"How much do I love Matt?"
This was the question that played over and over in Sarah's head. Every waking moment she would ask herself if she loved him enough to let him go.
What she heard from Nic devastated her. She learned about the drivers' training program that was being opened to Matt; the first time that it was being offered to a Filipino. After completing the training, he had a real chance of making it to the F1 and become a hero for his country.
She researched Matt's racing history. She asked around his friends and family, searched the Internet for old articles on him as a driver. He was brilliant, a child prodigy that everyone was expecting to make it big one day.
Now Matt had a real shot at making dream a reality. And she's the only one that's stopping him.
She felt so selfish that she couldn't stand herself.
And yet the thought of being a thousand miles apart broke her. She hated the idea so much that at times she couldn't even breathe. The what ifs would torture her. What if he gets caught up with all the temptations that go along with being a racer. What if he finds someone better. What if he leaves her? It became so bad that her anxiety began affecting her health.
Nay Mayette arranged two weeks off for her so she can rest. Her manager thought that she was having sudden asthma attacks because of too much work.
"Magpahinga ka anak," Nay Mayette said, putting a hand on her shoulder"wag kang mag-aalala. Wag ka ring mappressure. Take as much time as you need to get healthy again. Mahal kita anak."
And it didn't help that Matt once again put everything on hold to be by her side.
She was in bed watching Matt fuss over the medicines that she was about to take when his phone rang. He looked at the phone and quickly put it down the table beside the fruit juice that he made for her.
"Sweetheart, may mahalagang meeting ka diba. Bumalik ka na sa office. Ok lang ako." She started to sit up, slowly because her fever hasn't really gone down yet.
Matt rushed to help her up. "Tart, I promised your parents to take care of you habang nasa labas sila. Tsaka I already declined that meeting. Alam na dapat ni Dad yon. Don't worry your pretty little head about it, OK?" Matt smiled, lightly touching her forehead with his finger.
The phone rang again.
Matt stood up. He turned to face the window and answered the call. "Hello Dad... I told Rita to tell you that I couldn't make it..."
Sarah could sense the tension in his voice. She bit her lip and did all she can to hold back the tears.
"Nasa meeting ka kasi kaya di ko nasabi sayo... I know... I'm really sorry Dad. May emergency ako e."
When Matt turned around, he was all smiles. Clearly he was doing his best to make her feel that everything was OK.
"Kahit na naiipit ka na. Ako pa rin ang pinipili mo." Sarah said. Suddenly, tears were gushing down her cheeks.
In a second Matt was kneeling down beside her, kissing her hands. "Mahal, wag ganyan. If I was the one who's sick, you will take care of me din diba? Don't worry!" He laughed. "Wala yon. It's not as important as you think. Tama na OK?"
He stood up and wiped her tears with tissue and lovingly caressed her head. "Grabe, ang ganda kahit may sipon!!!!" Matt exclaimed, stepping back a bit as if wanting to get a better look.
"Shut up..." Sarah said, almost laughing at how OA Matt was. Her nose was clogged and her hair was ruffled. She was a complete mess in her pajamas. She knew she was nowhere near beautiful.
"Ay! Iinom na nga pala ng gamot yang baby na yan!" Matt said with a start. "Teka lang baby ha..."
He rendered her speechless yet again with his loving ways. How could he love her so when she couldn't even make time for him when she was so busy with work, when she couldn't even tell anyone in her industry that she was already committed to him.
And again she had to ask herself. Did she love him enough?
_______________
In less than two weeks, Sarah was already fit to get back to work. While she was on leave, Matt cherished every second that he got to spend with her. He loved pampering her. She was his queen after all, and all he wanted was to treat her like she was.
He was ecstatic when Sarah popped into his office that morning. She walked in, held his hand and handed him an envelope. She threw her arms around him and whispered, "See you tonight." Sarah gave him a quick peck on the cheek and left.
Matt followed her to the door with his eyes. He was still smiling as he opened the curious note that his girlfriend delivered.
A Thank You Dinner for my Matteo
With all my love,
Sarah
Matt's head was in the air all day. He was at work but his mind was so occupied with Sarah's surprise.
He ran through all the important dates in his head: the day they did the music video, the day he proposed, their monthsary, her birthday... No, he hasn't missed anything. What could this be about?
He ordered a dozen pink roses. He got a haircut over lunch. He left work early to go to the jeweler to get her something nice. Matt was so excited about what Sarah had in store.
Finally, he was in front of the towering building where Sarah would be waiting. He handed his car key to the valet, straightened his suit and entered. It was so not like her to reserve the exclusive restaurant for them. She was a lady of simple joys, and would be content just watching TV with him.
What could this be about? He asked himself for the millionth time today. His heart beat quicker at the thought of finding out.
He went in the elevator and made his way to the roof deck.
The door opened. He was escorted in. The beauty of the place shone brighter now that the night was beginning to fall. Finally he saw her, her hair flowing down her cute little white dress, so elegant that she seemed to be floating on her high heels.
His heart skipped a beat. He would never lose the wonder of how beautiful she was, that's for sure.
She was smiling as she waited for him to come near.
"For you," Matt said, handing her the flowers. "I wish I could say that these are half as beautiful as you. But they don't even come close."
"Thank you, my super duper pogi love..." She answered, taking the flowers.
He pulled a seat out for her and she gracefully sat down. He then took his place in front of her. Romance and the sound of violin enveloped the night air.
"So... what's the big idea?" Matt asked excitedly. He couldn't wait to know why she pulled this off.
"Libre ni Bernard sa tin to. To show that he's sincerely sorry."
"Right," Matt said a bit disappointed. "Si Bernard."
"Yes, si Bernard, ang kaibigan ko na malayong malayo sa pinakamamahal ko na star ng gabing to." Sarah held out her hand to squeeze his. "I want to celebrate us mahal, I want to celebrate you. You are the love that I don't deserve and I just want to thank you for everything."
Matt looked at her and knew that everything she was saying was from her heart. "You're my life love," he said. "You mean everything to me."
The evening went on like a love song. They had the best food and wine. They shared a lot of laughs and took a lot of pictures. She fit so wonderfully in his arms and he didn't want the night to end.
"Love, wouldn't it be nice kung ikasal tayo next year?" He blurted out, without really thinking of what he said. It felt so right to have her beside him that the only thing that he could think of was to make him his wife the soonest possible time.
Sarah tried to hide it. But he could see the panic in her eyes.
Matt coughed and gathered himself. "Joke lang. I didn't mean to confuse you. You know I'm your biggest fan and I would never get in the way."
Sarah winced like what he said hurt her. But she quickly smiled and then pulled away from his embrace. "Teka lang ha, akala mo ikaw lang ang may gift!" She turned to him, presenting him with a box. "Ako rin meron," giggling like a little girl.
Matt laughed. He lifted the lid.
His hand froze. He couldn't take his eyes off the Ferrari jacket inside the box. He felt the ground shifting underneath his feet. It looked exactly like the jacket from Nic. They couldn't be the same!
"I am so proud to be the girlfriend of the future Schumacher," Sarah said, her face was beaming. "No you'll be even better than him. You're going to break all the records there are! You're going to be so great out there. Nako Matt, sobrang excited na ko. Sobrang saya ko para sayo!"
"Teka teka, what are you talking about? How did you know? Did Nicole tell you?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
Sarah shook her head. "Hindi, ako ang kumausap sa kanya. Narinig ko kayo magkausap tungkol sa offer nya sayo. Pero ano ka ba, hindi mahalaga kung pano ko nalaman. Ang importante, matutupad na yung pangarap mo."
Matt's hands were shaking. He dropped the box and pulled her into his chest.
"I love you Matt. I want you to be happy. I want you to fulfill your dreams." Her head was fastened against his chest, and he could feel her tears soaking his shirt.
"Ilang beses ko uulit ulitin sayo? Mahal, ikaw ang kaligayahan ko." He cupped her head on his hands. He desperately had to make her understand. "I don't need that. I need you!"
Sarah pulled away and tried to get herself together. "Sweetheart, sobrang saya ng mommy at daddy mo nung nalaman nila. They were so proud of you, lalo na si Tito...."
"My God! Sarah!" Matt shouted, clenching his fists. He didn't think that he would ever get angry at her but right now he was. "What the hell were you thinking?! Who do you think you are!"
"Matt it's the right thing to do." She said simply, her voice was cracking. She was shivering. Matt couldn't care less.
"What's right for you isn't what's right for me! If you can trade us for your career, then fine! Wag mo kong igaya sayo!"
"Matt..."
Matt cursed in frustration. "I can't believe you did this to me." He reached down for his phone to make a call. "Mang Chito, punta ka dito sa Kensington. Hatid mo lang si Sarah pauwi. Ngayon na."
He hated what she did so much that he couldn't bring himself to even look at her. He simply turned and made his way to the door.
Sarah was crying uncontrollably. She felt her heart breaking into a million pieces. She was shattered. But she did what was right. Just this once, she will be the one to sacrifice. She lovingly picked up the jacket from the floor and put it back in the box. One day, her man will put this on and he will do so damn well for himself. Sarah smiled through her tears, "One day." she whispered.