Double upload because today was slow as hell at work.
Xoxo
Christian
So I had meant to do this whole romantic thing with Alex where I was going to take him to a nice high end apparel store, and have him try on suits to see which fit best... Maybe get a little frisky with him in the fitting rooms, that sorta stuff. That's what I had meant to do.
Instead, I was now sitting in one of our company cars, accompanied by Alex...
And Brad...
And Joan...
And... Derek?
When did he even-
"You got any snacks or candy back here?" Derek asked.
"This is a company car, not an Uber." I shot back at him. "I thought it would be just the two of us."
Alex was sitting up front with me, in the passenger side, looking defeated. All he could do was give me a shrug.
"You know it's a fucking sin to go to Magasin De Costume without me." Brad shot from the back seat when he overheard my words. I made eye contact and rolled my eyes at him through the rear view mirror. He was right, though.
I couldn't understand Brad's obsessions with suits (I don't think anyone could), but that place literally breathed life into him. He was like a kid in a candy store... except he was actually in his thirties, over six feet tall, and the candy was really craftily sewn fabric that costed thousands of dollars.
My eyes flickered up at the rear view mirror to catch a glimpse of him again. He was sitting awfully close to Joan, who was showing him something on her phone. When she glanced up from the screen, and her eyes caught mine.
"Oh! Yeah, I'm just trying to skip an L10 meeting I've got today. Alex told me we were taking the day off and still getting paid, so here I am." Joan explained.
"No, see, Alex was supposed to be the only one who took the day off and still got paid." I replied.
"Well that seems a little sexist." Derek chimed in.
"Discriminatory maybe, but not sexist. I guarandamntee you Christian was not planning on paying your ass either." Joan corrected.
Okay, maybe I didn't mind her tagging along, as much as I thought I would. That, and I had promised to make it up to her for all the trouble we put her through, when I was in New York.
"Yeah no, I really wasn't. I don't understand why any of you would even want to tag along to buy a suit... besides Brad I guess." I glanced at the bunch of them through the rear view mirror.
"Wait, we're buying suits?" Derek cut in. "I thought Alex said we were shopping for costume magazines."
"No, I said we're heading to Magasin De Costume.... Derek, that means suit store in French. Why the hell would we be going shopping for costume magazines?" Alex turned his head to face Derek.
"Well I dunno. I thought maybe you were making a vision board or something." He shot back.
"With costume magazines?" Joan asked.
"Okay Joan. I chose to keep my mind open here... But back to the most important topic at hand: you really don't have a snicker bar back here? No Kit Kat? I'll even settle for a butterfinger, I'm that famished." Derek sighed.
My fingers lightly massaged my temple as I drove.
-
"Oh hell no. Oh hell no. Oh hellllllll the fuck not. Y'all spend this much on a damn suit? Fuck that. With these prices, the only suit I'd be able to afford to wear to the Gala, is my birthday suit." Joan spoke, as she staggered away from the price tag in pure shock.
"You should see Brad's collection." I replied.
Brad shot me a look that blatantly told me to shut up. I just grinned at that. He wasn't going to be able to hide his obsession from Joan for long. I could already see him eyeing a few pieces on the rack.
"How many full suits do you have?" Joan demanded. Brad looked back at her like he was a deer caught in the headlights.
"Thwimty tweo." Brad mumbled.
"I'm sorry, what was that Brad?" I asked him, knowing full and damn well how many suits he had. I knew, because he had the tendency to put the charges on the company card. And I had to reconcile the charges on our fucking company card.
"Thirty-two." He said a little louder. I watched as Joan's jaw hit the floor.
"Brad... I'm judging you. Don't get me wrong, you look really good but-"
"I do?" Brad asked, completely disregarding what Joan was going to say next. That comment had perked him right the fuck up.
"Well yes, I mean like, you look really good in them- I mean, like in a casual way-"
My eyebrows furrowed at Joan. Then I looked back at Brad. There was absolutely nothing casual about the way Brad dressed.
"Oh, well not casual but- like-"
"Joan thinks you look nice, but she's concerned you have a problem." Alex swooped in to save Joan from anymore embarrassment. She had quickly turned into a blubbering mess, which oddly enough, made Brad smile.
"Maybe I could cut back a little." He suggested. I looked at him with pure fucking astonishment.
"What the fuck have you done to my brother." I asked Joan. That brought a smile to her face.
"Talked some sense into him, Christian." Joan replied. "I'd be afraid to breath in something this pricy." She whispered that last part.
"Do you know how much sushi you could buy with that money? Speaking of sushi, we should get some." Derek added.
So far, he'd managed to steer ever conversation we had, towards food.
"We've been here for like ten minutes, Derek. Didn't you eat lunch?" Alex asked.
"No, you all kidnapped me before I got the chance to."
"That's not how I remember it." Joan jumped in. "You followed Brad and myself to the company car, and when we told you were we were going, you jumped right on in that bitch."
"That's cause I thought we were going shopping for costume magazines!" He replied.
"I don't even know who that sounds appealing to." Brad mumbled to himself. I couldn't agree more.
"Anyways, I need to eat. I'm a growing boy." Derek stated.
We all turned to look at him.
"You're a twenty-six, five foot eight inches fully grown man. It's pretty optimistic of you to think there's even the slightest possibility of you growing even a centimeter taller." Joan replied.
Jeez, I knew Derek was pretty short, but five foot eight?
"I'll have you know there are many great men who were short. Like Napoleon what'shisname."
We all turned to Derek again.
"Napoleon Bonaparte?" I asked.
"Yeah that guy!" Derek nodded.
The fact that he looked dead serious, concerned me. "Have you never heard of the Napoleon Complex before?" I asked him. He shook his head no.
"Yeah that's not the best guy to compare yourself to." Brad said in between his laughter. Joan and Alex were all chuckling themselves. I didn't understand why no one else was concerned about this. He really hadn't heard of the Napoleon Complex?
When I had the chance to, I pulled Alex over to the side.
"Derek is..." I started, but then trailed off. There really wasn't a nice way to put this.
"Interesting." Alex finished for me. "Yeah. He can explain in vivid detail how the porn industry was started, and its evolution through centuries in regards to american society and sacrilegious beliefs.... but he has zero idea what the Declaration of Independence is, or what it did."
What the hell.
"But... but it explains itself in the title..." I whispered back to him.
"Yeah, we know Christian." He replied, placing a hand on my shoulder. "We know."
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