The two sat in comfortable silence,their heads resting gently against the other's as the radio from downstairs played quietly in the background. Dead could feel her tremble against him as he held her close, the thought of the nightmares still weighing heavily on her mind. He wanted to say something to comfort her, anything that would ease her worrying mind, but what was there to say? He had thought about his own death hundreds, if not thousands, of times and it was always a comforting thought to him. To see someone care if he were gone or not was a completely alien feeling to him. There was very little he could change about himself. He hated most people, wanted to be released from the pain of the uncaring mortal world... but not if it meant hurting her.
He still couldn't wrap his mind around the possibility of her actually going through time just to save him, still wasn't sure if he actually believed it fully or not, but here she was beside him. Even if she hadn't come back through time she was still the woman he saw in his dreams every night and that meant everything to him just to have her where he could finally have her in his arms. He watched out of the bottom corner of his eyes as she twirled a piece of his hair around her fingers, her breathing slowly returning to normal before she opened her eyes once again.
Rubbing his nose against hers, Vanessa managed a smile. "Are you alright?"
Vanessa nodded. "I'll be alright as long as you're here with me. I'm sorry I got so worked up."
Dead shook his head, pulling her closer. "You don't need to be sorry. To you, those were nightmares, but for me they were always pleasant dreams. Before I saw you in my dreams I can't count how many times I dreamt about my own death, to be away from this place. IT was never something I gave a second thought about. Don't get me wrong, for you I'm going to try, but I'm not perfect. I don't trust anyone easily and I'm depressed as shit. Hell, I don't even sleep most nights. I honestly think you could have done better than me."
"Pelle," started Vanessa. "I wouldn't change anything about you. I just hope you'll let me show you that not everyone is as cruel as some of the people you've dealt with. I'll do whatever it takes to prove that to you."
"You already have just by being here."
"Come eat, fuckers!" called Euronymous as he pounded on the door. "You can go at it later!"
Making their way down to the kitchen, Hellhammer and Necro tried talking over plans for their next big show while they ate and as Euronymous remained silent; his focus solely on Vanessa unless his name was mentioned. The next show was set to take place in less than two weeks, giving them plenty of time to prepare some new material and rehearse some of their old songs.
"Where's your girlfriend going to be staying?" questioned Necro.
Dead wrapped his arm around Vanessa's shoulder. "Upstairs with me."
"You can't be serious, Dead," snickered Euronymous. "There's hardly enough money for the two of us let alone an extra person."
Vanessa stared down at the table. "I could find a job. Whatever money I make can be used on the house and food."
Necro nodded. "I think that's a great idea. With Vanessa helping you guys out with food we can put a little more into equipment and whatnot."
"She can't stay here," Euronymous snapped.
Dead glared. "Why not? Either she stays or you won't be getting any new songs from me."
"Jesus, Dead, seriously? You just brought this girl over for the first time and now you expect me to just let her stay?"
"I live here too, Euronymous, so I think I have a say in things. If she says she'll help then give her a fucking chance."
"I swear to fuck, Dead, if you start slacking on writing new lyrics I will toss her ass out."
"Dude!" interrupted Hellhammer. "Chill the heck out. I don't know why you're acting so pissy right now but you need to lay off. It's Dead's house too and if he wants his girlfriend to stay with him then she can. What crawled up your ass since this morning?"
"Fuck off."
"Whatever, man. Anyway, Dead, get started on some new lyrics and we'll start practicing in a couple days. I should get going it's getting kinda late. It was nice meeting you, Vanessa."
"It was great meeting you too," she replied as she gave him a small hug.
Necro followed behind Hellhammer, giving a wave goodbye as they walked out the door. The remaining three sat in awkward silence, the tension between Euronymous and Dead growing heavier by the second as Vanessa watched them stare the other down with bone chilling glares. Reaching under the table, Vanessa put her hand on Dead's leg and gave a gentle squeeze. The vocalists gaze softened as he put his hand over hers, his eyes still focused on the guitarist in front of him.
Euronymous scoffed as he stood from his seat. "I'm not kidding, Dead. You want her to stay so bad then you better not slack off. And she better have a job pretty fucking soon."
Dead remained silent, not wanting to argue further with the man. Euronymous gave one last glare before making his way into the living room and turning on the T.V.
"Are you alright, Pelle?" her voice barely a whisper.
Dead shrugged. "I need to go for a walk. Go upstairs to the room and avoid Euronymous. I'll be back."
She started to object, to ask him to stay with her, but he was already making his way to the front door. She sat there for another minute or two before making her way to the staircase, past Euronymous. He watched her move quickly up the stairs to the bedroom, his mind questioning why she was with Dead. She seemed like a reasonably good person, pretty normal for the most part. So why Dead? He was a complete mess when it came to almost everything. He decided they wouldn't last long; hoped that they didn't so he could try with her. All he needed to do was give her a little nudge.
~
Dead took a shaky breath as he walked further and further from the house, his mind reeling with questions. So much was happening all at once it was hard to wrap his mind around almost any of it. He wasn't sure why Euronymous had become so hostile towards him, wasn't sure if he were trapped in some kind of dream right now with the way things were playing out. Sure he had wanted her to be real and to be with him, but now that she was it was as if something had changed in him. He didn't know what the alien feeling was and it scared him to death. He was supposed to feel nothing but anger, nothing but hate. He was supposed to feel... dead.
Yet here he was trying to keep her with him and fighting with someone he considered a good friend about it. None of that was what he had hoped for. He wanted everyone to just get along and leave them alone. As much as he wanted to deny it, he wanted to be happy for a change. Yet, here he was out in the woods in the snow leaving Vanessa by herself. He felt a pang of guilt for that, but he needed some air. Dead hoped she would understand.
Understand what? you're leaving her alone with Euronymous of all people for fucks sake! His thoughts grew louder with each step he took.The voice sounding angrier as it continued. For all you know he could be trying to throw her out right now since you aren't there. Or worse.
He stopped mid step at the thought of Euronymous doing anything to her. He had never known the guitarist to be one for violence or anything like that, he was mostly just all talk.
Is it worth the risk?
"No," he muttered to himself.
Turning back, Dead ran through the piling snow to get back to the house. It seemed further than it normally was, but maybe it was just because he was in a panic. Or had he really walked off so far?
She's going to leave you...
"Be quiet!" he snapped, trying to tune out the voice.
You know it's true. Why would she stay with you? You're a mess.
"I'm not listening to this," trying to sound stronger than he actually felt.
Running faster, the house finally came into view. A small white car was now parked in the driveway and Euronymous was standing outside the door with what looked to be another girl. Dead couldn't be sure, but the girl seemed somewhat familiar. Whoever she was, he was just glad Euronymous wasn't with Vanessa.
"Dead!" Euronymous called as he walked closer to them. "You remember Ann right? She was at a couple of our shows and hung out with us for a bit."
If he was being honest, he really didn't remember her at all from their shows. "Yeah."
Pushing past Euronymous, Dead made his way up the stairs to the bedroom where Vanessa sat against the wall on the mattress.
"That was a quick walk," she laughed. "You alright, Pelle? You look a little pale."
Dead paused, slightly confused. "How long was I gone?"
Vanessa looked down at her watch. "You've only been gone about fifteen minutes. Is everything okay?"
Sitting down beside her, Dead pulled her against him. "Everything is fine. Just had some bad thoughts while I was gone. Nothing to worry about."
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"I just had some really stupid thoughts. I was worried Euronymous might have done something to you while I was out."
Putting her head against his shoulder Vanessa shook her head. "You've got nothing to worry about, Pelle. And if you need someone to tell your thoughts to, I'm always here for you."
In that moment, Dead couldn't think of anything to say to her. No one had ever really listened to his problems or ever really cared enough to ask what he was thinking about. Yet here she was, proving his mind wrong by just being kind to him. He could admit that he and his mind were a complete mess, that much was true. But he would fight off the thoughts as best he could if it meant having her here with him. He might be ready to die if fate decided it was his time, but he wasn't going to die without one hell of a fight first.