."
Mrs. Ahn took a deep breath and sighed. "I really wish that I'm doing good by helping you. Don't make me regret this..."
"I promise..."
"Okay..." She took another deep breath, considered thing and two. "Don't you want to see your son?"
"But, he is sleeping..."
"Sleeping Myung is the cutest thing in the universe." She smiled. "Seokjinie would call me a traitor, if he find out. But, you missed so many moments, don't you?"
.
.
Mrs. Ahn accompanied Namjoon to enter Seokjin's bedroom where Myungsoo sleeping. And he awed with the warmness he felt. The wall painted in white colour. Large wardrobe in one corner. A table and a chair, for working. Bedside table with Seokjin cradled newborn baby Myungsoo picture, that succeed to make Namjoon felt from warm to anguish. And a bathroom in another corner.
Namjoon tiptoed to reach the mattress. Afraid if the baby boy would wake up. He then knelt down on his knees -the mattress to be made not high, for security. So if Myungsoo woke up when Seokjin not around, the baby boy could climb down the bed by himself- adoring the beautiful creature who slept soundly. Staring the beautiful creature that came from his ignorance. Adoring the beautiful creature that he missed the growths for three years, including the pregnancy time.
Namjoon turned his head to see Mrs. Ahn, quietly asking if it's okay to make some interaction. And he got 'go ahead' gesture.
Lightly brushed Myungsoo's hair, Namjoon quietly whispered. "Myungie. Darling..." He once again turned his head, as he nervously bit his lower lip. And Mrs. Ahn just nodded at him to continue. "Daddy has so many regrets..." Namjoon felt so much pain when he saw the baby boy stirred in another position and mumbled 'mommy...' with those tiny hands still holding the Von Count plushie doll, breathed calmly. "Daddy is willing to pay the sins in the past." He couldn't hold his tears. "Please help daddy to reach mommy once again, and gain forgiveness..."
And the sleeping baby boy smiled. Mumbled 'Hug time?' that succeed to make Namjoon cry, as the man felt so ashamed with what he did towards the mother of this beloved baby boy.
.
But I remember you
And my smile is erased
But I remember you
And my world becomes shattered
.
Seokjin pulled the brake and sighed. He closed his eyes as this sudden memories came striked his head. This certain memories when he purposely left a bento on this man's desk when he had a same class for a week with this man.
"Did I make a mistake?" Seokjin mumbled with eyes closed. Bit his lower lip. "Did I make mistake for the second time for letting him in in my life once again? Did I make the wrong decision because Myungie was so happy and giggly whenever this man was around? Myungie didn't even that giggly around Jungkookie..."
He failed to hold his tears.
"I don't want my Myungie to ever find out that this man was his father." More tears were falling on his cheeks. "But I don't want my baby Myung's brightness to disappear..."
He sobbed.
"Mommy, Mr. Kim coming, today? Mommy, Myung want to show sunrise to Mr. Kim." Seokjin muttered the words that his baby boy always asked him. "Oh, God. This is too hard..." And it made him cried even harder.
.
.
A/N:
The italic lines were lyrics of "Pero Me Acuerdo de Ti" by Christina Aguilera.