So ... I almost forgot to post again
This hasn't been edited (let's be honest, I rarely have time to edit these) but I hope you like it anyway
Everyone knew not to wake me up in the middle of the night. They knew that if woken up I was the grumpiest person on the face of the planet. The house-elves knew better, my parents knew better and yet, still it was the middle of the night when my mother woke me up, gently shaking me awake. Groaning into my hands, I did my best to roll over and bury my face in my pillow. But mum held firm, grasping me by my shoulders and making me sit up. Blinking away the last of the sleep from my eyes, I wondered just why she was doing this to me when more often than not she was the one to complain that I'd inherited Dad's grouchiness.
"What?" I complained, clearing my throat when the word came out as a croak. Checking the time, I tried my best not to groan again. It was almost 2 am – why in Merlin's name was my mum waking me up at 2 am in the morning.
She held my eyes for a moment, silent and seemingly uncertain of what to say. I continued to wait and in her continued silence, I reached out to turn on my bedside lamp as I grumbled, "Someone better be dying." Her eyes silenced me. Despairing and unable to bring the words to her lips, she squeezed my shoulders gently. "Oh, God."
"Don't bother getting dressed, just throw on a robe on top of your pyjamas," she ordered quickly, drawing my duvet back from me. "Your father's gone ahead."
"Of course, of course," I agreed, standing up quickly, all of my complaints shifting away. This was so much more important.
Mum rose to her feet, telling me that she was giving me five minutes to straighten myself out as she left the room. Tying my hair away from my face, I quickly washed away the remaining traces of sleep and put my slippers on. Wrapping my nightgown around me and tying it, I hurried down the stairs to join Mum by the fireplace. Right now, my state of dress was the least of my concerns, I needed to get to Malfoy Manor. Mum, who had been waiting impatiently by the fireplace, gestured for me to go first and that she would follow through. I emerged moments later in the greeting room of Malfoy Manor with no one there to greet me. Not that there should've been anyone there. Everyone was tending to more important things.
Following after me, mum joined me and she took one look at the empty room and then squeezed my shoulders as she said faintly, "Mrs Zabini should be here, she arrived with her husband and son. Blaise was the one to collect your father."
"What should I do?" I asked uncertainly, looking to Mum who was already walking out of the room.
"I –" for a moment she struggled, as if wondering why I really was here and why I couldn't have been left at home under the guidance of our house-elves. Perhaps it made sense given that the Zabinis had apparently brought Cesar along. But I supposed I could understand – the Malfoys had a son, one that I could perhaps keep occupied whilst his mother neared the end. Even if the boy was 3 years younger than me, someone I wouldn't associate with at school, I would do my best tonight. "Just stay out of the way."
"Will do," I murmured, following after Mum and climbing the stairs towards one of the upstairs drawing rooms.
Entering the room, Mum instantly went to Mrs Zabini's side and the two women sat together, talking in hushed murmurs. I hesitated in the doorway and I would have followed her and sat with the other women but my eyes instead lingered on the soon to be third year who hovered beside the door, wanting to remain unseen.
Scorpius, practically glued to the door, looked much paler than I'd ever seen him. His eyes, seemingly unseeing and unmoving, peered out into the hallway to where the three men were gathered. Standing beside him, I followed his eyes and found his father slumped on the floor, covering his face with his hands to hide his tears even as his shoulders shook. Crouched on either side of him were my father and Mr Zabini, speaking in hushed words to try and comfort their long time friend. At a long distance, stood Cesar, wringing his hands uncertainly together. I wanted to call out to the soon to be fifth year, to tell him to give the adults some space, but I needed to focus on Scorpius.
Without a word, I reached out to take his hand, cradling it softly between my own. He started at the contact, blinking and looking to me with bloodshot eyes. Under my eyes, it looked like he was doing his best to hide his emotions but I shook my head, stopping him instantly.
"Nott," he greeted at last, swallowing thickly and looking once more to the hallway.
I remained there, standing by his side and simply hoping that my presence was enough to bring him some little comfort in wake of the tragedy that had befallen him so early in his life. The longer we stood there, the more I realised that he was forcing himself to stay awake, to keep watching his father as if wanting to make sure that he too didn't disappear.
"Come on," I said eventually, taking him by the hand and ushering him towards one of the sofas. He resisted at first, intent on staying where he was. But when I persisted, he complied and joined me without a word on the sofa.
My eyes drifted to Mum, silently biding her to leave the room, if only so Scorpius could get some rest. I knew, that with my Mum and Mrs Zabini here, he wouldn't be allowing himself to get even a moment's rest. Reading the unvoiced request in my eyes, she ushered Mrs Zabini out of the room and I swore I heard Scorpius released a breath of relief.
"You should get some sleep," I insisted, speaking into the room. When he didn't say anything, I reminded him, "Nothing is going to change by you staying awake."
It sounded cruel, even to my ears but he needed to know it. He needed to be reminded of it. Besides, it wasn't as if anyone said the Nott family was known for their emotional sensitivity.
"You're right," he agreed slowly, sighing again.
But it seemed he understood. It was almost like my words had given him the permission he needed to seek refuge from the events of tonight in the depths of his dreams. Surely, but slowly, Scorpius fell asleep. At first, he did his best to remain upright before his sleep caught up to him and his head fell heavily on my shoulder. I didn't dare move and instead continued to hold his hand in my lap, patting it softly and repetitively like he would wake up if I stopped. But I did stop when the three men in the house, and a shadowing Cesar, walked past the drawing room. They stopped in the doorway, Mr Malfoy peeking in and finding his son sleeping. He looked to me then, and for a moment, I felt like he was going to apologise for any inconvenience.
"He's fine," I assured slowly, eyes darting between Mr Malfoy and my Dad.
I watched as Mr Zabini gestured for Cesar to join our mothers and Dad stepped forward to catch Mr Malfoy when he stumbled like he was going to collapse once more. Holding him up steadily, Dad tried to lift him properly to his feet. Mr Zabini was quick to lend a hand and together they took the haggard looking Mr Malfoy away. I was content to remained where I was, to bringing Scorpius at least some comfort. But as it drew closer to 7am, Mum eventually arrived to collect me. Her eyes lingered on me and Scorpius before she called for a house-elf to bring a pillow and a blanket. When the house-elf reappeared, it set the pillow and blanket beside me.
It took some manoeuvring but eventually we'd managed to lay Scorpius down on the sofa with his knees bent so he could fit properly. Tucking the pillow under his head and covering him with the blanket, I cast one final look to Scorpius as he slumbered peacefully before joining Mum so we could head home. Dad would remain longer, needing to stay beside one of his very best friends.
**********
I had never been easily distracted. It simply wasn't me. If I had something I needed to pay attention to, then I would give it my all. It was why my grades were what they were, why I could excel at the fine balancing act of being a Prefect, being on the Quidditch team and also being Professor Zabini's assistant when he needed help with mass preparing Potions ingredients. Although, I used to excel at it but now I was just managing to get by. And it was all because of Scorpius Malfoy. Following the night where he'd used my shoulder as a pillow, my thoughts had continued to stray to the younger boy repeatedly. Even now that we were back at Hogwarts, I would find myself searching the common room or even the corridor to see what he was up to, whether he was coping.
He was struggling to cope. As was only natural for him to do.
Part of me wanted to abandon my friends where I stood, to cross the space between us and just settle down in between the third years to check on him. I mean, it wasn't like it would be strange for me to talk to him – our fathers were best friends and we'd been brought up around one another more often than not. It would've been a tad strange but not too strange, at least.
"What are you even looking at, Nott?" Skyla asked from beside me, drawing me from my thoughts.
"What are you talking about, Ivanenko?" I asked, shaking my head and turning back to her, "I'm not looking at anything."
"Liar." She narrowed her eyes at me, "You haven't listened to a single word I said."
"I have." At her disbelieving look, I said pointedly, "You were just telling us about the internship you applied for."
"Lucky guess."
"There was no guessing involved." Shaking my head, I couldn't help but peek one more look at Scorpius as he sat on the other side of the common room, sitting with Potter and seemingly listening to what he was saying.
It was clearly too much for Taliyah who rolled her eyes and pointed out, "She's been stealing glances at Malfoy since the school year started." When Skyla looked incredulously between me and where Scorpius was sitting, eyes wide, I shook my head. Taliyah slapped her arm, "Not like that you freak. He's a bleeding third year."
"Well maybe you should be more specific next time, Dhana," Skyla grumbled as she rubbed her arm. It wasn't enough – she even shuffled further down the sofa towards me. "What's up with Malfoy then?"
"You know what's wrong with him," I pointed out; the entire bloody castle knew. "I'm just worried about him, that's all."
I was rightfully worried about Scorpius as far as I was concerned; he had changed a lot. Despite already being shy, he had grown even more reclusive and kept more to himself. I wasn't unaware of the way Scorpius had been teased relentlessly in his first two years at school but I'd hoped because of basic human decency that he wouldn't find himself being bullied this year. I was very very wrong, spying the same group of fifth year boys heading towards Scorpius and Potter. Salazar, that was more than enough.
"Give me a minute," I said, forcefully handing Skyla the pillow I'd been cradling and rising to my feet.
Walking quickly, I approached the group of fifth year boys before they could spout too much filth. Reaching out quickly, I grabbed them by the back of their robes to forcefully cut off whatever they were saying. Some people were just horrendous people. How could you look at a boy who'd lost his mother and spout some garbage to them?
I peeked behind me to find Scorpius staring up at me in badly concealed surprise – which made sense considering that I didn't exactly make a habit of sticking up for him. But I didn't look at him for long. Turning my attention back to the wilting fifth years, I struggled not to narrow my eyes.
"What the hell is going on here?" I demanded fiercely, looking between the group of five boys who despite being startled to see me, recovered considerably quickly. Crossing my arms over my chest, I waited for them to say something, to attempt to excuse their behaviour in some way so I could give them the dressing down they deserved. Salazar's soul did they deserve one. "Well? I'm still waiting."
Fairworthy, the tallest and most irritating of the bunch, recovered his courage first. He peered behind me to look at Scorpius who had recovered himself, looking less surprised and once more, blank faced. "Do you need someone to babysit you Malfoy? Now that your Mummy's not around?"
Well.
"Shut your mouth Fairworthy," I ordered, "I'm taking 10 points off of every single one of you for being absolutely horrendous human beings. You've lost the house 50 points between you; do you want to lose the house more?"
"You can't do that," they protested.
"Can't I?" Pointing to my Prefect's badge, I watched as they faltered and remembered just who they were talking to. "The next time I catch you like this; I'm reporting you to the head of house and letting them deal with you. Now go away."
I waited a moment longer, watching them to make sure that they headed away and then, when I was certain that they weren't coming back, I finally looked back to Scorpius. He held my eyes for a long while, unable to speak a word. Not that I blamed him. Glancing away from him to Potter, I realised that he was watching me as well, and I realised then, how I'd never spoken a word to the Potter boy. So, I just offered him a smile before looking to his best friend.
"Are you alright?" I asked, regretting it in the next instance. He clearly wasn't.
Still, he held my eyes and lied with a simple nod. I wanted to say something else, but I didn't have the words. And I certainly wasn't sure that he wanted to hear me say anything either. So, I just offered him a nod, turning and then returning to my friends, certain I could feel his eyes tracing my path across the common room. It wasn't as if I could turn around and talk to him either – he wasn't willing to speak to anyone about what was really bothering him.
**********
According to the letter Mum sent me in the last week of the first term, Mrs Malfoy's funeral was going to be held during the Christmas holiday. Apparently, there were all sorts of complications regarding her untimely demise because she'd passed at home and because she'd passed away due to a blood curse, they'd had to delay the funeral. And so here I was, in the first week of the Christmas holiday, attending a funeral that I'd hoped would never happen. The Notts were a realistic bunch, my parent had raised me so I'd have both feet planted firmly on the ground, and yet I'd always believed, somewhere deep inside me, that they'd stumble across a miracle cure that would save Mrs Malfoy. Of course, the world was too cruel to let such a thing happen.
Father had gone ahead, meeting Mr Zabini and Mr Malfoy to ensure that the final preparations had been taken care of. Mum and I remained at home a couple of hours longer, arriving at the funeral parlour just before the funeral was to begin. I lingered back for a long moment, uncertain of how to proceed or who to talk to because I'd never attended a funeral before. Remaining in the shadows, I watched as Mum headed over to Dad, likely to ask if there was anything she could do to help.
I stood at the back of the room, looking over the people that had gathered and only really searching for one person. My eyes lingered though, on the Potter family who stood off to one side, talking between themselves. The youngest Potter son caught my watching eyes and offered me a slight nod that I returned before going to look away. Only, he gestured with his head towards the door and then returned to his conversation as if his behaviour wasn't odd. I frowned, wondering what that was about before conceding to my curiosity and walking out of the building.
With slow steps, I walked out into the open air and kept a cautious eye out for Scorpius. I understood that it was too much for him, that maybe he needed a bit of a breather, but I knew for certain that he hadn't told anyone that he was heading off. He probably didn't have the forethought to do so, given his current mental state. But did he really want to worry everyone? Given Mr Malfoy's current heartbreak I didn't put it past him to initiate a man hunt at the first sign of his missing son.
I continued to walk forward and eventually found him, sitting on a bench and seemingly lost in his thoughts. Relieved that I'd located him, I walked quickly to his side and when I was in his earshot, I cleared my throat so he wouldn't be startled by my sudden appearance. He turned over his shoulder, spotted me standing there before he turned around once more and faced ahead. Without a word, I sat by him and looked him over.
From the back, he'd looked like he was simply thinking or staring off into space. But now that I was sitting next to him, I could see the rigid strength of his shoulders, the curled fists he held in his lap and the way he'd rolled his lips into his mouth as if to physically stop himself from crying. Sighing, I reached out, and held his hands and slowly uncurled his fists. Peering down at his palms, I frowned at the crescent shapes marking his palm. Sighing again, I brushed gentle fingers over the top of each crescent mark, trying to ease the ache that was sure to be there.
When I lifted my eyes, I found Scorpius watching me softly, with eyes that I swore were crying out for help. I knew my own eyes were soft and that he would hate it so I glanced away from him, searching the area around us. Reluctantly removing my hands from him, I drew my wand out from my pocket, infinitely thankful that my 17th birthday had passed weeks ago. Casting a shrouding charm around us, I tucked my wand away and turned so I was sitting close enough to him that my knees brushed against his.
"It's alright to cry," I said into the silence. He stared back at me, unwilling to believe me. "I mean it Scorpius; I've cast a charm that'll stop anyone from seeing us. If you want to cry without anyone seeing you, this is the time to do it."
He continued to watch me for a long moment, and if I hadn't been looking for it, I wouldn't have caught the slight tremble to his lips. Merlin, he was still restraining himself.
"It's ok," I said once more, softly.
And it was all he needed. The first sob slipped between reluctant lips and every one after that burst forward instantly. They were so anguished, so heart-breaking that I couldn't help but reach out for him, and draw him into my arms. He breathed out shakily between sobs but continued to cry so loudly that they would've echoed around us if I hadn't cast the charm. Holding him close, I let him cling to me and cry to me and wondered if this had been the first time, the first real time he let himself cry since his Mum's death. His arms came around me, clinging so tightly to me that I patted his back with one hand and fought my own tears.
Burrowing his head in the crook of my neck, Scorpius tried to get out words between his sobs that I shook my head and shushed him, using my free hand to smooth down the hair at the back of his head, and assured him that he didn't need to say a word. I was content to remain there, to let him use me as a means to get the comfort he'd spent so long denying himself. Over his shoulder, I peeked at my watch, worrying about missing the beginning of the service. We had a while longer for him to cry and I could always cast a glamour charm on him to hide the evidence of his crying. But until then, we had a little time.
**********
Returning to school meant slipping back into my tried and tested routine of lessons, homework, assisting Professor Zabini and completing my rounds. Like every year before, it should have been easy and I shouldn't have been thinking of anything else. But, no matter how much I tried, sometimes I lied awake at night and the sound of Scorpius's sobs continued to echo in my head. I wasn't sure I'd ever heard anything so broken before. And it was especially jarring when after I'd shattered the shrouding charm and concealed his reddened eyes with a glamour charm, he was back to being stoic and there was no sign of his shattered heart. He was all steel boned strength and rather than being impressed that he could shield his emotions so easily – I worried about him. I was terrified that he would splinter into a million pieces without anyone noticing quick enough to catch them all and put him back together again. Very few people could tell that he was as broken as he was – and I thought that Notts were supposed to be good at concealing their emotions.
I tried once more to dismiss the thoughts, having completed my rounds and walked back to the common room. Announcing the password with a tired sigh, I stepped into the common room and expected to find it empty; it was certainly far too late for any rational person to be awake on a school night. Salazar, I hated late night rounds.
I almost headed toward the girl's dormitory and perhaps I would have, if I hadn't spied Scorpius as he sat alone on one of the sofas in front of the extinguished fireplace. Frowning and wondering how long he'd been sitting in the cold common room, I turned on the flame with a precise flick of my wand. The roaring of the fire brought him from his contemplations. Approaching the third year, I asked, "What are you doing still in the common room?"
"What about you?" he asked, eyes trailing after me as I finally reached him.
Standing in front of him, I pointed to the badge pinned to my robes. "I was doing my rounds." I waited for him to answer my question – like it was only natural for him to do. He remained closed lipped and I asked once more, "Why are you still down here, then?"
"I didn't realise what the time was," he confessed with a heavy sigh, glancing at his watch and releasing a tired sigh. Scorpius rose to his feet then, looking like he was actually going to head to his dorm for the night. Only, he stopped and considered me for a long moment and I waited silently, wondering just what he was going to say to me. He took me by surprise. "I realised that I never thanked you."
"Thanked me?"
"For what you did at the – the funeral." And then his eyes were looking over my face, trying to get some feel of my emotions but I was cautious to hide whatever I was feeling behind a farce of indifference. Really, I wanted to frown and ask why he thought he needed to thank me and whether he thought I'd comforted him just to receive his gratitude. Holding my silence, I watched as Scorpius glanced away from me with an awkward shrug that had my incredulity melting away. "It was kind of cool, that you gave me the chance to cry it all out so I could be there properly for Mum."
And then, for some strange reason, I was struck by the urge to comfort him again, to take the younger boy in my arms and assure him that if he ever needed a good cry, I could show him somewhere he could hide out. Instead, I simply shrugged, "Well, I might be a Nott and we're not exactly known for our emotional intelligence but I know what it looks like when someone is bottling up their emotions. And believe me, sometimes it's better to just let it all out – a good cry can be cathartic."
"It was," he agreed.
An awkward silence settled between us and I wondered just what else there was for me to say to him. Or even for him to say to me. Rather than prolonging this encounter, I motioned behind me as if to remind him that I was on the way to head back to my dorm and that he should do the same. Only, after I had gestured behind me, my feet refused to follow through with the motion. And my eyes, Salazar, my eyes simply couldn't turn away from him. I didn't want to ask. Really, I didn't want to be one of those people that asked. But who knew, if he might actually give me an honest answer, that perhaps whatever shield he was using to hide behind was weakened because of what we'd shared on the day of his mother's funeral. So, I asked.
"How are you doing?"
His eyes that had, until that moment, seemed fascinated with the rug beneath our feet, looked up suddenly and searched out my own. The surprise was barely there for a moment before he shielded it carefully – he hadn't expected me to ask either. Still, when he did answer, I was grateful to hear the ring of truth to his words, "Better. A bit better at least, but not like – like it was before."
"You can hardly expect that to happen," I said gently, trying not to wince at how all knowing I sounded. To soften the blow of my words, I reached out silently and ruffled his hair. Scorpius's brows rose in astonishment and I was quick to drop my hand as I finally started to head back to my room. Even if I was still facing him as I walked, "Good night, Malfoy."
There was a slight pause, one he filled with looking after me with open eyes that couldn't seem to stray from my features. And then finally, "Night, Nott."
**********
SEVENTH YEAR
If anyone had actually sat me down and talked to me about the responsibilities that being Head Girl involved, I would have reconsidered. I certainly wouldn't have accepted the position so quickly after considering all the things I already had on my plate with already being a Prefect, being on the Quidditch team and helping Professor Zabini and the application I'd put in to study to become a wandmaker. Merlin, I had the sense to turn down the position of Captain of the quidditch team but as I returned from a preliminary interview about become a wandmaker, I wondered whether it was too late to bow out of being Head Girl. We were already one term in, but surely Professor McGonagall could find someone to replace me? Or even just find someone to take over the rounds I was scheduled to do near midnight? Dad really hadn't been lying when he said that seventh year would be the hardest one yet. Of course, when he had been in his seventh year, the school had been overrun with Death Eaters so I thought he was being overdramatic.
Even still, as stupid as it sounded, I missed my Hogsmeade weekends. From the moment the school year had begun, I hadn't actually been able to spend a single Hogsmeade weekend with my friends or even anyone else because of all my responsibilities. I just wanted to enjoy a butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks and to get some chocolate from Honeydukes. Was that such an impossible desire?
As I made it the final few steps into the school, I couldn't help but eye the Honeydukes bags that a group of fourth years carried as they too returned from the village. Hopefully Taliyah remembered the promise she made me to get me some chocolate. And if she forgot, I could always put in a favour with one of the house-elves –
"Nott."
The call of my name brought me so harshly from my inner grumblings that I instantly came to a still. Searching the entrance hall, I looked around for who'd called me and silently prayed, hoped, begged that it wasn't the Head Boy coming to dump some more of his work on me. Thankfully, it wasn't.
Instead of finding the Gryffindor Head Boy parting through the crowd, I found Scorpius waiting a short distance ahead of me, standing beside the doors to the Great Hall. Realising that I'd spied him, he approached me and fell easily into step beside me as we both walked back to the common room. For a moment I studied the silent fourth year, realising that he was going through the beginning of his growth spurt and had taken on a rather awkward gangly quality that some of the boys in his year and most of the boys in fifth year had.
"What's the matter, Malfoy?" I asked, unable to resist teasing him, "Were you waiting for me or something?"
He simply rolled his eyes, evading my question as he asked, "What were you doing in Hogsmeade? I saw your friends in Zonko's but you weren't there?"
"I had an interview," I confessed. "I met up with one of the wandmakers I want to train under and we were discussing abroad placements."
For a moment, he walked funny as if he'd missed a step in surprise. But he caught up to me easily, even if he was watching me with the most strange expression on his face. I caught his eyes, raising an eyebrow as he continued to watch me in silence.
Finally shaking his head, he said, "You're going to leave?"
There was something in his tone of voice, something he tried his hardest to hide but he was far too young to have mastered the art of hiding such a strange sadness that it made me pause. It was my turn to stop in my step, looking at him and unable to bring myself to speak the words that were on the tip of my tongue. Instead, my head was whirring, putting together the interactions we'd shared – as many as I could remember – into some pattern, trying to see just when things had changed. Just what I'd done to cause the puppy eyes that trailed after me – because I realised now that they were puppy eyes and not just curiosity like I'd previously believed. Everything made sense now in the most horrible way, my memories illuminated with clarity as I looked at this boy in his fourth year and the son of my father's best friend. Salazar's soul, I was not equipped to handle this with any form of sensitivity.
"Scorpius," I finally managed, thanking Merlin that my voice was steady, that the realisation I'd come to hadn't affected the timbre of my voice. He glanced curiously down at me and holding my eyes so earnestly that I wanted to look away. I didn't. "Why were you waiting for me?"
He shrugged, falling into step beside me as I once more started to walk back to the common room. Watching him from the corner of my eye, I listened as he simply said, "I just wanted to talk to you."
Lead settled into my stomach as I forced myself to ask, "About what?"
"Nothing in particular." Did he notice the way I breathed out in relief? Probably not. My relief was too soon. "Apparently the Head Boy's been following after you? What's he like? Are you ... do you like him?"
Jealousy. I could hear it dripping from his every word. Merlin, why was it jealousy?
"We work today," I said truthfully. "I don't think much of him really – he's a bit of an idiot and I have to work with him regardless. But ... what about you? Isn't there anyone you like? From your year?"
He ducked his head, confessing slowly, "There is someone. Just not in my year."
Salazar's soul; I'd hoped I was wrong. "Not from your year? The year below."
"No." He cleared his throat awkwardly, looking at me as if he was wishing that I met his eyes. As if he wasn't a fourteen year old on the precipice of confessing how he felt about a seventeen – soon to be eighteen year old. "Not in the year below, either."
I didn't dare meet his eyes. Merlin, I didn't even dare to say anything. Instead, I continued to walk towards the common room in a still silence that felt like it was going to suffocate me. Sometimes, I hated being right.
**********
This was not happening, I refused to believe that this was happening. Surely not –
Surely, Scorpius was not here, in the middle of the common room at midnight because he was waiting for me to return from one of my rounds. It wasn't strange before my realisation for me to find him sitting there and seemingly lost in thought. And before it wasn't strange for me to join him and just sit there and talk to him for almost an hour. But after my realisation I wondered whether he'd done this on purpose, wanting to spend time with me. Especially now, for the first time since I'd gotten the uncomfortable insight, to find him waiting seemingly for me, had me stopping in the corridor leading to the common room. Merlin, I really didn't want to go in. This was what I'd been dreading.
Naturally, after having walked to the common room, I'd left Scorpius behind and rushed to my dorm. Sitting on my bed, I checked my nails nervously as I waited for my friends to come up from Hogsmeade. They took their time and the longer they were away, the more my anxiety grew until they finally, finally arrived. Taliyah was the first to walk in, handing me a bag of chocolate with a smile and I thanked her softly before setting the bag aside. It was enough to stop her.
"What's the matter?" she asked, sharing a look with Skyla when I didn't immediately rifle through the bag she'd gifted me.
Although Taliyah had been the first to ask, Skyla was the first to come and sit beside me. She wrapped an arm around my shoulder as she asked, "Is there something wrong?"
"Some is very wrong," I grumbled when Taliyah too joined us on my bed. My friends, sitting on either side of me, shared a single look before drawing the curtains around my bed and cast a silencing charm to block out nosey dormmates. Breathing out slowly, I hesitated before admitting, "Scorpius Malfoy has a crush on me."
At first, there was a long silence and then, all at once, they burst into unhelpful laughter. Groaning and reaching for my pillow, I swatted at them to try and get them to calm down. It didn't work and I swore that Skyla was going to lose her breath from laughing so hard.
"You cows are being majorly unhelpful," I hissed as Taliyah sobered first.
"You're a cradle robber," Skyla pointed out before cursing when Taliyah reached over to pinch her thigh. "What was that for?"
"Alright, are you sure?" Taliyah conceded, taking my hand and seeing the look I gave her, she was quick to said, "Right, you're certain. What are you going to do?"
"What do you mean do?" Skyla scoffed, "She can't date him – he's prepubescent."
Indignant, I insisted "I would never –"
"That's not what I meant," Taliyah talked over me, silencing Skyla with a look. Glancing back to me, she said, "You might not want to think about it, Nott, but there's a chance he'll tell you himself. And what are you going to do then? You know you can't break his heart."
"Of course, I don't want to break his heart."
And I didn't. Really, really, I didn't want to break his heart. So, I hoped, with everything in me, that this was going to be a simple conversation, nothing more, nothing less. Forcing my feet forward, I entered the common room and hoped he'd ignore me. Clearly Merlin refused to smile down on me tonight.
"Nott," he greeted from the sofa and beckoned me over.
For a moment, I stood where I was and contemplated what to do. And then, without thinking too long, I'd come to a decision. I wouldn't wait for him to bring it up, to ambush me with a sudden confession. Instead, I'd be the one to talk first, to stop Scorpius from bringing this up and pining for longer.
"Can we talk?" I finally asked as I approached him. He nodded instantly, watching as I sat down on the sofa. Removing my bag, I set it down between us and wondered how to begin.
"Is something wrong?" he asked, frowning and I silently agreed, there was a lot wrong.
Instead, I talked over his question and said simply, "Scorpius."
"Yeah?"
Breathing out slowly and making sure I was soft and gentle, "Scorpius, I'm flattered and everything but..."
I struggled to continue. Not that I needed to. Instead, I could see from the way his eyes were gone, no longer looking into mine that he knew. He knew that I knew. And it was enough. Thankfully it was enough. Even still, I continued to watch him.
Clearing his throat, Scorpius fidgeted with his hands as he asked, "What are you getting ahead of yourself for?"
"Scorpius – "
"I'm sorry," he said abruptly, making me frown.
"No," I said instantly, reaching out and placing my hands on top of his, stilling his anxious fidgeting. Lowering my head so I could try to meet his bowed eyes, I sighed when he couldn't look at me. I insisted softly, "This isn't anything you have to apologise for and I really am flattered that you like me. But – you're just a kid."
He raised his eyes then, looking me in the eyes and murmuring petulantly, "It's not my fault that I was born 3 years after you."
Unable to help myself, I laughed slowly even as I continued to watch him. Drawing my hands away from him and straightening up, I considered him for a short moment. He still didn't look at me, too busy avoiding my eyes as his cheeks blazed red in his embarrassment.
"Thank you," I said finally, leaning forward and kissing his reddened cheek. He breathed in sharply, turning his head toward me and seemingly unable to speak a word. I continued, "Thank you, really, for understanding and for being a good guy."
"I don't –"
"You'd be surprised how many boys in your position would blame me for leading you on or something." Grabbing my bag, I stood up and watched the confusion flicker across his face, like he couldn't understand someone reacting as I'd described. "Anyway, goodnight Scorpius."
"Goodnight," he echoed softly behind, watching as I headed to my dorm.
**********
No matter how earnestly I protested otherwise, my parents insisted on throwing me a going away party. I had somehow managed to convince them that I really didn't need to have a graduation party because my friends and I had decided that we'd just do something quiet together before we were inevitably forced to part as our lives took us in our separate directions. But they would not be swayed about the going away party – reminding me that I'd be studying abroad for years. I'd had no choice but to eventually concede, if only to stop my dad from murmuring about ungrateful daughters. Of course, that prompted mum to trail after him and teasing him for how he refused to admit how attached he was to his child.
At least, I thought as I looked around the room, they had kept it rather low key. Well, it was low key when compared to the original plan they'd run by me. The room was full of my family friends and all my loved ones who mingled and talked and occasionally spied me and approached me to talk. I was forced to take part in the same conversation repeatedly as I explained just what I was going to off to study and where I was going. Each time, I thanked them for coming and when the conversation grew a bit stilted, I was quick to spy a reason to step away.
Right now, as I stood between Professor and Mrs Zabini, listening as they talked about something, I searched out my escape. I spied my reason entering the room and was quick to excuse myself only after thanking Professor Zabini for the wonderful recommendation letter he'd written for me. He accepted the compliment as he always did, with a lazy shrug as if by thanking him I was only troubling him further.
Finally walking away from the older couple, I approached the drinks table and picked up a glass of pumpkin juice and making sure that no one was looking, I poured some champagne into it and twirled the flute slowly to mix them. Then, picking up another flute of champagne, I headed straight toward Scorpius who hovered a little uncertainly on the perimeter of the room, looking around like he was searching for something. Spying me approaching him, he beckoned me over with a smile and I handed him the flute of spiked pumpkin juice.
"Thanks," he said with a smile, raising the flute to his mouth and taking a small sip. Instantly, his eyes flickered knowingly toward me and he struggled to hide his newer, more mischievous smile. "I just finished my fourth year."
"Oh please," I scoffed, raising my own flute to my mouth, "I was in the same house at you. Don't even try to tell me that you don't drink – I had a front seat view to your drunken stupors during the after parties."
"I guess now that you're not Head Girl you don't have to worry about being a bad influence," he accepted, taking another drink. Then, he glanced around and spied an approaching waiter. Grabbing my flute, he placed both of them on the tray and when I looked expectantly at him, he said, "I got you a gift."
"You didn't have to," I protested instantly, even as I looked over him to see if he was carrying it on him.
"I got you one anyway." And then, he held his hand out eagerly toward me and I just watched him in silence.
He pushed his hand toward me once more and I sighed before conceding and taking his hand. After throwing one more glance around, Scorpius drew me out of the room and towards our family garden. Once we were in the garden, settled on a bench and far away from the noise of the party, Scorpius reached into the inner pocket of his robes. Slowly he drew out a leather pouch, rolled up with a leather strap wrapped around it a couple of times. Searching his eyes, I found them waiting to see what I would do.
Accepting the pouch from him, I unwrapped it slowly and opened it up, eyes roving across the basic set of wandmaker tools. In silence, I drew my fingers softly over the tools, tracing the shape of the very first one.
Scorpius spoke quickly to fill my silence, "Dad helped me get them and well, I didn't know if you had the chance to buy a set yet."
He trailed off once more, watching as I rolled the pouch up again, wrapping and tying the strap securely around it. Holding the tool kit in my lap, I turned to Scorpius with a smile and wondered why he was watching me so anxiously.
"Thank you," I said softly, hesitating for a moment before taking him in a hug. His hands remained uncertainly hanging beside him even when I drew away from him and gave him a final kiss on the cheek, "These are wonderful."
"They're nothing," he insisted with an awkward cough.
For a moment, I struggled not to smile as he glanced resolutely away from me, his ears flaming red that I knew they'd be hot to touch. Then I realised, "It was your birthday recently and I didn't get you anything."
He shrugged and pointed to his cheek, "I've had more than enough."
"Salazar, Scorpius," I said with a soft laugh, "you're really one of a kind." He shrugged helplessly once more, and before either of us could say another word, someone called out my name from behind us. I turned to see mum standing beside the back door, gesturing for me to return inside. "We should head inside but thank you, Scorpius, really."
**********
3 YEARS LATER
3 years of studying later and I was officially a qualified wandmaker and because I'd had the sense to apply early, Ollivander was expecting me at the end of the month to begin working with him. Before beginning to work, I'd wanted to spend a couple of weeks just holed up at home and actually enjoy just being home. For the past few years, my every visit had wound up with me revising to pass my exams and I'd missed being able to do nothing. Just when I thought I had the opportunity to relax before having to get back to reality, my parents were insistent on getting out of the house. They insisted that I needed to accompany them to Scorpius's graduation party and to take the chance to see everyone since I'd resolutely refused to visit people when I'd returned home. Was it so bad to just want to sleep for a couple of days straight?
But, before I could verbalise any of my protests, before I even knew it I was getting dressed and heading off to Malfoy manor. Entering the manor, I found myself apprehended by several of the older adults who wanted to hear everything about my studies and what I planned to do now. I entertained them all, having to repeat myself multiple times but eventually, spying Caesar Zabini lingering and searching the crowd for someone, I apprehended him.
Professor Zabini's son, only one year younger than myself, was startled but let me use him as an excuse to escape. Although he too began to ask me about my work and I found myself giving him the same answers – word for word – that I'd given everyone before him. He listened, half-heartedly I was sure, given the way he continued to look into the crowd but I answered him, nonetheless. Just as I went to ask him who he was searching for, I was cut off by a call of my name.
I turned, uncertain and searched the people around me. And then I saw him, striding through the crowd toward me and I couldn't help the way my brows rose in surprise. Silently dismissing a grateful Zabini, I allowed myself to actually look over Scorpius Malfoy as he approached me. The past 3 years had done him well; he'd grown tall, taller than his father I was sure and broadening out at the shoulders. He was no longer that gangly fifteen year old I'd left behind. When he finally reached me, he glanced around us and then took my arm without a single word. I started for a moment at the contact, so used to him hesitating about touching me, but I followed him without a word as he drew me into a less populated corner of the room. Once we were alone, he dropped his hand quickly, using it to rub the back of his neck awkwardly.
"Sorry about that," he said eventually just as I was beginning to get used to having to look up at him. "When did you get back?"
"A couple of days ago," I said, more than pleased that my voice remained neutral with no signs of my surprise. Although, perhaps he wasn't so different from that boy who'd had the most bashful crush on me, given how he couldn't seem to hold my eyes for too long.
"Now that you're back –"
I cut him off before he could recount the exact same question others already had. Instead, I asked, "Isn't this supposed to be about you? What are your plans now?"
"Magical law," he said simply, eyes lingering slightly and then narrowing when my own looked over him once more. "What?"
"Sorry," I said with a shake of my head, "I just can't get over it. You just seem really grown up and it's kind of throwing me."
"Well, a growth space will do that you." He shrugged slowly, and I held back from informing that it wasn't necessarily because he'd grown – he was carrying himself differently as well. Dad always said Mr Malfoy had the Malfoy arrogance (confidence, Mr Malfoy always insisted) and that the arrogance must have been in his DNA. Perhaps Scorpius had finally come into his Malfoy confidence – because it wasn't arrogance, not on him. "Is it – is it a bad thing."
"No," I assured him instantly. "Definitely not a bad thing."
He smiled then, soft at the corner of his mouth. But in the next instant, his smile curled up further and if I didn't know better, I'd have claimed it was a smirk. Was it a smirk? Merlin, I couldn't quite get used to it. Finally, he asked, "Do you have plans tomorrow?"
"Well I was planning on getting reacquainted with my bed." From behind shielded eyes, I watched as he nodded to himself. Surely – no crush lasted this long. Especially not when the other person was on the other side of the planet. Right? And I couldn't, surely, I couldn't have wanted him to keep looking at me the way he was. Someone had spiked the drinks – I was certain.
"No plans then." He watched me for a moment, waiting for me to tell him otherwise. "Then why don't we go out for coffee?"
"Now why do I get the idea that you're asking me out on a date?"
"Because I am." Salazar's soul, he was too different and I wasn't sure how to proceed with a grown up Scorpius Malfoy. Well, not quite grown up, I supposed. 18 was hardly grown up. Then again, to some people, neither was 21.
"You're still young."
"Young, yes," he shrugged easily, "but like I've already told you, I can't do anything about being born 3 years after you. Besides, it's not like it's illegal or anything."
"Salazar." He grinned at the way the name left my mouth sounded like a curse. And then, when he moved to approach me, I simply eyed his approach, watching as he outstretched a hand to cradle my face. Breathing out shakily, I complained, "I have no idea how to deal with you anymore."
"Is this the part where I confess that I've never known how to deal with you?"
____________________
Remember, let me know what you thought ~
Onto the hints for the next one which, if all goes to plan, should be up on the 10th:
* An only child
* Inherited a fortune from his parents
* Sorted into Gryffindor
Also - since this is something that gets asked a lot requests are currently closed. I don't accept requests through comments or through PMs and those of you who were around the last time I tried to accept requests through PM know that wattpad limits you to only see 200 unread messages in your inbox at one point so it ate 800+ message last time. I've come up with an alternative way of handling requests which worked well last time. And when requests are open again, I'll give you all the information you need so please stop message me about it and being rude because it's been so long since I've requests were open.
Anyway - there is 14 one shots left to be posted before requests are open again