The dawn was approaching when Forth opened his eyes. The blanket hangs from the end of the bed. He must have kicked it off in his sleep. He turned to his right and slowly, he smiled.
He's still here. It wasn't a dream. He's right here.
Beam was sleeping, curled up next to him because of the cold. Forth reached for the blanket and covered both of them. He moved closer to Beam to give him a kiss on his forehead. He touched his cheek, gently.
This was like the night on the island when they shared the bed and made love. The only thing that was different is Forth didn't feel like time was pulling them apart. He didn't felt the need to prepare himself for another goodbye as he counts his remaining seconds with Beam.
Forth wrapped his arms around Beam. His hands settling on his husband's lower back. Beam stirred in his sleep and cuddled closer to Forth. He must have sensed the heat from his chest and wanted more of his comforting warmth and Forth felt exactly the same. It sent him into another peaceful slumber.
When morning came and Forth woke up, Beam was no longer at his side. Immediately, panic spiked inside of him. His chest pounds away. Forth threw the blanket aside and ran downstairs to look for Beam. He was having a million thoughts of why Beam left or where he had gone to. He got to the dining area and he was welcomed by the smell of pancakes and bacon. Forth momentarily stopped on his tracks. He found Beam placing the stacks of pancakes onto the table. Forth rushed to him and locked his arms around Beam with his face on his shoulders. Beam was taken aback at the sudden embrace from Forth, almost knocking him off his feet. He returned the embrace. But when it lasted more than it should, Beam realized that something wasn't right.
"Forth?" Beam uttered as he crooked his neck to look at him.
"I thought you left." Forth said with his voice shaking, it sounded muffled against Beam's shoulders.
Beam runs his hand on Forth's back to soothe him.
"I'm sorry.. I knew you needed sleep so I didn't wake you up." Beam told Forth apologetically. Forth remained silent but his arms around him tightened even more. Beam felt a slight discomfort of pain from it.
"As you can see. I'm still here. I even cooked breakfast." Beam tried to cheer him up. He kissed Forth on the cheek.
Beam can tell and he can feel it within his bones that Forth was afraid. It wasn't just a short term panic, Forth was deeply scared at the thought that he might have left him.
He knew Forth wouldn't let go of him easily. He cupped his face and looked at him in the eyes.
"Hey.. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to leave you. Okay?" Beam said softly.
Forth nodded. He was biting his lips that pursed into a pout. He had tears at the edge of his eyes. He looked like a kid that was about to cry.
"I made blueberry pancakes. And I cooked bacon too. You still like bacon right?" Beam smiled at Forth when he answered with another slow nod.
"Are you going to let go now so we could eat?" Beam asked.
Forth slowly shakes his head in refusal that made Beam chuckle.
"Then how are we going to eat breakfast?" Beam asked playfully.
Forth looked around the dining room trying to find some answer. He didn't really want to let Beam go. Having him around his arms make all the bad thoughts go away.
"Forth I'm not going to run if you let go. You know that right?"
Forth looked at Beam with reluctance in his eyes.
"Okay. What if I hold your hand while we have breakfast? Deal?"
It was Beam's last attempt to convince Forth. And it seemed that he was assured of the offer.
And so they did hold hands while eating breakfast. It made the whole thing difficult with just one hand but Forth was assured and that's what's important.
Beam spent the morning with Forth tugging at the hem of his shirt wherever he went. Forth wouldn't let him out of his sight. Beam could only think of tomorrow's situation when he needs to leave and go to work.
Beam sat on the couch while Forth had his head resting on his lap. Forth would kiss Beam's thigh and Beam would play with his hair. Forth liked it. He liked it very much. He was smiling while watching the movie in front of them, it was The Grudge.
When afternoon came and Beam needed to take a shower, it proved to be another difficulty.
"Forth, I'm only taking a shower, baby. It won't even take long. An hour at most." Beam sighed.
"Then let me go with you." Forth insisted.
Beam chuckled, he was both frustrated and amused at Forth. He hugged Forth and kisses his lips, too quick to even get a response. Beam rubs Forth's waist.
"I know you're scared. But I told you I'm not going anywhere. I am not leaving you. I'm staying right here. I'll go wherever you go. I'll always be this close." Beam's lips was a breath away from Forth's. Any movement will surely led to a kiss. And Beam moved closer.
At the first touch of Beam's lips, Forth closed his eyes. He savors the only lips he ever wanted to taste. On instinct his lips captured Beam's and he took control of the kiss. He was rough against Beam's gentleness, a match that was meant to be. Forth didn't stop there, he couldn't even if he wanted to. He was kissing Beam harder, deeper, with an urgent need he never knew before. His hands clutching Beam from behind, pinning him closer.
Beam felt the rush of helplessness, the sinking yielding, the surge of electricity that left him whimpering for more. His moans - unheard, swallowed by Forth.
The heat died down followed by smack of kisses. Beam's face was flushed. Forth was out of breath. He had a smile across his face. Beam snickered at him and the two laughed together.
"Will you let me shower now?" Beam asked.
"Now I want to go even more inside the shower with you." Forth answered with a snicker. Beam jokingly punched his chest.
Beam was glad he was back to his old self. And all it took was a kiss. He knew Forth will probably take advantage of it, intentionally or unintentionally.
"Go on. I'll finish the movie." Forth said. Beam sighed in relief as he enters the bathroom. Forth stood in place until the door closed.
There was giddiness in his chest like a light tickling of a feather. Beam couldn't stop smiling. The entire time he was cleansing himself with shower gel and shampoo, his smile was the only thing that he failed to wipe away.
Beam finished his bath. He wore a new set of clothes that was already prepared inside his room. The small gesture made him feel even more giddy that he was almost ashamed to even feel it. Beam was drying his hair off with a towel, descending from the stairs when he heard Forth's voice, arguing with someone.
He heard a loud thud and Beam skipped walk to reach the living area to check on Forth. There he saw him gripping his own hair. Head down and he had his phone in his ear. His shoulders tensed as he sat on the couch.
"I don't fvcking care!" He yelled to whoever was on the other line. His voice was filled with fury that wasn't there before.
He stood up and kicked the couch he was sitting on.
"Fix it or I will kill you-"
Forth stopped when he saw Beam. He ended the call and threw his phone on the cushion.
"Fvck!" He wipes his face with his palm. The frustration was too much. Having Beam seeing him this way fueled his rage even more. Forth could feel the infuriating anger building up quickly inside him.
"Forth? Is.. e-everything okay?" Beam felt a chill down his spine. He swallowed hard.
Forth had both his hands on his waist. His eyebrows almost meeting one another.His chest was heaving.
Forth shakes his head.
"Get away Beam. Go outside." Forth requested firmly as he points towards the door.
Beam walked slowly towards him.
"BEAM! GET THE FVCK OUT!" Forth screamed at Beam before he even got a chance to get close to him. Veins could be seen from his neck. His face was red.
Beam winced and immediately stopped. He couldn't feel his legs. The scream had frozen him where he stood.
Forth turned his back from him.
"Please.." Forth asked softly in pain.
Beam nodded and with little of his energy left, he walked out towards the garden. He knew Forth didn't mean to yell at him or to push him away but Beam just couldn't help but feel hurt and scared just the same.