Authors note:
Yeah so like.....to all of you who said that you're not breaking up with me be fully aware that from here on out whenever you talk to me now we just gon flirt like that's just how it is pal. I gave you the chance to back out of this and you instead said you loved me now and so like sorry. But we dating now like that's just how it is. Like i am as attention starved as my boy Todo so like y'all fucked up. Now you have me as your girlfriend fuckers.
Also yes Hawaii Pt. II will be up soon, it's just getting edited and this one was more finished and so here ya go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The camera turns on showing Todoroki wearing a bulbasaur onesie, sitting down on the floor in front of the camera.
"Hey guys so uh one, sorry for shit lighting it is 4 am and I should be sleeping but I just got the idea for a really awesome video and am an impatient fuck so I am working on it now. And two, sorry for the long hiatus....I have no excuse for it....I'm just gonna apologize for it and assume you're all used to it by now so we're gonna go ahead and carry on for now okay?" He said before adjusting his position.
"Now as some of you might now, every year for Halloween I try to do something that is just absolutely amazing, i mean i am a conspiracy channel, i love spooky shit so obviously Halloween is the most amazing time of the year, and so when Halloween comes around i always plan out the most amazing video ideas and even record them but.....I suck as a human being so I never edit them in time for Halloween and so I never post a Halloween video...............but this year?......This year it's fucken different because you know what? I am a MAN. A man who has people that support him, a man that has baked dog treats without any adult supervision despite all odds. A MAN WHO HAS SUCCESSFULLY PUT A HAUNTED DOLL IN MY FATHERS ATTIC. I am DIFFERENT. I am better than I ever have been. I am-"
The video abruptly cuts off to a black screen with white text that says. "I was wrong...it is now November 14......I have not only failed you all but most importantly myself. I have nothing left to say.....please kill me." The video came back to Todoroki in the same place the video had left off.
"So actually before I continue the video ima rant a bit because yah boy feeling a kind of way and I no longer have a therapist so hi. Anyways last night I got a text from the one and only, Midoriya! And I'm here like 'finally my time has come....it is finally the night when Midoriya has reached maximum thirst, I'm talking dehydrated thirst, and wants me to quench it. It is MY time to shine'........And so I quickly grabbed my phone trying to remember what underwear I am wearing at the moment and he texts me and.....he said and I quote 'hey is it okay if I give someone your phone number?"
Todoroki stops and looks at the camera.
".......And so I rightfully replied with 'you slut don't try to hook me up with someone else. Don't think that I'm just a horny little shit that will take anyone. I've made up my mind to have you and Iida double team me and I'm not budging'. And he was like 'please stop'......Anyways, after he crushed my heart some more, he gave my phone number to someone else cuz he said it was a friend of his and they wanted to talk YouTube with me and so I was like aight okay guess I gotta disappoint someone else today. Guess I'm just some side piece here to entertain you but hey it's fine. You go and you continue living your perfect life without ME. IM FINE, IM NOT GONNA-" he said before the video cut off and came back to him leaning out of frame and coming back with a cup and taking a sip.
"Uh to those wondering this is mango juice aka depression elixir, um.....if you hate mangoes please do yourself a favor and leave before I go full feral and attack you....You've been warned...." he said before taking another sip.
"Anyways I'm gonna follow a Bakugou Katsuki makeup tutorial" he said before his intro animation sequence played.
"So in the spirit of Halloween I am actually going to follow his Halloween makeup tutorial he did a while back called Bite Mark. Uuuuuuuuuuuh I'm going to definitely fail but hey what's new?" Todoroki said before putting on a head band to push back his bangs from his face. "To all of those wondering, yes there is a forehead under this hair."
"Okay so for the sole reason of not wanting my channel to be copy right striked by the Queen of Hearts, I'm not gonna show the video or the audio and instead just have these headphones in and the video playing on the side" he said as he put on his head phones. "Obviously the real tutorial will be down below so you can go watch that and then come here and pity laugh at me. If you're up for a challenge watch this and also that and then try to figure out what part of the video I'm on." He said with a smile.
"Okay so I actually went ahead and bought all of the things I needed for this video that I know of at least and let me tell you something......Queen bee over here really shoving it down our throats that he throws money away like nothing like if it wasn't for the fact that I secretly used my dads credit card on these things I would not have had money to pay for rent guys like not even a little" Todoroki said as he slowly started placing things on the table. "This especially was so expensive it made me cry a bit not gonna lie" he said as he held up a palette that said 'Skin Illustrator' on it.
"Okay so warning I've never seen this video I just looked at the description of the video to find out what stuff I needed for this tutorial but contrary to popular belief I actually have never seen a full video of the red queen himself so I have no idea what to expect and uh this will be fun" Todoroki said before quietly watching something to the right of him.
"Wait does he actually start his videos like that? Like just full on cussing right off the bat?.....and he gets monetized?! Okay no hold on, what the fuck am I doing wrong that I'm getting demonetized all the time?....who's dick do I have to suck?" Todoroki asked before continuing to watch.
Silence.
"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa hold ON" Todoroki said as he quickly slammed on what sounded like a computer space bar and then turned to the camera. "He's an actual certified makeup artist?! Hold on no one told me that! I thought he was like all the other gurus on this platform that are naturally talented but have nothing back themselves up, no one told me he went to school for THIS. Oh boy oh jeeeeezzzz, I am suddenly so scared about doing this video cause he's probably going to use a lot of words I don't know and it's going to be hard oh no. Oh boy. I regret a lot of things" Todoroki said before pressing play on the video again. "Holy shit wait he's worked on movies too what the hell did I get myself into" he whispered.
Silence.
"Wait what? Wait did he just....did he just say he wants to tap someone?....I see......you like me, also joke about being horny, interesting" Todoroki mumbled. "Also sorry that this intro is mainly me looking at a screen and making comments at least right now but home boy likes to talk a lot about himself and like that's a mood but also Queen please."
Todoroki slowly reached over to grab his cup of mango juice to take a sip as he continued to watch the video and then suddenly slamming on the space bar again.
" 'if you want an easy makeup tutorial go watch like Uraraka' BOY lay off her ass, her shits hard too don't come at her like that. Poor Uraraka hasn't even said a damn thing to you and you're here treating her like she's a peasant. Like I'm sure your tutorial is a hundred times harder than hers but come on now..... don't stab someone while they're not looking shit, you're not a ninja you can't just do that" Todoroki said before tapping the space bar again.
"Oh wait oh shit I have to be shirtless for this? Bro. BRO. Come one now. I don't got that fucken self confidence to do that. I wasn't blessed with an ethereal body! I was blessed with the body of a wet rat come on now" Todoroki said. "Fine FINE I'll take my shirt off....for the VIEWS."
Todoroki quickly took off his shirt to reveal the binder he was wearing underneath. "And no I'm not taking the binder off fuckers. This baby will only ever come off if Iida is around and that's a THREAT."
Todoroki continued to watch the video.
"Oh okay so finally we are getting into the actual tutorial okay, oh boy queen it took 6 minutes to get here you might want to, you know" he said before making a chopping motion. "Anyways he says to have my skin with nothing on it and I can tell you, all I have on this fucken flesh prison is nasty goblin oil that just naturally is there. Like hi I'm gross what's up?"
Todoroki slowly reached over to grab the stuff and bring it closer to him. ".....is it just me or is this weirdly sexual? Like does he just always talk like he's trying to fuck someone? If so then I would hate to be his friend cause as the thirsty slut that I am I would constantly be like 'okay guess we fucking huh'" Todoroki said.
"WHOA WHOA BITCH, you can't just wink at the audience like jeeeez...... Like it's not even cause I like you but bro when you're blessed with being naturally attractive you can't just WINK whenever you want that's ILLEGAL. That kills people" Todoroki said.
"Okay so I have the wax, the glue shit" Todoroki said as he paused the video and brought those containers out in front of him. "And a....spatula????? Wait hold on. Hold on like a kitchen spatula? Bitch I don't cook what the hell you didn't have that on the items list you slut what the hell. I don't just have that on hand. Who the fuck has that?..... Hold on....."
Silence.
"MIDORIYA."
Camera cuts off and comes back on to Todoroki sitting back down.
"So turns out I'm just a stupid bitch and he meant this stick thing and now I've embarrassed myself in front of my crush THANK YOU BAKUGOU" Todoroki said as he slammed the small spatula on the table. "Anyways let's continue shall we?"
Silence.
"Oh.............welp...........guess I really am a stupid bitch huh.......I'll edit that out later on" Todoroki said as he continued to watch the video.
"Okay finally I'm doing things" Todoroki said excitedly. "Alright put spirit gum on the thing and tap it alright alright I can do that" he said as he put some of the glue all over his shoulder and tapping on it exaggeratedly. "can't. Forget. To. Tap. It. Haha that's what I say every time I go visit Iida lol."
Todoroki continued to tap as he put play on the video. "Okay wax and......okay wow we just gonna talk about dicks all of a sudden huh? I want to remind you all that this was monetized meanwhile my making dog treats video wasn't. Thanks YouTube. Again who's dick do I have to suck?"
Todoroki grabbed the wax and started trying to soften it up, the video starts fast forwarding showing Todoroki progressively get more annoyed and struggling to make the wax soft. Video cuts back to normal speed.
"I kid you not it took me fucken 20 minutes to make this soft holy shit wow. I mean if this was a dick like Queen Katsuki said, I would consider this a win but I'm weak and now my arms hurt like a BITCH-"
Video cuts off and comes back on to him trying to apply the wax on his shoulder and it falling off immediately. ".....fuck me did the glue dry? Did I not tap it enough? BOY I TAPPED-"
Video speeds up once more to show Todoroki applying the spirit gum again and then applying the wax on there.
"Okay okay and now I make the bite mark right?.......HOW THE FUCK-"
Video fast forwards again.
"Okay I did a mediocre bite mark but it's fine. Who am I trying to impress here? Bakugou? Please. Home boy thinks I'm a fucken worm" Todoroki said as he showed the camera a very mediocre bite mark. "Also can we talk about how every time Bakugou talks I'm expecting him to come out of the screen like the ring girl and beat me for not being sexy enough. I swear this man terrifies me."
"Okay so setting powder got that, more sexual jokes got those covered too" Todoroki said as he grabbed a brush and brushed on the powder on the wax while watching the video still.
"Okay fun, now we get to use the palette that cost my father a lot of money" Todoroki said as he pulled it out. "Also just like he's saying right now, the alcohol? Very hard to find I went to cvs and they only had 70% alcohol and it's like I'm pretty sure you need more alcohol in that bitch and so I had to get it online and it took FOREVER to arrive I was lowkey panicking cuz I thought that it wouldn't have come here on time and I would be late on my Halloween video."
A circus song suddenly started playing as the video freezes and a picture of the clown emoji appeared on the screen and moved around the screen until it got off and the video proceeded back to normal.
"Wait hold on! I could've used cheaper shit for this?! Fuck me I would've done that and used the rest of the money on McDonald's god DAMMIT! FUUUUUCK" he yelled.
Todoroki immediately went back to having a blank face and continued watching the video.
"Alright rip up the sponge I can do that" he said as he started ripping at the sponge and then suddenly ripping more than half a chunk out of it. "......okay attempt number 2" he said before throwing the first sponge behind him and grabbing the other one and being more careful about ripping little holes into it."
Todoroki continued to watch the video. 2 minutes of complete silence as you could see him slowly realize what he had to do next.
"Okay okay....so do to the fact that I know myself I'm gonna be nice to you and fast forward this" he said before smiling at the camera.
The video fast forwarded and shitty audio of a kazoo playing the titanic theme played over the video. You could see him desperately trying to follow the tutorial but more and more the colors started mixing together and not doing what he wanted them to do. For a good three seconds Todoroki just had his face on the table.
The kazoo playing louder.
Todoroki went back to try and fix the mess he had made on his shoulder. With more struggling he finally created something that looked like a bruise if you looked hard enough.
Video went back to normal.
"......I did it..... you proud of me now dad?" Todoroki whispered.
Suddenly you could hear knocking on the door. Todoroki immediately grabbed his phone to check something.
"OH FUC-"
The video cuts off abruptly and comes back on to Todoroki on the screen now looking to the side and then looking back at the camera.
"Okay so I took too long on the bruise part and now I'm behind schedule but it's fine I'm almost done anyways right? Please be almost done" Todoroki said as he pressed play once more.
"WAIT VEINS WE HAVE TO MAKE VEINS TOO" Todoroki said as he loudly grunted before the video once again sped forward with the same Kazoo song playing as he struggled to make the veins. You occasionally saw him look to the side as if he was begging someone for help.
After a minute of more struggling the video paused to show him with veins that in all honesty you could not even see for the most part.
"..........A for effort am I right lads" he said before slamming his face on the table, the video cutting off right before impact.
"Okay so scab blood. And I just checked the time and the video only has three more minutes to go so I'm almost there fam I'm almost there" he said as he looked to the side and finger gunned.
Todoroki then proceeded to take the spatula and attempt to take some blood out of the container only to grab a gigantic portion.
"......fuck it cover up my flaws bitch" he said before slamming it down on the bite mark and slathering it around. Clearly not caring about anything anymore.
"Okay and what else?......Wait that's it? I'm done" Todoroki asked excitedly. "My torment is over?! Oh FUCK YEAH-"
Black screen comes on with the white text that said 'actually you're suppose to now make it look like a custom since I can't just walk out without wearing anything....it's a zombie bite mark tutorial....missing the entire zombie part.....'
A fast forward video of Todoroki attempting to add more bruises and make himself look like someone that got bit by zombie appears with same kazoo song once again.
"Okay and at last I am done" he said as he did a final reveal of how he looked like. He did in fact look like he was a zombie apocalypse survivor, except like if he was homeless before hand, and had fallen into a ditch, and beat up by raccoons, the raccoons were also the zombies. Also with a comical amount of blood on him, clearly there to cover up bad makeup mistakes.
"I think I did pretty good. And I won't compare myself to Queen Bee because he went to school for this and I did not" he said with a smile and a thumbs up. "But how do you think I did? Do I look great? Do I look amazing?"
He said as he posed for the camera.
"What do you think" he suddenly asked as the camera panned over to the right to show Bakugou sitting on the couch looking at him with disgust.
"This is why no one wants to fuck you" he said before the video cut off and a black screen appeared with white text that said
'Oh yeah this isn't the Halloween video, that one is with Bakugou.'
Video ends.