I never got to farewell Gwen. The woman had left before I had the chance. I felt terrible, having not seen her when I had the opportunity. I felt awful that she had to suffer the wrongdoings of another. I hated seeing Arthur in the state he had found himself. I hated that I couldn't tell Arthur the truth, knowing it wouldn't change anything. I kept my word, trying to be there for Arthur as best I could. It got scary for me as the king turned to denial, making it known that Gwen's name was never to be spoken.
I never saw Lancelot again. The man had taken his own life. Arthur and the others think it was out of regret and nobility, but Merlin, Gaius and I know better. Seeing the knights grieve for their friend, past grievance surfacing, that struck me. I couldn't bear having to watch my strong-willed friends break down. They also turned to denial, making Lancelot's name forbidden much like Gwen's.
The weeks that followed felt empty. Things returned to normal, but there seemed to be something different. Camelot had never felt sombre, but now it has become gloomy. I've begun slipping into old habits of overthinking and lying, although that isn't as bad as it could be. I've thrown myself into work. My healing abilities have become more skilled as I have nothing else I'd rather do.
Being around anyone made me depressed, even more so when they were in a good mood because I knew it was all an act. So instead of being social, I fell back into the habit of spending more time with myself than others. I hope that I'll be able to walk outside one day and not see the masks that everyone has put on. I want to see the genuine truth that they are happy and past grieving. Until that day, I will remain to throw myself into studies and work.
Making my depressive nature worse, Arthur has made it his mission to make me happy. He's done this by giving gifts and spending more time with me. I would have thought this to make up for a lost time, but I know that it's a coping mechanism, which only makes me feel worse. I wouldn't tell him that, knowing it's helping Arthur regain himself by spoiling me.
When Percival suggested a hunting trip for the king and the other three close knights, I knew it was a good idea. Every opportunity I had, I endorsed it, hoping that perhaps this trip would bring some of their spirits back. Leaving for the weekend, the men were off, leaving me feeling like I'd had a fresh breath of air for the first time in ages.
A part of me yearned to go with them, but I had already fallen into so many other habits that I was afraid the freedom would entice me to run away from my problems as I have many times. I'm happy to find I've made self-development, denying the invite to come quickly.
I have improved much in every way possible, being reformed to live this new life. If anything, I've become reliant upon it. That's the reason I have become so gloomy with everyone else's sadness. I didn't realise how reliant I had become of Gwen until recently, now finding it difficult to speak my feelings to anyone else. Another reason for my sadness.
That hunting trip seemed to be the thing everyone needed, returning all our spirits. With the men returning this morning, Camelot's personality came back. It was a huge relief, now able to enjoy the company of others. Even Elyan has returned with a grin.
Finishing up for the night, I restack books, return substances, remedies, medicines, and various tools around Gaius' chambers. The physician was called to a severe case, leaving me to prepare herbs and medicines. I reach up, extending to the tip of my toes as I return the last book to its shelf.
"Evening, Edythe", Merlin calls, appearing in the doorway.
"Evening Merlin."
I turn to face the serving boy, finding him stuck in a contemplative expression. Something is on his mind, making him appear anxious. Whatever is on his mind, he is unsure of, and I can see that, now he is faced with me, the nerves are setting in. He fidgets with various things around the room in nerves.
I cross my arms, watching Merlin closely. "Is everything okay?"
With my words, Merlin seemingly makes up his mind, eyes stern as his decision is fixed. He rushes into the cambers in pursuit of his room. "Follow me", Merlin requests, gesturing to his room.
I frown, watching as he rushes toward his room "Uh-no. I will not go into your bedroom with you," I joke.
I know Merlin wouldn't be suggestive of such things, he's too pure. So I often joke around with the servant, knowing that he will stumble over his words and how to respond. I don't want him to feel like he must hide anything from me, so I try to make it known that I'm a trustworthy friend.
With Gwen's absence, I've become closer with Merlin, probably so that I have someone to talk with. I know it will never be the same, but at least I can try and make another close friend who I can confide in.
Merlin pauses, shaking his head. "I promise it's nothing bad."
"Uh-huh, because that gives me reassurance."
"Please, Edythe. Would you just do as your told for once?" Merlin groans.
I raise an eyebrow, a grin forming on my lips "Wow, Merlin. Where did that sass come from?"
"Seriously-"
"Okay, Okay. I'm coming," I protests, putting my arms up in defeat as I follow Merlin into his room.
All jokes need to be put aside, Merlin feeling that he needs to tell me something important. I can be serious when I need to be. Merlin has never acted this way before. I feel like whatever he's about to tell me is important to him.
I roll my eyes in amusement at the mess. The room is riddled with scattered clothing and various other objects. I know Merlin would have little time to look after his belongings after being at Arthur's beck and call all day. I've never been back here, not needing to intrude on Merlin's privacy. There isn't much in the way of decoration, not that I would have expected it.
"You may want to sit down."
"What's up with all the directions?" I tease, falling onto Merlin's bed, making sure to leave my muddy shoes hanging off the side.
Merlin shuts his door, running over to join me on the bed. He jumps onto the bed, crossing his legs under himself, now facing me. I can tell he wants to discuss something by how he is making himself comfortable. The doubt slowly creeps back on his face, but the determination remains.
"Are you going to tell me what this is about?"
"I need to tell you something important", Merlin starts, a serious look on his face. "Gaius would kill me if he knew...but I want you to know. I know I can trust you."
"Of course, you can trust me", I reassure, reaching for Merlin's hand. "What is it?"
Merlin shuffles for a moment, looking down at my hand. "I-I think it's easier...if I show you."
My eyebrows furrow, watching curiously as Merlin takes his hand from mine. He leans over the edge of the bed, picking up a bowl of flowers. Gauis had probably asked him to gather them this morning. I lean back a little to allow him room as he spreads a bundle of flowers over the bed.
I peer up at Merlin, raising an eyebrow in confusion, yet the servant remains with his eyes fixed on the flowers. He repositions himself, leaning over the flowers, hands outstretched in front of himself.
I can't say I know what it is he wishes to 'show' me, but I trust him. Wven if he looks like he may be insane at the moment, he is my friend, and I will happily witness whatever he wishes me to see.
Merlin whispers, "Rǽdee ásce geotan", his eyes flaring a bright gold.
As if being burned, I jump backwards, shocked by what my eyes had seen, back hitting the wall painfully. Only seconds later, the flowers begin to lift from the bed. They sweep into the air, floating through the room. The white beauties dance like fireflies in the night sky in an uncertain pattern, moulding to the room's shape.
My mouth gaps open in awe at shock as my eyes follow the tiny flower. Slowly a smile begins to creep onto my lips as I see the harmless magic. My mind registers that word, as that is the only word that comes to mind. Magic. A gift I possess but have not seen for many years, the act like nothing else anyone would ever see in the world.
I reach out for a flower as it passes by me, the stem sitting in my palm for a moment before it flies away. I watch it dance through the air to join the others, eyes beaming in awe at the sight. I have seen magic used for so much evil that I often forget there is a beautiful side to my gift. A purity for which few see its uses.
My eyes fall on Merlin, a broad smile on the servant's face. I beam a smile back, still shocked by his revelation of magic. Yet I'm also strangely excited as if I'm a child again, seeing something for the first time.
"You have magic!" I exclaim, eyes beaming wide.
Merlin looks to his lap, hands twirling in embarrassment. "I was born with it."
As if painted in my mind, I recall when I first met Merlin and the comforting aura that he had. I remember feeling compelled to listen and to tell him all my secrets. I felt comfortable around Merlin because he is like me. I think back to Merlin's bravery and strong knowledge of the arts.
I don't feel shocked anymore or even fear. I think acceptance, knowing that Merlin is a pure soul. Of course, someone as caring and pure as Merlin would have a gift such as this. There is no other who could be more deserving.
"Extortionary", I whisper, eyes returning to the floating flowers.
Warmth fills my heart to know that Merlin has come to trust me enough to know his secret. One that I know all too well as a burden. To live somewhere like Camelot and to have magic would be no easy task.
"Thank you for trusting me with this, Merlin."
"I wanted to tell you when we discovered you were a druid...but Gaius didn't want me to possibly be in danger-" Merlin explains, still twirling his hand as if he is embarrassed.
"No, I understand", I reassure, "not all of us can talk freely about our gifts...if that's what you would like to call them. I see them as a burden, but your views may be different from mine."
"Some days, I think them to be..." Merlin confesses, "but Gaius has helped me learn to control them, to use them for a purpose. I am proud of my magic, even if it has gotten me in...tough situations."
"Use them for a purpose?" I question, tilting my head to the side in curiosity.
"I've been told, many times, by many different sorcerers that I have a destiny. My destiny is to protect Arthur and to ensure that Albion is born," Merlin explains. He lifts his hand much as I did before, holding a flower in his palm.
I watch in wonder, observing how much Merlin is in touch with his magic and, thus himself. I have seen few sorcerers have such an aura and connection to their destiny. It is often hard for witches and warlocks alike to ever truly connect with their magic. It is often hard for them to remember that magic is a part of nature and should be used in love and light. Merlin is one of many to understand that fully.
Arthur and Merlin's relationship is more clear to me that ever. It brings a smile to my lips as I view Merlin like a guardian angel to Arthur.
"He doesn't know, though?"
"No", Merlin whispers, "but one day he will."
"The day of Albion", I add, having heard of the era almost all my life.
It was something the druid elders had spoken of many times before. Something Iseldir worshipped and prayed for. We learnt about the sorcerer who would bring about the days and allow us to be free with the gift of magic. Emrys is the supposed saviour, the insurer of Albion's birth...
The smile falls from my face, the realisation washing over me like a hurricane. I go blank, eyebrows furrowing at the connection. Iseldir had spoken of the sorcerer many times, his words much like Merlin's. I look at the young man in shock, colour draining from my face as I realise I am sitting in front of a legend...
"You're Emrys..." I whisper, the words sending a zap through my veins.
"That is...what the druids call me", Merlin answers, concern running over his face. "A-are you okay, Edythe?"
I never believed in Emrys, like much of what I was taught I discarded when I left the druids and that life behind. I always saw the warlock as an old spirit and protector from the world above. I would never have seen him as a servant in Camelot, a young man with so much potential.
My mind is blank, the myth of my childhood turning out to be one of my friends. I stand from the bed, placing my hand over my forehead. "Y-yeah...I...I never thought in a million years that I would meet the Emrys."
My words seem to sadden the warlock. It makes which realise how hard this must be for him, having such a big destiny. People must only defining him for that destiny. To Merlin, Gaius must be the only person in the world who doesn't see him as Emrys. Merlin has taught me to be someone like Gaius, someone who could look past that. Right now, I'm making that seem otherwise.
I decide right now that it doesn't matter that Merlin is Emrys, it never has, and it never will. I've made a friend in him, and he has a destiny, which he has entrusted me to know. Which means he has more respect for me than anyone I've ever met. I may not respect my magic, but he does his own, which is enough to make me realise he is human. He may be destined for more than all of us combined, but that doesn't define him.
"But it doesn't matter", I reassure, taking in a deep breath as I push away whatever I have been told in the past and whatever views that I had of Emrys. "You have a gift Merlin, and a destiny that none of us could ever hope to have. But that doesn't define you. I made friends with you for you, not for Emrys. So for that, I say..."
"I swear to you, I will be your friend, and I will be by your side when you need me to. I will keep your secret, and I won't question it because that doesn't matter. You will always be just Merlin in my eyes. With or without magic."
The young warlock smiles at my words. A new strength appears in his face. A tear glistens in his eye as if my words have been the most beautiful thing ever said. I don't think I've ever said such profound words in my life, but I know them to be true.
"I'm glad...thank you for understanding, Edythe."
"I'm probably one of the only few that can understand, Merlin. Don't be afraid to ask questions, to do magic around me. I may not practice anymore cause that's my choice, but if you need some advice, don't be afraid to ask."
Merlin sniffs, trying to hold back happy tears. "Wow", he sighs, "I didn't prepare a speech" We both chuckled in unison. "Oh god, Gaius is going to kill me."
"He'll come around. You'll see."
***
"Merlin! What were you thinking?" Gaius cries, arms flapping in the air as he paces the room.
Merlin and I stand together, sharing a glance as we roll our eyes at Gaius' overdramatic reaction to my knowledge of Merlin's magic. Merlin didn't spare any details in telling me all the hard work he has done to stop Morgana. It has clarified a lot on how the two have known about past activities.
Camelot means so much more to me now that I know it's protected by someone so close to its heart. To know that Morgana has failed many times before because Merlin has been there to stop her. It makes me want to help fight against her. I won't use my magic, never again, but having another purpose makes me cherish Camelot and its people evermore.
"Do you know how serious this is? Your secret is something to be kept with your life! You can't just tell anyone!"
"Ouch, I'm just anyone?" I shriek, insulted. "Also, I'd stop yelling if I were wanting to keep a life or death secret."
"Must you always comment, Edythe?" Gaius counters, hands on his hips in a disapproving way.
"It's like you don't know me at all, Gaius."
"She needed to know Gaius. Edythe is aware of the laws and spells involved with magic. She has other skills, becoming a physician—a close friend. We could use her talents. Think of how much we couldn't stop in the past that we now have the chance to understand better!"
Gaius sighs. "And you don't think I already know that?" he pauses for a short moment "Merlin, the more people that know of such things, the more danger they are put in. Edythe, you have been lucky to have been accepted by everyone, your druid past forgotten-"
"I see what you're trying to say", I interrupt ", but Gaius, I don't know if you've noticed, but...I'm no stranger to danger. Besides, I'd rather be able to help Merlin do great things than...be in the dark."
Merlin nods. "Besides, Arthur is safer with more people looking out for him, no?"
The two of us cross our arms in unison, sharing a smirk of amusement by this. Gaius remains still, staring at us in disapproval. I can see that our argument is taking effect, the physician unable to deny that we are right.
"Fine...we could use the extra help", Gaius admits, pulling wide grins from the two of us ", but! Don't make this a habit, Merlin."
"Of course, Gaius. I swear."