I added a picture of Alec Hopkins as Snape. I casted him as Snape because when I watched the movie, I was like "omg yes perfect".
I was considering putting Lily in this chapter, but I like the dynamic between just the friends and then the parts with Snape and Sirius that have been in the story so far. I think it allows you guys to focus on the fact that even though I'm writing in third person, it is from Sirius' POV. While he's probably talked to Lily with James and he's fond of her, he's never really thought of it as important in the grand scheme of things. That may change in the next few chapters, but we'll see.
Thanks for reading guys, it means a lot to me. If you could take the time to leave a comment on the story and vote that would mean so much to me!
Always,
Brielle
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It had taken Sirius a week to think over his options. He had tried, on numerous occasions, to follow Dumbledore's advice and ask James for help, but he lacked the courage it took to ask that much of his friend. Especially with their meagerly interactions as of late.
He and James were still friendly, but as Sirius got closer to Remus, he felt himself drifting away from the other, and he wasn't sure how much he liked that. James used to be the person he could tell everything to, no matter how embarrassing or personal. Now James didn't even know that he didn't like girls. Of course he loved being close to Remus in this way - as badly as he wished it was more than just a friendship - but he missed the lack of awkward space between him and his spectacled companion.
Of course, there was also the question of how to phrase the question. He wasn't planning on revealing his secret to James, but he saw no other reason to explain why his parents had kicked him out (which was the most surprising thing, taking into consideration the horrible ways in which they had treated him in the past).
He sat down at breakfast trembling. He had to ask today, before it got to be too late; before their relationship was ruined even more. James was telling Remus about the texture of Lily's hair and the way her eyes glimmered in a different way every time he leaned in to kiss her. Peter had a dreamy look on his face, as if he wished he could have that; possibly with James going off of the way he hung on his every word.
Sirius was on edge and he had heard too much about Lily in the past few weeks. He couldn't remember the last time James had uttered a sentence that didn't relate to her, as if she was the only person in the world. As if she was the only one that mattered anymore.
He snapped at James, "Merlin's beard, James, tell us more about Lily, why don't you?"
There was silence in the group of friends. Although the rest of the students in the hall continued to chatter about tests and teachers and their own affairs, there was an uneasy silence around them that seemed to block out all of the background noise.
James frowned, clearly mad at his friend, "I apologize for talking about something that makes me happy."
Sirius knew he should have stopped then, but he couldn't. He wasn't mad at James, he just didn't understand why he was being so oblivious to everyone else's problems. Did he not notice how he and Remus were hurting? Without thinking about the consequences, Sirius said, "I'm sorry for not realizing that this girl is the only thing that makes you happy anymore, and should in conjunction make the rest of us happy."
"What the hell is wrong with you, Sirius? Do you think you're better that the rest of us Marauders? I didn't realize that your head could get any bigger," James sneered, raising his voice, drawing the attention of a few students sitting close to the group.
"James, can you not do this?" Remus pleaded quietly, trying to calm him down.
James scowled at him, "What are you, then? Is it your job to defend Sirius now? Are you two, like, a thing?"
"Shut the bloody hell up!" Sirius yelled, wanting desperately to get out of his chair and slap James across the face.
"Thou doth protest too much," James said, a smirk on his face.
"Sirius is going through a lot right now," Remus tried to explain, but it only made James madder.
"Oh yeah, he's told you stuff then? That's funny, I thought I was his best friend. I guess I was wrong about that," he said, getting up to leave. Why couldn't he just stay for once? Why did he always have to run off when something angered him?
Sirius tried to calm himself down. His situation wasn't going to get any easier if James wouldn't talk to him at all. He panicked as he saw the boy leaving. He had to tell him something now, before he lost the opportunity. He shot an appreciative glance at Remus for trying to help him and quickly clambered after James.
James was walking through the hallways quickly and seemed to be gaining speed as Sirius attempted to catch up with him.
"Wait!" he called, running out of the little breath he had been able to catch before chasing after him. His heart felt as if it was beating in his throat. James didn't look back, just kept walking ahead. "Don't be so bloody passive aggressive, Prongs, I need to explain something to you."
James whirled around, his face red with anger. "No, I'm done with your explanations, Sirius. I'm done with you thinking you're better than me!'
Sirius thought that he would continue to walk away, but James was stopped in his tracks. This was his chance to talk.
"First of all, I don't think I'm better than you, why the bloody hell would think that?" Sirius said, panting in an attempt to fill his lungs with air.
James looked exasperated, "You never want to be with us, except Remus and we all knew he's the smart one. And you talk like you know everything, like you've got all this wisdom. Look I know your family's pure-blood or whatever, but that's just a fancy way of saying you're inbred and it doesn't make you better than us."
"You think this is about my family? Do you want to know something about my family, James?" Sirius said, almost chuckling, though the comment about being inbred stung a bit, knowing that it was true.
James rolled his eyes, "Please enlighten me, oh great and wisdom-full wizard."
"My family doesn't want me. They kicked me out and I'm not allowed to go home," Sirius replied, matter-of-factly. He watched as the anger in James' face faded and the red was replaced with his impossibly pale skin.
"R-...really?" He said, his voice small as if he felt badly for the way he'd been acting. Sirius supposed that he did feel badly, but he didn't want James' pity. He didn't want anyone's pity, really.
"Yeah, really. Why would I lie about that?" Sirius said, looking down.
"You lie about other things enough..." James commented, trailing off at the end as if he wished he hadn't said it.
Sirius knew it was true. He'd lied to James too much in the past year and that wasn't what friends did. He didn't know how to reply. He wouldn't lie again, and the best was to avoid lying was to keep his mouth shut.
There was silence between the boys for a moment. Neither one was sure whether they should be the one to speak first and neither one knew what to say to the other.
Finally James broke the silence by asking, "Why?'
Sirius' mind was racing. He really should just tell James. He wouldn't judge him, he knew that much. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't just couldn't. So he lied, breaking the internal promise he had made only a moment ago, "I don't know, they're crazy. They've never been proud of me, but I guess they can't bear to welcome home a wizard who graduated as a Gryffindor." At least it was partially true. That made it seem more right.
James shook his head, "Yeah but kicking out your own son...I'm sorry Sirius, I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. I didn't realize..."
"It's alright, like you said, you didn't know."
They sat on the floor with their backs against the corridor wall. Another silence fell over them, but this one wasn't uncomfortable. There were as many thoughts running through Sirius' head as he assumed were running through James'. Everything was so overwhelming to him, and he'd had time to think it over already.
"Does Remus know already?" James asked softly, as if afraid of the answer.
Sirius hung his head down, "Yes, he knows..."
"Why, Padfoot?" James looked hurt, his eyes appearing to glaze over. He took everything so personally and Sirius couldn't help but feel badly for him.
"It didn't feel like you cared. You seemed so happy with Lily and everything that's been going on, I didn't want to bring you down. Remus is going through some tough shit as well, so it was easier to relate with him," Sirius explained, knowing that his answer wasn't cohesive. He just hoped that James found something that made him understand.
"What's going on with Remus?"
Sirius shook his head, "Prongs, I'll tell you whatever you want to know about me, but if you want to know, talk to Remus. It's not my business to tell."
Sirius expected James to get angry with him, but instead, he saw a small smile stretch across his face, "You're a good friend, Sirius. I'm sorry I haven't been one to you."
Sirius smiled at James, letting him know that things were okay with them. He didn't blame him really. He hadn't exactly been easy to be a friend to as of late. But he forgave him for every time he felt neglected.
"So what are you going to do?" James asked him, leaning his head against the wall.
Sirius began, feeling badly for asking this of him after the fight they'd just had, "You mean after school ends? I've actually been meaning to ask you, I just didn't know how to ask and I guess I kind of did it wrong, but-"
"Yes," James said without letting him finish.
"Yes?" Sirius repeated.
"Yes, you can stay with my family; It'd be a pleasure to have you," James said, smiling slightly.
"Thank you Prongs, I don't know how I'd get along without you," Sirius smiled back.
"You wouldn't."
And Sirius knew it was true too.
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Sirius smiled down at the paper Professor Flogley had just bestowed upon him. He had received an A in Potions for that term, and if he was able to get a passing grade on his NEWTs for the class, he would have enough to become an Auror. It felt like some miracle. Well, not a miracle so much...
Severus' notes had helped him quite a bit, allowing his to complete every potion near perfectly. The professor had accused him of cheating several times, but Severus had never given him up.
Sirius talked to Severus after class. His original plan was to ask if he could copy his notes in his own book to study from, but there was something else weighing heavily on his mind.
"How do you know so much about potions? Do you study privately or something?" he asked curiously.
Snape's mouth turned up for half of a second, "No, I just use logic; must be an alien concept to you."
Sirius rolled his eyes, knowing that Snape was only poking fun at him. He liked their "banters". It was a kind of friendship he'd never had before. "All joking aside, Snivellus, it's really brilliant. What about the spells in the margins. Have you done any of them to see if they actually work?" He had a particular spell in mind that he was especially curious about.
"Yes, I've done them," Severus said, raising an eyebrow at Sirius.
"Yeah? So what did the, uh..what was it, Sectumsempra - what did that one do?" Sirius asked trying to sound nonchalant. In the textbook, Severus had described its use as "for enemies" and it spiked Sirius' curiosity so much that he hardly stopped thinking about it since first laying his eyes on the word.
Severus sighed as if he knew it was coming, "Alright I'll tell you, but you can't tell anyone about it."
"I solemnly swear," Sirius said, raising his hand.
"I'm serious, Sirius, no one!" Snape said again, sternly.
"I'm serious too, Severus, I won't tell."
Snape seemed to be checking Sirius' face for signs that he was telling the truth and apparently decided that it was okay to tell him.
"Sectumsepra, used correctly, will kill your opponent. If used incorrectly, it will injure them or yourself," Severus said in a hushed voice.
"Why would you need a spell like that?" Sirius asked, suddenly not so sure he wanted to be around Snape, or anyone who would devise something so horrible, for that matter. He knew of the Unforgivable Curses, but wasn't this just another way to do one of them: the worst of them all, in fact?
"There are dark wizards out there, Black," Severus explained. "We've got to know how to protect ourselves at all costs."
Sirius was okay with that response, but there was one more thing that bothered him, "I thought you said you practiced the spells....did you...?"
"No I didn't kill anyone, Sirius, I practiced on a pumpkin," Severus looked hurt, "What kind of person do you think I am?"
Sirius shook his head, "I was just making sure."
The boys didn't talk for a while, but the conversation reverted back to normal before they went their separate ways. Before Severus walked towards the dungeons, Sirius stopped him.
"Thank you for trusting me," he said, holding on to the sleeve of his robe.
Severus rolled his eyes, but there was an undeniable smile on his face, "Don't get all sentimental on me."
Sirius smiled and let go of his sleeve and they followed their separate directions.
Sirius couldn't get the spell out of his head. He would never be able to utter the word again, out of fear that he would hurt someone without meaning to. Even if he did want to...he couldn't. That wasn't who he was.