The day started out normally enough, but that changed very quickly. I was out front about to open up when our cook Jose came running up to me all in a dither. I had never seen him this distressed before. He wasn't late for work. In fact, he was not due to come in for another half hour.
"They took him! They took him, Joe." Jose still had a thick Hispanic accent and when he rushed his speech, he could be a little difficult to understand.
I tried to get him to calm down. "Slow down Jose. Who did they take?"
"They took Freddy," he said a little more calmly. Jose had let Freddy move in with him when Sally threw Freddy out. They had become good friends so that kind of explained Jose's distress.
"Who took him, Jose?"
"The alien people took him. They came to our door and Freddy tried to stop them and they took him away! We've got to do something Joe!"
If Freddy had come to me claiming Jose had been taken by aliens, I probably would not have paid it much attention. Not because I don't care about Jose. Hell, Jose is basically family. I would not have paid it much mind because, you know, Freddy is a bit of a nut case when it comes to things like UFOs and aliens. The fact that Jose was telling me this gave it much more credibility. Jose is one of the most reliable down-to-earth (no pun intended) people I know.
Destiny came up as I unlocked the front door so we could take our discussion inside. "What's going on?" she asked seeing Jose's distress.
"Apparently Freddy's been abducted by aliens," I told her rather nonchalantly. I don't believe in aliens and was sure there was another explanation to be had.
"Oh, is that all," she responded equally unperturbed. She too had learned to expect the unexpected when Freddy was involved.
"No! No!" Jose interjected. "You misunderstand. Freddy was not taken by aliens. He was taken by the alien people. You know, the ones who round up undocumented aliens. They say they are ICE. English is such a confusing language. When I came to this country and someone said they were bringing ice, it meant start the party. Now it means the party is over." Jose bowed his head and shook it despairingly. ICE is the agency responsible for Immigration and Customs Enforcement.
By then, Jolene showed up and we all went inside and sat down around the front table. I gave Jose a few seconds to calm down and asked, "Exactly what happened Jose?"
"The ICE people came to the front door just as Freddy was leaving. They told him they were looking for Mr. Ortega. I think Freddy thought they had come for me. He must have thought I was undocumented; so, he told them that he was Jose Ortega. I think he was trying to protect me."
Jolene couldn't help but scold Jose, "I was afraid something like this would happen someday."
"I know. I know," Jose repented.
"So, what happened next Jose," I encouraged him to continue.
"The agents took one look at Freddy's blond hair and blue eyes and then asked him in Spanish what he thought he was doing. Freddy had no idea what they said; so, they asked him in English if he knew the consequences of lying to a federal agent. Freddy got really sarcastic and said, 'I guess the same as for federal agents who lie to a law-abiding citizen. Do you have a warrant signed by a judge?' As is often the case, they didn't and so could not force me to let them in. The agents got pissed and asked to see Freddy's identification. He showed them his driver's license and they said, 'Well, Mr. Ortega, it would seem you are in possession of a stolen driver's license belonging to a Mr. Fredrick Rogers. Really, Mr. Fred Rogers? I think you should come with us. You're in the wrong neighborhood. Freddy continued to argue with them, but they slapped him in cuffs and took him away. It was not Freddy's fault he has the same name as the main character in the kid's show 'Mr. Roger's Neighborhood'"
"But you are here legally aren't you Jose?" Destiny asked.
"I am, but Freddy probably didn't realize that. The ICE agents probably just suspected I might be harboring illegals. They probably also assumed that any illegals in the house had made their escape while Freddy was stalling them out front."
"Were there any illegals in the house?" Destiny asked.
"That's another story," Jose replied enigmatically.
Jolene gave Jose a dirty look. Although she sympathized with Jose's efforts to help struggling immigrants, she worried that Jose's efforts would get him in trouble and she frequently pleaded with him to stop.
We bailed Freddy out later that day. Thus, ends the story of how Freddy became the victim of an alien abduction. Even if it was only an attempted alien abduction, and even if there were no little green men involved, Freddy still had a story to tell.