Vanessa listened as Dead and Euronymous screamed at each other once again. Their fights had become constant and they couldn't stand to be around each other even during practice for a show. The stress of it all had begun to finally catch up with Dead and was worrying Vanessa greatly. He had completely stopped talking to her, shutting her out completely. His walks through the woods lasted longer than usual and more and more cuts were appearing on his arms and legs despite his promise not to.
Their show was coming up in just a few days and Euronymous had begun accusing Dead of not working hard enough and not taking the band seriously anymore since she had shown up. Euronymous had become more hostile since he and his former girlfriend split up and Dead was getting tired of being the target of it all. The past week had been a complete mess with all of the fighting they were doing. The only positive was that Vanessa had finally gotten a small part-time job at the grocery store in town around where she and Dead first met. She had kept her end of the deal and always brought home fresh groceries for the house when she got off work, yet Euronymous still continued to complain about her being there.
Finally, the yelling stopped and the sound of stomping could be heard just before the front door slammed shut. She held her breath, letting out a sigh of relief when she heard the sound of the car engine. It was only Euronymous. She waited for the sound of Dead's boots to come up the stairs like they almost always did after a fight, waited for him to push open the door and begin his rants about whatever the fight was about this time. After what felt like hours, she heard the familiar sound of his boots coming up the stairs. The door opened and was quickly slammed shut once again as the blond vocalist entered the room, his eyes dark with anger.
"What happened?" she began to question.
He remained silent as if ignoring her question.
"Pelle?" she pressed further. "Talk to me, please. What started it this time?"
His brow furrowed even harder into a menacing scowl. "It's Dead."
Vanessa could feel her heart beginning to sink to her stomach.
"Alright, Dead , what happened?" she managed to say.
Dead scoffed. "Apparently I don't spend as much time with Euronymous anymore because of you. He said I've gone soft and that it isn't good for the band. That if things don't change I'll have to pick between you or the band."
Her mouth fell open, heart sinking to the pit of her stomach. "Pelle..."
"I said my name is Dead!" he hollard.
Vanessa jumped, her back now pressed against the wall. He had never once raised his voice to her.
Reaching out she took hold of his hand. "Pelle, I'm just trying to see what you're thinking. Just let me in and talk to me; let me know what's going on inside your head."
"Don't ever try and get inside my head," he snarled as he slammed her against the wall.
Her eyes widened in fear as she struggled against his grip to get her wrists free. For several moments they stayed there, tears falling from her eyes onto the floor beneath them. Finally, his eyes softened as he realized what he was doing. Falling to his knees he began to sob, holding onto her pants leg as he did.
"I'm so sorry," he cried. "Please forgive me, Ness. I would never do anything to hurt you. I'm angry at him but I could never be angry with you."
Vanessa shook her head and glared at the door, angry that Euronymous was stressing him out so badly. Moving down to her knees, she wrapped her arms lovingly around the blond man's shoulders and pulled him close to her, running her fingers through his hair as she tried to calm him down.
"It's alright, baby," she cooed. "You have nothing to be sorry for. This fighting has gotten out of hand and the only person to blame is Euronymous."
Dead shook his head. "I promised I'd never hurt you. I swore the only thing I would do is protect you, now look at what I've done! I wouldn't blame you for leaving me."
"Pelle, enough talking nonsense," she smiled. "I could never leave you after everything we've been through. You're too important to me."
Putting a hand on her cheek, Dead pulled her into a soft kiss. "I love you," he whispered.
Vanessa paused. Very rarely did Dead ever cry, but he had never once used that word with her; or anyone else for that matter. He had other ways of showing her that he loved her, and that had always been more than she could have ever asked for, but hearing him finally say it had her heart racing.
"I love you too, Pelle," she said.
"Screw it," he snapped. "Euronymous and Mayhem can kiss my ass. I'm not about to throw away the only happiness I've had in a long time. I'll find a new band if I have to or just go to art school like my father has been trying to get me to do."
Vanessa shook her head. "You love Mayhem though. You guys need to have a meeting about this whole thing and get it sorted out. Euronymous may have had the idea to start the band but there's no way the other's would let him get rid of the best vocalist they'll ever have. Go and call Hellhammer and Necro and explain to them what's going on."
Dead nodded reluctantly. "You're right. I'll go call them now and see when they can come over. I want you to be there with us. Necro and Hellhammer love you and they wouldn't let Euronymous say anything to you."
"Alright, Pelle."
Pulling her into his chest, Dead placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. "I'm sorry I got angry at you. I shouldn't have snapped like that. Please forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive," she replied. "I completely understand why you were so upset. Euronymous needs to get over himself and stop picking fights with you every damn day."
Placing a quick kiss on her lips, Dead headed over to the phone that sat on his desk. The call lasted around five minutes between both Necro and Hellhammer, but both of them seemed to agree that Euronymous's attitude had gotten out of hand. The two arranged to be at the house in the morning. Dead was relieved that they weren't coming today. He wasn't sure if he could handle Euronymous right now. Vanessa stood behind him, her hands running up his bare back as she began to rub his shoulders. Sinking into the chair, Dead let out a soft groan as her fingers worked away the knots in his shoulders and back. Vanessa couldn't help but blush at the sounds he made as she continued to massage the Swede.
Reaching behind him, Dead took hold of one of her hands, bringing each finger to his lips and giving each one a light kiss. Moving to the side to face him, Vanessa ran her hand down his cheek to his chin holding him gently in her hand. He looked up at her with a deep longing, one he didn't know how to act on. He wanted to feel her against him completely... to hear his name leave her lips as he made love to her.
What am I thinking? His mind snapped. We've only been together a week and a half.
Yet as he continued to look at her, the passage of time meant nothing to him. Even if he just held her as they both laid exposed it would be enough for him to just feel her as close as possible to him. He wasn't a fan of people, there were very few things that he could say he liked, but he had always been sure of one thing; if he were to give himself to her, he would never be the same person again. To him, it was as if he were giving his damned soul to an angel in the hopes of gaining hers as well. He wanted her to belong to him and him alone.
"Are you alright, Pelle?" she cooed as her other hand ran through his hair.
"Yes," he breathed out. His voice trembling at her touch.
Pulling her down onto his lap, the two stared at each other for a moment, waiting for one of them to make the first move as to what they should do next. His heart was pounding as each second passed between them until it had become too much to handle. He lifted his hand, putting it on the back of her neck and pulling her into a slow, deep kiss. Vanessa could feel the difference in the way he kissed her. He wasn't afraid, shy, or anything like that. For once, he seemed confident in his actions. He took the lead, his lips in sync with hers as the kiss deepened, dragging his tongue across the bottom of her lip before pushing through the space and invading her mouth with his tongue.
Trying to hide her surprise, Vanessa did her best to match his excitement as her own grew stronger. Her fingers found their way into his hair, tangling themselves in the long blond locks as he picked her up and moved to the mattress, his lips never leaving hers for a moment.
"Pelle," she moaned as he kissed down to her neck.
Dead felt the heat rise to his face as his name left her; he wanted to hear it again. Biting down against her neck, Vanessa cried out once again.
"Pelle, are you sure about this?" her words so quiet he hardly heard her.
Kissing her softly once again, he answered. "I want to be happy with you. I want you to be happy with me more importantly. I... I want to show you that I'm yours completely ...to give you every part of me."
Vanessa stroked his cheek softly. "Pelle, you don't need to rush into anything like that before you're ready. It's okay if you want to wait to do that, it doesn't mean I love you any less or that you love me any less. Okay?"
Dead felt a moment of relief. It wasn't as if he wasn't ready to take the next step with her, but somehow, the fact that she would wait until he was ready to do it made him feel...important. Sure he would be asked his opinion on things when it came to matters of the band, but Euronymous always had the last word when it came to all that so it wasn't something he even bothered with anymore. If he was being completely honest, it only made him more sure of what he was doing.
Struggling to find his voice again, he nuzzled into her neck. "Would it be alright if...if we...um, cuddled with...without clothes?"
You're an idiot, the voice rang out. Of all the things to come up with you had to go with that? Maybe Euronymous is right. You're weak. Pathetic...
"Of course we can, Pelle," she smiled as she kissed his nose.
Forcing himself to return the smile, he was silently thanking her for stopping his thoughts from getting any worse. Pulling him up with her, she rested her hands on his shoulders as his own found their way to her small waist. Tugging ever so slightly on the hem of her shirt, he looked to her to give him some sort of sign to continue. The heavy red color on her cheeks becoming more apparent as she nodded in approval. With a few quick motions, both of them were completely exposed to the other.
He gazed in awe as he took in the sight of her naked body for the first time. He had never done this before...had never been completely vulnerable before. For the first time in his life, his walls had come down completely. He was scared and they both knew it. Doubts raced through his mind as he watched her eyes travel across his scarred body, her slender fingers tracing over the scars and cuts he desperately tried to hide from her. He could never really wrap his mind around the fact that she truly loved and wanted to be with him; but it wasn't something he was about to question or argue with.
"Pelle," she whispered, lips parted slightly as her vibrant green eyes locked with his pale blue ones. She ran her fingers through his long blond hair taking care not to undo the small braid she had put in his hair that he so carefully protected now.
Moving his hand up to caress her cheek, he ran his thumb over the lush, full lips he longed to kiss for the rest of his mortal life. Dead leaned in slowly, causing her to shudder at the feel of his warm breath against her skin as their noses brushed together just before he pressed his lips against her in a delicate, yet passionate kiss. Much to her dismay, he pulled away all too quickly and began to leave a trail of kisses across her neck and shoulders. The warmth of his breath against her driving her over the edge as her body pressed against his trying to get as close to her lover as she possibly could.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he mumbled as he continued to kiss his way up to her ear.
"Yes," she moaned out. "I wouldn't want this with anyone but you, Pelle."
That was all he needed to hear to continue. His hand ran down her side to her thigh, gripping her a little more roughly as he began to kiss down her chest to her stomach. Instinct now taking over him. Vanessa gasped at the sudden contact, her hands automatically tangling themselves in his blond hair. Dead smirked, proud of himself for being able to make her feel this way with him. He lifted her leg over his shoulder, his lips just inches away from tasting her. He looked up, her eyes were glazed over as she watched him, her breathing now almost heavy and uneven.
He lingered for a moment and released a deep breath against her, causing her to shiver once again, before finally pressing his lips against her. Vanessa cried out at the sudden contact, her fingers pulling at Dead's hair slightly harder than before causing him to let out a deep groan. The feeling of her pulling at his hair only encouraged him to keep going, this time a little rougher and faster. Her cries rang through his ears and echoed throughout the bedroom as he inserted two of his fingers slowly inside her. It was almost painful for him to restrain from taking her then and there as he watched her grip the sheets. He wanted to hear her call out his name again...to hear her cry out just for him and only him.
Curling his fingers upwards while continuing to lick and suck on her, she cried out louder coaxing him to move his fingers faster until he could feel her about to release. Pulling his fingers out she let out a small groan of disapproval, practically begging for him to touch her once again.
"Pelle," she whimpered, her finger gripping his arms tightly.
He groaned, making his way back up to kiss her lips more roughly this time. The sound of her calling out his name was almost enough to make him go over the edge. For once, he felt truly happy in this cruel world; he was finally about to give himself completely to the only woman he had ever loved.
"Lay on your back for me," she whispered into his ear.
His curiosity peaked, wondering what his lover was planning now. Keeping his eyes locked on hers, Dead lied down on his back and waited. Vanessa smiled down at him before placing a gentle kiss on his soft lips.
"I want you to tell me if you want me to stop, ok?" It wasn't intended to be a question.
Dead nodded, his mouth slightly agape. "Only if you promise the same to me."
Childishly, he held up his pinky in front of her which she gladly took hold of with her own. It wasn't uncommon for Dead to act this way whenever he made her promise anything; his childishness was one of many things she loved about the blond Swede. It was a side of him he had only ever let her see. Around anyone else, Euronymous especially, he would completely shut down and only talked when he was asked a question or felt as though something needed to be said. It wasn't that he didn't like the other members of the band, but past experiences had left him unsure of who to trust; and since Vanessa was the only one who ever stood up for him he had no trouble trusting her.
Vanessa turned her attention back to the man beneath her, his eyes searching for an answer as to what she was about to do. She couldn't help but smile up at him, his innocence was something so rare she almost had difficulty believing that he had never experienced a gentle touch before...a thought that made her heart swell with sadness.
Her hand danced across his thigh, touching each scar and each fresh cut, with care; each one deeper than the last. She pressed her lips against his leg, watching him as she did so.
"Please," she begged. "Don't hurt yourself anymore. I don't know what I would do if I lost you."
"Euronymous won't like it," he responded. "But if it means so much to you then I won't do it again."
"Thank you, Pelle."
Without saying another word she began to pleasure him as he had done with her. His head flew back against the pillow as a new sense of intoxication washing over every muscle in his body. Never before had he felt anything so wonderful; never dreamed of anything like this. Euronymous had told him stories from when he had slept with women, describing the pleasure that came from it. He had never been one to think much for sex or any real physical actions besides the occasional kiss or holding hands, now it was as though his eyes had been opened.
His hands gripped the sheets in a tight fist as Vanessa continued to pleasure him, the occasional growl leaving his lips. He tried his best to remain silent, but his efforts were in vain. Everything around him seemed to be spinning out of control like a bad acid trip. His mind became silent for the first time in years.
Pulling her back up, Dead pressed his lips roughly against hers in a heated kiss. "I don't think I can hold on much longer."
Gently setting her down on her back, Dead positioned himself between her legs, lifting one just above his hip while his other hand held hers tightly as he slowly pushed into her. Neither of them could contain the loud cries that escaped them as he entered her. Once fully sheathed Dead remained still, his head resting on Vanessa's, both of their eyes shut tight. The feeling of her alone had him weak; it was as if his senses had been heightened and all he could feel was pure euphoria. The voices in his head remained silent for once, allowing him to enjoy every sound she made. It wasn't long before he could feel his own release, and when he heard his name being cried out from her lips, he was completely gone.
Falling down beside her, he quickly pulled her into his arms. Both of them breathing heavily as they came down from their high. Her hand ran up his chest, playing with a small strand of his hair as she smiled up at the blond man beside her. In that moment, nothing mattered to either of them. Not the shows, the band, or even Euronymous. At that moment, all that mattered as that they were together.
For the moment...Dead felt alive.