Hazel woke, her head heavy and aching as her eyes adjusted to the darkness around her. She was exactly where she was hours ago, between Fox and Leo on the couch, though, she had drifted, her head rested against Leo's arm as Fox slept soundly beside her.
What time was it? Had she been asleep the entire time? It seemed as though the silence around her engulfed everything. She found herself accidentally staying into the night.
"You're awake?"
She turned, feeling the vibration of a voice shake her awake. Her brown eyes met a set of blue ones, Leo's. He glanced down at her as she shuffled away from his shoulder, sad to leave her comfortable position but too awkward to stay.
"Sleeps not easy, unfortunately," she whispered, her voice sweet and soothing yet filled with exhaustion. It was so gentle it could bring butterflies to a person's stomach without them even seeing her. "Why are you still awake? If Joel's asleep, it must be late."
"I don't know," he shrugged, his voice as soft as hers. If it weren't for the unbearable silence of the room, they probably wouldn't have been able to hear each other at all. "I've just been thinking about stuff."
"Is everything okay?"
He nodded, glancing around as a few shuffles were seen through the room.
"Want to go outside? We could probably talk better out there and there's so many of us in here, it's getting kinda warm."
"Please," she smiled, glad he had suggested it. He nodded again, pushing himself up while she followed after, unable to see the figures on the floor. "Uh... Could I hold your arm? Just so I don't lose you in the dark or step on anyone..."
"Go ahead," he chuckled softly, feeling her smaller hands wrap around his arm, her body close to his as he realised that perhaps she was a little more frightened of the dark than she let on. At least when she had to move through it. Who knows what could be hiding in the corners. God knows how many dark buildings she had to search and found potential attackers hidden inside. That type of thing certainly brings some fear.
Carefully, they stepped across the room, both of them remaining totally silent until they found the stairs and reached the top. She continued to hold his arm, still roaming through the dark until the front door was opened and they stepped outside, lowering themselves to sit on the step in the garden where the chilly air prickled their skin.
"I can breathe," Hazel gasped, dropping next to Leo. "That room smelled of chemicals and sweat, I didn't even notice until now."
"Right?" He agreed with a nod of his head and a laugh before falling silent again, glancing up at the cloudy sky, watching the dark puffs of nature high in the sky drift past the vivid moon which shone down over them.
They stayed like this for a moment, watching the time pass by until he turned towards her, noticing her gaze lifted to the cloudy sky and a small frown appeared.
"...Are you alright? Seriously?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing." She turned, glancing down at her lap with tired eyes. "I'm fine, just stressed... Maybe a little overwhelmed. It'll pass." She spoke, surprised she had even admitted it. "But what about you? You aren't letting that whole shoe thing get to you, right?"
"No, not really," he rubbed the back of his neck, leaning against his knees with his elbows. "It's nothing, it's just Amelia's way of retaliating for what happened with her and Ryan. It did look like I was forcing him to end whatever that was. Not that they actually had anything going on to end."
"That's hardly fair. She can't retaliate to every bad thing that happens in her life, she'll never survive the real world like that."
"Right? She'll find that out eventually though. For now, I think I'm fine, I can handle a pair of stolen shoes. They were crappy old ones anyway." He turned, a smile forming on his lips as he watched Hazel, only able to see her features because of the light the moon cast onto her. "Thank you though, seriously. It's nice being able to actually talk about it properly... The guys are great, they just handle things a little differently."
"It's so weird," she said through a breath, sinking down into the cold concrete of the steps, her hand squishing into it as the tiny stones stuck to her sweaty palms, "you all seem so different now... well, not quite different. How could I explain it?
She shook her head, searching for the words, but found nothing more sufficient than,
"...I feel like you're all a little more natural. As you really are."
"I'm glad you noticed," he leaned into his palm, his eyes still on her as she stared up into the sky, her voice hushed in the night like a cloud passing above unwatching eyes. "Joel even spoke to you about things at home, didn't he?"
"He did."
"Thank you for talking to him. I think it really helped him understand and put the situation into perspective." He smiled, though she couldn't see. "He's probably been needing somebody like you for a long time. We're all very close, but there's a softness to you that we just don't have 'cause we've learned to put up a wall. It's easier to not talk about things and avoid everything."
"I'm glad he's dealing with it okay..."
Silence followed for only a brief moment as she thought, letting the conversation go into her memory properly where it would be jumbled with everything else. She was exhausted, but not as you would think. She was in a constant state of stress and it made her so tired she could barely differentiate when she was genuinely tired from a lack of sleep and when she was tired from her overworked mind.
"...You always zone out," Leo hummed, watching her as she stared down at her feet. "It's happening a lot more recently. Do you want to talk?"
"I just have a lot on my mind," she said, wishing more than anything that she could just tell the boy the truth. Tell him that she was a liar, that she was on the verge of breaking, that she was beyond stressed, threatened, and above all else, scared for theirs and her own safety? "I- I don't know. It'll pass..."
"Of course it will," he nodded, shuffling down a step so he was sitting directly beside her. "Whatever it is that's bothering you, I'll listen."
"...I wish I could tell you, I really do. It's just so... I don't know, it's so complicated and frustrating and I... I can't say it, not yet at least. Eventually."
"When you do, I'll be ready to listen," he watched as she turned, lifting her head and facing him with a small smile on her lips before he brought her into a friendly side hug which brought both of them a world of comfort.
"But Leo?" She said, her voice as hushed as it was while they were inside.
"Yeah?"
"You can talk to me too, I might not be able to speak about things, but if you can, you should. It's good to talk about them sometimes."
"Yeah... I rarely talk to the others about stuff just because they already have so much going on."
Hazel paused, considering her next words. She didn't want to push, but she didn't want to see him in a state similar to hers. She wouldn't wish that upon anyone.
"...Now would be a good time to talk... If you want."
He turned to look at her, a smile on his lips. Not his usual one, but one filled with too much emotion to really distinguish which particular emotion he felt. Relieved? Annoyed? Upset? Conflicted? She couldn't tell, but, it was a smile just the same.
"There's a park nearby," he sat up, "want to go there? I doubt the others will wake up while we're gone."
She paused, confused. It was clear as day that neither of them were tired in the slightest, even despite the lateness. But the question came from nowhere, she barely knew whether he asked. But from the way he waited for a response, it was obvious he did. So quickly, she nodded her head and soon enough, Leo stood and turned towards her, holding his hand out to help her up.
"I didn't expect to be here at two in the morning," Hazel said, swaying gently on the swing. Both were able to talk a little louder now that they were away from the houses and the fear of waking people with just their voices alone. Leo nodded, sat on the swing beside her as he pushed himself back and forth, never letting his feet leave the ground.
"I know it was a bit sudden," he began to speak, his eyes set on the distant trees. "I just thought it'd be nice, it's also easier to talk now that I know the neighbours aren't hearing."
She nodded, tugging at her sleeves while keeping her gaze on the sky.
"You know," he continued, finding peace in his voice for the first time in a long time, "I've said it a few times already, but I'm really glad you accepted us, even when we weren't the most open people to begin with."
"I'm glad that you let me accept you," Hazel turned to him, a sadness in her voice as things began to fall into perspective.
There was so much that she hated in the world, but more than anything, she hated herself for doing what she had to these boys. No matter what, they would end up hurt because of her and her actions. She hated herself for it. What did she think would happen when this all eventually came to an end?
"I don't have many problems, nothing compared to the others" He began, explaining something he didn't think he would ever talk about. "But problems are problems. I forget that a lot and force myself to push them aside because theirs are worse, I do it so often that it's difficult to see when I'm upset over something. But before I even spoke to you, before we even met... You knew. You told Joel I was bothered by something and he spoke to me. Thank you. It's just difficult to open up about my own issues because I want to know the others are fine first. Of course, they know the basic stuff, they just don't know the smaller details and the picture that the details make."
He turned to her, his eyes soft as they both stopped moving entirely. Both focused on his words and nothing but his words.
"Even small pieces can make a big picture when put together," Hazel said, watching her breath float into the sky as a small cloud. "As you said, problems are problems, no matter how big or small they are. We all face them. And we get through them with help. You can't keep pushing yours aside, it's good to put others first, but you're living your own life like they're living theirs. So you need to put yourself first sometimes, you can't convince yourself that you're less important. They care. We all care."
"...You have no idea how much I needed to hear that." He said in one long breath, leaning against his knees as he rubbed his eyes. "It's difficult to feel accepted sometimes. I mean, my family is so big I feel like I don't really belong, you know? I'm not related by blood or family connections like my brothers and sisters. I was adopted, brought into the family afterwards. God knows why. But, when you're the outcast of the family like that, even when they're all so kind and try to accept you, it's hard not to feel even a little out of place, like I need to put them first to make sure they keep accepting me, y'know? I need to always do my best to prove I'm worth their time. I just want to be accepted sometimes, not for who people think I am or who I try to be for them. Just... y'know... just for me."
She didn't say anything. She just sat, her movements on the swing halted entirely as she stared down at her lap. He was adopted. There was nothing wrong with it, it was good to find ways to help kids that needed it. But, when you are the kid that's being helped, there are going to be troubles. Maybe the troubles come from their past families, maybe they don't even remember their past families. But to be taken into another home, you would have to come to face the feeling of being different from other kids who still live with their own blood-related family. It was a lot to handle at a young age. She was just glad he seemed to have found a good place, a home where people accepted him.
"No matter what," Hazel turned to him, her eyes filled with all the emotions she didn't know how to express, "I will always accept you. Even if you tell me you despise me, I will accept that and I'll still accept you."
"I'm so glad you spilt coffee on Ryan, you never would have joined the group otherwise. His pain was worth it."
"Ooh, wait until I tell him," she turned, laughing with a wide smile which he returned, flashing a handsome grin filled with so much warmth she could feel butterflies in her stomach.
"He'll combust if you tell him that."
"Well," she paused momentarily, beginning to kick her legs so she could play on the swing childishly, "that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."
He laughed, kicking his legs to swing beside her, uncaring of the dark world around them both. Because, in the moment, there in the park after midnight was where they were accepted. If it was just the two of them against the whole world, which in truth, it felt like sometimes, they wouldn't care. Because they were both learning and growing and accepting what they deserved and denying what they didn't.