Robin's chest wound was now completely healed over, and though some of the skin was still the distinct yellowish of old bruising he was up and walking about, making up for lost time with Roland while Regina spent more time in John's room. He was now awake, leg doing well, but he was tired and couldn't hold conversation for long. She read to him a lot, steering clear of stories with ships or pirates in them and focussing on the happy endings. She'd learned positivity can do amazing things, and had resolved to try and put that in practice more often. It was still difficult though, what with Wanted posters up all over the place and Celia still sneaking around.
She and Belle continued to plan various routes in the few half-hours they both had spare, often one leaving notes for the other to check over then consolidating them in long late-night sessions, sometimes running through to morning. Those were the days Regina invariably dozed off when Roland was showing her something or trying to read to her. Not that she found him boring, at all, but she had never been good at running on no sleep.
"She's fallen asleep again." The huffy voice sounded like it came from a distance. "She's bored of me."
"No she is not. She's tired." The voice dropped so low her fuzzy mind could no longer hear it but she knew the gist of what Robin was telling his son.
"Now come on, read to me and let her be." Regina's lips curved up involuntarily as she let the blanket of sleep draw her fully under.
She woke briefly, and far from fully, as she felt herself leave the cushiness of the chair and be carried towards the bed, the firm mattress welcoming her into its embrace as the cover was pulled up to her chin and a soft kiss pressed to her forehead before she went under again.
***
"Good morning," Robin greeted her with a smile. Regina grinned and stretched, feeling invigorated. "You look much better than you did yesterday."
"I think all I needed was a good sleep." Robin got up from the small table in the corner where they'd started having their meals and folded her into his arms. His warmth made her feel safe and secure, but even that security scared her.
"You, darling, have been working far too hard to try and get us to safety. And I really appreciate that, I do, and I would help if I knew where you were disappearing to, but you need to take care of yourself." When had he started calling her by endearments?
She placed her hands on his chest and pushed him away slightly. Being the gentleman he stepped back immediately but his face betrayed his confusion.
"We need to talk about that, Robin. On our own."
"This evening, when Roland's asleep," he promised.
***
Roland was particularly energetic that day, but by dinnertime he'd bounced himself out of puff so fell asleep promptly afterwards. Robin picked him up and they tucked him into his bed, closing the door between the rooms so they had some privacy. Robin sat in the straighter-backed chair, despite Regina's adamantly insisting he take the easy-chair, and pulled it closer to her.
"Now. I promised we will talk about escaping and we will, but first I want to talk about us."
"Us?" The word made Regina's heart leap and her throat thicken, and she swallowed nervously as Robin continued.
"Where we stand with each other. I mean, you leave, which is entirely fair enough and I don't doubt your reasons for doing so, but then Roland follows you. You could easily have tossed him aside, dropped him off at the nearest port and gone on with your journey and your life. You didn't. From what I gather, and what he's told me, you cared for him, protected him, never let him out of your sight if it meant the possibility of him getting hurt was increased. You pushed aside whatever danger there might be to you by staying in this land and made it your goal to get him back to me."
"I couldn't let such a young child lose his second parent before his sixth birthday, could I?"
Robin leaned over the arm and took her hand between his. "Regina, what I'm saying is, you were the second parent he never had. It was unexpected and you had no obligation to do so whatsoever, but you kept him safe and got him back to me unharmed."
"Through pure luck."
"But you managed it. With another injured boy in tow. Two are more noticeable than one but three is just plain conspicuous. Especially when you don't really look old enough to have a five-year-old son." Regina blushed, looking down at her lap in some embarrassment. She felt Robin take her chin and try to meet her eyes but she moved away.
"Regina, darling. There you go, pushing me away again. Why?"
She felt tears prick the insides of her eyelids but blinked them back.
"Because I can't let you get hurt. I just can't. Cora is still out there, and we know she's looking for me. She won't give up until she finds me, even if I was lying dead in a ditch and she was told that months ago. She will find me, it's only a matter of time. You know what happened to Daniel. She'd do the same to you and Roland."
"Then why did you return my kiss so willingly on New Year's Day?"
"Because my head and heart are currently fighting a battle to rival the Ogre Wars!" She swiped her hand hastily across her eyes but a tear still rolled down her cheek. "Sometimes logic wins out, sometimes l..." She swallowed. Her head screamed to push him further away but her heart reminded her softly that she'd already told him that she loved him. And that it was the truth. "Sometimes love."
He sighed her name, the sound like honey to ears recently filled with the heavy silence of the library contrasted with Roland's excited squeals.
"And the escape?"
"My plan was always to get into Corona somehow, where Leopold will have absolutely no influence on what I do. As King, anyway. Now I'm unsure whether I'm planning for just me or all three of us. I will get out of here, I have to, but whether you come with me is another matter entirely. I don't know if you want me in your life completely. Again, head versus heart. And so often it's my head that wins out. Robin, I don't know what to do!"
"Regina," he sighed and reached across to brush the stray tear from her cheek.
"I love you," she choked out. "I do, I love you, but the longer we stay together the more chance Cora has of finding us. Sometimes I manage to forget about that, like when you kiss me, everything else just flies out the window and I believe I can have a happy ending. That I deserve a happy ending." She was literally pouring her heart out now but she couldn't care less. She'd borne the burden for too long and it was starting to take its toll.
"But then, when I'm alone, up in the library or in bed at night while Roland's with you, I start to think maybe I should be finding somewhere else for one of us to go just so we don't all die!" Her voice rose hysterically at the end, prompting Robin to move in front of her, leaning in until he was holding her and soothing her fears with gentle circles into the small of her back. Her arms snaked round his neck, her nose buried in his strong chest and breathing in the comforting smell of forest that still lingered after weeks, if not months of staying in a castle.
"Regina. Look at me." She hesitated before pulling back, his hands cupping her cheeks as he looked directly into her eyes. "I would go to the ends of the world if it meant I could be with you."
"But what about Roland? I promised I wouldn't leave him but even I don't know if I meant until we found you, or..."
"That's one of the reasons I love you," he assured her as her sentence petered out. Her breath hitched in her throat. "A true mother would do anything for her child. And Roland thinks of you as a mother, that much is obvious."
"And I love him. But I'd give it up in a heartbeat if I knew you both were safer without me."
"Look. First, let's find a safe place, that's liveable in, where we can then do one of two things. You can carry on, out of the Enchanted Forest while Roland and I stay in whichever haven you find. Or we all go. We can talk about that when we get there. But first, please let's just get somewhere we know we'll be safe from Leopold?"
"Believe me, Leopold's not necessarily the one you have to worry about."
She could see his logic though so she nodded, glad she no longer had to rely on just her own judgement.
"That's better." He brushed away the last of her tears with the pad of his thumb. "Have I ever mentioned that when you smile you look absolutely stunning?"
"You are such a sweet-talker."
"No. Just truthful. Can I kiss you or would that make your decision harder?"
"Let's put it this way, it'll rack up one tally on the heart side of the scoreboard," she murmured, even as she felt herself pulled to him, touching her forehead to his. They only broke apart when the candle burned out and they realised how late it was.
"We should probably go to sleep." Regina stood up reluctantly, going over to the bed and stopping in her tracks at Roland's adorable little face.
"I'd hate to disturb him," Robin came up behind her. "You know how upset he gets if he's woken in the middle of the night."
"He was - understandably - upset for the majority of the time we spent together."
"What do you say we let him have his first night in his own bed?"
"Robin..."
"Nothing will happen to him. I promise, we'll leave the door open so he can get to us if need be. But he's growing up and he's never actually spent a night on his own. You or I've always been with him and I think we should give him a chance to be independent."
"He's five."
"Got to start them early if it's to have any effect."
Regina gave a bitter half-laugh. She couldn't remember a time when she'd run to Cora for help because she'd always known she'd be called weak, or silly, or hopeless.
"You've got to let go of her, Regina," Robin encouraged in a low voice as he let the connecting door off the latch. "Don't let her dictate your life. You've made the first step by running away, but if she haunts you for the rest of your days then really, what progress have you made?"
"Doesn't feel like I ever made any progress," she mumbled, pulling the covers up to her chin and lying on her side, facing away from him.
"Why do you feel like that?"
"Do you really need to ask?"
"Actually, yes, I feel I do. You're an amazing woman, Regina."
"You know why."
"Look, that's all in the past. You need to look to the future and leave what's happened where it belongs: behind you."
"And you know this how?"
"Because I had to do the same thing when Marian died. I felt like it was my fault, I wasn't there during the birth because the midwife kicked me out. I didn't fight her because I trusted that she knew what she was doing. And she did, but I still blamed her to begin with. And I had to put my actions afterwards behind me too in order to look after my son. You need to do the same. Let go of Snow's betrayal; stop blaming yourself."
Regina sighed heavily, not quite believing that he'd remembered the details she'd told him so many months ago, before rolling over and burying her head in his shoulder, hoping he'd hear what she couldn't find the words for. She dimly felt his arm come round her waist, settling her more comfortably against his side before falling asleep.