It was as if everything just stopped and Harry had difficulty breathing. He woke up and immediately it felt as if something wasn't as it should. He sat up in bed and looked around the room. The fire was gone and there was only hot coals left. It was midnight and the room felt cramped, somehow. It was quiet on the street outside the house, and the only thing he heard was the sound from the burning coal. He was about to lie down again, when he noticed something. Up from nothing it did showed up one person at the end of the bed. Yes, just exactly as mysterious as Zayn had done it, the same thing happen again.
"Who's there?"
Still, deep inside him he knew the answer to that question.
"I am the ghost of the past."
Harry was losing his breath. He saw who it was, but that person wasn't dead yet.
"Louis?" he got up quickly. "Louis Tomlinson?"
The ghost smiled and seemed to be entertained.
"No, I'm not Louis." he answered sweetly. "I just don't want to scare you and it's easier to look like a person you recognize. If you had seen my true self, you wouldn't stayed in this room for long."
Harry sensed that there was no room left to discuss that matter. There were more questions to ask.
"So you're from what has been?"
Louis (the ghost) nodded, and he was calm. Yes, it was as if he was sliding across the floor without moving a single body part.
"Yes, I'll show you what has been. I'll show you where it started, where you was formed into that evil person you are today."
Harry frowned.
"I'm not evil!"
Louis laughed a little and he cocked his head.
"Maybe not, but selfish and a little evil."
Harry snorted and he stood up on the floor. Okay, Louis would show him the past? He peered around the room.
"So we'll go to the movies or will you show me all that on a television?"
Again Louis laughed and this time he seemed to laugh at a joke, but Harry wasn't joking or wanted to have that result. In the end, Louis seemed to stop being stupid and he wiped away the tears from laughter with his hand.
"That easy, you won't get away dear Harry." he smiled big. "No, I have other plans, and it's you who will come with me."
It was as if the light took over. Harry fell through time and space. It was as if the body had no weight and he spun around as if he was in a tornado. He couldn't stop it and he couldn't prevent it. The feeling deep inside told him that he should scream, but there was no room for that. He fell and he felt his stomach twisted because of the speed. Somewhere in all this was Louis, but Harry only saw small glimpses of the ghost. The sound was a lot of wind around him, even the wind was in his ears, but eventually that was over and he landed on a green lawn. Yes he did, but it didn't hurt. It was as if he had just landed there, with no explanation over how or why. He felt the grass on his stomach and using his hands, he could slowly sit up. Yes, it was real, it was reality this time. He sat on a lawn and next to him stood Louis, as if he just had appeared just like that.
"What does this mean?"
Louis laughed at the question.
"Where the journey here to your satisfaction?"
Harry growled and stood up.
"No!" he replied cold and looked around. He found himself on a lawn behind the big house, a school. Yes, it was a school because he remembered this place. It was like taken from his memory and actually it was a good memory.
"You've been here before?" but Louis asked that like a half question. Harry suspected that the ghost already had the answer to that question.
"Yes, I've been here." he answered quickly. "It's my old school."
They began to walk toward the school. Harry immediately felt a tingling in his stomach. Maybe he was going to meet his old classmates, or join one of those fun math lesson? The school had been the only place where Harry really felt like home. He had loved the old books, to look for information and to look forward to more. Actually, he was good at school and the teachers used to praise him more than they praised the other students. This was where Harry learned to trust his own gut feeling and to do everything on his own way, as he always did the right thing.
"Oh so many happy memories!" exclaimed Harry when they walked through the school doors. Yes, the hall was exactly as Harry remembered it. Gray, long and filled with wisdom. His eyes shone as they walked to a new door and went inside. It was his old classroom, and he was surprised when he saw himself sitting at the front of the classroom. Yes, it was Harry, but the younger edition of Harry.
"There I am, it's me!" he exclaimed and smiled at Louis. "I remember all this like it was yesterday. The school was like my second home."
Louis just smiled in response. Harry watched as he raised his hand and answered a question. Behind him sat the real young Louis, next to him was Liam and Harry sat beside Niall. Yes, it was they who were the gang, the four musketeers.
"Hi I'm you!"
Harry walked over to himself, but was surprised over the fact that no one responded. He even patted himself on his shoulder to catch his attention. Louis was quick.
"Harry, this is just a memory. No one can see us and we can't change anything."
Harry swallowed and frowned.
"But what's the point then?"
Louis went up to him.
"The point is to see and learn."
Harry didn't like the idea.
"Teach me what?" he asked quickly. "I was good in school and I was successful. I was the class genius."
Louis sighed a little reluctantly, and pulled him away from little Harry.
"Watch and learn."
The lesson was over, and little Harry picked up the books. He went out the door together with Niall and Harry followed them. Yes, it was like he saw a good movie about himself. It was happy memories and there was nothing to learn from, not at that time.
"So you come home with me?"
Niall asked the question and little Harry nodded happily.
"Of course I do. Are we going to practice?"
Niall nodded shyly.
"Yes, mom and dad aren't at home."
Faint memories came back. Niall? Yes, without that Louis saw it now, Niall was Harry's first love. It was back then when Harry had realized that he preferred men, or boys. Niall was the answer to all the feelings when Harry was young and actually he remembered now how it was to have feeling for someone.
"You loved him."
Louis word got Harry to nod a little bit.
"Yes, Niall was my life back at that time. I put school first, but then Niall. We were like a couple at a young age and I knew he was the only one I would ever be able to love."
They followed the young couple into Niall's childhood home. Up to the young boy's room. Harry couldn't now care about the fact that Louis followed them. This was a part from his own old memories and this was a good memory. The boys sat down on the bed and within a second they sat and kissed each other. Harry remembers that. They practiced kissing with each other, to later do it with girls. None of them dared to mention that they had feelings. No, it was a secret, and much later they would both be honest about what they felt for each other. But not at this age.
Fast forward. Harry was a little angry that they this quickly left the young couple. Yes, now they instead landed behind the school. It was a graduation at summer and Harry stood with Niall under a tree. This time they kissed passionately and they were in love for real.
"Please Harry, do you have to go?"
Now the a little older Harry nodded to Niall, hugged him tightly.
"You know that college was my goal. You just need to wait for four years and then I promise that it will be a we."
Niall let the tears flow down his cheeks and he seemed far less confident.
"Four years is a long time?"
Harry kissed him and sighed heavily.
"Honey, it's just a short time of our lives. It's over before you have time to worry about it and you can come and visit me sometimes."
Niall took his arms around Harry's neck and frowned.
"It's not the same thing?"
Harry smiled back, confident and with clear signals that he wouldn't change his mind.
"I have to do this. I'm going to start my own company after this and you'll work with me. Then we'll get a house and the life that you want with me."
The old Harry backed away a little. Yes, he remembered this. Niall wanted him to stay, but Harry had already planned everything. The plan was to first become somebody, then make money and get rich, and ultimately create a life with Niall.
"Does this hurt?"
Louis question got Harry snort.
"No!"
Louis smiled a little bit.
"Yes, it hurts Harry. This is where you changed the way in your life. You chose money before love. You made the choice to let Niall wait for you and fulfill your own dreams. You never asked him what he wanted."
Harry knew that Louis was right, but he didn't want to admit that.
"What would we do? Living on bread and water? Niall worked in a factory with a little salary, and I wanted more. I wanted to be a rich man and be recognized by that. I wanted to have education and gaining a reputation. I didn't want to stay where I grew up to be like my parents was."
Louis watched him closely. He seemed to think.
"And do you think it worked?"
Harry didn't know if he should laugh at that question.
"Yes, I made everything work."
Louis shook his head.
"But not your love life?"
Harry frowned and gave him a cold look.
"You can't have everything in life. Maybe I chose a ice cold way to walk on, but don't tell me I did wrong. What has been you can't take back."
Fast forward and Harry immediately recognized his first room. Yes, he rented a room at the college, where he learned all that a man needed to know.
"My room?" but he quickly fell silent. In the bed lay two naked boys, who had just lost their virginity, and had sex. Their bodies were sweaty but they were happy, and held each other hard in their arms. Harry blushed a little. There he was with Niall and it was here he had made love for the first time in his life.
"I love you so much."
Niall's words made Harry, the young one, kiss him.
"I know Niall, but your feelings doesn't help. We can fuck the whole week, but I'm still studying for another year."
Niall sighed and rubbed his body a little against Harry's naked body.
"Do you have to? You promised me four years, not five years? And what happens if you choose another year after that?"
Harry sighed and slipped quickly away from Nialls arms. He stood up naked on the floor and shook his head.
"Niall, don't do this to me. You know this is important and I can't stop until I'm done, until I know that I have enough knowledge to start a business."
Niall didn't like the answer, but he held back the questions. Instead, he sat up and nodded a little bit.
"Okay, I'll wait for another year then, but if you're not ready after that, then I leave you and go on with my life without you."
Harry rolled his eyes and threw up his arms in protest in the air.
"Come on. You're so dramatic. You know that the society really is tough today and it's not easy to have a dream."
Niall nodded cold.
"I agree completely." he said quickly with irony in his voice. "It's not easy to hold on to a dream, while the other half of my dream refuses to follow me."
Harry backed off a little. Yes, he remembered. This was the last time they met as a couple. After this day, did Niall pulled away from him and refused to meet Harry. Actually, Harry had wanted an answers to why that happen, but at the same time did this answer the question.
"He didn't want to wait any longer." he heard Louis say and their eyes met. Harry wasn't aware that the tears began to come.
"I know." he replied quietly. "Niall refused after this day to even talk about a we, about us."
Louis nodded.
"When you hired Niall, you did that to somehow replace what you never gave him."
Harry sighed.
"Well, I don't know. Niall needed money and he had no job. I wanted to be a little nice to him."
Louis laughed.
"By giving him a salary as didn't even give him a full life?"
Harry frowned and looked coldly at the ghost.
"He should be grateful that I'll help him."
Louis laughed and shook his head.
"You don't understand." he said then cold. "You utilize Niall because you think you're doing right thing, but the truth is something else."
Harry snorted.
"Prove me then, that I take advantage of him." he looked over at the ghost again. "I mean, that's why you pulled me inside my memories? You'll teach me something?"
Fast forward again, but this time wasn't Harry sure about if he wanted to see more. No, he sensed what the ghost could show him, and those was not a lot of good memories. They landed, to Harry's surprise, right inside a strange house. Yes, you saw that it was a poor home, but somehow still cozy.
"Where are we?"
Louis smiled and pointed to the door. At that moment, Niall came inside, yes, he came running in with a happy face.
"Mom, Mom, I've got a job."
From the bedroom there was heard a sound and right as it was an old woman came into the room, with the walker and a bad body.
"What are you saying, my son?"
Niall laughed and threw himself into her arms.
"You'll see that it will be all right now. I've got a full time job."
She smiled wide and responded the hug.
'Where?'
Niall dropped her and hesitated a little.
"Promise not to get angry, Mom."
She nodded.
"I promise."
Niall backed away from her and took his hand through his own hair in embarrassment.
"Mr Styles hired me. It's a pretty small salary, but it's a job."
The woman sat down and she seemed anything but happy.
"You mean Harry?"
Niall nodded silently.
"Yes mom, but it's not what you think. I just happened to meet him, and one thing led to another. It's after all a good job?"
She still showed that she didn't like it.
"And why did you choose him of all in this city?"
Niall smiled a little bit and he sat down on another chair.
"Because there are no jobs to get." he answered quickly. "And Harry was kind enough to hire me, even the fact that he don't need to have staff in the office."
The woman sighed and shook a little bit on her head.
"Niall, you should stay away from him. He's only going to hurt you again and you know how bad it was last time?"
Niall waved his hand in the air and shook his head.
"He's not even on the edge of wanting me, mom, and he only cares about the job. I know the difference between a job and feelings. I can handle it and I promise you I'll stick to my edge."
"And the salary?"
Niall looked down on the floor and he hesitated.
"It's not much."
She frowned.
"How much?"
Niall looked up at her.
"I can pay the rent, the electricity and some more."
Direct the woman threw out her arms in the air and gave out a dissatisfied sound.
"Back to square one again, then?"
Niall took a deep breath.
"No, Mom, we're not back to square one. I sell our candy when I'm not working with Harry and in this way we will get food."
She shook her head and then looked affectionately over at her son. Yes, there were eyes filled with tenderness and warmth, which Harry had never received from his own mom.
"Niall, I love you." she whispered hoarsely. "I know we've had a hard time after your father left us, and I'm always sick now days, but I promise to help you when I'll get healthy."
Niall smiled at her.
"It's okay, mom. We have each other and that's all we need. I promise you, it will get better."
She nodded a little bit and gave off a cough.
"Yes, maybe this can be good, after all, that wicked Harry gave you something? But promise me you wont do more than help him with the business."
Niall nodded and smiled big.
"I promise mom. I promise to hide what I feel for him and I'll take care of me, so that I may remain there with the pay and everything."
Harry hesitated, and he looked up at Louis.
"Does he still have feelings for me?"
Louis nodded a little bit.
"Yes Harry. Niall has always loved you and he never found someone other to love after you. You destroyed his heart, and he don't any longer to dare to believe in love."
Harry refused to believe that it was due to Harrys influence. He swallowed.
"And he sells sweets?"
Louis looked straight at him and his face spoke its clear language.
"They have to eat, too." was the answer. "Niall gets money from the candy so that they can eat and sometimes get new clothes."
Harry felt a certain guilt, but he chose to hide it from the ghost.
"And his father?"
Louis seemed to expected questions. He was ready to answer them.
"Nialls dad found a new family when Nialls mom became ill. After that it was up to Niall to take care of her and he does it out of love."
Harry was a little ashamed. Niall had a small salary, and he wasn't paid for the work he performed. Perhaps Niall therefore should get more in salary, but that meant less income. Harry knew he could think about it, later.
"Aren't you ashamed that your only employees live in this way?"
Harry chose to shield away the emotions.
"It's his own choice. He could have said no when I offered him the job."
Louis snorted.
"Harry, you're blind. He said yes to get close to you. He loves you and he wants you to be happy. You don't see how he daily trying to make your day better, by making his own day worse."
Harry frowned and folded his arms against his chest.
"He's a grown up man." he replied cold, but somewhere deep inside him a feeling began to grow, a feeling as understood and wanted to make Niall happy back. "He's old enough to take his own responsibility."
Louis sighed.
"You have always chosen an easy path Harry. It's as if you don't see that you have more choices than you think."
Harry slid into a chair, standing behind him.
"My life isn't easy."
Louis snorted.
"No?" he hissed cold. "You walked away from Niall and created a business contact with Zayn, just because you thought that really would relieve your feelings?"
Harry didn't know what to say. It was true, what the ghost said to him. Zayn became the new target for attention, but just as business partner, nothing more.
"He had good ideas." Harry got up quietly and looked up at Louis. "You really know everything about me, so then tell me you understand. I left Niall behind and instead I focused everything on business and to developed myself forward?"
Louis agreed.
"But you paid dearly. You were emotionless and you lost all morality." Louis then looked down at Harry and this time it was as if he totally lost hid confidence in Harry. It was as if the ghost lost the desire to even try to change anything. "You don't listen at all and I'm sure the next ghost will make you appreciate what we do for you."
Harry responded by becoming uncertain over that. Was this over? No more memories? He peered up at Louis and hesitated.
"Is it over?"
Louis smiled.
"No, not for you, but for me."
Harry didn't had time to protest, just as quickly as that thought appeared, the thought about that he wanted to see more, it started to spun around just around him and everything went black. Unlike when he traveled to the memories, it was easier to get home. He felt how he landed softly and when he opened his eyes, he was at home, in bed again.
When Harry had understood that he was back, in what was his present life, it felt a bit empty. Yes, it was as if the darkness around him was darker, as if the loneliness was bigger against before. He pulled his hands through his hair and sat up. Partly it was as if all that had been a dream, but at the same time, everything had been so real.
"Humbug!"
But this time it didn't sounded unconvincing. No, it was as if he couldn't explain something about what he had experienced this night, with that word. It was as if his head and his mentally realized that it couldn't just be explained with such a word, not now, after this.
"Okay maybe that really happened." he muttered to himself. Slowly he lay down again and pulled the blanket over his body. Maybe all that was a dream, but he couldn't explain why it had been so real, as if he had been there. Maybe now it would appear more ghosts? Maybe not? He decided to try to sleep, and he told himself that he had to consider the issue when it was morning again. Not now when it was night, not after this....