Returning to camp, the atmosphere was very awkward. Especially for Leon and me, the bruise on his head constantly reminds me of my regret. Arthur requested the group leaves me alone, all the time for talking saved for later. I was grateful, being so tired, I needed the rest. Most of the night was quiet after that, with no one wanting to exchange words.
Merlin demanded I sleep and rest up for other health reasons besides my leg and shoulder. I wasn't reluctant, needing sleep desperately. I won't deny that I used it as an excuse to avoid conversation. Expecting a protest, Arthur requested I look after myself before making things right with the others. I didn't have to be told a third time, falling into a deep slumber.
I mentally made a list of all the people I needed to apologise to. Leon, I need to make things right with the poor man, his head looking worse for wear as the night drags on.
Gwaine, as he's helped me get through so much and finally started to open up to me, only for my stupid arse to chuck him aside. That's not what a good friend should do. The same argument goes for Gwen too.
Percival, as I bailed on his birthday.
Merlin, as he tried so hard to help me with my wounds. All I did was cause him more trouble than he needed by putting myself in more harm's way.
I enjoy having more time to evaluate what I'm going to say to the others. I'm relieved to know Arthur was the milestone, the hardest part of the journey. My next obstacle will be the knights, followed by Agravaine.
I don't like him. I never have, but perhaps if he sees me in this new light, he'll change. Maybe I haven't seen who he truly is yet. I don't want us to have any trouble with one another. I want to get to know him as an uncle if possible. We should at least get along, for Arthur's sake.
We ride into Camelot, my head feeling worse for wear with the sleep I had. Iseldir's magic has not been able to heal my emotional strain over the last couple of days. I ride on the back of Arthur's horse, lump against his back as I struggle to stay awake.
I barely realise we're in the square as Percival helps me off the horse. Merlin takes over from there, leading me to Gaius, I imagine. Although I'm not injured anymore, Arthur orders Merlin to see I'm treated. And although I can walk on my own, Merlin still assists me with a stumble or two.
I still feel utterly horrible, even more so now that I'm back in the walls of Camelot. I want to make up for the trouble I've caused, especially to Arthur. Even though he's forgiven, I still don't want my needs to be put before his, already hating myself enough. Regret boils as we venture further into the stone structure.
Gaius is swift in his check over, using his years of training to make sure I am fine. I sit on the stool silently as he works, also feeling bad for not having come to see Gaius before I left.
"You're dehydrated, more tired than anything", Gaius observes. He shifts my leg out the way to get a better look at the wound. "Powerful magic must have been used. I'd say you're fortunate after Merlin's description of the prior wound."
"Thank you, Gaius," Arthur offers, hand on my shoulder. "I'll be back later. I owe Agravaine an explanation...but don't worry. You get some rest, Edythe."
I nod, giving Arthur a soft smile as he departs from the room. Gaius finishes his fussing, wrapping up the wounds in new cloth. Though it's unnecessary, I'm sure it's just to stop infection. I sway with his movements, no strength in me at all. I can't tell if it's the physical strain of things affecting me or the emotional.
"I'm sorry, Gaius", I apologise, voice low as the physician begins to clear his workspace.
He pauses with a frown. "What for?"
"For never thanking you. For leaving suddenly. You're just as part of this as Arthur and me," I offer.
Gaius shakes his head. "I will not have you apologise anymore. What is done is done. You and Arthur have found one another. You are home, and that is all that matters. Do not worry yourself with such matters. All will fall into place, and you'll find your place amongst us. Although, I think you already have."
I smile, the link between Gaius' words and Iseldir reassuring me that I've made the right decision. I think I'm lucky to be so tired. It means I can banish the negative thoughts to make some rational decisions.
Gaius orders me to stay in bed he has for patients. He's concerned about my nutritional health and wants to ensure I don't get any infections. He also wants to monitor what I eat, at least for the day. I drift in and out of sleep, never really getting into the darkness of slumber, unfortunately.
I crack, seeing that it is around mid-afternoon, but I can't find the strength to wake again, enjoying the rest. Gaius must be out tending to others in the lower town, and Merlin would be back to work in Arthur's chambers, I imagine. I feel sorry for the servant, unable to imagine how tired he must be from venturing out to find me and keeping me alive. I hope Arthur goes easy on him and allows the young man a day or two off.
I begin to drift back into the darkness, the sound of the door clicking open pulling me from sleep, causing me to jolt awake.
"I'm sorry!" Leon hisses in a soft voice, "I didn't mean to wake you-"
"It's okay", I reply, my voice still hoarse with sleep, slowly pulling myself to sit up, yawning as I do so. My hair flops down the sides of my face in a mess, reminding me of the chaos I've been through.
"Do you know where I could find Gaius?" Leon asks, slowly entering the room, peering around to see if Gaius is not present.
"I'm not sure sorry."
"No, bother. I'll come back later," Leon assures, turning for the door.
I know this may be the only chance I'll get to have a moment alone with Leon. I may as well get my misery over and done with. "Wait, Leon", I call, now partly out of bed, ready to chase after the knight. My limbs fail to work, though, stumbling and shaking.
He pauses, turning to face me with curiosity. I begin to stand, forcing my limbs to work. Leon takes a step toward me in concern. "You need to rest", he offers, gesturing to the bed.
"I've done enough resting", I assure, shifting my weight from my wounded leg to the other.
I now stand in front of the knight, just over an arm's length away, letting out a deep sigh as I try to form the words needed. "I just wanted to apologise-"
"There's no need", Leon assures, dismissing what I've said. "What's done is done. You're safe now, and that's all that matters."
"No, I need to apologise; otherwise, I'm going to feel like the worst person ever", I murmur, letting out another sigh. "I'm sorry for hurting you and for yelling at you. All along, you've just tried to be a good friend, and I've just been the worst."
Leon chuckles at this, gaining a glare from me. "You find this funny?" I shriek.
"It kind of is", Leon continues to chuckle. "Trust me, Edythe, I've been through worse."
"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" I counter, trying to sound like I'm joking, but the crack in my voice says otherwise. I don't dare imagine what Leon has been through, and I don't wish to ask. I couldn't imagine Leon in pain. His kind nature would only make me heartbroken at the idea.
"Don't worry about me, Edythe. I'm fine. Honest," Leon reassures with a comforting smile.
I cross my arms, not liking how smoothly this has gone. "Well...this was easier than I thought it would be. I'm supposed to be the bad person here, Leon!"
Leon chuckles once again, shaking his head, "You're not a bad person, Edythe. You were just confused...and don't feel like you must apologise to anyone else. I'm positive everyone has already forgiven you. Good friends are hard to come by."
"Right", I giggle, rolling my eyes ", because I'm such a good influence."
Leon shakes his head. "Well, I do have places to be, and you're distracting me."
"Oh, so now I'm the bad guy? That's unfair!"
"Hey, I didn't say it, you did", Leon defends, beginning to back toward the door with a cheeky grin.
"So that's how it is, is it?"
"Yeah, that's how it is", Leon teases, "I'll see you later when I'm not busy."
"I hope you get thrown on your arse!" I call after the knight as he exits the room looking far too happy with himself for my liking.
***
It's as if nothing happened. Camelot remained the same. The people in it are also the same as they always were. I have not been treated any different by those aware of my situation. Arthur has stayed true to his word, not speaking of his long-lost sister, although I am aware that word will soon spread.
No amount of apology made me feel any better, not that anyone would allow me to give it. All the knights chose to disregard what had happened in the week prior entirely. This frustrated me because I was shut down every time I attempted to make things right.
Despite his constant requests to do otherwise, I have followed Leon around like a lost puppy, trying to find any way to make up for the horrible welt I gave him. Of course, Leon being Leon, has continuously refused my apologies and straight-up tried to make me feel better. Of course, I'm just as stubborn and won't give up that easily.
Even though so much has changed, it's as if nothing has. If anything, my relationship with everyone has been strengthened by the crazy outburst. Every day, Gaius sends me on a medicine run, delivering the strange substances to the people of Camelot. My path is always past the training grounds, which gives me a moment to socialise.
One day, I was passing by when I witnessed Elyan discarding Percival onto his back. "Did you see that!" Elyan cried in excitement, leaping around the muscular knight like a child. "I finally won!"
Everyone standing around joined in his victory. Only a few, mainly Leon, stood by shaking their heads, chuckling.
In the chaos, I hear Percival's voice call, "Hey Edythe!" as he leaps to his feet.
Immediately more greetings follow "Morning Edythe!"
"M'lady."
"Hi, Edythe!"
I had a smile struck across my face for the rest of the day, feeling giddy that I had made so many friends. It felt good to be accepted, and it still does. I haven't had any reason to hate Camelot, having nothing but fondness for this place.
Quickly I fell back into my daily routine, with Camelot remaining unchanged. I couldn't see why I should act any different. Gaius has happily taken me back as his apprentice, to which I am grateful. I need something to take my mind off how crazy my emotions have been.
At times I begin to question who I am anymore, my identity and if I truly know who I am inside this head of mine. The Edythe I know, the Edythe that could vex a man into doing what she wants, the woman who stole and escaped prosecution like it was a piece of cake...that Edythe would have laughed at this new woman, would have called her weak. Is it even possible for someone to change so much? In such a short time?
I was foolish to think I could run away from the new life weaving its way to me. Being driven by my emotions would have been the first sign of no turning back. My tracks followed, and then Leon noticed me should have been the second sign. I'm not that person anymore. I know in my heart this is for the best.
"What if he doesn't like me?" I ask, fussing over my appearance as Arthur escorts me toward the hall.
Arthur had arranged a dinner with Agravaine in his chambers, so we could all clear up any misconceptions. So we can get to know one another and hopefully...one day become family. All fear I had before embracing this new life dies the more I talk with others.
Although Leon was right when he said there was no need to apologise, so many of the others wouldn't take it, acting as if nothing had happened in the slightest. I still dread Agravaine's thoughts over anyone else's. Even Gwen didn't ask about anything. She simply was ecstatic to know that I would stay and that I was Arthur's sister. She has been nothing but accepting, as has everyone else. Even Merlin seems happier about the situation.
Why am I so concerned about Agravaine's opinion then?
"He'll love you", Arthur assures.
"Uh-yeah, no, I'm positive I've already made a great impression with Agravaine."
"That's before he knew you were family."
"Is that going to change anything?"
"I think you'll be surprised, Edythe."
"I don't know about that."
Despite Arthur's constant reassurance, I don't believe Agravaine will be as accepting. Agravaine is firmly bound to the old ways and their laws. I also know he hasn't liked me since my arrival. I haven't personally liked the noblemen either. The idea of pushing all past aside seems more complicated than it should be.
I had heard Arthur explaining the current debate with Agravaine, and like all rumours, I've listened to a mixture of outcomes. Instead of telling me the details, Arthur chose to keep the discussion to himself. That on its own makes me wary of what I'm getting into.
We, unfortunately, reach Arthur's chambers. The room almost repels me as I know who stands behind said doors. I'm anxious. That seems to be a part of my emotional list these days. Arthur skips ahead, opening the door, gesturing me inside.
I wipe my sweaty hands on my pants, reluctantly entering the room. Luckily, Arthur is quick to follow. My eyes wander the room searching for Agravaine, my gaze finding the older man standing by the fireplace. He looks toward us, his eyes falling on me like a wave.
Usually, I can get some form of sign from looking into someone's eyes. But in Agravaine, I see nothing, no emotion, which only makes me feel sick to my stomach. His jaw is tense as he looks me over as if trying to search for any indication that I may be related to Arthur. I know the reality hits Agravaine when his mask drops, and his eyes become sad, face low.
"Uncle", Arthur greets, nodding to Agravaine.
I get the impression that Agravaine was sure I was lying or perhaps was using Gaius' misconception to my advantage. But now, standing before him, there is no denying the resemblance that others have claimed to see.
Agravaine composes himself, tearing his gaze from me to Arthur. "How?" is all he manages.
"I explained all last night Un-"
"No, I mean...." Agravaine returns his eyes to me, lost in deep thought as he tries to form words. "How does something such as this happen?"
"I cannot tell you that", Arthur responds, his hand placed on my back. "But Edythe is home now, and she wishes to live here. To meet her family, and hopefully, one day can call us such."
"Edythe..." Agravaine thinks aloud, face lost in thought.
"I-uh-suppose this would be a good time to apologise for my-um-obscene behaviour upon our first meeting", I fumble, playing with the fabric of my shirt.
Arthur chuckles next to me. Agravaine stares for a moment, his face cracking for just a moment to form a small smile. "Yes, I suppose apologies for past mistreatment would be...a good start."
The two of us quickly fall silent, unsure of what else to say. For once, I know I should keep my mouth shut, trying to contain my sassy tongue as much as possible.
"Should we eat?" Arthur suggests, gesturing toward the table full of food. We both nod in unison, making our way hesitantly to the table.
To begin with, there isn't much conversation, not that it's much of a surprise. Arthur tries to keep the conversation going but then just talks to keep the room from being silent. Agravaine's eyes never leave me, which makes me restless in my seat. Every so often, Arthur reassuringly nudges my arms. I can tell he's just as concerned about what Agravaine thinks as I am despite his reassurance.
I try to avoid Agravaine's gaze, which is hard when you're sitting across the table facing the said man. When I do catch his eyes, I can see that he is in deep thought, something playing at the back of his mind. I try not to let my mind wander, but I can't help it.
I can't help but observe Agravaine as I do with everyone out of habit. His posture is off, not unusual for the situation. His eyes, however...the more I investigate them, despite trying not to, I can see something. Something that isn't the usual thought when learning or meeting your long-lost niece. Although I'm positive, no one can know what reaction draws out. I'm positive it's not that.
It's as if he's already made his mind up about me being related. That's not what plagues his mind. No. Something is tugging at the back of his mind, an idea that is too complex to identify from eye contact. As if he has plans for me that I'm unaware of...
"So, Edythe?" Agravaine suddenly speaks, completely cutting off Arthur. My eyes are now on my uncle, spoon returning to the soup in front of me. "It must be shocking to learn you have family, especially family who...condemned you without the knowledge."
I'm taken aback by his statement, Arthur also. I don't even bring the spoon back up to my mouth. I completely discard it as I compose myself. "Well...." I begin, voice shaky. I cough to try and regain my voice. "It's um-different...scary actually. The world is apparently...smaller than we realise."
"Indeed", Agravaine agrees, a smile playing on his lips. "And you had no idea that Uther Pendragon was your father?"
"No. Not in the slightest. I was taught to-uh fear Uther. Learning the was-is my Father...that's...."
"Disappointing? Inconvenient?" Agravaine presses, leaning closer into the table. His eyes have locked mine, not allowing me to draw away. The thought I can't describe is still logged in the back of his mind.
"Uh...I would say shocking."
I glance toward Arthur, confused. Arthur doesn't seem to know what's happening himself as he stares at his uncle in question.
"Too many emotions to describe in one word", Agravaine offers, now sitting back in his seat contently. The room falls silent again, Arthur looking at his Uncle strangely. I shuffle in my seat.
Agravaine senses the tenseness and gives the two of us a warm smile. "Well, I'm glad you're home, Edythe. And I can't wait to get to know you as my niece."
After that, nothing more is said, Arthur returning to talk and keep conversation. Agravaine returns to his shell, occasionally glancing over my way. He's won Arthur over with a simple statement, but not me. His questions were too particular, too odd for someone meeting their niece for the first time.
My nerves remain, still not convinced that Agravaine welcomes me with open arms. The man hasn't even had any regard for my interests. I find this odd, deciding I should observe this man from now on.
He glances in my direction many times as he gets lost in conversation with Arthur. Agravaine's mannerisms are utterly oblivious to Arthur. I begin to wonder if I'm overthinking about this man too much. Perhaps this is his normal behaviour? A vibe gives me a different feeling, something screaming at me to watch my back when it comes to him.
I decided I should continue watching this man, my instincts telling me there's a secret behind him. That secret gives me bad vibes.
***
I run an errand for Gaius, marching down the corridor with the task fresh in my mind, Gwen following by my side. Gwen chatters away about whatever it is that Gwen yarns about. I don't pay much attention, liking her company, but just conscious of the eyes on me. I pass the occasional servant, not making eye contact as I walk through the castle. My homecoming has already begun gossip around Camelot. Although Arthur tried to keep my identity a secret, for now, it hasn't stopped word from getting out among the knights. Then the noble families.
I've already been cornered by some noblemen's wives, dreading all the questions that flooded from their lips. They seemed too nice, too friendly for my liking. I find it funny that I was invisible to such people upon my first arrival, but now they wish to know me. I knew, which is probably another reason I ran, that everyone would think of me like a princess. I am far from it and never will be.
Being doted upon isn't all bad, though. I learned much and had more time to be around Gaius. I still wish to strive to become a physician, even if I am technically otherwise. I don't want to drop my old life altogether, and I won't. I don't mind having Arthur as a brother, or even Agravaine as an uncle, even if he is odd and his secrets questionable. That doesn't mean I want to be royalty, though. I don't think I'll ever learn, no matter how much Arthur asks Gwen to try and teach me.
Gwen has tried very hard to convince me of wearing dresses, the idea completely horrid. Those conversations quickly come to a stop as soon as they begin. Yet, it doesn't stop a determined Gwen who believes she has the power to teach me. I give her points for having such confidence.
"How about Sir Denon?" Gwen questions, continuing down the list of names she has thrown at me.
"Too muscles and no brain", I comment, shrugging in disgust.
All morning Gwen has been trying to think of a man to 'set me up' with. For some reason, this is a priority on Gwen's list. She never told me exactly why. I think it just gave her something to aim for as I protested everything else.
"Okay...what about Sir Carlisle?"
I raise an eyebrow. "Isn't he a little old?"
"Not at all! He seems so because he's far more mature than the other knights," Gwen defends.
"He's boring."
"You don't know that!"
"Next."
"But-"
"Next!" I push, cutting Gwen's protest off.
The serving girl presses her lips together in annoyance, mind in thought, as she tries to think of another poor man to curse with me. "Perhaps the Armorer's son, Landon. He's still a bachelor."
I give Gwen a sideways glance. "Never met him."
"Perfect! No prior judgement!" Gwen beams, jumping excitedly. "Landon has a great personality. He's handsome and kind. He loves meeting new people. Landon is also an artist!"
"Let me guess, he likes long walks on the beach and romantic dinners", I add sarcastically, rolling my eyes at the cheesy clichés' women fall so hard for.
"Exactly. He's perfect."
"If he's so great, why don't you marry him?" I question, giving the serving girl a cheeky grin. I know the real reason, but choosing to mess around with her for a little bit first.
Gwen's eyes widen at the suggestion, gaze quickly rushing to find something, anything else that isn't my intense glare. "W-well, I don't see him that way."
"Why not? Landon sounds like a lady's man," I comment, feeling my smirk grow larger.
Gwen stumbles over her words. "Well yes, b-but...I have no affection for him."
"This wouldn't be because of a certain someone?"
"No."
"Not a good warrior?"
"...Nope."
"A certain...king?" I drag out, whispering the last word knowing what it could mean if anyone heard me say such accusations.
Gwen stumbles over her footing, causing me to giggle at her reaction. We continue walking, but Gwen looks toward me with wide eyes. "H-how did you know?" she questions, voice low in shock.
"Not much escapes me, Gwen", I answer, giving the woman a wink "don't worry, your secret's safe with me."
Gwen gaps at me. "It doesn't sound wrong to you?"
"Not at all. I know it's not exactly the right thing: society's values and all. But I don't have anything against someone loving another person. I don't think the rules are fair. I never have. I mean, you're talking to a person who has never lived by the rules."
"That is true", Gwen responds, playing with some of the fabric on her dress. "A-Arthur didn't... say anything...did he?"
"Not at all."
"So you found out by yourself?"
"Don't worry, Gwen", I reassure. "It's only because I have eyes like a hawk and ears of a fox that I found out."
We round down another stone hallway. I let out a loud shriek as a pair of hands cup over my eyes. Immediately, I drop the basket I hold, quickly defending off the hands out of instinct. Adrenaline still running through me, I turn in a defensive stance, ready for an attack. I'm greeted by a shit-eating grin on Gwaine's face.
"Gwaine!" I yell, my eyes diverting down to the basket on the ground.
I gasp, dropping to my knees to check on the contents inside. A wave of relief washes over me as I see all the glass jars still intact. Gwaine chuckles at my panicked expression. "It's not funny, Gwaine. You shouldn't sneak up on people like that!"
"Oh, but you see...it's funny to me", Gwaine teases, nudging me. "Morning, Gwen," he adds, giving the woman a nod.
"I-I have somewhere to be. I'll see you later, Edythe" Gwen farewells, beginning to back down the hall at a fast pace. She intends to escape our conversation.
"We'll continue our conversation later, Gwen!" I call, the serving girl barely catching my words as she escapes down another hall.
I turn back to the knight in front of me, giving him a stern glare. "If you keep doing stuff like that to ladies, you'll get arrested", I grumble, picking up the basket and walking away.
I'm not surprised when Gwaine comes trotting after me, easily matching my pace. "Why are you avoiding me?" he asks casually.
"What makes you think I've been avoiding you?" I question, giving the knight a sideways glance in confusion.
I haven't been trying to avoid the knight—the exact opposite. I've been so busy trying to make everything better that I haven't had much time for myself.
"I mean, I know you've been through a lot these past days...and, I'm here for you if you need someone, Edythe. But I've noticed you getting closer with everyone else and just...I don't know. We haven't spoken since Percival's Birthday," Gwaine explains, seeming just as awkward as myself as he fiddles with his glove. "I...I didn't try anything, did I?"
"What?" I question, taken aback by the question.
"It's just...." Gwaine scratches the back of his neck. "I'll be honest. I can't...remember much of it."
I stop suddenly, frowning as my mind is taken into a twist. Then suddenly, I burst into a fit of laughter, unable to take a moment seriously. There's only one time I've seen Gwaine this serious: that was the night of Percival's party. I find it amusing that he thinks he could ever try anything and get away with it when it comes to me. I also find it funny that Gwaine would think I would avoid him without giving him a black eye.
"Is this a good thing?" Gwaine questions, squinting down at me.
I continue giggling, trying to compose myself, having to come to a stop. "S-sorry, Gwaine. I found that very funny. No, you didn't try anything. And no, I'm not avoiding you."
"Oh...well...that's good", Gwaine responds, his cheeks flaming red as he realises the awkwardness he has brought on himself. "So, what actually happened? Elyan said we left, halfway through the party, and then soon after I came back alone so...."
I chuckle to myself, shaking my head as we begin to walk again. "You needed fresh air. I needed to stretch my legs, that's all. I mean, you got sentimental. I mean, really sentimental. You told me a bit about your family and becoming a knight. It was a fascinating conversation, actually."
"Oh god, I must have been sappy", Gwaine mumbles, face disappearing in his gloved hand.
I giggle, patting the knight on his shoulder. "It's okay, Gwaine. I won't tell anyone you have emotions. Wouldn't want to ruin your reputation."
"Couldn't ruin it anymore than I have already", Gwaine comments, eyes wide at the thought.
My giggling fit continues, a sinister idea coming to my mind. "Wanna make a bet I can't?"