Thoughts then rushed into my head. Jungkook's a tall man, buff, and kind of a jerk sometimes; that might be the first impression that he made, but that felt overwhelming. His smile and presence earlier made all of my problems and other worries flee away in just the way his scent was persisting through the cosy room that escaped from the cafe as I smelled his perfume. And as he was standing there, I felt the warmth of his existence. It felt so good that I didn't want to go out of there anymore. It was so strange that it could kill me through my heart.
"I'll just take a bath first, Granny," I heard Melissa utter. We have arrived home. Me and Melissa took a cab from the mall to here. Granny was cleaning the kitchen, which was far away from the living room, which I am sitting in for about fifteen minutes from now. I heard Granny offer Melissa to eat first but turn it down since we already ate outside.
I listened to the steps that Melissa was taking while going up the stairs. I got up and went to the kitchen, where I saw Granny putting down the plate of waffles with maple syrup and some sides of frozen strawberries and blueberries. I felt her agony through her actions, and I never rejected any plate she offered me.
"You could just leave it on the table, Granny. I'll eat it." I smiled at her as I almost shook her from the sudden presence I made in front of her.
Her shocked expression turned into a smile. "Alright, dear. You can have it." She smiled once more, showing off her teeth.
I smiled back, and she handed me the plate of food and placed it near me. I took off the jacket I wore in the cab since it was cold. I placed it on the other chair besides me. I sat down on the chair in front of me and pulled the plate.
Granny handed me a fork and knife to help me cut and eat the waffles well and properly. "You made some food?" I asked Granny as I cut a bite-sized waffle with the use of a knife while pressing the fork down on the waffle to avoid moving. I shoved it in my mouth and swallowed its flavor. It was sweet. The maple syrup made its way to complement the taste of waffles.
"Yes, I know that you two will be heading home late, which I was right, so I made you two some waffles, but you and your friends went out, right?" She answered and left a question beforehand.
"Yes, we did. We only went shopping and went to a cafe. It was a newly opened cafe. My friend, Jennie, told us." I answered back to her while thinking, then rushed on what I would say about Jennie. They were all nice, and there was nothing bad I thought about them.
"Jennie? Who's that?" Granny answered back with another question. She wiped her hands with the hem of her shirt.
"She's my friend there too; I met Nayeon, Jisoo, and Jennie before Melissa did," I said out, leaving a smile and continuing eating.
Granny then gave me a smile. It was pure-no lies, no pain-all true with her eyes and smile. "That's great to hear, dear," she said. "That's a good start for the both of you. Nevertheless, your parents have given you a rough time growing up since you were a kid. I feel sorry for that, but at least, you're now here with Melissa. I'm so glad I'll be the one who'll handle you two in this house," Granny said out, digging all of the pains and lies back then. How I hate to hear that word, parents, but she made it clear that I wouldn't get upset or mad in any other way.
"Right," I said out first, looking at my waffle that was left in only a quarter, while two more strawberries and three blueberries were left on my plate. "I'm glad too that we're away from our parents..." My words then try to disappear from the air. I said it out loud but could hear it in a whisper. "Away from them," I said, finally giving a big sigh, laying my head on my right shoulder as I played with the maple syrup that was messed through the eatings that I made. "It's better to go with a good start, yeah?" I flinch, raising my head at Granny's features. She's old, and she probably shouldn't be doing work by now. She didn't say anything for a few seconds, but her smile and look made all my thoughts calm and peaceful.
"Yes, it's better to go with a good start." Our elderly maid agreed. I smiled at her. There are no times she made a mistake, only mild ones that could be swung in just one way. She's so perfect. That could almost be my mother. But she is not too close to being my mother. There were still boundaries between us, but the way she handled me and Melissa could portray her as a mother of two.
"I'm done; thanks for this." I smiled at her once more and stood up. "I'll head up now," I added. Granny said no and left a smile too. She took the empty yet dirty plate away from the table. The sticky texture of the maple syrup made it look messy. She turned around and put it in the sink.
I whirled around to get my leather jacket and started to head upstairs in my room. I opened the black wooden door and left it closed behind me. I shoved off the jacket on my desk chair, leaving it hanging. The hot, sensual, and cosy warmth welcomed and entered me. I felt heavy at the same time. I threw myself on the bed, facing myself with the sheets of the cover, and closed my eyes. I could feel the breezy feeling from the sheets and blankets. Air conditioning was turned on as I stepped into this room. But the overflowing warmth in my heart greeted me. The feeling of heat, starting from the face down to the feet, despite the fact that what I'm lying on now is cold, makes a difference.
What an exhausting day!
I thought, remembering Jungkook's present for me. The bandage. I hurriedly sat down on my bed while my hair was a mess on my face. It was inside my bag downstairs on the sofa. Thinking of rushing down to get it makes me lazy; just the thought of a second speed that will last if it's happened makes my legs sick. I couldn't even get out of bed.
45 seconds passed, and I heard a knock against the back of the door. "Mary, you left your bag downstairs." I hear Granny's voice from outside, almost echoing from the silence and how quiet this house is.
"Thanks, Granny!" I shouted, turning my head to the door that was facing me, along with my hair strands that were in my sight. All I see is a glimpse of the black door in my room. I was about to stand up, but I sat down on my buttocks on the floor, hincing in pain. "Ouch." I creased my butt while hincing in pain as the bed has a long width down to the grey carpet floor.
"Just leave it there, Granny! You can have a rest now. Thanks for today!" I shouted inside the room. I almost cracked one of my bones in my spine. I never thought that I would be feeling this hard pain in my back, almost shouting how the ache is so much for how much I work out at night.
I thought that I've been having bad posture since then, when I'm standing and when I'm sitting. It almost made me look like a shrimp from the way I positioned myself on one stand. I touched my back, supporting it from cracking, as I felt the nerve being locked inside the muscles. It feels like so much pain inside my body that I can't explain why. I opened the door and put the bag on the floor.
I closed the door behind me and dramatically fell down on my knees, as the aching pain was killing me, no matter how severe it was. It feels like a pinching pain, coming from the inside to the outside. After a few more seconds of staying in that position, it calmed down. It was something that controlled me.
I lift my leg and spread it out, centring the bag in front of me. I opened my bag and got the brown bandage that was wrapped all together.
I stood up on my knees and went to the bathroom. I placed the bandage besides the sink, looking at my pale and old eyes and how my eyes got these dark circles around them. I forgot to take care of myself these past few weeks. I took off my ponytail, allowing my hair to fall off from the grip of the elastic. It drastically fell down, as my long hair almost touched my upper hips. I didn't realise how long it had been.
I forgot all about me. All of the things about me. All of it.
I take off my shirt, my pants, and my undergarments, leaving myself naked while looking in the mirror on the sink.
I hate it.
I've always been insecure about everything I have. My body and anything more-I hate the way I look and the way my scars have never healed or recovered. I looked down on my thighs, seeing the big cut I made when I was locked up in the bathroom when I was little. It hurts.
Even if it was already done and it happened almost a decade ago, the pain that I felt before was still here-staying, wandering, and still aching.
Fluids started to fill up on the bottom part of my eye. Black and hazy when looked at. That's the colour of my eyes-luring, manipulative, dangerous, and most of all, full of sadness and anger. My facial expressions always change whenever I feel a new emotion to use.
How I hate the fact that I grew up like this-dead yet innocent. Dangerous yet unharmed. I hate that I grew up with my parents when I was a kid. I wouldn't be like this if they did their part right. Questions, thoughts, answers, words, and anger are what my mind always had. I never had a chance to speak up and be brave in front of them. I never uttered a word that it was painful, that it was too much for me, or that it hurt me too. I never. I never had the chance to say those things.
I looked down in the marble glass made of sink, sketching something with my finger there. I clasp my hands together, creasing each side between my thumbs. I'm always alone.
Thoughts always rushed down, but I looked on my right, seeing the bath tub about to get full from the water that had been running since then. I stepped down on the bathtub, covering my whole body with water. I turned it off. It was hot and relaxing, which was good for my mind. It is too good to be at ease. I never want to get up anymore.