Iris~~
We cram into Basile's car to get back to Andrew's. Once there, Jonas and I each take showers before I give him the tour of the house. I end where we'll be sleeping—the training room.
"Andrew and Basile get the bed," I explain. "Erik the couch, and then we get the padded floor."
"Cozy."
"You'd be amazed what a few pillows and blankets can do."
He places his hands on my shoulders and digs his fingers into my muscles. I lean my head back and close my eyes.
"Remind me to return the favor when you wake up tomorrow with a stiff neck."
He places a kiss on the tip of my ear. "Gladly."
After a few minutes of his massage, I turn around to face him. "Sleeping on the floor isn't going to be a problem for the Preeminence?"
"I have slept on the floor of a cell."
For a moment all I see is him chained to the cell wall in the rebel's base, his arm covered in blood from his marred Mark, the cuff still around his wrist that he used to mutilate the Mark.
My face must give away what I'm thinking because he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against him.
I inhale, my breath shaky.
I want to ask him about the outcome of his trip, but I'm too afraid to hear that the Order said no. Wouldn't he have already told me if they had said yes?
"Jonas, Iris." Colton leans through the doorway, one hand wrapped around the frame. "Erik wants a meeting before we go to sleep."
We follow him up to the first floor of the bunker where Andrew, Basile, Vienna, and Erik already wait. Andrew glances up at us when we enter but quickly looks away. At least the posters of our faces are no longer up.
"We need a game plan," Erik says. "We'll need people to keep watch, and we need to figure out a strategy for dealing with an ambush."
Vienna rests her arms on the table. "Maybe we need a leader. Heaven knows we can hardly agree. We need a deciding voice."
"That would of course be Jonas," Colton says, and Andrew crosses his arms.
"This is my house."
"Jonas has experience leading an entire country. Sorry, cousin, but I think your resume is a little bare."
Jonas places his hand on my lower back and nudges me closer to the table. "Iris should be in charge."
"What?" I whirl toward him. Erik tilts his head, his face scrunched as if he's actually contemplating it. Colton nods, his expression thoughtful. "I've never led anything. If you think his qualifications are bad"— I point to Andrew—"you should see mine."
"Iris," Colton says, "you've seen more of Odette than we have. The majority of us get along with you somewhat better than with each other. You helped us rescue Jonas. And I think you took down more Amoris tonight than anyone else."
I can't be in charge. I can't. If I am, that means it's my responsibility to get Bently back, and if I don't, then it will always be my fault he was lost.
"We get along? I knocked Andrew to the ground the first day we met. None of you even listen to me."
"We're more likely to listen to you than each other," Erik says. "Jonas and Andrew certainly won't listen to each other."
I rest my elbows on the table and bury my head in my hands. "What if I don't want this responsibility?"
Andrew leans against the wall and crosses his ankles and arms. "Are you scared you'll get yourself killed?"
Goosebumps run up my arms.
"Is that how you didn't die?" he continues, and I look up, only to find he's not looking at me but at Jonas.
Jonas places his hands on my waist. "No."
"Then how is she—"
"If you lay a finger on me"—I stand up straight—"I'll make you wish it were your Expiration Date. Right now we need to decide who will be taking first and second watch."
Andrew presses his mouth into a thin line but nods, and Colton volunteers to go first and Basile second. Just like that, I become their leader.
We go our separate ways, Jonas and I returning to the training room downstairs. I grab pillows and blankets from the closet—I have no idea why Andrew has pillows and blankets kept down here, but I'm not complaining—and set half of them aside for Vienna and Colton. I toss our pillows to Jonas to arrange while I carry the blankets over.
A leader. Is that really what I am?
Jonas has one pillow on the ground, the other still in his hands. "I wasn't sure where you wanted me to sleep."
"Oh." I shift my hold on the blankets as they start to fall. We've never actually slept next to each other before. The Society wouldn't approve.
I drop the blankets in front of the pillow. "I'm not sleeping more than an arm's length away from you while you're under the same roof as your murder-happy cousin."
He cracks a smile. "Which one?"
I set to spreading out the blankets, and Jonas sinks down to the ground and places his pillow beside mine.
I flip off the lights and mange to find my way back without tripping over him.
The AC hums as I pull one of the blankets over me.
"Iris?"
"Yes?"
"I think I should warn you that—"
I'm not ready to hear it.
"I snore," we both say.
I feel a smile spreading across my face as my shoulders relax. I'm a coward for not getting it over with and asking him if we're still engaged. Sure, he called me his fiancée in front of Odette, but was that really the place to have a conversation about how we're potentially not engaged anymore?
Jonas wraps his arm around my back and pulls me against him. I breathe him in while he places a kiss on my forehead. He smells like Andrew's bath soap we've all been using, which I hope doesn't run out any time soon, not with all of us using it and not being able to easily stop by the store to get more.
He places his hand on the side of my face. "What's this about knocking Andrew to the ground?" He pulls his hand away, leaving only one finger touching my face. He traces it over my eyes and down between them and over the arch of my nose.
I'm not going to tell him that Andrew was using his face as a target. "He was being rude, and I kind of forced him on the floor and held him down with my foot.
He laughs, and I feel it rumble through his body. He runs his finger over my lips. "Remind me to stay on your good side." His lips brush against mine. I twist my hands into his shirt to pull myself closer in order to press my lips fully against his.
It doesn't matter where we are in the world because the moment we're together like this— me in his arms, my mouth on his— I'm home. For me home has often been an abstract concept. It was never a place. Never a person. Until Jonas. Home is where he is. The Estate is home because of him.
His hand tangles in my hair. "I missed you," he breathes out. He presses his lips against my chin and then under my jaw, causing me to arch my neck.
We may not be married yet, but he is family. Colton and Bently and Gwen and Jonas's mother—they're my family. Even Seong-ho is now.
Jonas kisses down my neck and stops. I feel his lips hovering over my skin before he pulls away. "You said Vienna's sleeping down here tonight, right?"
"Yes?"
"Where is she?"
I rub my hands up and down his chest, his cotton shirt bunching up underneath my palms. "I'm guessing with your brother."
He brings his hand to rest on my shoulder. "Are they . . ."
"No. They're not together. They can't be, right?"
"As much as I want my brother to be happy, they can't." Does that mean the head Order on Amoria said yes?
I lean my head against his chest, and he rolls over onto his back. I turn so my cheek rests on him, his heart beating against my ear. I place my palm over him, just below my head.
I need to know the outcome of his trip. If they refused his request, we have to figure out what we're going to do. I'm absolutely terrified to give this moment up because if my worst fears are confirmed, he won't be mine anymore. In my mind and heart, I'll have lost him. Here in the dark, lying against him, hearing his heart, I can believe that his heart will always be mine.
But I have to be brave now.
"Did it not go well? Your trip."
He rests his hand on my back, using his fingers to play with the tips of my hair. "They said yes, Iris."
Relief rushes through me, and I feel myself relax into him, against the man who's going to be my husband.
"Colton's future son will be Preeminence," he says.
Closing my eyes, I focus on his heart, and not what that implies for Colton's and Vienna's futures.
"We have to remember that he agreed to it. That he asked me to send Vienna away."
"You don't have to hide how you feel. Not from me."
His fingers brush the nape of my neck and his chest heaves. "I hate that my happiness is at the costs of my brother's."
I move my thumb in circles against his shirt. "Let's say his son didn't need to be Preeminence. Is there any way they could be together then?"
"If my brother came to me and asked me to pardon Vienna so he could marry her, I would. I was willing to after all she did to help me."
"What about Gwen?"
"She'll most likely marry an Amoris, but convincing Amoria to let her be my Tresais was difficult. They would never agree to this."
"But back then it was because they didn't believe she'd be able to do the job, which they have to now see that she absolutely can. Would they try to argue that her child would be less Amorian than yours?"
He sighs. "I agree with you, but on Amoria, their traditions are their culture, their heritage. I don't want to risk you while trying to achieve something for a brother who has gone behind my back too many times. I know that's selfish, but I just can't."
It's a few minutes before either of us speak.
"We should sleep," I say.
"I'm not sure I'll be able to fall asleep while we're under the same roof as Andrew. Especially with him knowing you're Expired. Go ahead and sleep, though, really."
"If you change your mind, wake me. I'll keep watch."
He kisses the top of my head. "Will do . . . You know I love you?"
I rub my head against him in a nod. "I love you more," I say and close my eyes.
Listening to the beat of his heart, I feel myself start to drift off.
For anyone who participated in Halloween, what did you dress up as? I dressed up as Minnie Mouse and passed out candy.