[ dedicated to @allly_khan , thank you for requesting for me to write the next few chapters, loads of love! ]
Episode 34: The First Year
1 month after leaving...
I sat by Angie as she did her Math homework. I was back in Italy, where my aunt lived. It's been a dreadful one month away from Gabriel. A small part of me wished I never left him, but I needed time - time to figure my life out again.
I had to think about Angie's future, whether I even deserve someone like Gabriel, someone so special and dramatic, yet absolutely beautiful inside out.
I wonder what he's doing at this instant. Maybe painting or arguing with Kai.
" Daddy, you know I saw Uncle Gabriel had marks on his wrists."
" I know, Princess, I saw them too." I pull hair into a loose ponytail while she tries to get a grip on her pencil.
" I told him that he's an angel!" She casts me a dimpled smile.
" He sure is, Princess. I would never deny that." She pauses, rubbing her nose in thought.
" But he denies it." My eyes soften at her words, it scares me how fast Angie is able to catch on.
" You know, Princess...some people don't realise how special they are, they don't see what other see in them. Gabriel tends to forget how amazing he is, that's why you and I have to remind him constantly." I carry her on my shoulders as we head out to the porch.
" Let's go now then! We have to tell him or else he'll forget." She squeals excitedly while my heart drops. I feel my eyes water a little.
" Not today, princess but...soon." I kiss her forehead before hollering out, "Aunt Lina, could you stay with Angie for a while - I need to handle something." My aunt heads out to the porch and I walk into the bathroom.
Angie can't see me in the messed up state I am, not now, not ever. I had to be strong and figure my priorities.
Closing the door behind me, I lean against it. I feel my eyes well up with tears. Fucking hell, I miss Gabriel. Clenching my jaw, I close my eyes briefly.
I can see him everywhere - in every face in the crowd, each night that I close my eyes. If the accident never happened, I would be holding him in my arms now, feeling his lips against mine, feeling his warmth consume me.
I miss him so badly.
I was a mess ever since my memory had hit me. I couldn't breathe when standing in a crowd, I couldn't hold the handles of my motorbike without having flashes of that fateful day. I bite down on m bottom lip, hot tears running down my cheeks.
Why am I crying?
Get a grip Alexander, you can't be weak.
My heart races, I'm having trouble controlling my emotions. I'm a complete wreck, I knew it well.
Breathe, breathe, breath-
A soft knock on the the bathroom door startles me. Wiping my tears away, I plaster a smile on my face.
Opening the door, I see Aunt Lina standing with Angie in her arms. Aunt Lina's lips are drawn into a sad line, she could see through my facade.
"Alexander, you can't go on like this. This isn't the first time. You have to talk to someone." Aunt Lina brings Angie to her feet, encouraging her to head to the kitchen.
Aunt Lina continues, " Recovery takes time, but you need people to support you as you go through it. Remember, Angie still needs a strong father." I nod my head, keeping my eyes zeroed on the ground. The instant Aunt Lina left, I glance back to the mirror.
Once more, I saw his face - his lagoon coloured eyes, chocolate coloured hair, his dimpled smile, the forest specks that swirl within his eyes that drown me each time.
Picking up my phone, I decided to call Kai.
I would have called Blake but after hearing that he was busy planning his proposal to his girlfriend, I didn't want to burden him. Calling Kai would be the closest I'll ever go to Gabriel, till I'm ready at least.
" Hey man, how are you?" Kai's voice rings through.
" Not very good, if you wanna hear the truth." I hear him shut the door upon my words.
" What's going on? Is it about...you and Gabriel?" His voice was gentle, concern laced within.
" I'm a wreck Kai, I have no control and no clue what to do. I can't just jump back to loving Gab, I'm trying figure where he lies in my life in the first place. But yet, I yearn to just hold him and never let go. Am...I going insane Kai? I need help." I rattle away, hearing Kai sigh lightly.
" If anything, I'm the most insane here. Look Alex, this is life and it is what it is. Shit is gonna happen and it's gonna get complicated. Gabriel and you will have times where you'll need time-outs, times when you'll lose your shit and ask everyone to get out of your life, and the very next moment beg someone to stay. Some days, you'll feel everything at once. And on others, you'll feel nothing at all. Both of you will be in bad and amazing spaces of time. Sometimes, you'll be crying and hurting, and sometimes you'll be thanking the world for meeting him. You'll have moments where you know exactly what you want. However, there will be times when you legit have no fucking clue and you're confused. Life isn't a movie, and I think sometimes we forget that." His voice grows soft.
I couldn't breathe a word. He just encompassed everything I felt.
" You're not insane, Alexander. Trust me, Gabriel is equally a mess as you are, that's why you guys are perfect for each other." Kai adds on, I could feel the smile in his voice.
I swallowed hard, holding myself up.
" Thank you, Kai...how is Gabriel? Did he get his end-of-year artwork done?" The simple thought of him cracks a smile on my lips.
Kai chuckles, " He locked himself up for a week to finally complete his artwork. It's a true masterpiece compared to the first one where he drew Jesus."
" What did he draw?"
" You might wanna see it yourself, it could be your motivation to get better soon so you can meet him." Kai slyly encourages.
Taking a deep breath, I agreed.
" I'll come soon, take care of him for me Kai."
" You can count on me, Alex."
Just give me more time, Gabriel, to be ready for you.
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|| Hey loves ||
Thank you for supporting my book so far, the next three chapters will give you a deeper insight on what goes on in Alexander and Gabriel's minds as they are apart, I hope you enjoy it either way. Love y'all so much!
Celine