"I'm not ready to let go
'Cause then I'd never know
What I could be missing
But I'm missing way too much
So when do I give up
What I've been wishing for
I shot for the sky
I'm stuck on the ground
So why do I try
I know I'm gonna fall down
I thought I could fly
So why did I drown?
I never know why
It's coming down, down, down
Oh I am going down, down, down
I can't find another way around
And I don't wanna hear the sound
Of losing what I never found"
Down, Jason Walker
~~~~~~~
Evelyn gave up pretending she was reading the book in front of her to write her essay.
She glanced at Tom. He was truly working hard on his already long parchment.
It had been days she was delaying her mission.
Corvus learned the lesson and stopped teasing her. And that was enough to make Emma happy and friendly again.
But Evelyn supposed that it wasn't fair to let him down just to throw herself into the arms of Tom, who was his close friend. And what if Tom would suspect that she chose him just to get rid of Corvus?
It was far more complicated that just revealing the truth and face whatever the consequences would be.
Evelyn kept looking at Tom, the view was enough to calm the storm inside her.
She wondered if he ever struggled with that kind of stuff.
Tom moved his head to read a page from an opened book under his arm while her eyes lingered on his handsome features. She could stare at him studying forever. But if she wanted to get the privilege of staring at him without looking like a fool she had to do something.
But how could she let him know her feelings for him without being silly? And how would he react? She didn't expect him to claim that he felt the same. She feared he could avoid her again and turn back to his dark side... Although the idea gave her shivers of pleasure.
Tom raised his eyes noticing her staring and smiled.
"Already finished?".
She gaped, then realized that he referred to her essay "Oh, no. I'm just out of ideas on what and how to write".
Tom nodded rolling up his parchment "I'm tired too. Enough with this essay for today".
She smiled gratefully, fearing that her occasion had finally come but she had no clue on how to bring out the topic.
Tom looked around himself then leaned towards her "Can I ask you something...confidential?".
She moved towards him with her heart beating faster "Sure, ask away".
"It's not about the essay" he hesitated lowering his eyes and biting his lip "About Lucinda Gallows".
Evelyn stiffened. Hearing the name not of any girl, bit of that one was like getting a slap on her face.
"Yeah?".
"I don't really know how it works" he whispered uneasily "What should I do if I want to try to know her better? I'm sorry for this topic, but I'm so confused and I don't know what to do".
Evelyn tried to focus on her breathing for not panicking. The urge in his tone made it hard not to help him.
"You can ask her out? On a date?" She suggested nervously, hoping that he was just joking.
"How? Simply asking her that and see if she says yes or no?" He looked too concerned for being kidding her.
Evelyn nodded rigidly, her voice speaking for her, when she just wanted to scream "I'm quite sure she will say yes".
Tom smiled standing up and gathering his belongings "Thank you, really".
Evelyn didn't move. He walked away. She expected him to come back and reveal that it was a prank, but he didn't. He didn't even look back.
Somehow Evelyn reached her dormitory fast as a lightening, feeling like a cauldron about to explode because some ingredient was wrong.
Finally in her room she burst out crying, pushing out the pain and the sorrow that risked to strangle her.
"Evy!" Emma exclaimed following her in the room and watching her collapsing on the floor "What happened? What did he say? Did he say no?".
Evelyn shook her head, using her arms to hide her face.
She wanted to explain, but she couldn't find her voice.
Emma tried to pull her up "So what? What did he do?".
Evelyn wished to use some kind of Legilimency to speak into Emma's mind. But she couldn't.
So she struggled against her sobs.
"He wants to date Gallows" she finally pushed out uncovering her face to look support from her friend's eyes.
"What? Lucinda Gallows? That b*tch?" Emma exclaimed.
Evelyn didn't know if to move her head in a yes or a no, then she added "I told him to ask her out on a date".
Emma looked even more shocked "What? Why?!".
"I'm a fool" Evelyn whined covering her face with her hands.
"Yes, you are" Emma echoed coldly, then looked up as the door opened and Eileen shyly slithered in.
"What happened?".
"Evy made Riddle date the Gallows" Emma announced bluntly.
Eileen's jaw dropped "Seriously? Why?".
"Don't ask me. She's the mad head here" Emma shook Evelyn "Help me pull her up. She can't keep crawling on the floor like this".
Evelyn didn't fight when her friends dragged her up to make her lay on her bed.
"Riddle and Gallows are the biggest mismatch I could even imagine" Emma commented.
"Well, it wasn't a secret that she had a thing for him lately" Eileen said hesitantly.
"Yeah it was clear just like Corvus flirted with Evy. She made that dreadful show when he was injured in the last Quidditch match" Emma snapped, patting her hand on Evelyn's shoulder "Don't lose hope, it can't last. They are too different. And she is known for not being a faithful partner. But how could he fall in her cobweb?".
"Maybe because very few boys dared to reject her? Maybe Riddle is just like any other boy. Falling for the prettiest face" Eileen suggested "Most of the boys in our school dream of spending just one hour with her".
"Only one hour they can last" Emma mumbled.
"And Riddle is quite handsome so how could he refuse?" Eileen concluded.
"And he's younger than her" Emma marked "It was easier for her to fool him, but I believed he was a little smarter than the average boys. I'm just very grateful that Corvus fell for you, Evy, instead of Lucinda Gallows".
Evelyn sobbed louder against her pillow.
"It won't last, I'm pretty sure of it" Emma tried to comfort her "But how could you tell him to date?".
Evelyn pressed her face against her pillow and Emma snatched it from her before she could suffocate with it.
"I'll let myself die" Evelyn murmured.
"Don't even think that!" Emma exclaimed "It's not the end of the world! Just let the pain go away. You'll recover. You're not alone".
"How can I recover if I stay here? I can't stay in the same castle with him and seeing him with her!".
Emma hugged her "You can, Evy. You're just shocked. Do you know what you need? Distraction. We can steal some whiskey from Mr Ross and get drunk".
"No, no way" Evelyn started sobbing again "I'm getting drunk with my tears".
"Do I have to call Tom and show him what the hell you've done to yourself?" Emma menaced.
"No! Don't you dare!".
"I'll do it if you don't stop talking nonsense and start to fight this depressing thoughts that you have!".
"Do you want me to brew some Amortentia? Maybe it can fix things" Eileen suggested.
"No, a love potion is the latest thing that we need. Just leave me alone" Evelyn pushed them away and curled up on the bed.
"And dinner?".
"I'm not hungry. But you go" Evelyn insisted.
Emma pulled Eileen away from her "Fine, but I'll bring Parrot here at least to feed you".
Before Evelyn could complain, she found herself alone in the room. Alone with her desperation.
When minutes later the door opened again, she tried to hide under the blanket but seeing Roland's worried face made her throw her arms around him for a hug.
"Holy hell, Evy, what happened?" He asked hugging her tight and letting her sob on his shoulder "Can you tell me now what happened?".
"She wanted to date Riddle" Emma explained bluntly "But she told him to date Gallows instead".
"Lucinda Gallows?" Roland swallowed hard.
"Yeah, who else? Would you take some Polyjuice Potion to comfort her?".
"Emma!" Evelyn cried.
"I'm just trying to help" Emma rolled her eyes "Maybe you needed more than food".
"I'll take care of her" Roland intervened "You are already late for dinner".
Emma sighed heavily and left.
"Thinking about eating instead of anything else" Roland sat next to Evelyn and took out some sweets from his pockets.
Evelyn accepted them in her hands, watching the colorful wrap, when her life seemed suddenly colorless.
"I'm selfish, am I not?" She murmured "I should be happy for him. Surely she is better than me. But I feel guilty for wasting my chance, if I ever had one".
Roland wrapped an arm around her shoulders as she started to cry again "I'm not an expert, but there's not guilt in love. It's just a mess, that's all. You can get broken hearted many times before finding finally your match. You have this were obsession for him, but maybe you'll meet someone else who will lit your life up and only then you'll understand the meaning of all the sorrow you had taken before".
Evelyn closed her eyes, letting those words slip away from her "I just want to run away. To run until I'm can't breath anymore".
"I can't let you run away" he said sighing "Surely there can be something else that can distract you, something that can push all your pain out of you".
Evelyn stood silent, thinking.
"I need music" she whispered in the end.
Somehow Evelyn survived.
In the next days she numbly moved on, when necessary acting like nothing happened and stubbornly ignoring the new popular couple that ruled the gossip in the school.
Instead of the library, Evelyn went regularly to the music classroom.
Kettleburn gave her carte blanche and she agreed to sing in the Great Hall in the weekend before Halloween.
"You can pick any song you prefer" Terry Bellchant scattered some papers in front of Evelyn "Then we van make the arrangements together".
Bellchant was a Hufflepuff girl who loved playing piano.
Evelyn scanned the songs, throwing away the romantic ones. She wanted some tragic or sad song.
Finally something caught her attention.
She checked the lyrics. She felt related to the main theme but she didn't understand many details.
"What does phone mean?" She asked.
Bellchant shrugged "I think the writer was some muggle born".
Perfect, Evelyn thought. Something that made it more related her situation and the addressee of her message.
Throwing cold water to her face was a good remedy whenever Evelyn felt on the verge of surrendering to her sorrow again.
Evelyn gasped and raised her head, staring at her reflection on the mirror. She looked sick, with dark bags under her unexpressive eyes. She felt like a loser compared to the Gallows girl. Lucinda Gallows spent all her efforts to be that stunningly beautiful, while Evelyn barely took care of her aspect and the results were evident.
She had no chance to win against the queen of beauty.
With anger Evelyn threw water to the mirror, shattering the image of herself, when she saw Tom's figure standing behind her.
She turned, ashamed of being seen in that way, but nobody else was there in the bathroom.
Confused, Evelyn looked back at the mirror but there were only drops of water falling. Still she was sure of seeing Tom looking at her with a hard gaze from above her shoulder.
Evelyn cursed her mind for that prank.
But if in real life Tom became unreachable, she decided to distract herself with her imagination. Nothing could rip her Tom from her mind and in her mind things couldn't slip out of her control.
On Saturday afternoon the Great Hall was quite chaotic, but not too crowded.
Evelyn was shaking like a leaf in the wind as she waited for her turn to sing her song as a vocalist.
She lowered her head to repeat again all the lyrics, fearing that her mind panick and could black out.
She kept thinking that the lyrics didn't make much sense, still she needed to canalize her feelings through music.
Sooner than she wanted, Kettleburn announced her.
Evelyn couldn't run away, not when she needed to do something to express her feelings. If she had proved that could never say openly certain things, she hoped that music could help her.
She imagined that Tom was busy somewhere else, so she persuaded herself that she had nothing to fear.
Evelyn eyed Filius, until he gave her the sign to start.
She inhaled deeply and rigidly started to sing
"You're on the phone with your girlfriend
She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do"
In the music classroom Evelyn didn't realize how childish her kind of speech sounded. She witnessed many mediocre performances so she didn't felt ashamed nor judged.
Now it was different.
There were people who could mock her forever for that silly song.
Her cheeks were burning, still she forced her voice out and continued
"I'm in my room
It's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
And she'll never know your story like I do"
Evelyn slightly smirked and turned more confident
"But she wears short skirts
I wear T-shirts
She's cheer captain
And I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up
And find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time"
The music that accompanied her turned stronger and engulfed her, so she inhaled deeply, getting a lot of new energy
"If you can see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me"
Evelyn pressed her hands on her heart, watching the crowd without truly scanning it.
"You belong with me"
The crowd turned silent. Finally she managed to get attention.
"Walkin' the streets with you and your worn out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey isn't this easy?
And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say you're fine
I know you better than that
Hey what you doing with a girl like that?"
Evelyn was surprised to see how it was getting easier. She was finally enjoying singing and even moved following the rhythm
"She wears high heels
I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up
And find that what what you're looking for has been here the whole time
If you can see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know
Baby, you belong with me
You belong with me"
Evelyn was surprised to hear some cheers from the crowd. She smiled and turned to the band, to catch her breath before the final part
"Oh, I remember you drivin' to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh
When you know you're about to cry
And I know your favorite songs
And you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong
I think I know it's with me
Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time
How could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me
You belong with me"
When the song ended, Evelyn startled at the unexpected reaction from the whole crowd. Everyone was up and clapping, with some whistles.
Evelyn felt like drunk of music. But most importantly she felt the happiest girl in the world.
She never thought she could become a singer. And there she was. Gathering a very positive reaction to her first public performance.
Many asked to give an encore, but Evelyn refused to sing alone again, so the other vocalists and members of the band joined her.
Even singing the song as a choir made the same unbelievable effect.
Evelyn wondered if she had drunk a Felix Felicis to be that lucky in that moment. Or if she was just getting a pleasant dream after nights of nightmares.
She broke the promise to herself and checked for a familiar face through the crowd, until she spotted Tom watching with his arms folded. Evelyn didn't spot Gallows next to him and that was good, but the expression on his face was unreadable.
Before her thoughts could affect her and change her mood, she looked away, to focus on welcoming the hugs from her band mates.
"I always believed in you. I'm glad that you started to realize that you're talented" Roland freed himself from her hug, patting on her shoulders.
Evelyn sobered up when the show was over, but she was impatient to sing again.
Music was the medicine she needed.
Suddenly someone appeared and interrupted their conversation.
A tall boy with red curls approached Roland, talking to him in whispers.
Roland nodded and quickly moved something from his pocket to the boy's one.
Then the red head turned, like realizing that they weren't alone, and insolently gazed at Evelyn.
She disliked the way he smirked at her.
"Hello" he said provocatively, then glanced at Roland "Don't you introduce me to your girlfriend?".
"She's just my friend" Roland said patiently.
"Very well then" the Gryffindor tried to wrap an arm around her shoulders, but Evelyn quickly moved away.
"I didn't mean to scare you" he scoffed, then extended a hand to her "I'm Septimus by the way".
"Evelyn" she replied avoiding his hand.
"Burke, right? The new singer and the girl who can change hair colour according to her mood right?".
"I'm not doing that anymore" she said bitterly, annoyed that he knew that she was the freak.
'Why so? It's an interesting gift" Septimus Weasley tried to touch her hair, but she shoved his hand away "Feisty. I like it. Well, I hope to see you soon again and to know you better".
His malicious grin made her glare at him.
She watched him walking away, wishing to erase that teasing smirk from his face.
"Forgive him" Roland said shyly "He's a good boy, although he acts like a crazy one".
"So that's one of the players of the Gryffindor team" she hissed.
"Exactly" he eyed her, then added "I know what you're thinking and I'm sure he would be interested in using you to weaken the team of your House. Septimus wants to win this year's Cup".
"Just like my team wants to win" her mind was working fast, planning and pondering any option.
Roland eyed her with worry "Yeah, we all want to win, but someone had to be the loser anyway".
Evelyn grimaced. She was sick of being a loser.
A/N
I'm sorry if I added the lyrics of the whole song 😂
I hope Taylor Swift can forgive me for borrowing her song, but usually it's easier to say things through songs than speeches.
Guess what, the first time I heard this song was because of a fanmade video starring Christian Coulson himself. It was about his character in the "Weirdsister college" series, that was set also in a school of magic. And in the video he was matched with a witch player by Felicity Jones, who is also in the cast on my story but it's not introduced yet.
So I'd like to suggest you not just to listen to that song, but also to check that video on YouTube titled "Ethen and Ben 'You Belong With Me'" by Cate559
Enough about songs, so what do you think of the story so far? :)