P.S. Read the SaHosh chapter in the Side Ships first before reading this chap to better understand the story ^_^
My phone keeps on buzzing and I keep on ignoring it, knowing that the person trying to fill my inbox with his endless text messages doesn't have any plan to stop. And if my call log records could only complain, then they would probably shout at the owner of the phone to take their quiet life back before this stubborn guy bothers them.
It's the 4th day since I've been ignoring Hoshi's calls and text messages.. I just don't see the point in answering or replying in any of them. I didn't even bother to read one that he sent, I know it will only keep me awake to overthink at night.
He had her back. My best friend, Momo. What else does he want from me? Can't he see that I'm making this easy for the two of us by keeping myself away from him? I even promised myself that I'll forget everything that happened before she came back, most importantly the relationship we shared only for a short period of time, if ever that is even considered a relationship.
Ever since she came back that night, I decided to let go whatever Hoshi and I had. I didn't even thank him yet for the happy memories, for the times he made me smile and made me feel like it's really me who has his heart.
"Don't go." I stopped on my tracks when I felt Hoshi hugged me from behind, snaking his arms on my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.
"Please stay by my side, my squirrel." He held me tightly that I can barely feel him breathing.
He made me faced him, there's a smile shown on his face as he wipes away the tears in my eyes.
I can't speak, out of words to say and totally confused about what's happening.
He then held my hands and put it on his chest, making me feel his heart beating.
"Sana, I think I lo—" He was about to say it.. the words I'm waiting for so long to hear but a sudden voice came, cutting him from what he has to say.
"Hoshi."
Hoshi's expression changed when he looks behind us then he lets go of my hand, dropping it.
When I looked back, I saw her. My best friend, Momo.
"I'm back." She said, tears brimming in the corner of her eyes.
My knees turned weak as my heart raced when I saw her again.
"I-I'll leave now.. so the two of you could talk.." That's all I came up with.
I never look back at Hoshi and when my gaze went up to meet my best friend's eyes, I tried my best to give my sincerest smile... even if it means stabbing my own heart and letting it bleed alone.
My mind drifts back to reality when my phone starts ringing again. I closed my eyes and heaved a long sigh before answering it.
"Hoshi for once and for all, please stop.." I began, but I heard someone laughs on the other line, making me stop.
"You're funny," Momo's voice came after.
Oh God. It's Momo.
"Hey, uhm.. sorry, I thought i—"
"Can you come over? Like, right now. I missed you so much! Please Sana, please.." She cuts me off, not minding my struggle to made up an explanation. She sounded so giddy and excited that I don't want to say something that can ruin her mood.
"Okay.. uhm.. are you alone right now?" I asked, quite hesitant.
"Nope, I'm with Hosh."
"Oh, you sure you still need me there?" I let out a strained chuckle.
"Of course! I would love to hang out with you all day. I never heard anything from you for days now. In fact, it was also Hoshi's idea to have you here."
Fuck.
"What?" I run my fingers through my hair in frustration. Why would he do that?
"You heard me right, now move your ass out of wherever you were sitting right now, pack your bags and go straight here in our apartment. I mean the right now part, okay.. Toodles!" After that, the call ended.
How am I supposed to face her and Hoshi? I found myself asking as I began pacing back and forth in my room.
I had no choice.. I said I'll go. So it's now or never. I can't also hide forever. I can't avoid him in a lifetime because we will and eventually will meet again.
With a long sigh that I never knew I was holding, I began to pack my bags and go straight at the shower.
❦❦❦
It took a lot of courage and deep breaths before I lift my fist to knock on the door.
I don't know if I'm doing this right but I'm here already, standing in front of their apartment's door. There's no more backing out.
Not after a minute, the door flew open, revealing my best friend Momo. A huge smile plastered on her face before she pulls me in a bone-crushing hug.
"You have no single clue how I missed you sooo much Sana." She whispered in my hair.
I smiled and embraced her.
"I missed you too, more than you know.." I replied, inhaling her scent. Guilt slowly building in the pit of my stomach.
'If you only knew.. then you wouldn't even wish to see my face right now.' I wanted to say but she doesn't need to know that. If there is a secret I would bring with me in my grave then it is what happened between Hoshi and I.
My smile instantly fades away when I saw who's watching us from behind.
It was Hoshi with his pleading eyes. Our eyes met and by the look he's giving me.. I can tell he has so much to tell but sorry, I won't listen in any of it. He has to stop.
"I missed you too squirrel." There is something with the way he said it and before I could even reply, he's already in front of me.
When Momo broke the hug, he closed the small gap between our bodies, giving me exactly the last thing I need right now. If he only knew that it takes everything in me not to hug him back. Damn it.
"I'm happy you made it here.. can we ple—" Before he could say anything else, I began to pushed him away. Is he crazy? Momo is in front of us for heaven's sake!
I made sure not to catch his eyes again because I swear I saw something in it when our gaze locked into each other earlier.. it was the longing. The thing I badly want to forget.
"We have all day and all night to be with each other. I'm excited. We can bring back the things we used to do before." Momo interrupted, still clueless with the tension forming between Hoshi and I.
"Yea, but before anything.. you need to tell me first where you got yourself into while you were gone. Where did you go?" I asked her, my voice full of concern.
"Sana, I told you we have all night to talk about that. I swear I'll tell you everything but please let's do it later on okay...? Let's get something to eat first and enjoy our day with each other." She said, kissing my cheeks before disappearing in the kitchen.
My heart immediately pounded out of my chest when I realized I was left alone with Hoshi.
He didn't waste any second when he scoots closer to me.
"Can we talk?" He tried to reach out for my hands.
"No." I answered, crossing my arms over my chest.. avoiding his touch.
"Just hear me out, please. You've been ignoring my calls, and I never got the chance to talk or see you again after she came back. How can we fix the things between us if y—"
"Can you lower down your voice first? She might hear us and the last thing I want to happen right now is to ruin my relationship with my best friend as well as your relationship with her. There is nothing to fix between us Hosh, let's just forget whatever happens when she was temporarily gone. She's back, you won't need me anymore.. face it." I stated in the most quiet and harsh way I can.
"I—"
"Sana you coming?? I'm having a hard time chopping the meat. Help please," Momo suddenly shouts from the kitchen, cutting Hoshi from what he has to say.
Without any word, I went after Momo in the kitchen, leaving Hoshi alone.
When I left, I realized I haven't given him a chance to explain himself. What if he really wanted to end things between us for good? What if all he wanted is to forget and bury everything we had because he never really loved me? Thoughts like these haven't crossed my mind for the past few days and that's when it hits me. I'm still not ready..
❦❦❦
It was 6 in the evening when we finished cooking and it's time for dinner already. I'm doing my best not to stay here longer but Momo keeps on making me occupied and busy. She's doing her best to make me stay.
Momo and Hoshi are besides each other while I sat across them. I took my knife and fork, starting to slice my steak when Hoshi suddenly switch our plates. When I look down, the meat was already cut into pieces.
I shot him a what-the-hell-are-you-doing look but he just shrugs it off.
I was just about to turn and check if Momo is looking when she suddenly stood up and poured a lot of pepper on my steak.
My eyes widen in pure shock.
If she isn't my best friend then I'd probably think she did it on purpose, but no.
"What are you doing? She doesn't like her food with pepper!" Hoshi stood up too and shove Momo's hands away, causing her to dropped the pepper on the tiled floor.
"Oh gee! Sorry I forgot!" Momo freaked out, her palms covering her mouth in much surprise.
"You forgot? What a fucking lame excuse." Hoshi snaps at her before he stood up and clean the mess on the floor.
"I-I'm really sorry Sana.."
"It's okay.. don't feel bad about it." I reassured her, doing my best to sound like it's absolutely fine so she would stop worrying.
After a while, Hoshi came back still looking annoyed.
"Can we just continue our dinner? We cooked for hours, I wouldn't just let our efforts get wasted." I tried to lighten up the mood. Good thing they both listened by settling back on their seats.
We went back on eating for a few minutes of silence until Momo decided to start a conversation.
"So.. I was planning for the three of us to go out tomorrow night but of course I won't let you," she points at me "Sana, to go out without a date."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You've been living for years being single. It's time for you to date and enter a relationship. And I, got you with that." She grins.
"Okay...?" My brows rose, letting her continue.
"I already have someone paired for you. He's a nice and very handsome guy. You'll get to meet him tomorrow." She informed me, sounding more excited than me.
And of course, I didn't missed how Hoshi clenched his fists on the table when he heard what Momo said.
"That sounds good." I replied.
"What sounds good in that?" Hoshi chimes in, narrowing his eyes dangerously at me.
"It's good to meet some new guy."
"And oh, his name is Jun by the way." Momo informs us.
"Cool. I'm done guys." I told them as I stood up and grab my plate to place it in the sink.
"Where are you going?" Momo stops me.
"Nowhere. I'll head back home later after we finished washing the dishes." I answered.
"No, you're not going home. You're staying the night here." Momo declares.
"There's no need, we will still meet tomorrow." I chuckled, shaking my head.
"But I insist, I still have a lot of story to tell you. You're missing out too much in the happenings of my life Sana. I want to tell you everything." She pleaded as she wraps her arms around me.
"Okay, you won. I'll stay." I smiled, unable to resist her. With that, she gave me another kiss in my cheek.
❦❦❦
Momo showed me the room I'll be staying in after we finished washing the dishes. It was across Hoshi's room and beside her room.
We both agreed that I'll wait for her in my room until she finished taking shower.
I decided to unpack my bags first while waiting for her but I stopped eventually when the lights in the ceiling of my room suddenly shuts down.
I went outside to check if there's a power supply in the living room.. and there is. How come the light shuts down only in my room?
I convinced myself that maybe it's only because of the florescent. I'll just wait for Momo to come back and tell her the problem.
I went back inside my room to grab a flashlight or something when someone with a hands so cold grips me to the corner, making me yelp in surprise.
"Hey.. hey, it's me." When I heard Hoshi whispered in my ears, my heart calms instantly. I felt relieved that it's him and not a robber.
"What are you doing here?" I turned to face him.
It's dark inside the room and I can't even see where his face was. All I can feel is his hot breath that's fanning my face so I know he's facing me.
"I just want to check on you." He answered, placing his forehead on mine.. our nose touching. And I let it happen.
"I'm fine.. just a little bit scared because you suddenly appeared out of nowhere," I can't help but to giggle. "and your hands were so cold, I thought I came contact with a dead person already." This time, I laughed for real and he joins me in.
"Did I scared you so much?" He laughs while lacing our hands together. He placed his other hand on my waist, pulling me closer then he sways our bodies a little.
"Hmm... if I had a heart attack and died, I'll hunt you down and ghost you." I joked.
"Can we stay like this forever? I hate it whenever you're pushing me away." I can feel his stares on me even if it's pitch-black inside the room and we can't really see each other.
"You know we can't.." I replied, almost in a whisper.
It made me close my eyes when I felt his hands cupping my cheeks.
"Sana, it's you I want to be with. I never realized it's you until the moment you were away and avoiding me. I know you won't believe me but I never felt anything when she came back. My heart didn't skip a beat when I saw her again, unlike how it used to be before. When you left that night, all I could think is you and what will happen between us.. I'm thinking of ways how to honestly admit to Momo that it will never be the same with us again after she left and because I know it's you already." He confessed, lifting my chin as if he can see my face.
"You don't know how long I waited just to hear those words coming from you but why now? Why now when she's back in your life? I can't hurt her, you know that don't you?" I told him.
"I know, I can't hurt her too but if I don't, I'll lose you." He said, clearly frustrated about our situation.
"And if I stay with her, it will hurt you." He added before he sighed, his hands starts caressing my palms.
"Then I'm afraid you would have to choose Hosh.. will it be me or will it still be her?" I don't know where I get the courage to asked him that but he stops. I felt him stiffened on his place, stopping abruptly in caressing my palms.. and with that, I already know.
My heart drops.
I quickly take my hands away from him as I back away. I was suddenly awakened with something I can't figure out. My mind is a mess and all I want for now is to be away from him so I turn and let my back face him.
"Just get out Hosh," I heard him move when I said that. Not so long after, I was left alone in the room.
Doing my best not to cry, my feet found its way to Momo's room. She's still inside the shower when I went inside so I just sat comfortably in her bed. My mind constantly thinking about him.
I knew it. He would choose her over me. What a fool I am to believe that he'll choose me. Even though he said he wants to be with me, she is still more important. She has a special place in his heart, now tell me how can I win?
"Hey," Momo greets me while drying her hair. Looking at her right now makes me want to come clean and tell her everything... but no, I will not hurt her.
"There was a problem with the florescent in my room. I think you forgot to replace it with something new." I told her instead.
"It was still working last night but don't worry, I'll call Hoshi to fix it right away." She replied.
"No.. no need. I can sleep here with you. We have all night just like what you said." I reminded her.
"Okay silly, I'm done taking a bath so you go now and I'll be the one to wait." She chuckles as she throws me a towel.
"I'll be quick." I tell her before hopping inside the bathroom.
After my quick shower, I went outside fully refreshed. Momo returned with a bowl of cucumber on her hands.
"For old times sake." She laughs while shaking the bowl of cucumber.
I join her in and flops my body on her comfy bed, she did the same before putting 2 pieces of sliced cucumber on her closed eyes. I copied what she did and relaxed.
Both of us were quiet for the first minute but then she began to speak. She was always the one to break the silence.
"I have this attitude that I don't want someone stealing the spotlight from me. I always wanted to be the center of attraction and the one who would often capture the eyes of many, but it turns out like I was still the one who begs for attention." She began.
"You were always the star Momo. You don't even need to beg for attention." I chuckled.
"Not in everything. That is the reason why I hate it when someone tries to take away the people whom I love the most from me. If I want to keep a person mine, then I'll selfishly claim their full attention on me, just like yours or even Hoshi's. In that way, I can reassure myself that, that person is only mine." I felt the movement of her head when she said that, as if she turned to look at me for a moment.
I remained silent, thinking. What does she mean by that?
"Hey, you sleeping already?" I heard her asked.
"Nah, just thinking.."
"Sana?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm happy Hoshi still accepted me after I left him alone without any word from me. If it were you, would you still accept me?" She asked.
"I know you had your reasons when you left. I always know you.. but not your reasons. You easily decide for yourself, next time, tell Hoshi everything.. anything on your mind, so you won't feel like you need to face your struggles alone." I replied.
"He won't understand."
"He will. You just need to open up with each other. Tell him how you feel and I'm sure he'll make you feel you're not alone in facing your own battle. Whatever battle that is."
"Wow, you sounds like an expert in love advices. Just to remind you, you never had one." She laughs.
"Just wait, I'll meet him tomorrow night." I said and she laughs harder.
"You mean Jun?" She asked while laughing.
"Why not? You said he's a very nice guy plus he's also good looking." I laughed also, shaking my head, thinking how ridiculous I sound like.
After that, I just felt her hands on my side, hugging me. I removed the cucumber in my eyes and found her face close to mine.
"I love you." She said then she leans in and kissed my cheek.
She rest her chin on my shoulder as she tells what happened when she was away, where she went into, who are the persons she met and be friends with, the reasons she had when she left him. She told me everything I need to know all throughout the night.
❦❦❦
I move out of the bed so early, letting Momo have her sleep. I know she's tired from crying all night.
Before I decide to leave the house, I have made in mind to make breakfast for the two of them first and after that, I'll leave.
I was making pancakes when I felt someone softly pulled my hair back. I look behind and saw Hoshi tying my hair in a ponytail.
"Oh God, Hoshi what is this again?" I freaked out and faced him, taking my hair from his hand.
"Don't move, I'm trying to make it neat so your hair won't stick out while cooking." He shove my hands away. It was becoming his habit. He shoved Momo's hand yesterday then now, mine.
"I can do it on my own. Just—"
"Just what? Get out? Move away? Back off? That's all you have to say?" He asked, his voice faltered as he drops his hands to his side.
I didn't gave him an answer. I let my back face him and turn off the stove before I walk away in the kitchen.
"Where are you going?" He asked in panic, scurrying behind me.
"Home." I replied nonchalantly, readying my bag then placing it on my shoulder.
"Look, I'm sorry I reacted that way.. I didn't mean to..."
"It's not about you Hosh. I just really need to go now. Greet Momo a 'good morning' for me and tell her I left already." That's all I said before shutting the door closed.
We can never be together. Not after what Momo told me last night. I figured out how wrong it is to have feelings for Hoshi and found myself asking why does it happened. Why him of all people?
Momo tries to find herself when she was away for a reason that she wanted to handle her life on her own. She told me last night that Hoshi won't understand if she told her that and she proved herself right because the thing is... that's what she wants, she wanted to face her problems alone without Hoshi's guidance unlike how their relationship always works. She was always beneath his shadows and she doesn't like it, not even one bit.
I realized that I have misinterpreted what she said and I gave her advice the other way around the things should work. I told her to tell Hoshi everything so she won't face her struggles alone but that's exactly what she wants to happen.. to face it on her own, without Hoshi's help.
At 6 in the evening, I get myself ready with the double date Momo has planned. I didn't put much effort in getting dressed. Jun won't mind right?
Momo texted me where to meet and when exactly to go but I went out ahead of time.
When I arrived at our meeting place, it begins to rain. I didn't bring an umbrella with me, how lovely.
I stayed outside the bar-and-grill, waiting for them while watching the rain pouring down from the sky.
A few moments later, someone came and stood in front of me. When I look up, I found Hoshi, holding an umbrella and wearing his favorite white turtleneck sweater.
"Where are they?" I asked, eyeing him suspiciously.
"Momo went to pick up Jun. They will arrive here together." He explained.
"Okay," Is all I said.
"We shall head inside now. It's cold to stay here outside.. you shouldn't wait here." He scolded me before grabbing my arms and opening the door in front of us.
He signalled me to go inside because he'll fold and keep the umbrella first. When he's done, he sat across me in the table.
"Sana," He called my name.
"Don't speak Hosh." I told him.
"Listen, I want to formally deal with you.. about us." He seriously stated.
This is it. He's calling for a halt.. dissolving everything using the time as if the memories will vanished completely.. and so is the feelings.
"It has to be tonight Sana. No more holding back. I will talk to her and make things right between us." I snap my head up when he said that. What?
I don't have anything in mind to say so I let him continue.
"I made my decision.. and it is to fight for you. I'll make it fair.. I'll be honest with her but I'll make sure you won't lose your friendship with her either. So please say you'll give me a chance once I succeeded." He reached out for my hand in the table before lacing our fingers together.
"He loves you Hosh.. so much. You don't know how happy she is when you still accepted her after she went away and left you. She loves you that's why she came back. She thought she can do it alone but it dawned on her that she can't go on with her life without you. She don't deserve to get hurt." I said, suppressing my tears from falling.
"She came back because she didn't found herself when she went away. She wouldn't come back to me if she did, wouldn't she? Now, was it my fault that I just woke up one day not thinking about her anymore? That I just woke up one day completely forgotten what I feel about her? Was it my fault that I learned to love you? I didn't replace her because if I did, I must still have feelings for her while having you but it wasn't that way.. I'm over her already when I fell in love with you." He held my hands so tight as he said those words.
He's in love with me. Isn't this supposed to feel good? But why do I feel scared?
When he brings our intertwined hands to his lips and he kissed the back of my hand, tears fell from my eyes.
"Let me love you. Trust me. I'll make this right." He promised and when I saw his lips curved to a smile, I somehow found comfort in his words and decided to break off the guards I'm keeping around my heart.
"Okay." I smile and squeezed his hand before wiping the tears in my eyes.
After a while, Momo arrived with a tall and really handsome guy beside her. I can tell he's Jun. He has this serious expression shown on his face that makes me feel a little intimidated.
"Hi guys, sorry we're late. We're caught in the traffic plus, the weather won't cooperate." Momo told us as she settled down beside Hoshi, kissing his cheeks quickly.
I instantly look away, feeling my eyes get burnt.
"By the way, this is Jun.." she looks at me and wiggle her eyebrows "and Jun, be pleased to meet my best friend, Sana. She's the girl behind our daily topics." She introduced both of us in each other.
Jun smiled shyly before bowing his head slightly to me. And when he sat down beside me, I feel Hoshi's intense gaze between the two of us.
❦❦❦
We spent our whole night having a great time. All of us enjoyed drinking and I haven't realized how much I needed alcohol in my life until I get to taste it for the first time.
There isn't any awkward conversation that takes place.. just fun. We talked about the things that's far away from the reality and I wish everyday will be as easy as today.
"Where will you go home Jun? Can you go alone? Momo got it bad, I don't think she can bring you back home." I told him, my voice slurring a bit. I can't feel my eyes anymore.
"You don't need to worry where I go home. I don't need her." He answered. The way he said her was something. What does he mean by that?
"What did she do, huh?" I asked him, not minding if I'm interfering with someone's business already. I don't care.
But he didn't answer me. He started to walk away instead, leaving me standing alone outside. I need to blink a few times to make sure that it's Jun who walks away.
It's him. Okay.. I thought I'm just assuming things but he doesn't really like me. He's just nice whenever we're in front of Momo.. like super nice. What the hell was that?
After a while, Momo and Hoshi went out of the bar-and-grill. I knew all along that Hoshi didn't drink much. He's now guiding Momo all the way outside. I secretly glared at them.
"I need Sana.." I heard Momo told him.
"She's outside already, we'll go to her." Hoshi replied, carefully holding her.
"How the fuck would he talk to her if she looks like she would passed out in any minute?" I bluntly asked myself, not even caring for my choice of words.
I am not drunk, tipsy, yes. I know what I'm doing and it feels so good to hear myself speaking bluntly without any filter. I feel so free.
"Sana, help me puke in the ladies room. I won't last long, I saw this coming.." She approached me.
"I think so too, let's go."
And we went back inside the bar-and-grill just to puke in the ladies room... but that's what I only thought.
I was surprised when Momo stood up straight when we got inside the ladies room, she locked the door and held my eyes with so much emotions running through her gaze.
That's when she closed the distance between us, taking my hands slowly.
My brows furrowed in confusion.
"What's taking you so long to say it when it wouldn't even change a thing anyway? He would still choose to go with you and leave me." She began to cry and it quickly sobered me up.
"Sana, I wasn't born yesterday. I am not stupid to believe that there's nothing going on with the two of you when you were already slapping me the whole truth." She added, voice breaking that I cannot recognize it anymore.
"But I love you.. And I love Hoshi too. What am I supposed to do? Give way? You know I can't... I love you but I won't let you have him." She sealed her voice with a strong conviction before she wipes her face harshly with the back of her hand.. her mascara smearing.
I looked down, I have so much to say but I chose to shut my mouth and let her throw the bomb right in my face.
"Can we just go back in time when you and him still meant nothing on each other's life? Can we go back in time when it's still me he needs? When it's still me who has his heart? When I am still the reason why his world is turning around? He's with me but it's you he's thinking about. The sparks were gone and so is the sweetness in his smiles. It really hurts you know, to easily see the difference with the way he looks at you and the way he sets his eyes on me. How stupid is he to love you. You.. of all people." She blurted out, letting the tears blind her eyes.
She's in so much pain.. so much that it brings her on her knees.
My eyes widen in shock with her actions.
"Sana please, promise me.. promise me that you'll stay away from Hoshi. Get yourself out of his life and never show yourself again then that will be my cue to make him forget you." She pleaded while kneeling in front of me.
For a moment, I felt numb. I feel the need to let her on her knees begging me to give way and disappear like a smoke. For a moment, I feel the need not to stop her and let her look like a fool.. to let her look so desperate.. but I am not selfish and I love her. Looking at her being on her lowest and miserable state makes me pity her. It just proves that she'll do everything for Hoshi.
I blinked, I hadn't noticed that I'm crying already.
"Stand up and leave." I told her.
"Sana, pl—"
"You leave or I'll leave? I'm letting you have your chance Momo but make sure that if I let him go, you'll do everything just to make him forget me.. completely.. and utterly forgotten." I tried my best to speak like I'm strong. I feel like I'm putting another rock to the pile that's stacked up on my chest. It's heavy that I can't breathe anymore.
"I promise.. I'll make him forget even your name." And with that, she leaves and left me nothing except the shattered pieces of my heart.
❦❦❦
Ever since that day, I promised myself not to fall in love with someone I know and with someone I'm friends with ever again.
I transferred school, left the house I'm renting and left the town where Hoshi and Momo were living at. I adjusted, changing my life completely. I even think about changing myself to a better person, someone who wouldn't easily give in on her best friend's boyfriend.
♪ Don't be that way
Fall apart twice a day
I just wish you could feel what you say
Show, never tell
But I know you too well
Kind of mood that you wish
you could sell ♪
I lost two people whom I love the most in this world. Two people whom I know will be happy with each other. Yes, Hoshi might say that he learned to love me but he can't deny that he loved Momo first before me. I knew his feelings would eventually come back once I'm out of his life already.
♪ If teardrops could be bottled
There'd be swimming pools filled by models
Told a tight dress is what makes you a whore ♪
But if she didn't came back and if she already found herself when she'd been away, would Hoshi realized that he's in love with me? Would I be happy in that way? I remembered myself almost praying for his attention when he'd been drowning himself in sadness when she left. His eyes has no life but one day, a new day has come, he looks at me and I saw its life back again. Was that the start?
♪ If 'I love you' was a promise
Would you break it if you're honest
Tell the mirror what you know
she's heard before
I don't wanna be you anymore ♪
I sighed, turning off the radio in my bedside table. I rolled over my bed, facing the mirror while tying my hair.
I dreamt about Hoshi last night, he was there, watching me in my sleep. It seems so real and I wish I had the chance to touch his face before I dozed off.
I was drinking my fresh milk when I heard the familiar chime coming from my front door. I went outside and found a letter in my mailbox. I'm certain someone left it here a few minutes ago before I went out.
I looked around but found none so I just decided to open it and read what's inside.
"If ever you're reading this right now, I'm sure you're more than ready. Sana, I made a mistake.. a very big mistake and I think it's time to make it right, to make it up to you and to put things back on the place where they supposed to be. Or rather bring back the person that's not even mine from the beginning.
There was a time when Hoshi and I fought. The house was in total chaos, I don't have a choice but to break things because all I can feel is pain. I'm hurt. I thought Hoshi would have pity on me if I hurt myself.. that maybe he would eventually forget you as he took care of me. I tried the best I could to erase you in his life but no matter what I do, I still won't succeed because I underestimated his love for you.. I believe you were only a replacement, a rebound.. but I never knew after all this time, he's still keeping you in his heart. It's funny how I wished for him to have an amnesia, it's because I believe that's the only way he can forget you completely but soon, I figured out how ridiculous I am to even put Hoshi on harm.
The fight we had ends up with a formal talk I'd never expected. That's when he told me how he feels about you. By the little things he would say like, 'I never thought I would be needing her smiles so much in my life', 'It felt like I don't need anything else as long as she's with me', 'Everything seems to fit right in place whenever I held her in my arms' makes me see that we're different.. so much different. Do you know how much it hurts to hear those words coming from the person who once loved you? Who once promised that he'll be with you forever, that he'll take care of you, and make you happy until he can? I found myself asking where did those promises goes? Did he still remember any of them or he choose to bury it somewhere in his stomach when he learns to love you?
But no matter how much he hurt me, I still found myself forgiving him and even blaming myself for being selfish and for being an obstruction with your love for each other. That's when I realized that this is not my story because it's yours and Hoshi's. I love you Sana, you taught me what love can do to people and how would people handle love. You love Hoshi but you choose to let him go because of your love for me. You were the bravest woman I'd ever knew. I love you.
The only thing I'm thankful about with everything that happened is to learned that losing Hoshi will be the reason for me to find myself. I lost him but I found me, so in the end, I still win."
I was crying the moment I finished reading Momo's letter. It was so heartfelt that I somehow heard her voice through her words. How can she make me cry like this?
I cry hard, not caring if someone saw me.
"A crying squirrel is not so good in the eyes." I turn my head to look at the one who spoke.
It was Momo... with Hoshi.
I immediately stopped when my eyes dropped on their intertwined hands. My heart lurched, thinking of thousand ways why this is happening. Was everything an act to hurt me? Or maybe to slap right in my face that they're definitely back at each other. Or worst, to warn me that if I ever step into their life again, I would face my death.
All my thoughts vanished like a smoke when Momo went near me. She used her other hand to embrace me, the other's not letting go of Hoshi's hand.
She gave me a very satisfying smile.
"At last, I can tell myself that I did the right thing." She said, looking straight at my eyes then her eyes dropped down on their intertwined hands.
She looked at Hoshi before turning at me then she slowly took my hand and replaced it to her hand that Hoshi has been holding.
A tear escaped from my eyes when she did that. She just gave me a reassuring smile and gave Hoshi a pat on his shoulder before she leaves.
"I missed you." We both chuckled as we realized we said it in unison.
"I love you Hosh.. I want you to know that I never stop loving you. I know I made a promise that I'll trust you but I chose to give you up and left you instead. I am so sorry, If I could on—"
"Shhhh.." He cuts me off by placing his lips on mine and I blushed at the thought that this is our first proper kiss.
"Let's not think about the past right now Sana. Now that we're together again, I promise to show and declare my love for you every second, every minute, every hour, everyday.." I laughed at his statement.
"Sana, I lo—"
"Hoshi!"
We both looked back to see who cuts him off. It's Momo, eyeing us in disapproval.
"If you hurt her the way you hurt me, I'll make sure to beat your ass." She threatened. She even posed like she's ready for a fight and that makes the three of us cracked into laughter.
Oh good Lord.
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Please say you love this chapter because I really do.♡
-justblush17x-
*Bonus: (Momo and Sana's phone conversation)
Momo: I'm having an eyes for someone right now Sana.
Sana: OMG, really? Who??
Momo: The guy I once paired with you.
Sana: Oh my God. You mean... You and... For real?? Oh my God! I knew it, he likes you from the start!
Momo: *blushed*