It all seemed so unreal.
We stood in the courtyard outside the House of Elrond, cloaks drawn around us in the misty pre-dawn light. Aragorn had decided travelling on horseback would be the best option, so Calanon was saddled behind me, my pack secured over his pure white back.
Elrond, Arwen and Glorfindel were the only three to see us go. Even most of the elves didn't know I was leaving with my friends, as Elrond had thought it best that as few people as possible knew of my decision to take up the duty of fighting alongside men.
Aragorn and Arwen had already said a proper farewell earlier that morning, I knew, but the lady gave all of us a hug anyway. She lingered a little in the man's strong arms, with her father's frowning gaze boring into her back.
I had grown to like Glorfindel, and I was saddened to leave such a dependable friend behind, but I was determined not to dwell on all I would lose leaving here. He squeezed my upper arms with his hands and smiled. "Good luck", he said simply. I forced a smile onto my face.
"I'll be alright. I'm stubborn, you know".
"I recall", the Elf Lord said dryly, raising an eyebrow.
After Glorfindel had said goodbye to the other two, he and Arwen stepped back. Elrond clasped his hands in front of him, ready to speak.
"The future of the Dûnedain race is in great danger. You must reach your people, Aragorn, before it is too late. I fear even then the odds you will face are not a cause for hope. But hope you must." He dropped his gaze from Aragorn and looked at all three of us, taking. "Draw courage from each other." He sighed then, and I knew he would speak to me last. "Nesseldë?"
"Yes my Lord?" I answered, trying my best to gaze at Elrond unfalteringly. He gave a sad smile and spoke.
"Come back alive".
The threat of never returning hung over me with such a dangerous journey ahead, but I could not think like that. I surprised everyone by stepping forwards and throwing my arms around the Lord of Imladris. After a second, he hugged me back, then released me, stroking back my hair with his capable hand.
"I will."
He hesitated for a second, then reached into his cloak, taking out a small box. "This is yours." I opened the box and unwrapped the silk around a fine silver clasp. Looking closer, I saw a familiar symbol etched subtly into the circular object – the eight-pointed Feanorian star.
"The heraldry of your house." Elrond explained. "Your father gave this to me before he left. It is time it was returned to its true owner. It will not give you away, for elvish lore is long forgotten in the eyes of most men, but it shows your friendship to those who know."
"Thank you, Lord" Elrond stepped forwards and replaced my plain clasp with the Feanorian one. I noticed the etching glint like diamond as the light of the rising sun shone upon it.
***
A black leather jerkin sat atop a dark green tunic, the laces of which were visible above the leather and tied tightly. The loose, wide sleeves were bound to my wrist by my brother's black armguards. On my belt my light twin swords sat either side of my hips, sheathed in the same dragon skin as the handle; my brother's dagger sat behind the right sword in its leather sheath. My slender black trousers fitted perfectly, and my boots of supple leather were laced up to my knees. Over all went my black cloak and brand-new quiver, designed to sit comfortably on the shape of my back. As we turned out of fair Imladris, I pulled my wide hood up against the drizzle, my hand brushing against the Feanorian star etched into the clasp of my cloak.
There was silence for a long time as we cantered through the rough grasslands. Aragorn's face was pale and drawn. I dug my heels into Calanon's side and we broke into a gallop.
However, Aragorn abruptly pulled his horse to a stop after a little while. Legolas and I followed him. Calanon lifted his front feet off the ground slightly, tossing his head grumpily at the sudden stop and snorting in indignation, while I copied Aragorn and jumped from my mount onto the dewy grass. He seemed to be staring at an apparently unremarkable patch of ground. I knelt down beside the ranger as Legolas dismounted too, and he pointed to a circular patch of mud which was not so damp as everything else.
"Fire", he muttered, bending lower and smelling the air. "It's recent. Covered up early this morning, I wager".
To the untrained eye, this sign might have looked like nothing at all. However, all three of us knew better than that. "It is well hidden", Legolas commented.
"Which means that whoever sat by this fire does not want to be followed", I mused, unsheathing my brother's dagger and brushing some of the mud aside with the blade. Below a layer of dirt, there were scorch marks and the remains of wood.
"Indeed" Aragorn said. "I wonder". He fell silent, staring down at the marks unseeingly.
"What?" I asked after a minute or so.
"I cannot tell whether this fire was created by friend or foe, but if we are very lucky, Gandalf has heard of our plight and is heading north even as we are".
"Who is this person you keep speaking of?" I questioned, unable to keep my curiosity in check any longer. "You have mentioned his name so much this week, but I have never heard of him".
"He is an old friend of mine with power enough to aid us" Aragorn answered.
"Gandalf has walked Middle Earth longer than any of us. We need him if there is to be any hope of winning the battles before us". Legolas contributed, his eyes sweeping the landscape as if Aragorn's powerful friend might somehow spring out of the ground. We mounted quickly.
"Then let us hope it is him ahead" I said, digging my heels into Calanon's side, trying to persuade him to stop grazing as the others rode off. He broke into a grudging canter and soon I had caught up with the boys again.
I was pleased, overall, with how my riding had improved. I still struggled to use my swords on horseback, but I could shoot accurately from the saddle, and I felt confident controlling Calanon at any speed. We jumped over a stream with little effort, soaring through the air with that feeling of freedom only flight could bring. However, as I chanced a look at the ground ahead of us, I frowned. I was a little ahead of the others, but there were already prints in front of me.
"Dar!" I called back, holding up a hand. The others reigned in their horses and I swerved to avoid crushing the tracks. Aragorn dismounted again and bent to see what I had discovered, while Legolas and I watched from horseback, exchanging a wary glance. (S: Stop!)
"Horse prints" Aragorn thought aloud
"Ahead of us" I finished for him, raising my eyebrows. "Either your friend is only hours away or we are unwittingly following something malicious".
"It could be a ranger", Legolas pointed out sensibly. "They often ride if they can".
"I suppose" I said thoughtfully, slightly annoyed that I hadn't thought of that as well. Why was I being so anxious? Was it just in my mind, or was there really something dangerous ahead of us? These days, I could barely tell the difference between instinct and unfounded fear.
However, at that moment, I noticed with my keen eyes something that Aragorn had not. I jumped from the saddle and walked a few feet to my right, bending to see a second set of tracks while the others watched me. "There is more than one."
"Perhaps Gandalf met the Sons of Elrond and Halbarad". Legolas was clutching at straws now. I could see trepidation in his eyes.
"No", I muttered. "They will be hundreds of leagues north by now."
"Which means we need to be careful", Aragorn finished my thought for me. "It could be Gandalf and another of my people, but who knows what could be wandering the wild?"
"We should go on", I said eventually. "If we meet the riders, we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, we need to move quickly if we have any hope of getting to the Dúnedain strongholds in time".
We rode on again, and this time we did not stop for many hours, nor speak to each other. Aragorn stared steadily ahead, hard of face, his eyes constantly scanning the landscape for anything, good or ill, that might get in our way.
However, my own mind was not on the journey ahead. I thought of those poor souls who had been found murdered. It seemed strange to me that orcs would use the same methods as the murderers of my family, though I was unsure what made me so uneasy. The Dúnedain were undoubtedly a threat to dark forces, but there were few of them. Even if the dark forces were trying to find Aragorn, would they not have captured and tortured his people for information instead of killing them? It made no sense to me, but I knew, somehow, that something even more insidious was afoot. When it would reveal itself, I could not tell.
It was growing dark by the time Aragorn bade us to rest. I started a fire while Legolas went into the gloaming with his bow loaded, fading quickly from my sight. We needed to use the food from Imladris sparingly, but there were a few things which would not last. I rummaged in my pack to find a smaller knife for cooking and eating, and sliced the bread. Legolas returned quickly. He had shot a large hare in the brush, and skinned it skilfully it while the fire heated.
I felt some foreboding growing in my heart, for what reason I knew not, and distracted myself by taking the skinned hare from Legolas. Fetching a cooking pot from Aragorn's saddle, and collecting some herbs on the way back, I fetched some water and poured it into the pot on top of the food, then fashioned a stand of sorts from rocks and sticks.
The food bubbled away, and only half of my mind was in the present, but I jumped as Legolas spoke. "So, we finally get to try your famous stew, hmm?" I turned to see him smiling naturally, cheered by the smell of cooking meat.
"Don't have too many expectations. It's just meat and water, really."
"I am certain it will taste delicious", Aragorn smiled. "Besides, all food is good after a long ride".
"That bodes well" I muttered, hearing Legolas chuckle slightly as I knelt up to stir the meat.
I sunk to the ground again, then, feeling the longing to do so, I lay back. We had at least an hour until the meat was cooked, so I trained my eyes upon the diamond-strewn blackness above. However, even though the evening was not too cold, and the stars were as bright as jewels, I could not focus on their untouchable beauty.
I sighed quietly, then Aragorn spoke. "I'm going to have a look around. Something about this place sets my teeth on edge." He got up from the fireside, his grey eyes sweeping the area. I saw them glint brightly as he looked back at us for a moment, then he turned and was gone.
My thoughts focused then on more immediate worries. Was the fear in my heart related to our situation, or my own spiralling mind? I breathed shakily, hating the quickening of my heartbeat, the swirling thoughts I could not still, the worry that, now I was out here, somehow, those who had killed my family would find me. Perhaps I had made a mistake doing this. Perhaps I wasn't good enough at all. Perhaps the others had already given me up as a hopeless case. Perhaps...
"What's wrong, mellon nin?"
I jumped out of my skin as Legolas spoke up. I'd forgotten he was even there, that I was not completely alone in the wild. "Nothing" I said in a passable imitation of normal. "This place seems ill to me, is all."
Something was certainly wrong, and Legolas knew it. He watched me speak, a frown on his fair features. His hand edged a little closer to mine. I almost reached out to grab it, but he pulled it back after a second and pushed his hair aside, shifting and lying beside me on the grass.
"Do you remember last night, when I told you I knew when you were not feeling yourself?"
I sighed but stayed silent. It seemed that I could not easily hide my fears, especially from him. Legolas sighed too. This time when he reached his hand out, he didn't draw it away again, but tentatively opened his fingers, looking seriously across at me. I bit my lip and put my hand in his. The warmth of his skin washed over me like a hot bath on a cold day.
"I don't understand what's wrong with me, Legolas" I said quietly. "I think of one thing, then another, and another, and suddenly I can barely breathe. I shouldn't have come. What if-"
"Quiet", Legolas said, interrupting my quickening speech and wrenching his hand away from mine. He sat up and gestured for me to do the same. I rose warily from the ground, my hand automatically tightening around the bow at my side, while my other swung the quiver over my back. I could feel my pulse pounding against the smooth yew of the bow.
Something shifted in the brush. Rustling came from another area, then another. I could hear warm breath. Slight growls. I rose from the ground and nocked my bow, all but the most immediate of fears melting away. I knew what these creatures could do to an exposed throat.
"We have the best chance back to back" Legolas muttered, moving away from the fire slowly. We twisted around, so close our quivers were almost touching. They knew we had noticed them. They could sense it. The growling grew louder. I saw a large paw protruding from the grass, its claws at least as long as my fingers.
I loosed my arrow into the darkness, a little above the paw. I heard a strangled yelp and the thud of a large body falling to the ground. Legolas turned a little and I followed, keeping perfectly back-to-back as he had said. My next shot, however, went awry, and the creature only fell, whining, with the arrow head imbedded in its muscular shoulder. I heard another thud as Legolas shot a warg flawlessly, but by now it was becoming clear that we were in a lot of trouble. There were so many - more than could be felled by two archers.
They had been staying low in the brush, but they emerged from the grass. I could never have guessed at their monstrous size, the bloody mess of their huge teeth, their claws sinking deeply into the ground. Legolas shot another in the eye, then it truly began.
They were fast. That much I realised in the seconds it took for them to come at us. I shot one, but they surrounded us, each clambering on top of the others to get to our flesh first.
Legolas shot another, then another, then another, as they closed in on us and, one by one, tried to bite, scratch, maim. I aimed wildly into the mess of fur, trying in vain to keep them from me and my dearest friend. They smelt like death and sweat and mud.
There was a clang of metal being pulled from leather, a yell as a warg's snarl was cut short. "Turn!" I shouted to Legolas, and he did, taking my place and protecting the two of us from the wargs while I shot further out, destroying those creatures nearest Aragorn while he dealt with the few who avoided my arrows.
However, I was not paying close enough attention to my own safety. I cried out as a single claw scratched all the way down my jaw and onto the thin skin of my neck. My quiver flew from my back as the ground came up to meet me and I thudded against it, feeling hot, bloody breath on my face. I drew in a desperate breath, convinced it would be my last, as grey fangs dragged almost tenderly against a throbbing artery.
It seemed, though, that it was not my fate to die in this way. At the last second, as wide jaws opened to clamp down on pale skin, I remembered the swords on my waist. I drew one with a desperate shout and tugged it across my opponent's neck. My face was splattered with black blood and the heavy creature fell on top of me, but with a heave I shoved it off. It was still breathing. I watched for a second as the breaths quickened, then swiftly stabbed the warg in the heart as unexpected, disgusted pity filled my heart. It trembled for a moment more, then stilled.
By the time I looked up from my own short and brutal battle, there were few other wargs left alive. One started to prowl towards me but, with cool concentration in his eyes, Legolas shot it through the heart. Another came up behind me and I stood swiftly. However, just as I raised my sword, it leapt and fell right on top of me. I landed painfully on my back. I couldn't breathe.
"No!" I heard Legolas' muffled shout from underneath the suffocating fur, and then "Aragorn!"
Footsteps. I could feel them in the ground. I was completely paralysed by the warg's huge mass. My fluttering heart wanted me to pant with terror, but I could not draw in the air. My eyes were fuzzy, but I couldn't struggle, couldn't move at all.
However, I should have known that there was nothing to worry about. With a heave, Legolas and Aragorn prised the warg's body off me and I gasped, filling my aching lungs with clean, wonderful air. My hands, locked painfully around my sword, pulled the blade out of the creature's thick spine. It had cut all the way through.
Aragorn breathed out, shoulders relaxing "It was dead already".
"I was stuck, that's all. I'm alright now." I tried to keep my voice level for the sake of my friends, even though I could barely catch my breath. I started to sit up, but my eyes blurred alarmingly, and I swayed. Legolas caught me before I thudded to the ground again. "I'm alright" I said again, as calmly as I could manage. "I just need to get my breath back."
"Okay", Legolas muttered in a voice of forced calm. He rubbed his thumb comfortingly along my shoulder. It occurred to me then, that, although Aragorn looked worried too, he was not nearly as anxious as Legolas. I put the thought to the back of my mind for now.
"We'll get you back to the fire and give this a clean", Aragorn said, running his hand gently over the thin cut running from my jaw to my collar bone. I shivered even at his soft touch, and he drew his hand away again, sparing Legolas a glance over my head. "It is only a scratch" I said bracingly, smiling up at them both to cover up the awkward moment. Aragorn rolled his eyes and Legolas tightened a hand around my back, edging the other under my knees.
"Oh, Legolas, I don't-", I started, but he had already lifted me from the ground effortlessly and started to walk the short distance to the fire. Remarkably, the pot was still upright on its rickety stand, and the stew was bubbling tantalisingly.
"Legolas!" I exclaimed indignantly. "I can walk!"
"You could barely sit up, do not try to fool me, Nesseldë Magloriel" he retorted, stopping and raising his eyebrows sternly. I rolled my eyes.
"Well, you could ask before you just pick me up and carry me off."
"I could", he conceded, "Or I could do it my way".
With that, he spun around in circles, holding me only loosely so I swung around him, and I gasped, clutching onto his neck and shouting curses at him as cool air swirled around me. He slowed, laughing and, almost grudgingly, I grinned too, giggling dizzily as the world spun.
"That didn't help" I moaned, scrunching up my eyes against the spinning scene in front of me. Legolas bent to place me gently on the ground next to the fire.
"It made you laugh though. Did you swear at me in Quenya?" Legolas raised a cocky eyebrow, grinning. I smirked slightly and shrugged. "And where did you learn that?" Legolas put a hand to his mouth in mock horror. I grinned.
"My father used curse words like punctuation."
The others chuckled slightly, and Aragorn wetted a clean cloth. However, as he moved towards me and reached out to touch my cut, I winced and turned away. I bit my lip as the man moved back slightly, frowning. "Sorry" I muttered, embarrassed. "I don't know why I did that".
"It's alright", he reassured, handing the cloth to me. "You can do it. It isn't deep." I nodded and dabbed at the cut, but it was difficult without seeing the wound.
"I can do it, if you would like some help" Legolas said, hesitating but holding out his hand for the cloth, which was covered with red and black blood. I lowered my eyes. "You know neither of us would even think about hurting you, don't you?" Legolas asked softly. I breathed in shakily.
"Of course I do. It isn't your fault I find it hard to trust."
"Neither is it yours", Legolas smiled reassuringly. "Give me that. I'll take care of it". I handed over the cloth and Legolas dabbed gently at the wound. I watched his focused face and, out of the corner of my eye, looked on as Aragorn spooned out some stew into each of our bowls.
"At least they left our dinner intact", he said cheerily, handing me my bowl as Legolas sat back from me, squeezing out the wet cloth and accepting his own bowl of food from Aragorn.
"I suppose living meat is much more to their taste" I mused, looking around at all the corpses littered around us. "Should we not move tonight?"
"No, there would be no point to moving on this late" Legolas said, scooping a large bite of stew onto his spoon. "We'll just have to take turns on guard and leave early tomorrow". He chewed on the stew and swallowed to talk to me.
"Nesseldë, you can really cook!"
"It's not that great"
"It is", Aragorn said, his mouth full. I couldn't help but feel pleased as they both polished off their portions. I wasn't far behind on my own; the battle had me half starved.
Thinking of it, however, I started to wonder. It had seemed so sudden. "Where do you think they came from?" I asked the others, setting down my bowl.
"It is not uncommon for a warg pack to wonder the wild and catch travellers unawares." Aragorn answered, frowning. "Though it is becoming more likely as the years pass".
I frowned. "That makes sense, I suppose, but they came upon us so quickly".
"Did you not feel the danger of this place? It has been building all day". Legolas said, looking across at me with a slight frown. I replied quietly, my eyes dropping to my knees.
"I was unsure what danger I could feel, past or present. It's hard to distinguish sometimes."
"I can imagine", Aragorn muttered. "You did well for a first fight, nonetheless. Orcs, at least, have a little self-preservation. Wargs are fearless and do not hesitate."
"I got that impression", I chuckled, brushing my hand against my cut jaw as Legolas rose to wash our bowls.
Aragorn and I sat in silence for half a minute. He seemed to be contemplating something. "Are you feeling yourself today, my friend?" He asked carefully. I looked away from him.
"I've been thinking too much" I muttered. "You... you do think I can do this, don't you? You're not just humouring me?"
Aragorn frowned in concern and got up, taking a step across the ground and sinking back down next to me. He draped an arm tentatively around my shoulders. Startled, I stiffened a little, but after a second I relaxed into his shoulder.
"I would not have taken you out here into such danger if I did not think you stood a chance of defending yourself. Legolas and I were both grateful to have you with us. You damn near saved my life."
"I did?"
"Those fell creatures are huge, and there were too many around me to fight alone. You're better than you think already, my dear friend."
I rested my head on Aragorn's strong shoulder. "Thanks. I'm sorry I get like this. I can't control it"
"Don't apologise". Aragorn squeezed me closer and I swallowed. "At least we have Legolas with us. He will take care of you when I have other charges."
"He is kind to do so. How long have you known him?"
"Six or seven years, I reckon it. Though, I have rarely seen him as cheerful as he has been in the last few months. He likes having you around. Elladan and Elrohir have always been his friends, but you're-"
Aragorn paused awkwardly. "I'm what?" I said suspiciously. He smirked when my cheeks coloured. "I don't know, Nesseldë. You're just different. Precisely what you are, you will have to find out for yourself." He raised a teasing eyebrow, but before I could reprimand his insolence, or ask him what on earth he meant, the sound of light footsteps came closer.
"Is everything alright?" Legolas' had come back, clean dishes in hand, but he set them carelessly down as he saw me huddled into Aragorn's side.
"I think she just needs a hug", he smiled reassuringly and sat back at his place by the fire.
Legolas sat down close and he wrapped an arm around me tightly. I lent on his shoulder too, appreciating the familiarity of the gesture, the softness of his clothes against my pointed ear, and avoiding Aragorn's gaze determinedly. "I will not pretend that the task fate has appointed you isn't going to be difficult, but you are more than capable, little Nesseldë."
I furrowed my brow. "Little?"
"Well you are, you're tiny." Legolas smiled fondly as I pouted and shook his head. "Get some sleep, both of you. I will take the first watch."
I did not go to sleep, but lay there awhile, my frowning eyes on Legolas' back. Something stirred in me as I looked at him; a strange feeling in my chest, but not an unpleasant one. The coming months would bring a new challenge for both of us, I foresaw. I wondered what on earth it would be.
A.M.