CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX,
decisions
THE NIGHT WAS long and tense, Shane's announcement of Lori Grimes pregnancy not only putting the survivors in shock, but making her son upset.
Samantha had been the one to calm him down, to shed some light on the situation until Lori finally apologized to Carl, explaining her reasoning - and soon, he was too excited to even remember why he was angry, the idea of having a new little brother or new little sister the one thing on his mind. The godmother and godson even came up with names, waiting for the arrival of their missing group members.
Sunlight was peaking through the curtains of the windows, Carl's head feeling light on Samantha's lap as he slept peacefully. She smiled down at him, running her fingers through his hair.
"He adores you."
Samantha lifted her head up and found his mother at the doorway, staring at Carl with clear love in her brown eyes. The twenty year old had forced her to go rest a few hours back, and telling by how refreshed Lori looked - it had been a good thing Samantha did.
"Can't blame him, I'm simply amazing." She replied cheekily, and Lori chuckled, sitting next to them and placing her hand on her son's head.
"I remember when he was younger and you had to leave, he would cry and cry until he put himself to sleep," There was a faint smile on her lips as she met Samantha's face. "He would kill me if he knew I told you this."
The young woman giggled. "Not if I already knew," She said, mirroring Lori's smile. "Shane would tell me all the time."
At the mention of her older brother, all smiles dwindled and faded away. Samantha caught this and frowned, her eyes calculating. Shane had lied to get Lori back - and she could understand why.
But after, the past lovers had a conversation that Samantha tried listening to but couldn't hear their whispers. When Shane left the room, she found Lori completely unsettled. "Shane...he..." She paused, staring at her son and nothing else. "He hasn't been the same since that night-"
"They killed Otis - Him and Nate." Samantha confirmed in a hushed tone.
Lori looked up at her, but she had already suspected it. "He scares me, Sam," Her eyes became watery, but she dared not cry. "He thinks what me and did was real. He thinks..." Her words trailed off, words being left unsaid and the reality of Lori Grimes becoming too fatal to even begin to explain.
But Samantha understood, and her understanding made her fear for her brother even more. The person that Shane was had been slowly rotting somewhere within him and the new one was trying too hard to bury him - but she wouldn't believe it. Her big brother was somewhere in there, and only she had the power to dig six feet under.
She wasn't going to give up on Shane Walsh, even if it would kill her.
"Shane is losing it, and I don't know if Rick is safe-"
"Shane wouldn't hurt his best friend." Samantha instantly became defensive for her brother.
"Do you truly know that, though?" Lori questioned. "He lied about Rick being dead, and he's lied some more. He's obsessed with me, and he's killed for me."
"But Shane-"
"Stop trying to defend him when the truth is right in front of you," Lori snapped. Carl stirred in his sleep, and she glanced at him for a moment before looking back at the baby sister. "He's your brother, and I know you love him, but just because you love him doesn't mean he's incapable of doing terrible things. If he can kill an innocent man, who knows what else he's capable of."
Samantha frowned, her denial for his behavior the root of everything that's going on. This world was his evolution, the cause for the death of who he was before it went to shit - but she knew her big brother was still in there, somewhere. The same one that used to tuck her in at night when she was a child, the same one that protected her, the same was that was her motivation. Shane was still her older brother, her hero - but was he truly a hero if his blood has been dipped in innocent blood?
But what she did know, was that Lori Grimes was going to be his downfall if Samantha couldn't pull him back from the grave.
"I think," She started, leaving her thoughts and rubbing a hand over her head. "Shane is very lonely."
"Stop trying to defend him-"
"I'm not," Samantha promised quickly. "Shane has always been empty, and nothing seemed to fill it up,"
The young woman always noticed the details, especially when it came to her brother. She noticed it through all the meaningless sex, all the alcohol he would drink to intoxicate his veins. Shane Walsh has a different type of loneliness that even his baby sister couldn't fill, and whenever he looked at Rick and his own family with that ache in his eyes, that's when she knew what he truly needed.
It was clear that Rick had something Shane didn't, which birthed a form of envy towards his best friend, but it was never enough to put a strain on their friendship.
Evolution was more powerful however.
"I think he's very lonely. Lonelier than he let's on, lonelier than he realizes," Samantha continued. "When he thought Rick died and he had to take care of you and Carl even if it was for awhile, you gave him something he wanted but could never get - a family. It's all he's ever wanted, but that was taken from him in an instant. Shane is trying to hold onto something that isn't his and its making him crazy, but he needs to let go. He needs to let go of Carl, and especially you," Her eyes fell to the belly of Lori, before they met gazes again. "And that baby will make it all worse."
"That baby is not his."
"Lori," Samantha's voice went soft, eyes all knowing. "We both know that that baby will not come out the womb with blue eyes. It's just not possible," Lori opened her mouth to speak, but she wasn't finished. "Look, the baby will be Rick's - but it will also be Shane's too. Taking that away from him isn't right nor is it good for any of us."
All arguments that Lori had was stopped as her gaze dropped back to Carl, contemplating what Samantha had just said. Tears were already building in her eyes but somehow not one escaped - she wondered how she could do that, to hold it that all in. She used to be good at it, the winner of that game, but Samantha was no more of a winner.
The engine outside made both the women direct their attentions away from one another. The others were back.
After waking up Carl, the three hurried outside as Rick exited the car. Samantha's godson barreled towards him, crying out Dad! and the two hugged. Lori was next, completing them Grimes family embrace. Nathan was out the car next, and as soon as Samantha saw his infamous dark curls she ran towards him and hugged him tight. "Don't ever do that again." She ordered, his hands wrapping around her waist and the two best friends pulling back to look at each other. His face was grimy, but the smile was still noticeable.
Then his brows furrowed, noticing all the scars along her face. "What happened?" Rick was asking the same thing to Lori, and the two woman shared side eyes glances.
"We went out looking for you," Lori murmured, averting her gaze to the ground.
"They snuck out," Shane butted in. "Got into a car accident. Sammy has a concussion."
Rick was visibly angry, while Nathan merely frowned. "Well, aren't you the most smartest, stupidest woman I've ever met."
Samantha grinned, before T-Dog's confused voice met her ears. "Who the hell is that?" She turned and followed his eyes to the vehicle and caught sight of a figure in the back, a cloth covering his eyes.
"What the actual hell?" She blurted out. "Am I missing something?"
"That's Randall." Glenn finally spoke, exhaustion behind his voice from the long night he endured as all the survivors near the car with caution. They definitely needed to be updated.
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"We couldn't just leave him behind, he would've bled out if he lived that long."
A mutter of disagreement was heard throughout the room from none other than Nathan Barton, but they chose to ignore him. Rick sneaked a glance at the soldier.
"It's gotten bad in town." Glenn announced.
Samantha could believe it. Survivors were decreasing everyday and the dead was rising more and more. She didn't know how badly the other countries had it, but America was basically the United States of the Undead now.
Eat shit, George Romero.
"What do we do with him?" Andrea questioned.
What do we do with him?
Everyone was thinking it. They had brought someone back that belonged to a bigger group, a group that attacked some of their members.
Nevertheless, they shouldn't be the judge of another life. They were all just survivors trying to breathe to see another day, they all had that in common. Playing God never ended good - the whole Jurassic Park series can that back up.
Maybe they can give him a chance. Every survivor deserved a chance. Where there's life, there's hope.
Rick was prepared to answer but Hershel beat him to it, "I repaired Randall's calf muscle as best as I can, but he'll probably have nerve damage. Won't be on his feet for at least a week."
"When he is, we give him a canteen, take him out to the main road, send him on his way."
As they begin to discuss what should happen, the door to the house opened and shut. Samantha turned and saw Daryl, and the forming bruise on her stomach ached. As much as she was upset with him, she was just plain out wounded by his words, and she couldn't even understand why she'd let him dig his words into het skin so badly.
He made it clear that he didn't want her in his life, but that made her want to be in it more - Samantha Walsh was a girl of bad habits, one of them pushing herself into places where she wasn't wanted, her relationship with Casey was a horrid example, and look how that turned out.
Daryl caught her eye, before silently averting her gaze. The bruise no longer ached.
"So lemme get this straight," Nathan's harsh voice brought her back to the conversation. "After everything that happened to us - after that piece of shit almost killed us, you're just going to let him go?"
"What else do you expect me to do?" Rick demanded. "You expect me to murder a kid for being at the wrong place, at the wrong time?"
"That kid tried to kill us."
"He knows where we are." Shane added, building up the heat in Rick's eyes.
"He was blind folded the whole way here," The cop assured, his words laced with annoyance. "He is not a threat."
"Not a threat?" Nathan repeated in disbelief. He looked at everyone, and they looked back at him. He rolled his eyes. "We killed their men! You saw how they reacted. How bad do you think it's going to be when they find out we took one of them hostage, huh?"
"They left him for dead, you saw that!" Rick fought back, clearly tired from the long night they had. "No one is looking!"
"We should still post a guard." T-Dog suggested.
"He's out cold. Will be for hours."
Nathan looked like he's had enough. "You guys are so fucking pathetic." He hissed, shaking his head and making his exit.
Shane didn't seem that far behind from him. "You know what, I'm going to go get him some flowers and candy," He said, scoffing. "Look at this, folks - we back in fantasyland!"
He was walking out of the front room when Hershel decided to follow him.
"You know, we haven't even dealt with what you did at my barn yet," Hershel reminded firmly. "Let me make this perfectly clear, once and for all - this is my farm. Now I wanted you gone. Rick talked me out of it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. So, do us both a favor and keep your mouth shut."
That wasn't going to work, honestly. Both the Walsh siblings suffered from not keeping their mouths shut. Their lack of self control was the reason for their many obstacles in life.
Shane watched everyone. It looked as if he were going to go off, but he didn't. His eyes met his baby sister's for a second before he rubbed his head and walked out of the house too.
Rick approached Hershel. "We're not going to do anything about it today. Let's just cool off."
There was a pause before everyone started to leave. Samantha could feel the anxiety buzzing throughout the room, but she couldn't blame them either - she was a little freaked about the stranger too.
Samantha caught Daryl, and once their eyes clashed with one another he walked out of the house, unable to be near her presence. The ebony haired woman frowned and followed behind. When she was outside, Nathan was sitting on the porch with a cigarette in between his lips. She looked at Daryl's retreating figure and then at het best friend. Two strained relationships she wanted to fix but didn't know how.
She chose Nathan for now.
Samantha sat next to him and waited until the other's weren't in earshot. "I remember when grandma Jean died, I didn't go to school for awhile,"
Nathan looked up at her, surprised.
"Out of everyone I was friends with, you were the only one that came to see me everyday. You brought me food, flowers," She let a smile stretch her lips, reminiscing. "Video games,"
Samantha could tell Nathan was fighting back the smile as he took a drag from his cigarette. She ignored the smell and her complaints just for him.
"You were always there for me through thick and thin, and I never really thanked you for that - but I am now. Thank you for being the best friend I could ever ask for," She said, draping an arm around his shoulder until he finally looked at her, and she patiently waited for him to smile, for something positive to happen.
And it did.
He finally let that smile he was fighting off win and it crept onto his face, brightening up his moody features and his gray eyes. His old self was shining through, and Samantha realized how much she missed him.
"Sammy, I," He paused, his old self fading away and the smile dropping, his darkness creeping back into his eyes. "You know, don't you?"
Samantha bit her lip, but nodded. "I wish you would have told me."
Nathan looked away, his face hardening. He was blocking her out again. "I couldn't do that."
"So, you're just going to let it kill you?" She questioned. "You helped me so much over the years - please, let me help you too. I'm your best friend, you need me," Nathan was growing silent, the cigarette clenched in between his fingers. "And I know it didn't start after Otis, it's been like this for awhile."
"You don't wanna know." He whispered, his shoulders stiff and his jaw tight.
"Yes, I do," Samantha pressed. "If it's about what happened while you were deployed, I understand. Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault."
The fierce storm within Nathan was seething, the cigarette no longer his comfort mechanism between the closing of the walls in his mind. "You don't know that, do you though?" He turned to her. "What I've seen, what I've done? You don't understand."
"Then let me-"
She cut herself off, her shoulders suddenly being gripped by his hands and startling her. "I don't deserve your kindness, I don't deserve any type," His fingernails were digging deep into her skin and created pain. "People suffered because of me - people were killed, because of me! These hands have done so fucking much that sometimes it's hard to look at them!" His voice was raising to a shout, overcoming the winces of his best friend. "Do you still think I'm deserving?"
Through the glistening of her eyes and the curled lip of pain, she nodded. "Yes, but after you let go of me - you're hurting me."
Realization struck him and he quickly pulled back his hands, the guilt creating tears in his eyes and overwhelming him in a pool of what he's done. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." Nathan crooned, and Samantha brought him into a hug as he wept into her shoulder.
His explanations and his stories of his struggles and anguish came out rushed, with eyes wide and frantic that sounded as if he were a little boy - but she understood everything. She saw all the demons that possessed his body and the ghosts that haunted him in both his realities and dream - but she heard of his baby brother the most, the sweet boy that Nathan was probably haunted by the most.
His wounds were deep and his mind was too infected, but Samantha Walsh was going to do everything in her power to be the healer that Nathan needs. She would be the one to place his petals together and be the one to help him find forgiveness, even if he couldn't find any ounce of it in himself to begin with.
They were two best friends pushed into a cruel world, but they had one another - and maybe, that was enough for Nathan.
(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟnote
yeah i get it, nate is pretty passive aggressive sometimes but everything is so hard for him rn.
words ; 2999
edited ; ✔️