"Charlie please..." Alex pleaded. "I promise you I didn't-"
"Can I borrow your phone please?" Charlie said without looking at him.
Alex let out a shaky sigh, almost crying. "Could you please just listen to me?" He whispered. But Chalie didn't answer him. He kept his back towards him, holding himself. Moments passed, and Alex saw that there was no use.
"Fine" He sniffled. He took his phone out and handed it to Charlie.
"Hey" Charlie spoke into the phone. "It's Charlie. Can you come pick me up please?" He said trying to hold back his tears. "No...just me...okay, bye". He hung up and handed the phone back to Alex. "Can I be by myself please?" He said.
Alex opened his mouth as if to say something, but decided against it. Without a word, he went back inside the building.
Charlie sat on the front steps, hiding his face in his hands until Mia drove up to the curb.
***********
The first thing Charlie did when he got home was head straight to his room before Mia could ask what had happened.
He slammed his bedroom door shut and took his stupid suit off, throwing it into an unkown corner of the room.
After getting into PJ's, he went straight to bed. If he was asleep, he didn't have to think about anything or anyone.
He threw the covers over him and burried his head under his pillow In hope he would drift off soon.
But ofcourse, his mind was flooded with burning memories of Alex. He thought of what he did, how things used to be, and how things will be now. His mind went back and forth like a ping ball machine.
"What if he was telling the truth?"
"Would it matter?" A voice in his head hissed. "She's better for him anyway. How could you ever make him happy like she could?"
Hours passed, and Charlie still wasn't asleep and still thinking about him. He threw his pillow off the bed in frustration and sat up. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and turned his lamp on. When the light came on the first thing he saw was the "Alice In Wonderland" book sitting on the nightstand. He stared at it for a long time, until hot tears came bursting out of him once more.
"Why did he have to be everywhere?"
************
"Charlie?" Mia said knocking on the door. "I made breakfast, your favorite".
Charlie sat up in bed and looked over at his door. He knew he smelt pancakes.
"Can I come in?" Mia asked.
"Mm-hm" Charlie replied. The door creeked open. Mia walked in holding a plate of two pancakes with sliced bannanas on top. She had a seat on his bed and handed him the plate. He signed Thank you to her and picked up his fork.
"Are you feeling alright?" Mia asked in a worried tone. She put a hand up to his forehead. "You don't look so good".
Charlie shrugged while looking down at his pancakes. "Do you wanna talk about what hapened last night?"
He shook his head almost immidiatly. He just wanted to forget about it. "Did something happen between you and Alex?"
Charlie looked up at her. Mia saw how red his eyes were from crying.
She let out a sigh. "I'm sorry Charlie" She said. "I'm sure whatever happened you two can work through it. You guys are like two pease in a pod".
"No we're not"
"And hey" Mia continued. "I'm always ready to listen if you want to talk about it. I'm here for you bub" She said placing a warm hand up to his cheeck. Charlie couldn't help but lean into her touch, he missed physical contact like this. Mia smiled and gave him a much needed hug before making her way back downstairs, leaving Charlie alone to his thoughts once more.
************
The rest of the weekend went by real slow. Despite Mia's efforts to get him out and about, Charlie spent the majority of his time in bed, only getting up to use the bathroom. He mainly foucused on trying to sleep. Maybe he was trying too hard. He'd lay in bed tossing and turning, throwing his blankets off, throwing them back on, until he would just cry in frustration for not being able to block out memories.
It wasn't until sunday night rolled around that he was finally able to sleep. It was only for a few hours though before his alarm went off.
He obviously didn't want to go but Mia strongly insited he do. Not wanting to disobey, he got up and got ready for the day ahead. He took a shower, a cool one to wake him up, got dressed in some comfy clothes, and then it was off to school.
"If you can't make it through the day, just have the school call me" Mia said on the drive over. "I called them letting them know that you were having a hard time right now so they'll understand". She pulled up to the front of the school and fetched a sheet of paper out of her purse. "Here" She said handing it to him. It was a handwritten note asking for Charlie to be excused and to call her. "All you need to do is give that to the office and they'll give me a call. I know things are hard right now but, I think it will be good to at least try. It's better than staying in bed for another day anyway".
Charlie nodded in agreement. Although he would much rather pefer being under his sheets again rather than here. "Alright, I'll see you later bub" She said ruffling his hair. He smiled a little with his tired eyes and waved 'goodbye' before stepping out of the car.
He kept his head low walking into school. He made it to his locker and got his books for the next two classes.
Crap. How was he supposed to avoid Alex when they sat next to eachother in Art, Lab, History, and lunch??
He knew he should have stayed home. He wanted to go straight to the office and have them call Mia right away, but he didn't want to bother her. He just got here anyway. He could atleast give it a try...
************
As it turns out, Charlie had nothing to worry about, because Alex wasn't even in art today. He wasn't In Lab either...or History...He didn't even see him in the Halls...
Did he skip school today?
Was he okay?...
Charlie quickly tried to push his thoughts away. Why should he care?...
He sighed, feeling selfish for thinking that. Of course he cared. Alex was one of the best things that ever happened to him. He made him laugh, read him books, he looked after him. He didn't even mind that he was an age regressor, and even embraced it. Alex was everything to him. God he missed him. Sure he was mad, but that didn't mean he wished the worst for him. Should he even be mad at him? Was that even fair? Maybe he should talk to him...
His mind liked to lie to him after all. He hoped he hadn't made a mistake. Who was he kidding? Of course he did!
Maybe Katie knows where he is. He was on his way to lunch now, so no better time to ask.
He skipped the lunch line and headed straight into the cafeteria. He went to their usual table to find it empty. Usually Katie was the first one there since her class before lucnh was right across the hall. He looked around the room until he spotted her at a different table. It was crowded with people and yet, she was all alone.
Charlie took a deep breath, and walked over to her. She didn't seem to notice his presence until he tapped her shoulder. She looked up and her eyes went wide. "Ch-charlie.." She said sounding a bit scared. Charlie tilted his head over to his table, gesturing for her to come sit.
She hesitated for a moment, as if to comprehend why she was even receiving an invitation, but agreed anyway.
She followed Charlie to the table like a puppy who had just been scolded and had a seat across from him.
At first it was quiet between them. Charlie didn't know what to write and Katie seemed scared to just make a noise.
Until finaly, Katie just exploded.
"Charlie, I am so so so so sorry for what happend at the dance" She said with clentched fists. Charlie blinked. Why was she sorry? "I was the one who kissed Alex. He didn't even kiss back. I made a mistake" She blurted out. "I didn't know that...Alex loved you...''
Charlie froze.
"Oh my god" He thouht to himself. "Alex was telling the truth".
"Charlie?" Katie said waving her hand in front of his face. Charlie snapped out of his thoughts and looked over to her. "You alright?"
"Do you know where Alex is?" He asked rather frightened. If Alex was telling the truth, Charlie could only imagine the pain he fetl when he didn't beleive him. "I'm such an idiot! Why did I ever listen to my stupid thoughts?!"
"Oh...uh...No actually" Katie said. "He called in sick for work on saturday and sunday so, perhaps he's at home still?"
Charlie put his hands up to his head. "Oh my god. What did I do?! Is Alex okay?!"
"Charlie, what's wrong?" Katie asked.
"I didn't beleive him..." Charlie said. Tears started to stream down his cheecks. "I didn't...."
He hid his face in his hands, unable to stop more tears from coming.
"Oh my god..." Katie almost whispered. "I am so sorry Charlie...I didn't mean for any of this to happen..."
Charlie sniffled and did his best to wipe away his tears. "It's...It's not your fault" He said. "You didn't know...If anything It's my fault for not beleiving him..." There was a long pause before Charlie could continue. His eyes stared out the window, watching the begining of winter show it's face. "He did so much for me...Why didn't I beleive him?..."
Katie put a hand over his, bringing his attention over to her. "It's okay Charlie" She said. "Don't blame yourself".
Charlie shook his head. He had no one else to blame. It was all his fault.
"Can I borrow your phone?" Charlie asked.
"Yes of course" Katie replied handing him her cell.
He took the phone and snuck out into the hall and outside the building where it was quiet.
With shaky hands, he dialed Alex's number.
The first ring came, causing Charlie's heart to skip a beat.
"What if he doesn't want to talk to me?"
The second ring came.
"He's mad. I know it".
Third ring.
"Or hurt..."
Forth ring.
"What if it's over for us?"
Fith ring. No answer.
Charlie sighed.
No, he had to try again.
He redialed, listening to the phone ring only twice this time.
"Hello?" A familiar voice spoke.
He sounded so...broken.
"Alex..." Charlie spoke in a half whisper. His hand tightened around the chest of his hoodie.
Please don't hang up. Please don't hang up. Please don't hang up.
"Charlie?" Alex spoke. It was clear he was tired.
"Alex...I'm so sorry I didn't beleive you..." Charlie spoke. "Katie told me everything..."
There was a long pause from the other end. "I'm so sorry Alex. I just...I don't know. I guess I've had this dark feeling that eventually you'd leave me. That I...was annoying, and stupid, that you diserved better...and that even if it was true that Katie would be better for you anyway. It's a stupid excuse I know but...I just didn't think..." He sighed not knowing how to continue his sentance. There was too much to say. He just wanted everything to be how it was.
"Charlie..." Alex spoke In disbeleif. "How could you ever think that?" There were sounds of rustling around, as if he was pulling himself out from underneath a heavy blanket. "I love you more than anything. Nobody could replace you" He said.
Charlie bursted into tears for the one-millionth time in the past three days. "I love you too Alex..." He cried. "I just get these stupid voices and thoughts that convince me that nobody actually cares about me. And...I don't know, I guess I saw how close you and Katie were and I thought..."
"I'm sorry Charlie" Alex said with a sigh. "I've been treating you like a third wheel when we would all hang out. I'm sorry. With Katie it's just...well she's like the sister I never had, ya know? I grew up as an only child and I always thought It'd be nice to have a sibling" He admited. "But that's no excuse for how I excluded you..."
Charlie rested his back up against the brick wall and let out a long sigh. He felt releived and...really stupid at the same time.
"No, no I'm sorry Alex" He said again. He felt as though he couldn't say sorry enough. "It was stupid of me to be so jealous. I've never h-had someone who cared about me ever since my mom passed. I guess I was just afraid of losing that. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to be friends with Katie. I'm such an idiot and you are everything to me. I love you so much, and I...I really miss you" He said. "Do you think...I could come see you?"
"Ummm..." Alex hesitated.
"You don't want to see me, do you?.." Charlie thought out loud.
"No no it's not that" Alex said a bit louder than intended. "I'd love to see you more than anything. It's just that I'm not home and..I don't think I will be for a few more days".
"Where are you?" Charlie asked worried.
"I'm at the hospital".