***Lauren's POV***
I sat on my bedroom floor leaning against my bed. Benny was lying down next to me and his head was in my lap allowing me to pet him. Benny has known me the longest between me, Emily and Andrew, so Benny was the most protective over me and always knew when I was upset or sad. He was always there to comfort me back home after my dad would finish beating me and or go a day or two without eating. This time was no different even though it's been a few days since my argument with Michael. I haven't talked to him since, mainly because I'm always at school and practicing after words so I don't have time to talk. I see Geordie at school and she has given me some space and apologized for getting in my face about my past. She agreed that it was okay for me not to tell her about my past yet, and when I'm ready to tell she would be there to listen. We've been talking a lot more and we're becoming good friends.
My phone started going off for what had to have been the hundredth time today. I looked at it and saw it was Michael texting me, saying that he's really sorry about our argument and that he understands and wants to make it up to me. How could he possible understand? No one understands. No one knows the pain and suffering I went through to protect Emm and Andrew, I'm alone in this fight and that's how it's always going to be.
I ignored him not ready to talk to him or anyone. That had to be the best thing I was good at, pushing people away and shutting people out. I continued to sit on my floor in silence, petting Benny when there was a small knock on my door. The door lightly swung open and I heard it close behind the person.
"Hey" a familiar voice came from behind me, his voice was quiet almost to a whisper as if trying not to make a sound. I turned around to look over my bed and saw Luke standing there. I still see Luke every day because he drives us to school and he's in almost all of my classes, but the past few days I've been really quiet and haven't talked when I didn't have to.
I turned back around and I heard him walk towards me. Benny sat up ears pointed, he's been use to Luke over here almost every day to work on homework, but because I'm upset Benny's extra protective of me no matter who it is. I shushed Benny calming him down and he sat back down back to his position, with his head resting on me again.
Luke walked around so he was standing to my side and could actually see me.
"You're aunt let me in." he said. I looked up at him, and I think he could see the hurt in my eyes because the next thing I know he was sitting next to me and pulled me in for a hug. Honestly I love Luke's hugs; he gave awesome hugs that could make anyone feel better. Tears lightly started to roll down my cheeks. Why was I crying over this? This was something stupid; I've cried over much worse, this doesn't even compare to what I've cried over so why this, why now?
"Please talk to me." He practically whispered rubbing his hand up and down my arm trying to calm me down.
"It was Michael." I quietly said.
"I know."
"Why didn't anyone tell me that he was dating Geordie?" I questioned tears still filling my eyes.
"I don't know it just never came up, we were busy trying to get you to talk to us and become friends with you we forgot about Geordie."
"That's not an excuse." I wept, hearing that actually made it worse. "I actually thought Michael liked me and not having this small piece of information allowed me to develop feelings for him."
My phone started going off again; Michael was trying to call me now.
"You can't ignore him forever."
"I don't want to talk to him."
"Lauren I know you're mad but he really is sorry and he understands now." Luke tried to explain to me.
"Why does everyone think they understand!" I snapped standing up now pacing back & forth in front of Luke. "No one will ever understand!" I yelled now breaking down and falling to the floor, crying. What is wrong with me? I can't control myself. I'm so sick and tired of people thinking they understand, I've been through too much for people to even comprehend what I went through.
"Lauren what happened? I want to help, but I can't unless you tell me what happened." Luke said rushing over to me and brought me over to the bed to sit.
I started telling Luke everything and I mean everything. Everything from barely having money to pay the bills to live in our apartment to not having enough money for food and having to go hungry some days just so Emm and Andrew would eat, from everything my dad did to me, including rapping me sometimes and not going to school some days because I was in too much pain from the beatings and how gymnastics was my safe haven and I would spend hours there just to stay away from him, that I would have to bring Emily and Andrew with me so they wouldn't be near our dad. Then leading to Michael and Geordie and what has happened the past few days; my whole life story basically.
To be honest, talking it out helped a lot, back home I didn't really have anybody beside Dominique. I guess I've been bottling it up for so many years that all I needed to do was to talk it out. I looked over at Luke when I finished, he didn't say anything and I couldn't really tell if he was shocked or what.
"If I ask you something, can you promise not to take it the wrong way?" he asked and I nodded.
"After hearing all this, why didn't you ever . . ." he paused trying to think of a way to put it.
"What self-harm? Kill myself?" I said filling in the blanks and Luke looked ashamed that, that's what he was trying to say. "It's okay Luke I wonder that myself sometimes." I said trying to show that it was okay for him to ask that.
"Well why haven't you?" he asked out of curiosity.
"Emily and Andrew" I simply answered. "It was months after my mom's death and the beatings had been going on for a few months. It was late at night and I locked myself in the bathroom, I had the razor in my hand but I couldn't bring myself to cut yet and was thinking about it when Emily knocked on the door asking if she could sleep with me because she couldn't fall sleep; she prevented me from cutting." I explained to him.
"A few weeks later I was late coming home from gymnastics because I didn't want to come home and I missed the bus." I paused not wanting to say out loud what I was about to say. "When I came home my asshole of a father was already passed out on the couch and the apartment was a complete mess. Andrew came running to me and told me that dad was pissed off that I didn't come home so he took it out on Emily." I sobbed. "I ran to our room and found her curled up in a ball scared out of her mind with a bloody nose and bruises had already formed around her wrists and her cheeks were dried with tears." I chocked still crying.
"Oh my god" Luke said shocked pulling me in for a hug again to calm me down. "How old was she?"
"8. Mom died in May, this was November and their birthday was in a few weeks."
"What did you do?" he asked.
"She crawled into my arms and I tried to clean her nose and it wouldn't stop bleeding so I took her to the emergency room because she was in so much pain." I explained to him. "I realized then that I had to stay to protect them and I couldn't allow this to happen again."
"What did you do about your dad?"
"When we got back from the hospital Emily was to terrified for me to leave her so she slept with me, the next day I had them lock themselves in our room and I flipped shit on my dad's ass he was not happy but I didn't care, from that point on I took the beatings in order to protect them."
Luke and I continued talking for a while longer; I don't think I've ever opened up to someone this much before.
**
"It's getting late I should go." Luke said checking the time on his phone. We stood up and I walked him downstairs.
Before he left I gave him a hug, burying my face in the crock of his neck.
"You're in a better place now Lauren you don't have to be afraid anymore." He consoled me.
"Thank you Luke." I whispered in his ear and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"You know tomorrow we have band rehearsals, why don't you come over and you can hear us play and talk it out with Mike?" he suggested.
"Oaky. See you tomorrow." I said. We said our goodbyes and I shut the door behind him as he left.
The house was dark but I could hear the TV on in the living room. I walked into the room and found Emily sound asleep on the couch. I turned the TV off and gently picked her up, being careful not to wake her. As I carried her through the house to bring her to her room she nuzzled closer into me. As I pulled the covers over her in her bed I thought about how she was the biggest reason I'm still here and my reason to stay to protect her and Andrew. She saved me.
"Thank you." I whispered and I kissed her forehead, thanking her for saving me.