Flying back to the states Jesse had a clear head for once. His life finally started to make sense. It was a feeling that he'd hit rock bottom and was already on his way back up. He still felt heartbroken about his mum being ill, he knew she didn't have long, but he knew that feeing would most likely never completely go away but having to deal with his mum's illness had strengthened his relationship with his brothers Eli and Jack and having them there for him made him feel like he had the strength to rebuild his life and start again alone.
Sat alone on the plane he text everyone he'd hurt and apologised, feeling like that was the best way to start over.
The last person he text was Dex
Hey I'm flying back to the states now, can you meet me at my place at 6?
The cab pulled up outside Jesse's apartment and he got out. He paid the driver, grabbed his bags and disappeared inside. A few minutes later the buzzer rang
"Come in" Said Jesse into the intercom
The lift opened into Jesse's apartment and Dex stood there, ripped black jeans and a big baggy sweater swamped him, he was wearing a baseball cap, his hair a mess underneath. He considered not going but curiosity got the better of him and he wondered what Jesse wanted. Not another fight he hoped, he was exhausted, he wasn't prepared for a fight.
Jesse approached him and put his hand out, Dex hesitated for a few seconds, finally reciprocating shaking his hand and hugging in a manly fashion.
"I'm sorry man" said Jesse. He genuinely was. Dex was like blood and he knew he'd fucked him over.
"S'ok" Said Dex. It wasn't, but he'd accepted that he and Millie were over. He was never going to see her again, it seemed silly to lose his best friend too.
He couldn't forgive him but he could forget.
"Come sit down" gestured Jesse, he grabbed some drinks from the fridge and went to sit down on the couch.
"Listen man, I've just got back from England" Jesse began, looking down at his hands fiddling with the ring pull of his can of Coke, he avoided eye contact with Dex
"I went to see Millie" he said cautiously, looking up to see Dex's reaction
"Yeah? You two gonna give it a shot then?" Asked Dex casually, trying to hide the fact that it was killing him inside. His stomach knotted, he felt that lump return to his throat, his palms sweaty, his heart racing as he waited for Jesse to respond
"No" Jesse laughed, Dex looked up at him, not knowing what was funny.
"She's your future wife!" Smiled Jesse
"Not anymore" replied Dex
Jesse wiped the smile from his face
"Look Dex, I know I screwed things up for you two, well, I screwed things up for most people. I'm really sorry I fucked up your life for something that's never going to be anything" Said Jesse
Dex felt deflated. It was true, Jesse had ruined his life for a relationship that was never going to happen.
Feeling like he was close to wanting to leave Dex downed the last of his can of Coke and was about to make his excuses
"Dex, Millie and I talked for a lot of the night, she is so madly in love with you, if it wasn't for me you would still be together and happy. Please figure things out with her. I swear she doesn't feel for me anything near what she feels for you, you need to be with her" Pleaded Jesse. Dex didn't answer, instead he leaned his chin in his hand and let the things Jesse was saying stir around his mind. He had always had a rule. Ex's should always remain exes, he never went back. But something was telling him on this occasion he needed to break this rule.
"Oh I don't know man. It's not just you, she can't handle our lifestyle or the rumours. I don't think she ever trusted me" Explained Dex attempting to justify why they weren't together to himself.
"She'd get used to it. You weren't together that long" replied Jesse
"Seriously man, you need to go make up, the way she was talking about you last night, most people never find that in a lifetime." Said Jesse
Before Dex could answer his phone started to ring, he shuffled around of the couch attempting to pull it from the pocket of his skin tight jeans.
It wasn't a number he recognised, he threw the phone to Jesse
"Answer that" he said,
Jesse caught it.
"Hello, Dexter Rose's manager, can I help you?" Said Jesse putting on a sarcastically posh voice
After a few seconds his smile faded.
"Oh, ok, hang on just a second, I'll see if I can find him" Said Jesse. He covered the phones mouthpiece with his hand.
"It's a Mr Hampton, Emily's dad?" Said Jesse, screwing up his face in confusion
Dex nodded, putting out his hands to catch the phone.
"Hello Sir, it's Dexter." Dex got up from the coach and walked over to the window, he was silent for a few moments before turning back to Jesse.
A single tear fell from the corner of his left eye leaving a shiny trail down his cheek. Jesse had no idea what was going on but he'd never seen Dex cry before so he knew it wasn't good.
From the conversation Dex was having it became obvious someone had passed away but Jesse couldn't figure out who.
"Ok, thank you Sir, I will stop by later today" Said Dex
"No, it's not a problem, I'm not too busy, I'm in New York now and I'm not performing until late this evening"
"Ok, yeah. See you later" replied Dex
He slid the phone back into his pocket and slouched down onto the couch. Putting his face in his hands he sighed heavily.
"Everything ok, man?" Asked Jesse, knowing full well it wasn't.
Dex took a minute to be able to speak
He lifted his head from his hands. His eyes were red and watery, his lip quivered a little. He swallowed hard
"You remember that girl Emily I brought back to the bus a few weeks ago, the one who was crying in the crowd?" Explained Dex
"Yeah" replied Jesse
"I don't know if I ever told you but she had a brain tumour." Jesse's face dropped, he knew what was coming
"She passed away this morning" said Dex, another tear fell, trailing down his other cheek.
"Oh man, I'm sorry" Said Jesse, he got up and went to sit on the couch beside Dex, putting a supportive hand on his shoulder
Life really wasn't fair. Dex put his head in his hands.
A sudden realisation that life was short washed over him.
"Her dad said she left me a note" said Dex.
"Her house isn't far, I'm gonna go get it" he added.
That afternoon Dex and Jesse walked cautiously up a small garden path, shaded by large trees that lined the pretty suburban street, so green and full this time of year that they almost created a tunnel over the garden path. Dex glanced up and down the street. He wondered if Emily had lived her since she was a kid, did she learn to ride her bike up and down this street, did she play with the other kids on the block, did she have a first kiss with the boy that lived next door as Dex had done with the girl next door when he was a teenager.
He felt his eyes begin to well up at the thought of everything he'd experienced and everything he'd accomplished since his first kiss, Emily wasn't going to get to do any of it, he wondered if she had even experienced a first kiss.
Approaching the door be wiped his eyes in his sleeve and took a deep breathe. He looked at Jesse.
"Are you sure you want me here?" Jesse asked, feeling a little awkward
"I can go wait in the car if you want?" He added
"No, stay. I don't want to do this alone" said Dex. Jesse could tell by his voice that he was already choked up.
"Ok" replied Jesse, patting Dex on be back in a show of manly support.
Dex knocked softly on the door, it seemed to take forever for someone to answer the door. Just as Dex was about to leave the door opened slowly. A dark haired guy peered through the 3 inch gap.
"Hi, can I help you?" He said. His voice quiet and broken.
"Uh, yeah, my names Dexter Rose, we spoke on the phone and this is my band mate, Jesse" smiled Dex.
"Oh" replied the man, letting his guard down he opened the door fully and held out his hand to Dexter. Dex shook his hand, he was utterly broken, Dex could see it all over his face, his eyes were red and swollen, he'd obviously been crying a lot. His hair was a mess and his shirt a little bedraggled.
"It's nice to meet you, please come in" Said the man, stepping aside so that they could come into the house.
"Thank you Sir" said Dex as he and Jesse stepped past him.
The man led them into the living room.
Emily's mum got up from the couch and walked towards them, sobbing, she wiped her eyes with a balled up tissue.
Emily's dad came into the room, holding out an envelope to Dex.
"Thank you" He said as he took it from him
"She'd left letters for everybody close to her, we had no idea. I guess she had time to prepare for this" said her Dad, fighting back tears as he spoke.
Dex opened the envelope and took out the letter. It was written on pastel rainbow coloured paper, it reminded Dex of just how young she was.
He took a deep breath and read the letter in his head. The room fell silent as everyone waited for him to read it.
'Dear Dex.
I hope my parents can get this letter to you somehow and if they do and you're reading this it must mean I'm gone.
I need you to know how much you changed my life, loving you gave me hope and made me fight much longer than I would have done without you. This last month since I met you has been the most incredible few weeks of my entire life, and for that I thank you.
You gave me strength and a reason to keep fighting.
You taking me out of that crowd was the single best moment of my entire life, getting to talk to you, touch you, hug you was like a dream. A dream come true. You have no idea how powerful you are.
I have loved you (or had a crush on you as you would say, love is a strong word yada yada :)'
Dex smiled, he did say that.
'I have LOVED you since I was 12 years old and I will love you until the end of time from wherever I may be.
What you've done for me in these last few weeks is more than I ever expected from you, you were loving, you were selfless and I really believe you cared.
I sat on my bed a couple of days ago and realised my life was complete, I was ready to go.....'
Dex bagan to cry, he wiped his eyes in his sleeve that covered his hand. Jesse put a hand on his back
'I will be eternally grateful for your time, your advice and your understanding. You're one in a million Dexter Rose.
As much as I was jealous of Millie living the life I always wanted..
Please marry her. We both know she's perfect for you and if you're not going to marry me, she's the next best thing :)
Dex smiled through his tears
'Please always love her, I know you will, please always make the most of life. Surprise her, take her places, let her see all the good things about life and just let her be with you, you're everything. (that would have been enough for me)
I will let you go now before my dad starts boring you with family photos!
Dex looked up to see her dad sat in the armchair, a stack of photo albums already on his lap. Dex laughed as he continued reading the letter.
Please know that because of you I died happy, my life was complete. Thank you.
Emily xx
Dex folded the letter and put his head in his hands. He began to sob. He wished he could have done more for her, he had so many things in his head he planned to do for her, he assumed she had at least a year left, he hoped longer than that. He wanted to treat her to tickets to his show whenever he was in town, he wanted to serenade her on stage, he wanted to pay for her to go on holiday with her family and give them a private show, just for Emily. He wanted to make as many of her dreams come true as possible, but I was too late. He knew it would sit heavy on his heart for a long time.
"I just wish I could have done more!" Sighed Dex, wiping his eyes.
"Mr Rose" Said Emily's mum softly, getting up off the couch.
"Please, call me Dex" said Dex lifting his head from his hands.
"Ok, Dex, we found this in Emily's room" she said as she walked over and handed him another folded piece of paper, he was hesitant in taking it, not sure if he could handle another letter.
He unfolded it and attempted to focus his blurry, water-filled eyes
Bucket List.
1. Meet Dex from Craze ✔️
Life complete
Dex didn't understand teenage mindset, how was that ever enough?! He was a 32 year old man. He didn't understand why his young fans felt so much for him, he was old, there was nothing special about him. How can meeting him possibly be the thing that makes someone feel like their life is complete.
"I think you did enough" smiled Emily's mum.
"We're very grateful to you that she died feeling happy" she added
Dex wasn't sure how he felt about it all. He was pleased he'd made a difference but still felt like he'd done nothing for her.
Dex stayed and chatted with her parents for around 20 minutes before he had a text from Mac and had to leave.
"I'm sorry, I'm going to have to go, my security manager needs me back" he said
"That's ok, thank you for stopping by, we appreciate your time" said her mum
"Of course and if you need anything! Please just ask" replied Dex, as he stepped out of the front door.
He reached for an envelope in his back pocket and handed it to Emily's dad.
He opened it,
"Please accept this, I want to pay for her funeral, it's the very least I can do" said Dex
Emily's dad looked shocked as he opened he envelope to reveal a huge amount of $50 bills!
"You don't need to do this" he said
"I know, I want to, if there's a little extra take your family on vacation" Said Dex, knowing there was at least three times the amount of money they needed for a funeral in there.
"Thank you Dexter" said Emily's dad, holding out his handy shake Dex's.
"It's my pleasure and please let me know when it is, I'd like to come" replied Dex with a sympathetic smile.
Emily's parents nodded.
Dex's head was full of thought on the journey back, everything Emily wrote was swirling round his mind.
He thought about what she said about Millie, was she the one?, did he need to give it another go? Would he regret not trying again? He really felt how short and precious life was now.
"Thanks for coming with me man" said Dex. Emily had made all his anger and issues with Jesse fade away. Their fight seemed so insignificant now.
"No problem dude, that was rough. Poor kid" replied Jesse
A few moments of silence passed
"She's right ya know" said Jesse, out of nowhere.
"Huh" answered Dex. Concentrating on driving he didn't know what Jesse was talking about.
"Emily, she's right. You belong with Millie and you need to figure it out before it's too late." Explained Jesse.
Dex didn't answer.
"You have regrets of things you wished you could have done for Emily, right? Don't do nothing and have regrets of things you should have done with Millie too" said Jesse