Winter, another season of cold and loneliness. A season that I would never miss nor being excited for. While everyone was happy with snows and Christmas celebration, I was more eager on another year passed as the end of this year would be the day that I would be free.
12 years ago, I got admitted to this orphanage. It's only took one night for snow storm to throw my parents' car from the hill and eventually let them die when nobody rescue them due to the extreme weather. From a happy 6 years old kid, I became a quiet one and from there I began to shut everyone up until everyone give up on me and I was not anyone option anymore for adoption
Ms Dara our headmistress here, say that we should be thankful that we are still alive and they are here to take care of us. We need to thank God every day for putting us in this mishap so that we can grow stronger as a human being. But as I grew older, the orphanage start to act differently towards me to the length that they will neglect my existence all together. I even misheard the conversation between Miss Dara and other teacher here to throw me out secretly after I turned 18, which is tomorrow so where the part that 'someone is there to take care of us' coming from?
I must be dumb to believe all of that when I was five but now, I already fine for the fact that fate or heaven literally, just hate me overall and i will be abandoned for the rest of my life.
"Taehyung? Oh my god! You scared me! Get down from the railing!" There he is, my one and only reason why i'm still continuing this hellish life of mine.
"Oh? You found me Yoongi?" I sneered, perplexed seeing his frightened face just now turned into a deep frown. Seeing all the bead of sweats forming on his forehead, he sure had run a hundred miles looking for me.
"Its hyung for you and this isn't hide and seek you brat! Now get down from there!" he shouted again, eyes were on my hanging legs before my smile grew wider.
"the view is nice here hyung!" I shouted back
"so is your head after I smacked it" he confronted back, earning a loud laugh from me
....
"Here's your dinner." Yoongi said before he gives me a white wrapper with V words written on it.
Sitting side by side at the edge of the rooftop, it took a lot of efforts to convince him to sit beside me and enjoying the view. He even intended to call the police if I didn't come down until I confront him that this building is only two level high and the first snow may be falling tonight and this is the best spot to witness that.
"Seriously? Ham sandwich again?" I replied, giving him the unamused looks before he rolled his eyes at me.
Excuse me sir?
"It's your favourite." He reasoned back, raising his eyebrows while doing so before it's my turn to roll my eyes. "8 years ago? Yes. But you keep making me the same thing since then." I complained.
When I was 10, I caught a very high fever that I can't eat anything other than the porridge that the orphanage feed me. Mind to tell you that it's a plain porridge which is very very plain. So after two nights eating the same thing over and over again, I start to crave for something else, but being an abandon one, I can't tell that to anyone else as I would just get hit by it. So being a crybaby, I just cry myself to sleep silently before his small head peeking from the upstairs bed, saying that all my cries is disturbing him from sleeping. So to stop me from crying so that he can sleep again, Yoongi hyung make me a ham sandwich that he stole the ingredients from our winter stock. And surprisingly, it's so good that I keep on asking him to make it multiple times secretly. And now it's become a habit that even thought I already sick of it, Yoongi hyung still make one for me even when he's no longer there in the orphanage.
He left the orphanage when he was 17 and i was 15 at that time.
"take it or leave it" he threatened simply before I hide the sandwich behind my back. I may be sick of it but its still the best ham sandwich that I ever tasted so hell no.
Seeing me finally take a bite from it, a small smile quickly appears on his lip before it disappears when he realised that I was watching.
Pfft, youre so obvious.
"hyung?" he hummed simply to me.
"Can I move in with you tomorrow after I got kicked out from the orphanage? I dont want to be a stray dog and lost his ways between the dark alleys." I look at the side to see his reaction before Yoongi give me a long stare.
"they finalIy decide to kick you?" he evenly said before i fist him on the shoulder.
"thank you for acknowledging that." I said sarcasmly as my lips pout in disgrace. This hyung really know how to rub salts in my wound.
"Don't worry, you wont." He continue, smirking at the end before he grab my wist.
lowering down the sleeves, my butterfly tattoo can be seen shining under the moonlight before he rubs it, as he stupid smirk still hanging victoriously on his lips
It was actually my birthmark, but yoongi said that its beautiful if we turned it into something else, so right before my 15th birthday, he tattooed it himself and change it into a butterfly instead. When I asked him why, he just shrugged his shoulder, saying that "i'ts a farewell gift before i left."
Still staring at it, he finally smile before he hide my tattoo again. "I promise, i will find you." Furrowing my eyebrows, i quickly pull my hand while making a disgust face before he rolled his eyes.
"Is that a cringe way to say yes?" I questioned back before he nods lazily. Feeling relieved, I quickly finished the sandwich in one bite before he gave me a tissue. He probably was disgusted with how messy my face right now, but I just can't be bother enough as I was more eager to go back and pack my bag so that i can leave that pit of hell instantly.
"hyung! Let's leav--" I quickly said before an image of something falling down from the tree beneath us caught me.
it happened in seconds, but my eyes still managed to capture it.
bathing in his own blood, the white bird is lying weakly as the snow around him slowly turning into red.
And for some reason, everything went blank when my feet suddenly make a leap of it and jump from the second floor, landing straight on the piles of snow.
"You idiot! Are you trying to kill yourself?!" Yoongi hyung said from above before i heard a hurried footsteps that fade away eventually. He must have run to the nearby staircase.
"Do you think he would make it?" I said, whispering the words to Yoongi that now were panting heavily besides me before he give me a sharp glance. Still mad at my action before.
"It just an unfortunate bird that were at the wrong place at the wrong time." He said it with a small sigh before i noticed a tiny footprints that are not far away from the tree where the bird had fallen.
"Some kids did this?" I furrowed my eyebrows in displeased when i realised that there is also a sign of a nest being taken down from the tree with quite a force.
"They probably were curious." He dismissed my thoughts quickly before he bend lower to inspect the bird condition. "Little devils." he whispered quickly before he sighed.
"We cant's save it?" I said the words carefully as Yoongi hyung touch the bird wings.
"Theres no use, his wings already ruined, even if he's alive, without his wings he would be useless." He replied back as I can see how he gave the birds a knowing look, somewhere in sympathy and disgust.
"Hey hyung?" I speak again, before he hummed to my calling.
"Is it bad to be useless?"
.
.
.
It took a moment for him to reply back but when he did, all I can see is his hand on the bird neck before he snapped it into two
"Mmm, as if you're alive but you're dead.''
"are you sure youre going to make it at 5? youre a heavy sleeper"yoongi small voice whisper shoutingly at me before i gave him a facepalm looks.
"i will, i'm not like you--jeez, its slippery here." i muttered the last sentence quickly before Yoongi words can be heard again.
"told u to use the emergency stair instead." he said that with an amused smile as he's enjoying the view of me hugging the pipe desperately, trying to sneek in into my room.
this brat.
"I rather die than walking pass that monster room." i sneered quickly before he laugh for the new nickname that i gave to the headmistress.
"okay then, see you soon." he waved quickly before i make it into the room and reply his goodbye wave with both of my hands. Shutting down the window, i quickly take out my phone to set the alarm to 5 am before the image of all the memories of me here flashed upon my eyes.
12 years, it took me 12 years to finally be free from here. From all the beating and crying, i finally going to step out into the real world again. It may be not all rainbow and sunshine as my future can't be determined with just the imagination alone but the image of me roaming around freely upon my free wills. Thats enough to make me sleep with a smile that night.
her burning gaze, and the way she looks at me, it feels so heavy as if the temperature in the room suddenly drop and the gravity is pulling me right through it. As the red flames surround her black hair, her pale face looks so deadly but at the same time it was full of unknown emotions that my heart clenched just by seeing it.
"Found you." her words pinched through my heart before a black feathers fly freely around us as the broken pieces of the window can be seen scattering around. And just like that a cold wind quickly rushed in before the image of the snows and the flames collided,making her black wings behind her looks so magneficently beautiful than it already is.
"kim taehyung, i finally found you."
The alarm, is was so damn loud that i grunt as i'm trying to reach my phone. Thanks to it, my beautiful yet mysterious dream ended. kicking of my blanket in frustration, i quickly rubbed my eyes and trying my best to find my phone before the alarm becomes louder.
"wait thats not the sound of my a-alarm.." smoke, a black smoke is coming from the gap under the door before i realised the loud sounds is actually a fire alarm. and judging by the orange colour of the outside, it was clear, the building is on fire.
"fire..Fire! somebody help! The building is on fire!" i screamed, running to the door to open it before the thick smoke from the outside, greeted me.
Closing the door again, I quickly coughed for air before the reality hit me.
"no way i'm going to survive outside." i muttered, holding on the door for support before i slide down from it as my shaking kneels can't afford my weight.
this is supposed to be my happy day, then what's happening?
I whispered, eyes on the window as i can see the black sky turned into red. It was still snowing outside but the blaze from the fires alone makes the temperature inside my room rises as i can feel my lungs burned. Gasping for air, i quickly crawl myself to the window as my vision got blurry.
am i too late?
I whispered again as the black smoke start to fill my small room.
i should have run to the window first
I thought this time. Smile weakly for my stupid attempt to call for help rather than saving myself first before I finally drop down to the floor.
The black smokes is hurting my eyes and god know how my lungs is burning on fire but for somewhat reason, the view of the snow falling outside stills look beautiful. Maybe my mind already gone crazy cause instead leaping for fear of death, my mind is showing me the past of my childhood.
The very first day I went to pre-school with my father, my mother warm smile whenever she read me my favourite food and Yoongi's pout when I asked him to make me that delicious ham sandwich. Maybe this is why people said that our mind will take us back to the very beautiful moments of our life before its ended because that's the only thing that they can do to give us the last peace before we tasted the bitter of death.
And when I was all ready to give up, the blurry shadows of my parents and yoongi, they were here, smiling at me. And then, the mysterious image of the girl from my dream suddenly appear before her deep black eyes meets mine as she staring deeply at me. Smiling, I quickly found the strength to came kneeling again before i closed my eyes.
Please God, just this time, please, don't abandon me
I prayed desperately for the last time as the images of them still playing in my mind.
And when my body was about to give up again, a loud clashed suddenly can be heard before everything went frozen.
Just like the dream, the pieces of the broken window are scattering everywhere as a cold wind suddenly rushed in. And as I sitting there, still on my knees, the image of large black wings covering a figure suddenly greeted me before everything in my surrounding moves again.
With her piercing gazes, she is staring directly at me. With her black feathers flying everywhere and the snow and the flames becomes her very own background, a small smiles make a way to her tiny lips before her small voices greet me,
"Found you." She said as the moonlight from the full moon shone through the room and i can finally see the clear vision of her face. At first, her black wings had mesmerised me but then, I realised that black are not the only colour of her wings,
There were red too, or more specifically bloods.
And as her small steps makes it way to my frozen body, her smile also becomes clearer before I gulped when I realised that it is not even a smile to begin with. She was smirking. The wicked one that you made when you succeed in accomplishing something evil.
And as the blood on her pale hands becomes obvious, the thought of the heaven finally answered my prayers also buried. She is not the angel that heaven sent me, she is far from that. She did this, she is the one who is responsible for this massacre and hundred loses of lives. She's the monster, the devil itself.
And as her hand touch my chin with such a cold sensation, her deep voice rings inside me before I gasped.
"Kim Taehyung, i finally found you." she said, before my world finally went black and I was greeted with darkness.