Chapter Fifteen
Sharon's POV
First period was over soon enough. I was glad. Economics was not exactly my favourite subject. Unlike some people, I reasoned, eyes fixed on Oyindamola, Queen, and Sam's heads as they worked on one of the quiz questions Miss Bukola had dishes out to us as homework. Since Dami had stepped out of our classroom to use the lavatory, I had no one to talk to. Indy didn't offer Economics, and Victor... Well, we just didn't flow well together in conversations.
And I don't need Queen's bombastic side eyes right now.
I cast my eyes to the window and let my most prominent thought sit on my mind's throne.
"November 4th, 2019."
Shalom's birthday. I hadn't been aware until the day's date was mentioned at the assembly by the principal. I tried, and I really did try, to maintain a semblance of joy. I didn't want anyone asking me any questions. The struggle within me had begun again, and it was very real.
A lot had happened lately. First of which was the return of my nightmares. I wasn't dreaming of Mayowa appearing and touching me as much. My dreams were more centred around thieves and armed robbers who came asking for my underwear. Another pair of underpants was stolen last week! It happened on the day after my little picnic with the guys on the field! While I was still on cloud nine.
It was clear there was an intruder, and it scared me to death. I didn't tell Dami about the second occurrence, but I have stayed in her house for most of the nights of the previous week. When I returned from school one day to find pieces of broken ceramic on the kitchen floor tiles, my fear became a solid Iroko inside me.
Now, my sister was having her birthday today, but I wouldn't see her. I didn't jump on her bed this morning like I did in our growing up years, when Dad was still around to take us out as a family on a birthday date. I wouldn't prank her with banana peels on the kitchen floor or have a sleepover in her room with her best friend, Aina.
The small chuckle of regret that bubbled up my throat tasted bitter like barf in my oral cavity. Aina had fled their friendship when Shalom had opened up to her about Mayowa and what he was doing to us. That was not the end. Aina told all of Shalom's secondary classmates that she was no longer a virgin as she made them all believe by her gentle appearance.
Aina betrayed Shalom, and I joined the list when I ran away in June.
Our last argument that last Friday before I'd gone to John Heights for the last time, and fled the next day ran in my mind. I'd mentioned that she had gotten over what Mayowa did to her because she still found the strength to do those things that made her...her. Those unique things that made her Shalom.
Now, I understood.
Since I'd been working to heal from all of Mayowa's cruel imprints and the pain of missing Dad, I could see that it was a very difficult, and hurtful thing to go back to doing what I loved. I could easily have stopped schooling, but Dad's words to me and Shalom stuck with me.
"Education is one of the ladders you can climb up on to change the world, girls. Never forget. You must go to school, and you must do well in school."
I released a breath. The deepest sigh came out with it. My heart felt heavy in my chest.
I attempted an half-hearted prayer. "God, would you help me?"
The market-like atmosphere filled with the gossiping, jesting, and parrot-like sounds of my classmates were the only answers I heard. A hiss of frustration went out of me as I kissed my lips. My knees shook.
You are evil. There's nothing good in you. These people don't know who you are, or they'd have run far from you. My eyes scanned the happy faces of Sam, Oyinda, Queen, and Dami who had joined them. Even you hates yourself. Pray all you want, you'll still be a betrayer. A cowardly Judas!
I turned towards the window again, my head moving side to side. "No, I'm not..."
My eyes started to swim with tears. My blood pounded a war sound in my ears. My palms grew clammy by the second. I wanted to relieve myself. I wanted to scratch my hair.
I wanted to get out. I needed to get out and run.
"But..." My lips moved of their own volition, voicing my thoughts in the smallest of whispers. "But I... I had to run, okay? God, You know. He'd have taken advantage of me again! That beast would have violated what was left of me again." My voice started to rise, but softly. One tear escaped the trap of my lashes. "He'd have... Ah, God!"
I choked on a sob, trying my best to neglect the accusing voice in my head. This was not the time nor the place! I let my weary head drop on my desk. Let everyone think I was asleep.
Feet stalked in the aisle between me and Little Lupita's chair. When they stopped by me, I frowned. The shoes belonged to a male. The fellow continued on. Soon, the sound of boisterous laughter floated to my ears from the back of the classroom.
"I hate this place," I muttered. With determination, I stood and made a beeline for the door.
"All, stand and greet!" ordered Oyindamola, the class captain.
Mr Clement is here.
I was almost at the door, but I hurried on. My shoulder hit Mr Clement's arm as I reached the door.
"Hey! Is that not-" Mr Clement called. The door clicked shut behind me.
I ran down the empty hallways, numbness propelling me forward. When I stopped, it was in a deserted part of school, behind the library building.
"God, God!" I wailed. "Where are you? I can't feel you!"
Helplessness dragged my shoulders down, hope fled from me with every breath my nostrils released. My mind called on Samuel. He was usually there for me in times like this. My lips called another Person instead.
"Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit..." I called like it was a mantra. Like it was all I could do. And it really was. A part of me was against me calling on God, but I pressed on.
"Call on Me in the day of trouble, and I will answer you," Pastor had quoted two Sundays ago. "I will call upon the Lord, so shall I be saved from my enemies," the choir had sung last Sunday. "The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run in and they are safe," the Bible promises.
I was in trouble. I needed saving from the voice of condemnation. I needed the safety of Jesus. What better thing to do than to call my Helper and Comforter?
A tender, soothing breeze swarmed around me so gently, it almost felt like the warm hug of a faithful friend.
Come unto me, Sharon, exchange your troubles for my peace.
The hairs on my arms stood like the ends of needles. I jumped to my feet from the floor where I'd sunk down. I was alone. Someone had definitely said that!
Then, it dawned on me like a splash of cold water on my face.
My fingers trembled. "God, that You?"
Be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world for you.
"Have mercy on me, Jesus. I am weak!" I dropped on my knees. "Help me, Lord."
I became weak on the cross, Sharon. Just so you could become strong.
My hands went up in the sign of surrender. My eyes were raised to the clear blue sky. "Help me to receive Your strength, Jesus. I'm tired of falling and rising again. Help me, Lord."
I heard nothing this time, felt no impression in my heart. But I felt Him. I felt His peace. I felt His joy.
I felt His love.
What an amazing God, my heart proclaimed as I gave God thanks. Even when I didn't see Him, Jesus was there with me. All I needed was to call on Him. He wouldn't force Himself in until I opened the door.
"Thank You, Lord!" I danced in an excited twirl. In minutes, my entire state of being had received life! As the Holy Spirit laid it in my heart, I knelt down there on the grass, and prayed for my big sister with all my heart. My Shalom. That she may receive life as well.
The rays of the morning sun hit me with little mercy there on the grass, and soon, I felt the impression in my heart that my prayers were answered.
Replete, I got up on my feet and half
jogged down to the senior girls' bathroom. A pleasant face smiled back at me in the mirror. She had eyes that shone with an unspoken true joy, and not just the semblance of it. Her face looked like that of a youth untainted and unstained.
As if you're that pure, said that condemning voice.
A grin twisted my lips. "Says who?"
Satan did not dare to say anymore of his lies.
I skipped across the terrazzo floors of the hallways. By the time I reached class and pushed the door open, a joyful expression stuck on my face, I was high on the peace and confidence that comes with God's presence.
So when I unapologetically strolled back into class, head held high unlike during my exit, and the gazes of all of my classmates were riveted on me, most full of disbelief, I only broadened my smile and apologized to the Civic Education teacher whose period I had interrupted.
I felt the eyes on me as I sat in my chair. I was uninterested in whatever their thoughts were. I allowed myself to relax and focus on the topic Mr Vincent was reading from in the textbook-- Political Apathy.
Tap, tap!
A hand tapped my table gently. I lifted my eyes and saw that it was Dami's slender hand. A folded piece of paper was in her hand and I stretched my hand to take it. I already knew the content before I opened it.
Where did you go, Sharie?
I grinned an almost mischievous smile and flipped it open.
It's 11:13am! Where on earth did you go? I and Indy went to look for you, but couldn't find you. You have some explaining to do, young lady!
Mirth and a brief melancholy mixed up in my chest. Samuel had not come to look for me with them. Did he not still care about me?
Mr Vincent and Political Apathy forgotten, my mind wandered in that direction. Was he looking at me right now? Did he think of me in all the time that I'd been gone?
"Ah, God," I sighed and spoke to myself. "You need help, Sharon." I allowed my eyes to roll and forced myself to focus on what Dad had always told me to.
My education.
"Yes, your test scores are out. I already gave them to Oyinda," Mr Vincent announced when the class discussion was over. He faced the class captain. "Oyinda, go ahead and share the marked test scripts."
He paused and looked across the classroom with a proud gleam in his fine brown eyes. His lips tilted up at the corners. "I must say that, honestly, some of you surprised me." His eyes landed behind me and glided over to me. He smirked and left the class. "See you next class."
My heart responded with a skip in its rhythm. When Oyindamola dropped my script on my desk, I heard a scoff from her as she passed on to Hadiza's desk behind me. Not minding the haughty girl, I grabbed the sheet and turned it over.
My heart stopped all together.
No. Way.
"What did you score?" I could hear Damilola from my front.
The script was snatched from my light hold. Dami gasped and looked at me.
"You had a perfect score!" She laughed and got up to give me a big hug. "Oh, my gosh! Ephraim!" She waved at Sam who joined us by my desk. I felt a sudden shyness as I looked up at him. My eyes flickered away to the top of my desk.
"I knew you were always that same brilliant Shar," he said in a smooth, almost soft voice that drew my gaze back to him. His eyes held emotions I couldn't read, but one thing was very clear. Samuel still cared--really cared--for me. My chest quivered as I smiled back.
Seriously, where's all that confidence I entered the class with?
His eyes told me he wanted to talk later. I nodded tremulously. As Dami chattered on about the test and the questions in it, I could only think how one person could make my insides shake by one look and a few kind words. It was like I wanted him to be near, yet I wanted him to be far so I could behave and think normally.
You created these feelings, right, Lord? I'm not doing something wrong in my heart, right?
Sam placed his hand on my left shoulder and applied a little pressure as a sign of support. I felt like he was saying, "Well done."
The temptation to put my hand over his swelled in my mind, but I resisted. I didn't want anyone seeing that and thinking something nonsensical.
I ended up finding out that I had scored the highest in SS3, with SOJ coming close behind with one mark below mine. A new student and the class bad boy. Quite very surprising indeed.
A/N:
How's the year going? This chapter is one of finding hope in the arms of our heavenly Father. God loves you, and He is so much interested in every detail of your life. He wants the best for you! More than you want for yourself.
Meanwhile, who's ready for Chapter Sixteen?
L O V E,
Precious.