It's useless, no matter what he tries. He always falls back to the beginning. The pain, the agony of being alone on this earth.
"Sorry Izuku....looks like you couldn't defeat your demons" The boy with the yellow cardigan spoke, eyes full with tears. Body full in bruises, cuts and burns. It's useless, isn't it?
Izuku just smiles softly at him, holding in another breath. "Yeah...I've long ago realized that" He struggles to keep in another cry.
"So not today?" The other boys asks, face pale as he already knew Izuku's answer.
"Not today but....soon" Izuku let's those words fly off his lips love they are normal. Like they had been scurrying in his mind for these two months—and they have. But nobody dared to ask, even though he would have lied anyway. He is too ashamed to have fallen to depression again.
"I'll see you soon then"
So it's decided..
<•>
The game went on and soon it was over. Y/n runs as fast as she can down to the field. She yells for Todoroki's name with a teary smile. Once he spots the female, his eyebrows lift in surprise. He is meet by her arms around his neck, spinning slightly around.
"I've missed you!" She cries out in pure joy, snuggling into his neck. Her tears can't be kept at bay, it's been over two months of no contact.
"I missed you too" Todoroki pulls her closer, his arms warm around her body. Y/n refuses to let go as people stare at them in pure bliss, she has missed the boy so much that seeing him here is surreal.
Unbeknownst to them, Izuku enters the stadium. Seeing that the game is over—much to his liking. He wants to go home and sleep and get ready for his plans. He had a lot of writing to do.
Izuku's green orbs fly over to Y/n and Todoroki. They're hugging so tightly and it causes his chest to drop. But something makes Izuku happy, he's happy that Y/n has someone there for her and when she starts at U.A, she will be reunited with the person she loves. Izuku isn't stupid, he's long ago realized that the girl loves Todoroki—her childhood friend. He could never compete with that.
As he is about to turn around and walk away, Hisayo calls out his name. "There you are, we've been looking for you Midoriya" Her form stops in front of him, out of breath. "Are you okay? Did something happen?" She stares at him empathetically.
Izuku smiles softly, "No, everything is fine. I just needed some time alone"
Hisayo gives the boy a reluctant nod, "Okay, I'm sorry this idea wasn't any good for you. I-I really wanted to give you a nice birthday party...sorry" She stares down at her feet, feeling her cheeks grow warm.
"It's fine Hisayo-San, being in public places aren't really my thing. Thanks for trying" Izuku reassures her, trying to keep his facade up. He wants to leave so badly, his fingers are aching again. Aching to do the one thing he promised to never do.
Too bad. He's not going to be keeping any promises.
It never mattered.
<•>
The weekend comes by again and Y/n is empowered with determination. She has finally gained some strength back after a stressful journey these past months. No more slacking off, is what she told herself.
It's in this night, that the summer stars are the brightest. Y/n welcomes herself to the Celestial Parade. This night only happens every five years. Last time was when she was 9 years old, and before that—was when she was 4 years old, just the time when she discovered her quirk.
The Celestial Parade was a parade of comets that passed by, also leaving by a glittery trail on the sky. They say—researchers have yet to know why this happens or even how. But to Y/n, this is a magical moment and it reminds her of early childhood.
She remembers the last time, when she was 9 years old. Her parents were sadly busy and couldn't stay with her so late at night. Zina had
offered to take her to a stargazing hill to watch the phenomenon take place.
"Zina, Zina!! Look!" The young girl pointed at the passing stars, erupting the scenery in colorful glitter and sparkles—just like her eyes were.
"Yes dear...it's very beautiful" Zina chuckled from the blanket that was placed nicely on the grass. The young girl jumped up and down in excitement, her hair bumping up and down.
"I wanna see the stars every year Zina! I don't wanna wait for five years" The girl made a small pout as she flung her small body over her aunt's lap.
The older woman smiled softly, reaching out her hand to gently play with Y/n's milky hair. "You know...maybe next time, you'll be here with someone special" Zina looked up at the lit sky, eyes painted in this sadness that Y/n couldn't understand.
"Just like I was...once" Zina finished.
Y/n's e/c orbs blinked unsurely, not knowing what her aunt meant. "Did that special person leave you auntie?" The girl asked, voice filled with empathy and curiosity at the same time.
Her aunt looked down at her face, still playing with her hair gently. "Yes...that person isn't here with us today. Y/n...do you wanna know a secret about the stars?" Zina rubbed her cheek tenderly, her smile more reminiscent.
"Yes!" The young girl piped up from her aunt's lap, sitting on her knees with bright eyes. "What is it Zina?" She asked more curiously, already forgot their previous conversation—a child's mind.
"Our story is written in the stars.."
And thus the story followed.
Y/n sits on that same place, admiring the celestial view. Izuku sitting right by her side, just as her aunt had wanted.
He's special...it was like Zina knew all this time.
And so she says—what her heart has kept unwrapped for five years.
But who could've known...that her aunt predicted the worse loss of her life?
''sᴏᴍeᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏʟᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴏɴᴄᴇ...''
''ᴡʜᴀᴛ?'' ʜᴇ sᴍɪʟᴇs ᴛᴇɴᴅᴇʀʟʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs
''ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴏᴜʀ sᴛᴏʀʏ ɪs ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀs''
''ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ? ʜᴏᴡ sᴏ?'' ʜᴇ is ɪɴᴛʀɪɢᴜᴇᴅ ᴀs ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs
''ᴡᴇ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ɪᴛ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴡᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴜɪᴅᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀs ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ''
"Wow, that sounds pretty deep" Izuku chuckles quietly, eyes wandering to the sky, lips curving into a frown. "Like humanity is lost no matter what we do" He sighs.
"Yeah...I guess we are" She smiles warmly, "Izuku, after everything that happened. Do you think we'll ever find peace?" The question makes the boy freeze.
He avoids her intent gaze because he is utterly afraid to answer her question. If he looks at her now, if he takes this chance—he will tell her everything he has planned to do. And she will try and stop him.
Izuku can't do it. He has tried so many times to seek for help, but it only hurts the people he loves.
"I think we'll find peace one day...you'll become an amazing hero and I will cheer for you Y/n" Izuku manages to say without breaking apart, because those words are true to his soul.
He will cheer her on...but he doesn't have to be alive to do it.
'I hope you'll forgive me for this Y/n...'
Izuku bites the inside of his mouth, trying not to let out any sounds as tears want to burst from his eyes. This feeling wasn't supposed to be like this, he was supposed to feel free—free that he's finally leaving this awful world.
But in this moment, having Y/n's hand so close to his, her shimmering eyes watching him, the delicate voice of hers....somehow Izuku realizes how much he will miss her.
Suddenly, dying isn't so peaceful at all. The world couldn't even give him that leverage.
"T-Thank you Izuku...I know you'll always be there for me" She sends him a closed eyed smile and his cheeks erupt into a pink blush.
'Why are you doing this to me?'
Izuku's insides get all fuzzed up, guilt eating him alive. Why is he initiating a conversation that is going to hurt Y/n in the future? Just shut the hell up already, Izuku tells himself.
More comets pass the sky and Y/n moves her head to watch them, excitement riddling her body. Izuku is not used to see her this way, it makes his heart warm.
This moment isn't going to last forever.
"You know...I might sound silly, but I have so many hopes and dreams for the future" Y/n says quietly as she lays on the blanket, her eyes engulfed in the shining night sky.
Izuku nods slowly and lays beside her, at least she can't directly see his face.
"I see a future were I'm a pro, I'm helping people day and night and my quirk is finally doing something else than destroy..." She continues and Izuku's heart throbs.
How can he stay quiet and listen to this when he isn't planning on being a part of that future?He will be...gone.
"But you know what? I also see you there with me Izuku, even if you don't have a quirk. I know you can help people!" She turns to look at him with the brightest eyes, full of determination and care.
Shit.
This is the worst scenario he imagined. Izuku tries to take a quiet breath. He has to answer, he has to say something! Anything that will make Y/n happy and not suspect anything.
The weight of Y/n's words fall short in his ear. He didn't even care what the female actually meant, she just told him he could become someone that helps people.
But all Izuku can think of, is how to get out of this situation. The pounding of his heart, the loud voices inside his mind.
Izuku is the one that's lost.
"Y-Yeah...that sounds like a nice f-future Y/n" Izuku swallows down, still not looking at her directly.
Just lie, lie and she will believe you.
You'll thank yourself later.
Izuku calms down, he can do this. He can make it.
"Izuku?...." Y/n grabs his hand softly, making his cheeks even more red. "I-I have to tell you something" The girl also blushes, finally getting eye contact with him.
Izuku's mind goes blank as Y/n sits up, still keeping his hand in her smaller one. Izuku moves to sit up so they are eye to eye. His heart is blasting inside his chest and he wants to run away again. Y/n looks nervous, her hand is his trembling now.
"I-Izuku...I wanted to say that I...I love you" In a heart beat, Y/n confesses. Her eyes closed as she waits for his reply.
Izuku's world just turned upside down.
"Y-You w-what?" Izuku stares wide eyed at her, seeing that her eyes were brimming with fresh tears. He can't believe her, she must have mistaken her feelings. Nobody can love him like that.
"I love you...as in more than a f-friend" Y/n exhales, her palm sweaty from the nerves. She quickly realizes her condition and swats her hand away, "S-Sorry! I didn't mean to spring this upon you..I-I just-" She bites her lip close, fumbling with her thumbs.
Izuku has never seen the girl so nervous before. What is this? Is she actually telling the truth?
The weight of her confessions finally reaches Izuku and his mouth slips open. "Y-You love me? Why?" Izuku nears her, almost desperately.
The close proximity makes Y/n blush even redder. She looks down to her hands in hopes of actually getting to breath. "Because I think you're amazing. I love you for all that you are Izuku, I can't help it" She murmurs, wanting to slap herself for all those cheesy lines.
Izuku sits back in complete shock. "I-I, I never th-"
"You don't have to reply! I don't expect an answer from you right away...I hope this doesn't change anything between us" Y/n's lips curve into a frown.
Izuku is at a loss for words, his chest twisting and turning in all the ways possible. His feelings are mixed, there is no answer to reply because Izuku...Izuku isn't going to be here for much longer.
He can't keep it in, warm tears stream down his freckled cheeks. "I-Izuku, are you okay?!" Y/n places a worried hand on his shoulder, her face twisted in suspense.
"I-I'm f-fine, just overwhelmed....I never thought anybody was ever going to confess to me" He shakily tries to wipe his tears. Always a crybaby, huh?
"Well, I did and I meant every word" Y/n rubs his back softly, "I'm sorry I made you feel so conflicted. You don't have to give me an answer right away. I can wait" Y/n nods and smiles warmly, sending butterflies through his tummy.
This is a punishment, isn't it? The world has finally done it, all the things possible to break Izuku. He has to hurt now the person who loves him. It wasn't enough he had to lie to Y/n, but she loves him too apparently. He has to break her heart in the worst way possible.
How is this fair? Why can't the world give him a break? Why did things always become so freaking complicated?
"Thank you Y/n..." Izuku tries to give her a soft smile.
"No, thank you for being there for me"
This world is cruel, just cruel.