Chapter Nine
Aiden's POV
I sit on the bathroom floor of Trinity University, and take a deep, steadying breath. My heartbeat is beating against my rib cage, but that's what happens every time I throw up anything, especially bread. I carefully wrap my right hand's knuckles back up as though I didn't just throw up a nine-hundred calorie sandwich in a fancy university bathroom.
I hate this fucking bathroom. I hate the shitty marble tile, and the black counter tops. I hate how overdone it is. The only reason I have any opinion on the appearance of a university bathroom, is because I spend a lot of time in here, sitting against a toilet, waiting for my eyes to stop watering, and my heart to stop racing. I've had more than enough time to study this room, and hate it because it's ugly, and because when I heave, it echoes, and I find myself cringing every time.
It's quite pathetic that this is where my thoughts resort to.
Finally, when my heart doesn't feel like it's going to give out, I stand up, exit the stall, and begin washing my face at the sink. My eyes are red, and it looks like I've been crying which is annoying because what I did was a lot more ridiculously unnecessary.
I glance at my watch and notice that I'm twelve minutes late for class. I ponder whether I should go or not, but my perfectionistic rule about breaking my attendance record that nobody gives a shit about but me slaps me in the face.
I should go.
Axel and I share the class together, and I begin thinking of a lie to tell him when he asks me where I went.
I quickly fix my hair, as a few strands fell out of place when I was leaning over a fucking toilet, and I make sure I have no evidence of regurgitated lunch on my jacket. I sigh, pop a sugar-free mint in my mouth, and head out to class.
When I reach the classroom, I walk in and somehow my eyes lock with Juniper's. She's staring at me strangely, and a panicked thought strikes me. Does she know what I've done? Why is she staring at me? Do I look strange? I glance down at my shirt, thinking maybe I do have something on it, but no, I don't see anything.
I decide to ignore her as I walked down to my seat that was beside Axel. The professor continued on with her lecture pretending that she never noticed I came in late.
"Where the fuck did you go?" Axel whispers to me, and I shrug, refusing to look at him just in case my eyes were still red. "Felt sick." I lied but maybe it wasn't really a total lie, "I feel better now."
"Huh." He was silent for a moment before saying, "Maybe that Roxanne chick really did poison your food."
I say nothing and remain unfocused for the rest of the period. When class was over, I didn't bother to say anything to Axel, and immediately, returned to my dorm.
I decide that I don't want to see anyone for the rest of the day, I weigh myself immediately, my mind telling me I have to make sure the number is still as reasonable as it was this morning.
Two pounds. I purged everything I ate, and yet I still somehow gained two pounds. I take several deep breaths trying to comfort myself by coming up with rational reasons as to why my body is now two pounds heavier. I barely sleep and end up sporadically weighing myself all through the night, watching my weight slowly tick down ounce by ounce until the two pounds are nearly gone.
By the next morning, I'm running harder than I have in weeks due to my thoughts constantly reminding me of the useless nine-hundred calories in that fucking sandwich. I can't even remember the last time I ate a single meal with that many calories all at once.
I'm running so fast that I don't see Roxanne trail up behind me, "Hey!" She calls, and I turn to my side to see her struggling to keep up, "Slow down, I haven't even warmed up yet."
I don't know why she is so adamant on running with me every morning. I've never thought badly of her before, but right now I'm so stuck in my head that I want to tell her to leave me alone.
I frown at myself; I refuse to let my own issues hurt someone else just because I'm in a terrible mood. I won't be an asshole just because I hate myself. "Sorry." I breathe, and slow down so she can catch up.
"You're running quicker than usual today." She says, "I don't know how you do it."
Me either I think to myself, but instead say, "Where's your trainee?"
"Juniper is back there?" She points over her shoulder, and I look back to see Juniper far off in the distance. She's leaning down, tying her shoe, and for the first time all day, I find myself amused.
"Is it really training if you leave her in the dust?"
"She always has a bad attitude in the morning." She shrugs, "I honestly think she'd rather run by herself."
"As amusing as it is to see her struggle, I kind of feel bad."
"She's fine, she keeps telling me she feels like a third wheel around us anyway."
I figured that much. Every time Roxanne sits beside me, or attempts to hang out, Juniper always stands to the side with a miserable look on her face. I try to include her in conversation too, but it's hard when she's constantly throwing mental daggers at me when we lock eyes.
The only time she has ever looked at me in a way that wasn't full of disgust was when I was pressed against her in the locker room shower. I have spent way too much time thinking about that particular situation, and as amusing as it was, there's something else about it that sticks in my head and refuses to leave.
We made a lap, and was coming up behind Juniper, I forced myself to slow down even more until I was barely jogging at her level.
"Good morning, track star." I greet her, and she shoots me a glare that even Satan would cower to.
I bite back a laugh, and force my face to be neutral, "Not a good morning I'm guessing?"
"I hate running, and I hate you. I hate both of you," she glances at Roxanne before returning her stare back at me. "I don't need either of you to belittle me, so go on and go makeout somewhere."
"Makeout?" The word escapes me before I stop it.
Roxanne shoves her friend, "Really, Juniper? Stop throwing a tantrum."
"I'll act however I please because I'm starving, I'm tired, and I'm going to go crazy before the Halloween party."
"Two more weeks." Roxanne tries to console her, "Two more weeks and then you and I can eat whatever we want."
"I'm never running again after the party."
"And nobody expects you too." Roxanne pats her back like she was trying to encourage a child, "But you still have two more weeks so move your ass and lose that fat."
My stomach twists at her words. There is nothing about Juniper that is fat. In fact, it seems like Roxanne is applauding her for starving for no other reason than that she's starving.
"Speaking of the party." Roxanne nudges my arm, and it takes everything I have to not flinch away from her. If she thought Juniper could lose weight, then what the fuck does she think about me? "Have you thought about going to the Halloween party yet? We would love to go with you."
I had forgotten that she asked me to go. The last thing I wanted to do was to go to a party full of spoiled Trinity students who do nothing but sleep with each other and shamelessly drug themselves into a mindless oblivion. "Uhh, yeah, sure, why not. I guess it could be fun." It won't be fun, and I do not know why I agreed.
"Great!" Roxanne was smiling so widely, and I felt bad that I wasn't even half as excited as she was. "This is going to be so much fun."
Juniper said nothing, and I realized that she was no longer beside us. I looked back and saw her standing and wiping sweat from her forehead. Her shirt was extremely tight, but fit her perfectly, and as she lifted her arm to run it through her hair, her ribs poked through the shirt and the sight was like a punch to the face.
If I was going to go to this party, I won't be able to eat anything for the next two fucking weeks.
I will not be the fattest one there. Just like always, I'm always the fat one, but I can't be this time.
I take several deep breaths, and nod to myself. Two more weeks. I won't eat for two more weeks.